Bringing a third in to the bed room with out causeing drama

VictoriaDaniel1 VictoriaDaniel1
So me and my husband about a year ago invited another female into our bed room. We searched for months until we found someone interested in us as much as we were in her. I am bisexual I guess I would say. Every so often I get the urge to be with another woman and it was my idea to invite her over for the night. It was aquward because it was the first time me and my husband had done something like this. Afterward we had major issues. I was extreamly jelous. It took us a while to get back to were our relationship was before.

Now I feel like I want another girl to join us again and he agrees that he wants this too. I just don't know how to keep from almost ruining our relationship again. If it were to happen I explained to him I wouldn't want it to be at our house so that she doesn't know were we live and that he shouldn't text her, just let me handle it. At the same time I would love for him to find someone and surprise me.I just don't know if I could handle that.

So does anyone have any advice for me about how to go about this were everyone is comfurtable, there's no jelousy and everyone leaves satisfied?
07/23/2012
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Beck Beck
There really isn't a way to avoid extra drama if you were the one who got jealous last time.

My husband I have decided we are not going to pick anyone who has the potential to want to move in, hang out, or in any other way intrude on our life. Because after we do the damn thing; this person isn't welcomed into our relationship. After careful consideration and many discussions on this; we decided the best person is going to be a prostitute, but not just any prostitute.

A prostitute is going to come in and ask you exactly what you want and do it. You pay them for their services and that is the end of the relationship. However; the only legal prostitution is in Nevada. We are completely against supporting pimps, drug habits, and human trafficking. So, if you are too; the only places to go are the legal brothels in Nevada.

Those girls are tested weekly. They have an open mind. They aren't judgmental. And the last thing they want is to intrude on your relationship. They are their for the pure fantasy. That is why we have decided to set up a savings and travel to the Mustang Ranch. Their motto is to accommodate all budgets, so they are willing to work out a deal with you and you get exactly what you want. This is the only way I can see doing this.

I spent hours browsing their website to learn about them. Check out their site if you are interested. You have to Google "Mustang Ranch Legal Brothel." and it will come up. They even have all their girls on the site.
07/23/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
I have to agree with Beck about the jealousy. Some people have minds and feelings that work well with polyamory and other people (I'd say most people) have jealousies, issues and bad feelings that often occur that they really don't have control of.

There's no way to make yourself "not jealous" if you are the jealous type. There's nothing wrong with being jealous, I think being monogamous is just as valid as being poly. It depends on the person and the relationship.

But, if it "almost ruined" your relationship last time, my guess is the fantasy is better than the reality for you.

Also, it should be well determined before hand if any type of relationship will continue after the night in question. I think the "rules" need to be planned beforehand well, and that "texting her" should certainly be off limits. If this was a casual friend, these things may happen, but they can also happen with a stranger.

Beck laid out the best way to do something like this, but if you are jealous, (even though prostitutes don't get attached to clients in any way) you most likely will be even after this type of set up event. You may "like being with a woman now and then" but if it means the ruin of your relationship, maybe keeping it a fantasy is best.

My husband and I talked about this, with an other couple for a long time. Even though I have the capacity to be polyamorous, I don't act on it anymore. I don't think he has the capacity to be poly, based on his reaction to the men I dated when we had an Open Relationship years ago. We've pretty much decided that it will remain a fantasy for now, and supplement with toys, but leave our options open. As our "fantasy" is with an other couple, and I don't really have much of a desire to be with other women, the prostitute plan wouldn't work for us. It IS a great idea for non-jealous couples who want a third woman, though. Genius, Beck. I wouldn't have thought of it!
07/23/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Double post.

I did want to say that some forms of jealousy within a relationship are sometimes healthy and normal, but to feel jealous when there is no reason to (say the woman didn't want any further attachment to either of you and your husband had no interest in her after the event) is perhaps "normal" but isn't something you can just ignore or overcome.

Some people are built for poly acts and relationships and others aren't. I'd say it isn't worth ruining your relationship to find out, if you have a history of this happening in the past.

It may be best to keep it a fantasy, for the OP.
07/23/2012
Rawr4483 Rawr4483
Personally, when bringing other women into the bed room I ALWAYS pick them out myself. I find if I would let him pick them I get extremely jealous as well. Since I have good taste in women he's never complained. Also I tend to prefer if he never texts, calls, or keeps in contact with them. Its been working out well for us so far!
07/23/2012
VictoriaDaniel1 VictoriaDaniel1
Quote:
Originally posted by Rawr4483
Personally, when bringing other women into the bed room I ALWAYS pick them out myself. I find if I would let him pick them I get extremely jealous as well. Since I have good taste in women he's never complained. Also I tend to prefer if he never ... More
See that's what I was thinking that maybe If he doesn't text them or contact them and it's mind of a one time thing with her that she doesn't know were we live and theirs no contact afterward that I would be fine with it because I want this just as badly as he does, but I'm really nerves. I'd hate to ruin the good thing we have but when it works it could really make things alot better for both of us sexually
07/23/2012
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 4