Lack of sex

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Lack of sex

Iggins09 Iggins09
Hi all. I am 29 weeks pregnant and for most of my pregnancy I have not wanted sex. My husband and I set aside one day a week for intimacy and when that day comes I just groan. I have no desire to have sex with him or do anything to him which is starting to chafe him. Understandably so. I am on Prozac and I know a side effect of that is a decrease in sexual appetite. We argue about it, more so recently. I feel bad because he's not getting anything from me, but I just cannot bring myself to do anything sexual to or for him. He says just because I don't want it doesn't mean he doesn't which I understand. I get nothing out of sex with him and find myself willing him to hurry up in my head when we have sex. He does give me oral but with that I find myself having to think of things just to have an orgasm.

He has started racking up blow jobs when he takes me somewhere or allows me to buy something. I don't know if he's serious or joking. I've started wondering if I'm just not attracted to him. It's not like I take care of myself everyday and leave him high and dry. I have no interest in doing anything to myself. My husband takes forever to orgasm when I give him a blow job or jerk him off. He says it's because I'm not into it. I try but for the most part, I just have no desire to be intimate with him.

Any advice would be great.
11/09/2013
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CinnamonNights CinnamonNights
I don't think it's quite that you aren't attracted to him anymore. Something to remember: It's nobodies fault, not yours or his that this is occurring. I would believe that it's probably due to the medication you're on, and probably from hormones from pregnancy that is limiting your sex drive.

Although I can understand your husbands frustrations he should really try to be more patient with you. If you don't want to have sex, then screaming at you about it isn't going to help out much. Putting a lot of pressure into having sex makes it just that much less attractive than before. So fighting about it, making a sex IOU list, and things like that just make it stressful. Stress is one of the WORST things to involve with sex and should be avoided as much as possible.

You yourself should try not to think of it as a chore, it just makes it much longer that way. I understand it's extremely hard not to do in your state, but when sex becomes something you just "want to be done already" it just becomes extra difficult on everyone involved. Never blame yourself over this, it's not that you aren't trying, it just takes a lot more effort than before to get in the mood and that's difficult to do.

Do you two do enough foreplay? The meds and such factors will probably still limit your desire for sex, but perhaps things could turn out better if you both take more time to get each other into the mood. That, and being romantic with each other could probably make it easier. Candles, flowers, warm baths, and all that cliché stuff can actually do some wonders for some. Also be sure to set aside any worries you have for a few hours; If you have an appointment to go to soon, or if you're worried about getting some task done it wrecks your mood.

Something that could also probably help is to talk to your prescriber about your issues with the medication. They could probably lower your dosage, recommend a different medication, or just talk with you about some ways to mend your problem better.


I hope it helps, and I wish you both good luck. Keep calm and keep strong.
11/10/2013
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
There are other drugs that do not affect your sexual desires (Wellbutrin is one). It is most likely not him that you are not attracted to. You are on a drug that affects your sex drive. On top of that you are pregnant. Hormone changes can affect drive. The stress of such a big life change can affect your drive. Energy level can be affected as well. On top of that your body is changing and you may not feel as sexy.

I agree with CinnamonDreams - the attitude you have about sex will affect your enjoyment. Don't think of it as a chore, but an opportunity to be close to your husband. Sex is the most intimate thing a couple can share.

Why it takes him longer to orgasm is because no man wants to feel like the woman he loves is so repulsed by him that she just wants to get it over with. That is a huge blow to his ego and self-esteem as a man. Think of how you would feel if the situation were reversed. Every time you came on to him, he shot you down. When he did agree, he acted like he couldn't wait till it was over. I am sure you would not be quick to orgasm either.

I am not saying that you need to have sex with him all the time and fake it. Just that to have a successful marriage both people need to see the situation from the other person's point of view and put the other person and their feelings first. Talk to him about you just not feeling sexual in general, not just with him. Tell him why you feel you have lost your sex drive (medicine, self-esteem, stress, etc.) Have him talk about how your disinterest in sex makes him feel. Are there other ways you can share physical intimacy (back rubs, cuddling, etc.) with each other?
11/10/2013
Ansley Ansley
I have two questions for you and that is: what was your sex drive like before you got pregnant and were you on prozac at this time?
11/11/2013
epiphanyjayne epiphanyjayne
Stormy asked a good question. it's important, to know what was your feeling's before medication, and before pregnancy. For me I've been pregnant 3 times and I've been on Medication for anxiety that messes with your sex drive ("Sexual dysfunction" is what the doctor called it), and I know what Pregnancy can do to your sex drive. with the two mixed together it can be quite a blow to your mind.
For my second pregnancy I didn't want to I didn't even think about it, I didn't want to put the effort into it. It is important to try to keep some kind of intimacy, closeness. Also that little list he's keeping of all the times you owe him head for is not cool, just tell him not to do that, it's not major but it could snowball.
Since your on Eden maybe you could get him a Fleshlight, or a Tenga Flip hole, their the best. and they could take off some of the pressure put on you.
11/15/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Iggins09
Hi all. I am 29 weeks pregnant and for most of my pregnancy I have not wanted sex. My husband and I set aside one day a week for intimacy and when that day comes I just groan. I have no desire to have sex with him or do anything to him which is ...
First, stop arguing. It helps nothing. Try and realize that your lack of interest and desire can indeed be the medication as well has hormonal changes of pregnancy. Some woman become very extra sexual and others lose their desire at that time. It is hard to predict, but the psychological factors involved in pregnancy also play in.

If you can please your husband in any way (vaginally, orally)just as a course of knowing it is the "right thing to do" for your marriage and if only to please them (which is a loving thing to do), it will remove that component of stress from the relationship. We often do things we are "not into" for our loved ones, and this might just be the time to do that, and at least appear to enjoy it. Maybe you actually will.

Meanwhile, speak to your doctor, honestly, about this. Perhaps a different medication or dose is in order, and perhaps this will all resolve once you have the baby. However, you don't want to ignore it, in case it worsens. Having a new child will introduce additional stress and new dynamics into a relationship. It can strain even those going great, so if you are having this problem now, you don't want it to remain unchecked. Speak to your O.B., speak to the doctor who prescribed the Prozac. I assure you, they have heard it all, and your story is not a bad one at all. Hopefully they will help and you will be much the happier for it.

Best wishes to you.
11/24/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by epiphanyjayne
Stormy asked a good question. it's important, to know what was your feeling's before medication, and before pregnancy. For me I've been pregnant 3 times and I've been on Medication for anxiety that messes with your sex drive ...
Your suggestion of the Fleshlight or Tenga has merit, but if you look at the psychological research, it is often the actual intimate bond with their mate that men crave when pregnancy and a new baby is in the mix. Believe it or not, despite the common misconception of things, men are not just seeking a "place to put it" and relieve themselves. It is probably imperative that this couple get some help from their doctors to see what may be effecting her mood and feelings and hopefully finding some assistance in fixing the problem.
11/24/2013
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 6