Can one have a happy marriage/relationship with little sex?

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Can one have a happy marriage/relationship with little sex?

PassionQT PassionQT
I've been married for almost 14 years next month. We never had a super active sex life and still don't, but here we are, still together, laughing and happy. I've been having menstrual issues so he has been such a good sport while we try to get me regulated. We still have intimacy, which I believe is more important than intercourse. What are your opinions?
07/11/2010
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Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
I've been married for almost 14 years next month. We never had a super active sex life and still don't, but here we are, still together, laughing and happy. I've been having menstrual issues so he has been such a good sport while we try ...
I think as long as both members of the couple are satisfied that's what's important. Different people have different needs. If someone who likes/needs sex every day is matched up with someone who is fine getting it once a week or once every few weeks then it might not work out well. But if both partners like it every day, or like it every few weeks then I see no reason that they wouldn't be satisfied regardless of how often that couple does it


My husband and I have been married for just about 7 years and together for 9, we have sex like 1-2 times a week most weeks. Sometimes it's more, sometimes it's less. We're completely happy and madly in love. Some people would think that we're not having sex nearly often enough but for us this works and we're both satisfied. In a perfect world we'd do it more often..but we have kids, we have work, we go to the gym and are so sore we can't even THINK about putting our bodies in any kind of sexual positions, life just happens.

I also think that intimacy is much more important than actual sex is. We make time to be intimate with each other every day. Sometimes this is just foot rubs while we watch tv and relax, sometimes we try to sneak away and make out or something, we'll shower and wash each other's bodies, cuddle before bed..just something every day to keep close to one another even if we don't have the time or energy or what not for actual sex.
07/11/2010
Kim! Kim!
I think if both people are fine with it, then it is possible. I think even if a couple starts off with a super-hot and active sex life and after years of being together it dwindles down a bit and both are okay with that it doesn't make them any less happy together either.

I fully agree that intimacy is more important than actually having sex. Often the best moments in a relationship are those moments where the two of you are alone and just lying there talking and/or cuddling. I've had good sex but that is not usually the best memories in my relationships.
07/11/2010
DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO
Of course! There are plenty of couples who have relatively little sex or not sex at all. You can have closeness, passion and intimacy without sex. Like Alicia said, as long as both partners needs are being met, everything can be wonderful. That's what communication is for.
07/11/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
It REALLY depends on the people in the relationship. I just (eight months ago) got out of a hellishly celibate marriage to a man who blamed me for his low libido. For the ten years we were together it was mostly intellectual, with occasional cuddling and lots of PDA (from him - he didn't want anyone to know we were celibate). It was by the grace of therapy that I admitted I was not happy (to put it mildly) and was finally able to tell him to get out. There were LOTS of issues involved in our marriage that would take a psychology major to have any interest ... suffice to say that being emotionally dead was not working out for me.

Congratulations on being together for so long. ^_^
07/11/2010
BoomersGirl BoomersGirl
I think as long as both of you are okay with it, then that works for you and that's great! Sex I think is a way of forging and maintaining your emotional bond and if you can strenthen and maintain that in other ways then it's all the same in the end. I would really prefer more intimate, non-sexual stuff in our marriage even if it meant less actual sex, because sex for me is pretty much the only emotional bonding I get from him. Which is sad and it shouldn't be that way. So if it's working for you and you are both happy with it, then go with it.
07/11/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
I would have to agree that as long as both partners are happy and content with the amount of sex they're having, then there's nothing wrong. My fiance and myself have never been rabbits, and it's bothered the hell out of previous partners that we've both had, but we have sex when we want to, because we want to, and not because the other one wants it and somehow manages to guilt/talk the other one into it.

I say congratulations on how long you've been married, and just keep being happy. As long as you're both happy with the sex and you're both happy with everything else, that's all that matters
07/12/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Can you with little sex? I suppose so.

Is it hard? I would bet on it

Is it for me? Hell no.

My partner and I are super sexually active with each other or solo and I wouldn't be happy with it any other way. Passion is shown best physically in my opinion. Pure raw, simplistic passion.
07/12/2010
Blinker Blinker
First of all, you look way too freaking young to be married for 14 years!

