What do you do to get out of a sexual rut?

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What do you do to get out of a sexual rut?

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Contributor: BoomersGirl BoomersGirl
It happens to us all - LOL. What are some things that you've tried when you're in a sexual rut with your partner? What worked best?

I try communication which helps depending on how open he is to talking at the time.

New toys are a huge plus, but we can only afford so much. Expecting new goodies gives us something to talk about and something new to look forward to. Unfortunately, it seems a good part of them are disappointing and rarely get used.
07/08/2010
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Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Make sure that you set apart time alone to work on the rest of the relationship as well. Going into the bedroom and trying to launch a discussion of "what should we try now" has never worked for us. Take an evening, do some of the things that remind you of why you fell in love, and see what develops.

Having a personal idea of something that is either new or you haven't done in a while is a definite plus as well.
07/08/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Make sure that you set apart time alone to work on the rest of the relationship as well. Going into the bedroom and trying to launch a discussion of "what should we try now" has never worked for us. Take an evening, do some of the things ... more
I agree - a simple "date night" can do wonders. Just having relaxed alone time with your partner is a great way to pull out of a rut.
07/08/2010
Contributor: Pipedream Products Pipedream Products
Quote:
Originally posted by BoomersGirl
It happens to us all - LOL. What are some things that you've tried when you're in a sexual rut with your partner? What worked best?

I try communication which helps depending on how open he is to talking at the time.

New toys are ... more
I bring toys from from Pipedream of course. LOL But seriously... it had barely started to lean toward the 'same ol same ol' with my man who I've been dating since last September... I mean it was still good but I knew we needed to kick it up a notch... so I brought home the Fetish Fantasy Series Zipper Head Hood (Item #: PD3717-23). He was reluctant to wear it at first, was way out of his comfort zone, but he gave it a try and let me tell you... he totally got into it and it was like being with a different person. SO HOT!
07/08/2010
Contributor: Heather Heather
I’m with Scott & Victoria on some simple time together without the pressure of doing something new. For us the relationship is what makes the sex just that much better. But, Kevin is also right doing something unexpected can be very hot. But without that solid relationship would you really be able to do that and enjoy it?
07/08/2010
Contributor: Yesenia Yesenia
I agree a simple date night can do wonders. A shower together no talking just enjoying each other. Also sensual massage with the jimmjane line Ember,Contour Q,Contour I for one another is a great way to pull out of a rut.
07/12/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
Ok, well not that I exactly recommend this way..since there are obviously so many other ways..but one time when my husband and I were in a sexual rut-it was always the same old/same old, we decided to try being with another couple. It was kind of fun at first but it quickly went south-on their end mostly. We were looking to spice up our marriage and have fun, we were completely 100% communicating with each other but they weren't. They were into being deceptive with one another and tried to push our boundaries and it just wasn't something we were interested in. We went back to being just friends with them and our sex life remained hot without ever introducing anyone to it ever again. They broke up because the wife cheated on the husband and I think now she's with someone else and last I heard he was single and moved away somewhere.

So, would I recommend it? No, probably not, the fantasy was better than the reality for us, but did it work? Yes. It's 5 years later and our sex is still how and we appreciate each other a lot more now.
07/12/2010
Contributor: BoomersGirl BoomersGirl
Date nights are out, because we have no family or friends who will babysit and we have 6 kids from toddlers to teens. We've only been away ONE NIGHT together and that will probably be it for a very long time.

And bringing other people into it - no go there. I would never want to be with anyone else. And I hope he feels the same. I'm way too jealous to even THINK about it. And I'm still old-fashioned that marriage and sex is between 2 people.
07/12/2010
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by BoomersGirl
Date nights are out, because we have no family or friends who will babysit and we have 6 kids from toddlers to teens. We've only been away ONE NIGHT together and that will probably be it for a very long time.

And bringing other people into ... more
BoomersGirl - we never used paid sitters (too expensive). Now the kids are grown so we do the date night thing - but prior to that we had to create our excitement in the privacy of our bedroom. As you know it's not easy being sexy when your exhausted and the TV is on to mask the sound of what's actually going on!

But it is possible. The formula is to throw out the formula - because the formula has become the rut. I admit to almost buying my way out of the rut by continuously introducing new toys.

We started with clit vibes - then started using them for penetration - then moved on to rabbit style vibes. This went on for years before we added non-vibrating dildos to the repertoire.

And in all of these categories there are a wide range of materials; jelly (we don't buy anymore), silicone, dual-density silicone, glass, steel, aluminum - plus the textures; smooth, rippled, nubby, tapered, curved, etc.

All of these add an element of change - then you have the mental side of being willing to try new things that may be beyond your spouses comfort zone.

Since then we've added sex furniture like the Liberator Wedge & Ramp with a Throe - some of the best investments we've made.

Since men are so visually centered my wife also has a wide range of LolaLuna micro-g strings, Sylvie Monthule intimate jewelry & other lingerie.

