How Much Does Virginity Matter?

augma augma
I've never been married but have talked to married folks. How much does it matter that your spouse was not your first? Do you regret it or does it not matter?
08/10/2012
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Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by augma
I've never been married but have talked to married folks. How much does it matter that your spouse was not your first? Do you regret it or does it not matter?
I don't think it matters. It means very little to me. I actually hate the concept of virginity.
08/10/2012
thisisadeletedaccount thisisadeletedaccount
Anyone I end up marrying isn't going to be my first or only, and I wouldn't expect to be theirs. I don't have a problem with that - all the practice will help us have even more ideas on how to please each other.
08/11/2012
lineswecast lineswecast
It absolutely doesn't matter to me. I like that we both have experience.
08/11/2012
Trysexual Trysexual
Doesn't matter. Prefer some experience anyway. I might have felt differently at 16/17, but as an adult dating virgins isn't very fun.
08/12/2012
namelesschaos namelesschaos
Doesn't matter at all especially since I reject the concept of virginity as archaic, patriarchy, sex-negative and backwards.
08/12/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I don't think it matters. It means very little to me. I actually hate the concept of virginity.
I agree.

I think "virginity" is an artificial construct that penalizes women, makes people think sex is something a woman "gives" and a man "takes" (when it is really sharing whoever you are having sex with) and leaves people who do not engage in heterosexual sex out in the cold.

My Man was certainly not a virgin when we met. I would have thought he was a bit odd if he was (he was older than I was and at an age where most men have had partners) It made no difference to him that I was a virgin, and I was glad to shed the "virgin" title. I had sex with other men, when we had an open relationship, because I didn't want him to be the only man I had ever been with. I, too, was attracted to other men, and was fairly young (about 16 or 17, when we went Open) and I didn't want to maybe end up dedicating my life to him and wake up one morning at 30 or 35 and thinking, "OMG, what did I do? What are other men like?" It only strengthened our relationship and made it easier to commit entirely to each other. That doesn't mean we'll never Open the relationship again, but I am completely dedicated to him. In part because I KNOW he is the best lover ever.

He also, did not want me to only have had one lover. This (the Open Relationship and both of us having other lovers) was one of the best decisions we ever made relating to our sex life and our relationship. I KNOW he's the best, and he KNOWS I am. Only because we not only had sex with each other before committing, but because we both had sex with others.

I think the entire concept of "virginity" should go the way of "First Night" rituals and be gone from our society. It's artificial, it hurts women and it's.... bullshit.
08/12/2012
married with children married with children
my wife was my first, and I was hers. whether it matters or not all depends on if you believe in a higher power and how you live your life.
08/13/2012
woodsdragon woodsdragon
My almost spouse (getting married in a month) and I had both slept with other people before we met and it was not a big deal for either of us. I think it made us who we are sexually and we have a great sex life! I do though remember our first time together...it was amazing!
08/15/2012
misty82 misty82
It doesn't matter. Everyone has a past.
09/05/2012
SavingMyself SavingMyself
My husband is my first and only, and unless something huge changes, it will stay that way. For me it wasn't a religious or even a moral thing, I'm not against sex before marriage. In fact, my husband and I had sex before we got married. For me sex isn't just a physical thing, it's emotional as well. I wasn't going to have sex with just anyone, which was why I was still a virgin when we met. I had never met anyone that I had a deep enough emotional connection with that I wanted to have sex with them. My husband was not a virgin and while I don't like to think about him sleeping with anyone else, in the long run it benefited me. My first time was hard enough, I can just imagine how much worse it would have been if he hadn't known what he was doing.
09/14/2012
Mrs. Tickle and Giggle Mrs. Tickle and Giggle
I think it would be cool. Although I will admit that the experience is always a plus, I can see how marrying a virgin could be fun. Not so much because you are there only one, but because they have not expectations. I think that would make the sex better, because there is nothing to be compared to.
09/16/2012
CharlieBrown CharlieBrown
Virginity will matter as much as you make it matter. Virginity was not an issue for me; I was not my partner's first. Ultimately this may have helped because she was willing to guide me and take control at first.
02/18/2013
Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by augma
I've never been married but have talked to married folks. How much does it matter that your spouse was not your first? Do you regret it or does it not matter?
We are both 43 and 52. We both were married before and have kids so we were definitely NOT virgins.
02/19/2013
gloomybear gloomybear
its not important to me that my spouse be my first if i were to marry the first guy i had sex with id be stuck with a insane mother in law and a husband with serious mental issues my current fiance is my 6th sexual partner
02/19/2013
Total posts: 15
Unique posters: 15