Anyway, I can understand what you'r going through, hun. I've been having girl problems, too. There have been several times when I couldn't have sex because of cysts or fibroids on my ovaries (I had one removed actually) and I've had endometriosis and sex was incredibly painful. I'm going through a bad time again because I have endometriosis again. So we can't have sex, which makes me actually feel bad because we get to see each other so rarely. And then when it seems like we do see each other, I can't have sex because I'm in pain. But he's always been supportive and sweet about it. I have a super high libido and so does he so we find ways around actually having intercourse...but we're always intimate. We have a weird dynamic in our relationship.

As long as you and your hubby communicate and are open, I think you'll be fine. My boyfriend has stayed with me for 2 years even with all my sex problems and I am so thankful for that.
07/12/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
I've been married for almost 14 years next month. We never had a super active sex life and still don't, but here we are, still together, laughing and happy. I've been having menstrual issues so he has been such a good sport while we try ...
I think being sexually compatible is more important. Two people with lower sex drives would do OK with each other. A marriage or long term relationship where one person had a strong sex drive and the other had a low sex drive is destined for disaster, IMO.

My Man and I both have very high sex drives we are both very fiery people. Without the sex to discharge some of the tension and friction, we'd be at each others' throats all the time. In our case, we couldn't stay together without a lot of sex, but that's just us, I don't think everybody's relationship is like that. Some people have very low key emotions and passions, and maybe don't need daily or twice daily discharging of energy to stay on even keels. But, some people do. The problem would be if ONE member of the couple needed the discharge all the time and the other member wasn't interested.

It depends on what BOTH people in the couple want and need.
07/13/2010
SexYnCute Couple SexYnCute Couple
I believe that if 2 people love and understand eachother. My partner and I been together a year now and we don't have a active sex life. Since having my daughter and losing a baby in 09, I have a lot of scar tissue built up and thats why, I don't have it a lot and my man understands that. So, when we do decide to be intimate he is supportive and understanding. I think it all depends on the guy. My man tells me all the time he can live without sex, he says because he loves me for who I am and not what I can't give him. Yes , a marriage can last without sex.
07/13/2010
Brian Brian
I agree with a lot of things that people have said in this post but I'll put in my 2 cents. I agree with everyone's comments on intimacy being more important than actual sex. I think sex drive matching does have some to do with it but I think more important is whether sexual needs are being met. My wife has a much lower drive than me but as long as I'm getting my needs met (either by her or by myself) everything is fine. I don't like feeling like I'm forcing her to have sex and would rather masturbate than make her do something when she's not in the mood for it since it's not that good for either of us (both the relationship and just physically feeling good). We are trying to work on matching up our drive some more by looking at different birth control options but ultimately if her sex drive doesn't change I'm still devoted to our marriage. I made a covenant to her and to God and I intend to keep it. We're still pretty young and I always read about sex drives changing as you age so I always keep that in mind too.
07/13/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
If your sex drives match, and you're happy, that's all that really matters. It's about the quality of the sex, not the quantity and while some people need sex all the time, it's better to have awesome sex once a week than just ok sex 3 times.
07/13/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
I've been married for almost 14 years next month. We never had a super active sex life and still don't, but here we are, still together, laughing and happy. I've been having menstrual issues so he has been such a good sport while we try ...
If you are both happy and neither is feeling frustrated then what you have is what works for you!
The three of us have super insane high sex drives but if you don't then you don't!Be happy and keep being intimate because that really IS the key...and intimacy isn't sex even if sex can be very intimate.
07/17/2010
PonyPlay PonyPlay
I think it really depends on the people... For example I think the real problem happened when a super sexual person marries someone who doesn't really want sex. In my marriage sex is a very important to the happiness of our marriage. So I think it just depends on the people and their needs.
07/19/2010
Sera Sera
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
I've been married for almost 14 years next month. We never had a super active sex life and still don't, but here we are, still together, laughing and happy. I've been having menstrual issues so he has been such a good sport while we try ...
Intimacy is much more important. I think it's what matters most to you. You can have a happy marriage without sex, no doubt!
08/01/2010
Envy Envy
I think you can so long as both people are comfortable with it being that way and both love each other very much. Marriage isn't all about sex, at least to me.

