Fantasies about a partner other than your own...

It all depends on the negotiations of your relationship. Polyamory is valid and whatever rules you and your partner(s) place on it are all fine as long as everyone involved is happy and satisfied. Resentment and jealousy will build if this isn't handled properly. However, I think that someone with the mindset of wanting to play with other partners but not wanting their primary partner to be able to do the same, in absence of a power-play (Master/slave) type of relationship dynamic or something of that nature, may have some jealousy and control issues that need to be resolved before this type of arrangement can be entertained. I think that nearly all relationship scenarios are possible, but the perfect blend of compatibility needed to make them work is sometimes hard to find. You need the right people, the right dynamic, the right communication and openness and honesty. Trust must be implicit and firmly established as a cornerstone. Polyamory is a very viable relationship structure but it requires a lot of work and very careful, thorough negotiations. I think it requires a willingness to place everything about yourself and your relationship on the line and take a huge risk and then work like hell to make it work. The pay off for that risk and that work can be dividends, but not always, in fact, not even often, in my opinion. Relationships are hard, they take work, dedication, trust, honesty, communication, compromise, and adding additional people and non-traditional dynamics and rules to the equation exponentially increase the need for all of those components. less

Exactly what I was going to say.

Now, for us, if it were about "allowing" each other to cheat in return for the same "benefits," then there would be a serious problem. Allowing them, meaning they want to and would if you would allow it, and in that case, something would be considered terribly wrong in our own relationship. However, something would be terribly wrong if either of us ever actually wanted to cheat or have someone else to screw. That is not love. We're happily monogamous and if I or my partner ever had the idea that we wanted to cheat so badly that we'd make a deal like that, we'd just as soon not have any business still being together.

A relationship is something very different for us than it is for most people. I'd never want to have sex or even want to think of having sex with someone other than the man I love and adore and find special enough to share my body with. Uh-uh. Ain't nobody going to be enough for me to want sex elsewhere! less

I think you're misunderstanding my definition of non-traditional relationships. When I say "traditional relationships" I mean monogamous and committed dyadic (2 people) relationships. By "non-traditional relationships i mean, quite literally, anything else that 2 or more people can successfully negotiate and agree to and live in. By it's very definition, a non-traditional relationship WOULD very much allow for the possibility that monogamy might not be satisfactory, while a traditional relationship dynamic, traditionally, confines two partners to committed monogamy with each other. Non-traditional relationships can include triadic or more, polyamorous, open relationships, D/s, M/s, leather families and the myriad possible kink relationship structures, etc. There's infinite possibilities in non-traditional dynamics while traditional dynamics define only 1 possibility, dyadic monogamy. Note that i said that i believe that all of these types of non-traditional dynamics are valid and possible, they just take hard work and the right combination of people. A traditional relationship evolving beyond traditional boundaries is perfectly possible and valid too, but that would be a traditional relationship evolving into a non-traditional one, by my definitions. You just have to have a partner that is willing to evolve to a non-traditional dynamic with you. less