Fantasies about a partner other than your own...

misterazor misterazor
for those of you with fantasys about other partners than your own, would you allow your partner to get some elsewhere if they would allow you to do the same? or would it kill you to know that they, as well, wanted to stray?
11/25/2012
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married with children married with children
no, sex is not done that way in our household. it is something special between husband and wife.
11/25/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
It all depends on the negotiations of your relationship. Polyamory is valid and whatever rules you and your partner(s) place on it are all fine as long as everyone involved is happy and satisfied. Resentment and jealousy will build if this isn't handled properly. However, I think that someone with the mindset of wanting to play with other partners but not wanting their primary partner to be able to do the same, in absence of a power-play (Master/slave) type of relationship dynamic or something of that nature, may have some jealousy and control issues that need to be resolved before this type of arrangement can be entertained. I think that nearly all relationship scenarios are possible, but the perfect blend of compatibility needed to make them work is sometimes hard to find. You need the right people, the right dynamic, the right communication and openness and honesty. Trust must be implicit and firmly established as a cornerstone. Polyamory is a very viable relationship structure but it requires a lot of work and very careful, thorough negotiations. I think it requires a willingness to place everything about yourself and your relationship on the line and take a huge risk and then work like hell to make it work. The pay off for that risk and that work can be dividends, but not always, in fact, not even often, in my opinion. Relationships are hard, they take work, dedication, trust, honesty, communication, compromise, and adding additional people and non-traditional dynamics and rules to the equation exponentially increase the need for all of those components.
11/25/2012
Mikemanz Mikemanz
it would kill me - lol!
11/25/2012
misterazor misterazor
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
It all depends on the negotiations of your relationship. Polyamory is valid and whatever rules you and your partner(s) place on it are all fine as long as everyone involved is happy and satisfied. Resentment and jealousy will build if this isn't ... More
but, non-traditional dynamics do not allow for the often reality that neither partner is entirely satisfied sexualy by their partner. why shouldn't traditional relationships be allowed to evolve?
11/26/2012
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
no, sex is not done that way in our household. it is something special between husband and wife.
Exactly what I was going to say.

Now, for us, if it were about "allowing" each other to cheat in return for the same "benefits," then there would be a serious problem. Allowing them, meaning they want to and would if you would allow it, and in that case, something would be considered terribly wrong in our own relationship. However, something would be terribly wrong if either of us ever actually wanted to cheat or have someone else to screw. That is not love. We're happily monogamous and if I or my partner ever had the idea that we wanted to cheat so badly that we'd make a deal like that, we'd just as soon not have any business still being together.

A relationship is something very different for us than it is for most people. I'd never want to have sex or even want to think of having sex with someone other than the man I love and adore and find special enough to share my body with. Uh-uh. Ain't nobody going to be enough for me to want sex elsewhere!
11/26/2012
Harpina is gone Harpina is gone
My man and I are both extremely jealous people, neither one of us would ever have any kind of sex with someone else.
11/26/2012
konicaguy konicaguy
Quote:
Originally posted by misterazor
for those of you with fantasys about other partners than your own, would you allow your partner to get some elsewhere if they would allow you to do the same? or would it kill you to know that they, as well, wanted to stray?
Nope! Just between the two of us.
11/26/2012
bayosgirl bayosgirl
No. Monogamous here
11/26/2012
Rraine Rraine
It would kill me if my boyfriend were having sex with someone else, and I could never do that to him. We are in a relationship with each other; why would be have to go to someone else if we already have each other?
11/27/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by misterazor
but, non-traditional dynamics do not allow for the often reality that neither partner is entirely satisfied sexualy by their partner. why shouldn't traditional relationships be allowed to evolve?
I think you're misunderstanding my definition of non-traditional relationships. When I say "traditional relationships" I mean monogamous and committed dyadic (2 people) relationships. By "non-traditional relationships i mean, quite literally, anything else that 2 or more people can successfully negotiate and agree to and live in. By it's very definition, a non-traditional relationship WOULD very much allow for the possibility that monogamy might not be satisfactory, while a traditional relationship dynamic, traditionally, confines two partners to committed monogamy with each other. Non-traditional relationships can include triadic or more, polyamorous, open relationships, D/s, M/s, leather families and the myriad possible kink relationship structures, etc. There's infinite possibilities in non-traditional dynamics while traditional dynamics define only 1 possibility, dyadic monogamy. Note that i said that i believe that all of these types of non-traditional dynamics are valid and possible, they just take hard work and the right combination of people. A traditional relationship evolving beyond traditional boundaries is perfectly possible and valid too, but that would be a traditional relationship evolving into a non-traditional one, by my definitions. You just have to have a partner that is willing to evolve to a non-traditional dynamic with you.
11/27/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by kendra30752
Exactly what I was going to say.