Again it all depends.
08/01/2010
TheCleansing TheCleansing
Definitely possible. Sex brings people closer but isn't necessary for people to get close.
08/27/2010
twistedheartsx twistedheartsx
Yes. Definitely. Why not? I don't like that people associaite failed marriages and whatnot because of lack of sex. Yes sex is beautiful, intimate, etc. but it's not everything and there are a ton of other ways to be intimate.
08/27/2010
Timaree Timaree
same goes for lots of sex: if that's what you both want, enjoy and there are ways through which you communicate intimately.
08/29/2010
Timaree Timaree
although if you want to know why you're not having sex, check this out: link
08/29/2010
Madeira Madeira
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
I've been married for almost 14 years next month. We never had a super active sex life and still don't, but here we are, still together, laughing and happy. I've been having menstrual issues so he has been such a good sport while we try ...
If you're in synch about it, then its perfectly possible to have a happy marriage with little to no sex, I personally couldn't be happy in such a relationship because I have a high sex drive, but if you both have low ones, that's cool
09/18/2010
Unconventional Unconventional
Agreed. As long as the sex drives are more or less on the same level, what level they're at shouldn't matter.
11/06/2010
pinkzombie pinkzombie
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
I've been married for almost 14 years next month. We never had a super active sex life and still don't, but here we are, still together, laughing and happy. I've been having menstrual issues so he has been such a good sport while we try ...
I think that if you truly love each other you can overcome anything. As long as there is open communication and ways to resolve the the sex issue or understand the reasons behind it.
11/16/2010
hive83 hive83
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
I've been married for almost 14 years next month. We never had a super active sex life and still don't, but here we are, still together, laughing and happy. I've been having menstrual issues so he has been such a good sport while we try ...
We have been married 34 years & our sex life was just fine at once a week. Like my hubby said if you do it right the fisrt time once a week is just fine.
Believe me when I say our sex life couldn't get any better. We are still going
strong at once a week & we have brought some sex toys into the picture to spice things up. Also I bought a black leather bra, leopard pantie & shoes plus
thigh high black stockings & our sex life is still smokin' even if it still
only once a week!!!
01/02/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by hive83
We have been married 34 years & our sex life was just fine at once a week. Like my hubby said if you do it right the fisrt time once a week is just fine.
Believe me when I say our sex life couldn't get any better. We are still ...
Great story - thanks. Once a week isn't enough for us - but each couple has to find what works best - keep jazzing things up is great advice - thanks! Maybe I'll suggest some leather for my girl!
01/02/2011
ScottA ScottA
Do make sure to keep touch a part of your relationship, even if it isn't sexual touch. Touch is very strong.
01/03/2011
closed account closed account
i was in a decade long relationship that was practically sexless. but yes we were intimate...cuddly, kissing, etc.

i got to the point that i was happy with spending my life with my best friend, sex or not.

then after the breakup (for other reason, life's crap beyond our control)...i realized what i'd been missing...PASSION.

And i think we all deserve to have a healthy sex life, while keeping in mind there are different ways to be sexual
01/03/2011
ToxicHeart ToxicHeart
I think it really depends on the couple. Some couples are very sexual and need that in their relationship and some couples are more about the emotional and mental connection. As long as both people in the relationship are happy
01/03/2011
TLTD TLTD
I find that when we are having more sex generally we are happier, but totally understand. We sort of peaked out before out first kid, our sexual energies went toward working weekends and then to hobbies. We always worked together and played together. We had some rough periods of arguing trying to raise kids together, but we somehow pull it together. I have always been extremely attracted to my wife so sometimes I have to endure long periods where I want her. It started out the other way. I was a virgin and she was experienced. We saw a therapist and shocked her with the answers. I was the one with little sex drive for years and years. Now thanks to quitting smoking, eating healthier, and excersize I am a new animal but thanks to a friend of hers we found out about toys. And that has lead to more and more sex and less frustration. And we are doing these things together. She has always been understanding and ok with me doing whatever I need (although I am embarrased so still sneak around to masturbate). I think there is a problem if one is not allowed to go off on their own in times when you are both out of sync sexually. She's had to do it too. I was a truck driver for a few years so we made lots of videos when I was home and had to find ways to release sexual tensions without each other.
01/04/2011
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