Tell me about YOUR situation.

cottonxcandy cottonxcandy
I'm really interested in hearing from people in polyamorous or open relationships about your particular situation (if you feel comfortable sharing.) My boyfriend and I realized tonight that something along the lines of a polyamorous or open relationship might be a possibility for us (and we would certainly have to "customize" it to fit us). How did you realize you were interested in polyamory or open relationships? What type of guidelines, if any, do you have for yourself and your partners? I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who are in relationships where the balance is tipped. Are you allowed to do more than your partner? Is your partner okay with it, or not? Or is your partner allowed to do more than you are? I'd also like to hear from some bisexual women who are with a straight partner. And of course, when I say partner I also mean partners Once I have a chance to talk about this for more than about 5 minutes with MY partner I might talk more about my situation
02/27/2012
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Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by cottonxcandy
I'm really interested in hearing from people in polyamorous or open relationships about your particular situation (if you feel comfortable sharing.) My boyfriend and I realized tonight that something along the lines of a polyamorous or open ... More
I have outlined just about every thing I can say about my particular triad so I'll just answer some of the other questions

In our triad we started out as a closed arm with an open pivot point. Meaning, essentially that I was fluid bonded to Sigel and Arch. I was polyfidelitous with them both, Arch had only me as partner/playmate and Sigel was free to do whatever he wished as long as he maintained very high standards of sexual health and safety.

As our relationship has matured we have realized several things...Sigel missed having fun with me and his occasional playmates. I love being free to play with either Sigel or Arch in whatever way they want to play. Arch wasn't interested in being the 'third wheel' perpetually and wanted to be able to be as free as Sigel was. Since he was the one who was afraid and timid in the beginning Sigel and I left it up to him to choose when the guidelines needed to be renegotiated and when he felt that he wanted different things that he had wanted previously he did just that.
As it happens Arch hasn't actually found anyone that he is attracted to other than me but he likes the idea that if he did he is free to be open about our relationship and if the lucky lady is still interested he can and will pursue a relationship....or if he just wants a quicky type thing he can do that as well so long as he remains healthy and practices safer sex.
Another odd happening is that as we have grown in our triad and begun working on our mental/emotional/relat ionship health Sigel has become quite the home body. We have reconnected on many levels and he rarely has playmates.

You are darn right you will have to carve out or customize for yourselves what makes you happy...it ain't easy but it's worth it.

We are all three pretty boringly hetero though we have enough kinks to make slinkys blush with shame! Both guys are pretty adamant that they aren't interested in having sex with another guy but they wouldn't say no if I wanted to have another woman so long as they get to watch....typical, no? Of course they did say that if I WANTED to see them with another man they MIGHT be persuaded in the interest of fairness to do certain acts...they just are in no way interested in each other being the other guy. It's all hypothetical and stuff but being open means being open to all the possibilities, at least for us.
02/28/2012
ac0313 ac0313
We have an open relationship with equal balance. I am 26 years older than her, we have a 24/7 D/s dynamic, I am hetero and she is pan. Since we have started our relationship, she has had more partners than I (this was assumed to happen and is normal). We have an agreement about what is ok and not ok for each of us to do with others. The rules basically preserve and emphasize the commitment and importance of the one to the other, focusing on safety and healthiness, and recommitting to each other after playing with someone else.

You two need to talk about this possibility and decide how you will set up your relationship and how you will deal with jealousy. This lifestyle is not for everyone, but it does allow great fun and experiences for those who are truly non-monogamous.

Oh, how we got to where we are now...I was in a monogamous marriage for 24 years, troubled the last several years. She was a failed serial monogamous - she tried to stay faithful to her partners, but never seemed to be able to for very long. She even had some boyfriends who said they were ok with being open, but they really were not and the relationship crumbled soon after. When we met, we were both attached to others, but knew those relationships were falling apart. By talking extensively with each other, we found out we both felt like we should be in an open relationship and maybe even a poly one.