Now, for us, if it were about "allowing" each other to cheat in return for the same "benefits," then there would be a serious problem. Allowing them, meaning they want to and would if you ... More
i'd just like to point out that it's a little unfair for you to state that desiring a polyamorous arrangement "is not love." For MANY people, it's entirely possible to have sexual relationships with multiple partners and to very much love some or all of those people. For lots of people, it's very possible to have a negotiated polyamorous dynamic that allows sexual encounters outside of their primary relationship and those people are still very much capable of loving their primary partner. People make a large variety of polyamorous relationship dynamics work very well for them and are quite happy and satisfied and often very much in love. That may not be possible for you personally or for your relationship but it's a very valid, possible, functional relationship structure for quite a few people in this world. i tend to find that most of the folks on Eden are quite good at being very open minded and non-judgmental about things that they don't understand or that they don't want or like for themselves without putting down other people and i find that to be one of the hallmarks of this community that i love. It's a much more constructive and welcoming community when people are less critical and more willing to allow that something is not invalid or wrong just because something doesn't appeal to them.
11/27/2012
misterazor misterazor
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
I think you're misunderstanding my definition of non-traditional relationships. When I say "traditional relationships" I mean monogamous and committed dyadic (2 people) relationships. By "non-traditional relationships i mean, quite ... More
i guess what i was saying is more a question of social acceptance... the number of children exposed to the possibility of a non-traditional relationship are very few...and so we are conditioned to understand a "relationship" automatically as a "traditional relationship." i wonder how many people out there are closet non-traditional people who feel obligated to hold to the standards of acceptable social behavior. i also wonder if women understand that men do not think like women do on the topic of fidelity. the women in this article speak for their men as though they are inside of the man's head, when it's just as logical from my perspective to see that man as having kept those thoughts in the "closet." comics have commented on this topic, and it's funny, a joke, but more serious than women want to know...that all men want to have sex with other women regardless of how great the relationship is. it's independant from emotional connection with the person that they do, in fact, love. and yet, women seem convinced that their man is the good one. suggesting that a man does not instinctively want to have sex with other women when he is in a relationship is like suggesting that a gay man can be straight if he chooses to. i know that i'm all over the map with this train of thought, but sometimes i just have to follow it out. women think men can just shut it off or that it shuts off automatically at a point...but it's just wishful thinking from my view. men just say what is expected of them and stay in the closet. blah, blah. how's that for a rant?
11/27/2012
Thumper Logic Thumper Logic
I probably wouldn't be ok with it personally, but if that's what people want to do, it's a free country.
11/27/2012
HarlequinBunnie HarlequinBunnie
I haven't wanted to be with anyone other than my husband since we first started dating. That can not be said for my former relationships. All but one cheated and it hurt me deeply. I wouldn't want to do that to him. We have invited females in however they were flings and nothing more. Everyone involved knew the rules right off the bat so no ones feeling were hurt. Any fantasies that my husband or I have had we have tried to full fill them together.
11/27/2012
Eugler Eugler
I'm open to polyamory but my wife is not.
11/30/2012
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 12