My husband must have some self esteem issues because he doesn’t like the idea of me having toys. We have not even been married two years and our sex life is pretty sparse. His last serious relationship was not a good one in many ways but apparently she was the best sex ever, I don’t even compare. Sadly this means he really isn’t all that into sex anymore (and he is only 25) so I sometimes have to look to toys. He thinks it’s because he isn’t good enough and that is not it. What should I do???
Husband is jealous of toys.......I don’t understand
02/05/2012
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My husband is that way. I came to the site b/c I was almost 30 without having achieved an O and I really wanted to experience that. HE did not like that at all and was pretty huffy about it at first. So we compromised. He doesn't want me to get dildo's that look like the real thing. So I stick to clitoral vibes, vibrators that are insertable that don't look like a penis, wands, and rabbits. I also let him use them on me if he wishes to. I explained to him why I wanted to use toys and that they are not a replacement for him.
02/05/2012
You should talk to him about how you really feel: how you feel about your sex life, how you feel about toys and why you enjoy them, and suggestions for what you both can do to make things better if you're unhappy with the way things are. Granted, I don't believe in pandering to someone's self esteem issues and I don't believe in sugar coating things... If he feels it's all about him, well, tell him how you feel about that. Is he really not good enough?
02/06/2012
When we have sex he is amazing, I don’t always have an orgasm but that is because of me not him. And even without orgasm I am always happy and satisfied after sex. But I have a much higher sex drive than he does that’s all. I don’t know why his is so low when he was constantly having sex with his ex. I don’t know if he is unhappy with me or if she totally screwed him up. I try to talk to him but he is probably the most pigheaded man I know. I love sex with him I just want to have it more often than he does. Plus he won’t have sex on my period and I’m not going to not enjoy myself and do things to him that whole week.
02/06/2012
I think it is always best to talk to your partner about these concerns openly and honestly
02/15/2012
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If he seriously won't talk about it, then there's no real way to resolve the issue. I'd say, keep trying at communication. If it doesn't work, something's got to give. Either you need to just "ignore" his jealousy and just get on with your sex life (with toys), or he needs to get over his jealousy. I mean, just because he has issues doesn't mean you need to suffer for it, right? Just keep at him! Without communication, though, nothing is going to get worked out.
Originally posted by
SexyRayne
When we have sex he is amazing, I don’t always have an orgasm but that is because of me not him. And even without orgasm I am always happy and satisfied after sex. But I have a much higher sex drive than he does that’s all. I don’t know why his is so
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When we have sex he is amazing, I don’t always have an orgasm but that is because of me not him. And even without orgasm I am always happy and satisfied after sex. But I have a much higher sex drive than he does that’s all. I don’t know why his is so low when he was constantly having sex with his ex. I don’t know if he is unhappy with me or if she totally screwed him up. I try to talk to him but he is probably the most pigheaded man I know. I love sex with him I just want to have it more often than he does. Plus he won’t have sex on my period and I’m not going to not enjoy myself and do things to him that whole week.
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02/15/2012
did he tell you that you don't even compare? there shouldn't be a comparison!
02/15/2012
Inkblot
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If he made an actual, verbal comparison, that is totally crappy.
Originally posted by
switzerland
did he tell you that you don't even compare? there shouldn't be a comparison!
One thought here: Is he really into porn? My dh and I have a fairly major difference in sex drive--mine being stronger--and we find ways to compromise. I'm the initiator much more often than I'd prefer to be, but he's OK with it and so I do it! My dh had an issue with porn causing him to lose interest in the real thing. We do NOT masturbate without the other one there, even if one of us is too tired to participate. I think it's a huge turn on and he's been won over to my way of thinking. hehe Taking showers/baths together "just because", without any expectation of sex afterwards, can often lead to it and that can be a non-threatening way to get things started. Just be creative, as I'm sure you are being, and see if you can baby step your way to introducing a non-realistic toy--suggesting that HE use it on you or buy a vibrating cock ring that is for both of you to start.
02/16/2012
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Maybe try counseling for the both of you.
Originally posted by
SexyRayne
My husband must have some self esteem issues because he doesn’t like the idea of me having toys. We have not even been married two years and our sex life is pretty sparse. His last serious relationship was not a good one in many ways but apparently
...
more
My husband must have some self esteem issues because he doesn’t like the idea of me having toys. We have not even been married two years and our sex life is pretty sparse. His last serious relationship was not a good one in many ways but apparently she was the best sex ever, I don’t even compare. Sadly this means he really isn’t all that into sex anymore (and he is only 25) so I sometimes have to look to toys. He thinks it’s because he isn’t good enough and that is not it. What should I do???
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02/16/2012
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Have you tried introducing the toys while you're together? My husband and I use my toys together...he LOVES to watch me using a toy on myself. I think a lot of guys would have a problem if they thought the toy was replacing them, that's why we do it together. It helps to spice things up and I'm guaranteed an orgasm...it's a win/win for both of us.
Originally posted by
SexyRayne
My husband must have some self esteem issues because he doesn’t like the idea of me having toys. We have not even been married two years and our sex life is pretty sparse. His last serious relationship was not a good one in many ways but apparently
...
more
My husband must have some self esteem issues because he doesn’t like the idea of me having toys. We have not even been married two years and our sex life is pretty sparse. His last serious relationship was not a good one in many ways but apparently she was the best sex ever, I don’t even compare. Sadly this means he really isn’t all that into sex anymore (and he is only 25) so I sometimes have to look to toys. He thinks it’s because he isn’t good enough and that is not it. What should I do???
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02/16/2012
at first, mine did. i think it was because he didn't want me getting a dildo that would take his place. my masturbation has actually gone down on me, and i wanna bring it back up so that i can be better in bed like i was.
i explained to him that i can barely give myself a orgasm (fingering wise, clitoral is different) unless he's doing it or we're having sex. that seemed to help him, and i told him i dont want a large dildo, just a small one that will help me when he's gone for nearly a entire day. he understands that i get horny right before my period, and i sometimes actually beg him for sex.
toys would help me, and i told him that it would make me feel more confident once i really got to know my own body a bit more then i do now.
he accepts it now, mainly because he now knows why i want a toy.
that and i offered to buy him a cock ring XD
i explained to him that i can barely give myself a orgasm (fingering wise, clitoral is different) unless he's doing it or we're having sex. that seemed to help him, and i told him i dont want a large dildo, just a small one that will help me when he's gone for nearly a entire day. he understands that i get horny right before my period, and i sometimes actually beg him for sex.
toys would help me, and i told him that it would make me feel more confident once i really got to know my own body a bit more then i do now.
he accepts it now, mainly because he now knows why i want a toy.
that and i offered to buy him a cock ring XD
02/22/2012
My husband doesn't mind the toys I have now, he actually enjoys them along with me, but there was a time when he was miserable with life in general. Mostly it was due to his crap job at the time, we stopped having sex regularly and I started feeling like he didn't find me attractive anymore. Eventually after about three months of his asshole attitude/lack of sex drive I was about ready to leave but he got a different job and was happier with it. That made all the difference for him, he was suddenly more into sex and willing to talk about things. Not saying that's the magical solution, but it's what worked out for us.
Perhaps some couples counseling could help? Anything is worth a try, good luck hun!
Perhaps some couples counseling could help? Anything is worth a try, good luck hun!
02/22/2012
Total posts: 12
Unique posters: 10