Lately we've even been getting me in the act - using some anal/prostate stimulation and erection rings. We have a $5 silicone cock-ring that she absolutely loves when I use it. It makes me slightly larger and harder - plus last longer - all good things.

Bottom line is take a few minutes during the day to plan something different for your spouse. The act of planning is an aphrodisiac all by itself. Anticipation engages your largest sex organ - that 10 lb thing they call your brain!

Enjoy the journey and don't be afraid to offend or risk failure.
07/12/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by BoomersGirl
Date nights are out, because we have no family or friends who will babysit and we have 6 kids from toddlers to teens. We've only been away ONE NIGHT together and that will probably be it for a very long time.

And bringing other people into ... more
BG, My Man and I didn't' have "Date Nights" out when we had babies and toddlers (which was a lot of years in our relationship) mostly because I breastfeed our kids a LONG time and won't leave them for hours, and definitely wouldn't leave them overnight while they were still nursing. (And I'm talking nursing Toddlers, 2, 3 even 4 year olds.)

We would have Date Night's In. We'd spend some time with the kids, get them off to bed, nurse the baby down, then it was OUR time. Even if we had to stay up VERY late, or have our "Date" in the middle of the night after a nursing, we'd do it them. Sometimes we'd get take out food, and a movie and we'd be home, but we'd make love on the couch, or go upstairs after the movie, or watch a Porn after the kids were all either tucked in or out for the evening (I know what it's like to have both teens and olders AND babies and toddlers at the same time.) We found these Date Nights In to be the perfect solution to a family when kids can't be left.
07/13/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
BoomersGirl - we never used paid sitters (too expensive). Now the kids are grown so we do the date night thing - but prior to that we had to create our excitement in the privacy of our bedroom. As you know it's not easy being sexy when your ... more
Gunsmoke, a good White Noise machine in the kids rooms and a vaporizer in the hallway, AND the fan on in the bathroom can mask a multitude of sins. I don't even think I can Come without the sound of a White Noise Machine in the background. Hahaahaha! Target has them for less than %50.00.

I run the frickin vaporizer in the middle of summer.

I wish Eden carried White Noise Machines, they are essential for families with kids, especially if Mama is LOUD!
07/13/2010
Contributor: David88 David88
Are you saying a sexual rut like doing the same things over and over or that you aren't getting enough sex? or that the sex you have just isn't that great?
07/13/2010
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Gunsmoke, a good White Noise machine in the kids rooms and a vaporizer in the hallway, AND the fan on in the bathroom can mask a multitude of sins. I don't even think I can Come without the sound of a White Noise Machine in the background. ... more
P'Gell. Thanks - we're soon to be in luck. My 18 year old is headed for college and my daughter's room is a sufficient distance from our bedroom. Can't wait 'til she can really verbalize her orgasms - after holding back for 20+ years!
07/13/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
P'Gell. Thanks - we're soon to be in luck. My 18 year old is headed for college and my daughter's room is a sufficient distance from our bedroom. Can't wait 'til she can really verbalize her orgasms - after holding back for 20+ years!
Yeah, I feel ya about the having quiet sex because of the kids. Congrats on your milestone
07/16/2010
Contributor: Timaree Timaree
here's a column on the many reasons people fall into ruts sexually and what to do about it: link
here's a piece on spicing up a relationship by role playing: link
and here is one for when your mind keeps wandering during sex:link
08/29/2010
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
I loooove the ideas.


A shower together with no words, just soaping each other down, gazing into each other's eyes. Soft terrycloth robes.. some oils.. and lazily stroke each other down.. and take time out to really explore.

Before he gets home, I recommend you spend the day eating fruits, something sweet.. nothing harsh that'll hurt your tummy or give you a headache.. Read some sweet erotica..
And while he's away, send him little texts.
08/29/2010
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
Yeah, I feel ya about the having quiet sex because of the kids. Congrats on your milestone
Thanks Victoria - we just dropped him at State - we'll see where this goes!
08/29/2010
Contributor: leatherlover leatherlover
I think that just having down time together, no errands or chores to do, will allow yourselves time to play and have fun.
10/21/2010
Contributor: Riccio Riccio
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Make sure that you set apart time alone to work on the rest of the relationship as well. Going into the bedroom and trying to launch a discussion of "what should we try now" has never worked for us. Take an evening, do some of the things ... more
I agree. Time together and talking about everything is the best way to improve every part of your relationship.

Communication is not only words; a look, a caress, a spontaneous kiss say much.
10/21/2010
Contributor: Madeira Madeira
Quote:
Originally posted by BoomersGirl
It happens to us all - LOL. What are some things that you've tried when you're in a sexual rut with your partner? What worked best?

I try communication which helps depending on how open he is to talking at the time.

New toys are ... more
Communication, new toys and new kinks... the kinkier the better.
10/21/2010