Airen Wolf, above is a great source of experience and knowledge. Listen to her!
03/01/2012
cottonxcandy cottonxcandy
Thank you both for sharing, it's really nice to hear about others situations and experiences. I definitely have some thinking and some talking to do
03/01/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by ac0313
We have an open relationship with equal balance. I am 26 years older than her, we have a 24/7 D/s dynamic, I am hetero and she is pan. Since we have started our relationship, she has had more partners than I (this was assumed to happen and is ... More
Well we have made all the mistakes and found a way to overcome most of them! Seriously though keep a sense of humor and be ready to say "I'm sorry and I love you" a lot. No one really knows the "best" way to work a relationship regardless of how many people are involved, you gotta get in there, get messy and figure out what works for you.
03/02/2012
badk1tty badk1tty
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I have outlined just about every thing I can say about my particular triad so I'll just answer some of the other questions

In our triad we started out as a closed arm with an open pivot point. Meaning, essentially that I was fluid bonded ... More
I love reading your posts about your poly relationship, they're always so helpful.
04/22/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
I am in a very new, still being organized poly triad - we are all in relationships with each other, and get to set our own boundaries as dyads and as a group. We can all flirt, cuddle, kiss, and do other physical things with people outside of the triad as long as they don't involve what we would consider to count as "sex," and don't involve non-saliva fluid sharing. Frequent check-ins and group cuddling are currently the strategies that are keeping us all relaxed and happy in this arrangement.
05/07/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Quote:
Originally posted by thisisadeletedaccount
I am in a very new, still being organized poly triad - we are all in relationships with each other, and get to set our own boundaries as dyads and as a group. We can all flirt, cuddle, kiss, and do other physical things with people outside of the ... More
The only real imbalance of sorts that we have is one of my partners having a friend who she participates in some light BDSM play with - we are all allowed to do things of that nature, but opportunities are not hugely frequent, so currently she is the only one who is actually able to.
05/07/2012
finnimbrun finnimbrun
Oh boy. Ready for this?

My primary partner and I agreed toward the beginning of our relationship that we didn't want to exactly be monogamous. We agreed that we're open about our relationship. Kissing, cuddling, and all non-sexual things are okay outside of our established relationships, with anyone, without any "approval" or discussion of any kind. Sex, and other relationships require a little more talking through. Those are the basic "rules."

As for our current relationship situation - at the center of my thing, there's me and my primary partner. We'll call him A to keep things straight.

A and myself are engaged and currently due to school are long-distance. A is seeing someone else who lives in his town, who we can can call B. B is seeing someone else as well. That someone else isn't that important to this, because to be honest I barely know her. I have another partner, who we'll call C, and we go to the same school, and are going to be living together next semester. C is also pursuing someone else, named D, and C and D and someone we'll call E hooked up at an event, but E is very monogamous and C is interested in E as well but doesn't think there's a chance for a relationship of any kind there. Also, my partners, A and C, are really close friends who occasionally make out for strange reasons, like seeing if one of them has horseradish breath when I am putting on lipstick. (True story, it happened.)

We're a big tangly mess!

ETA: And also, obviously, we're all free to kiss and flirt with whoever we like, so it gets even tanglier if you add in mutual hookups and crushes and all that.
05/31/2012
Poly Polly Poly Polly
Quote:
Originally posted by cottonxcandy
I'm really interested in hearing from people in polyamorous or open relationships about your particular situation (if you feel comfortable sharing.) My boyfriend and I realized tonight that something along the lines of a polyamorous or open ... More
- How did you realize you were interested in polyamory or open relationships?

When I was 21 and was in love with a poly man, and I started to experiment with dating more than one person.

- What type of guidelines, if any, do you have for yourself and your partners?

I have two boyfriends and a girlfriend. I use condoms with my boyfriends for vaginal sex despite the fact I have an Implanon. It's just the best choice for everyone involved. We are all honest about our sexual behavior and history. We all get regular STD testing. My boyfriend O has a girlfriend, my metamour, H. He loves her very much, and though we're metamours, we are not all that close by her choice. My other boyfriend and girlfriend, M and G, are married. They're currently just seeing each other and me. However, everyone is welcome to date as they please, provided they are honest and have safe sex. Personally, all my needs are met, and I have no desire to date anyone else. I have three amazing people I love, a career, and a pretty active family and social life.

- Are you allowed to do more than your partner?

I don't control my partners and they do not control me. However, they are respectful of my feelings and would not act in such a way to hurt me or keep secrets. In turn, I do the same.
05/31/2012
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 7