can you keep a friendship strong after you hook up?

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can you keep a friendship strong after you hook up?

paralax paralax
can you keep a good friendship after you have a great sexual experiance with a friend. not just a one night stand but a sexual experiment. a understanding and journey if you will with that person? finding out what you like more and what they like more. can you just go back to friends after? would you be able to?
09/08/2010
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Chilipepper Chilipepper
My friend Mulder didn't. He began ignoring me without any warning that he wanted it to end. I thought we were good enough friends to not have to do that but ...

At any rate, it hasn't worked in my situation.
09/08/2010
TitsMcScandal TitsMcScandal
It's always worked in my situation. I've had 2 female friends with benefits and 4 male friends with benefits.

I think the biggest difference from what I hear others doing and what I have done, is

A- I actually choose friends. As in, if we hang out and don't get raunchy, that's okay. Not fuck buddies, I classify these differently and believe others should as well.

B- We talk about it before we do ANYTHING. Before any sexual going-ons happen we come to certain agreements. The one I always initiate is that if feelings even start to develop in any way that is more than friendship- the other person HAS to be notified immediately. Then we can proceed from there.

C- You make a point to still hang out as nonsexual friends for every 2 sexual encounters. If you make 2 raunchy date times, then the next one should be completely nonraunchy. It keeps the friendship alive outside of the sex.

All 6 of them I maintained a close friendship with after the sexualness ended. Some I've lost touch with over the years, but we are still all on good terms.
09/08/2010
Waterfall Waterfall
In many of the cases with me, I have hooked up with someone I had kind of known, so it was easy to be friends. But sometimes, it just doesnt work out.
09/09/2010
Trashley Trashley
Quote:
Originally posted by Waterfall
In many of the cases with me, I have hooked up with someone I had kind of known, so it was easy to be friends. But sometimes, it just doesnt work out.
Same. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. Sometimes things get weird, sometimes they get more comfortable. It all depends on the situation, I think, and the people you're friends with.
09/17/2010
ScottA ScottA
My wife and I are still very good friends.I know that this doesn't specifically apply to your situation, but do keep in mind that there are plenty of married couples who remain friends after having sex. You just need to plan ahead and know what everyone's expectations are.
09/17/2010
UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
I do not think so. I have a similar situation like Chilipepper. I called him our on trying to push me away and our friendship not being the same as before. He does his best to be friendly and all but it's not the same as it was before.
09/17/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by paralax
can you keep a good friendship after you have a great sexual experiance with a friend. not just a one night stand but a sexual experiment. a understanding and journey if you will with that person? finding out what you like more and what they like ...
You can as long as all parties realize that you HAVE learned some really intimate things about each other. Your relationship is intimate and personal and there aren't very many role models for how to relate to the changes. Like any intimate relationship you are going to go through periods where you are grouching at each other, times when you will wonder what the hell you were thinking, times you wonder if it's all worth the trouble. I find when the friendship has a sexual element these troubles can be highlighted and seem more intense. You have invested more emotional energy on this friendship and you should give it the same sort of attention you would give anything you have strong feelings for. As long as you realize that it is normal to have great times and also not so great times you'll be fine. You have to realize as well that you will never be "just" friends with this person, but you can have a pleasant and comfortable relationship with this person that may not ever be sexual again. I do believe you can remain friends with someone with whom you have had sex, just as you can have an intense, loving and intimate relationship with a friend with whom you have never had sex. It's all about being realistic in your expectations and everyone involved being committed to work out the difficulties.
09/17/2010
LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by paralax
can you keep a good friendship after you have a great sexual experiance with a friend. not just a one night stand but a sexual experiment. a understanding and journey if you will with that person? finding out what you like more and what they like ...
I've done it with a "friend" once..unfortunately it was awkward for ME afterward
11/19/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by paralax
can you keep a good friendship after you have a great sexual experiance with a friend. not just a one night stand but a sexual experiment. a understanding and journey if you will with that person? finding out what you like more and what they like ...
I have three examples...some better than others. Ya know those relationships that just never made it fully official? Well I've had three of those and they all ended up as great friends. So...

Absolutely! IF, and that is a big IF, there is no new girl involved.

1. My best guy friend and I had to stop talking because his new girlfriend was too jealous once she found out I was the ex had talked about. It took over a year for him to finally have to make the break and being secretive and whatnot but finally she gave him the ultimatum. What's weird is her distrust and insecurity had/has gotten worse and worse as their relationship had gone on even though our talking lessened and then pretty much stopped all together. It was never weird for him and I because our relationship was based on a strong sexual attraction, we got it out of our system and then became best friends as we should have been from the start. She won't be comfortable with it until they are married...we'll see I guess. Our friendship is still strong, but we don't talk nearly as often as we used to because it has to be hush hush. But when we do, it is marathons of conversation and as if we never skipped a beat.

2. Another close guy friend of mine and I had our friendship get even better after we slept together. We only did a few times, but it was a long time coming since we had liked each other and dated in H.S. but never slept together. We were good friends then too but had a major falling out and had not even seen each other for years. We almost dated when we re-connected. He has not dated anyone since a year before we slept together and I think that is why our friendship is still strong. No meddling psycho girlfriends. But he is the type of guy that wouldn't let a girlfriend ruin his friendships, even if they are with girls.

3. And the last example is similar to #2, a guy I almost seriously dated a few times during outs of another relationship. Him and I are really close, but in this instance sometimes he puts blinders on that I am in a committed relationship and so I have to distance myself. He too has not dated anyone since a year before we slept together. No girls involved.

So all three were much more than one night stands. They were emotional and physical exclusive relationships that just never made it to being official (except the first...that one was). These are the only three guy friends I have slept with.

So I have concluded that if there is no other girl involved then it can happen, once there is and she is anything than 100% sure of herself or their relationship things can get complicated. It doesn't matter how comfortable you are with the other person, their partner might fuck it up.

I guess the real question is...can you keep it just friends if you have had that experience...hmmm
11/19/2010
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by TitsMcScandal
It's always worked in my situation. I've had 2 female friends with benefits and 4 male friends with benefits.

I think the biggest difference from what I hear others doing and what I have done, is

A- I actually choose friends. ...
This is almost exactly the system I have, I have found that it works well. The only exception being when the other person begins to expect sex and you can no longer comfortably spend time together where sex is not involved or expected.
11/19/2010
J's Alley J's Alley
It totally depends on the people involved...so yes, it can work.

One of my very best friends in HS and I hooked up a lot. We really cared about each other and continued to experiment and even date after graduation. Now...his wife can't really handle our friendship, but she looks away because we are so close.

I did have to call her and let her know that I was happily married and I know they are too, so nothing was ever going to happen. She understands that the past is just that, the past, to me.

We are still very close and talk nightly...J actually really likes him and has no issues with our friendship. BUT...I have had other friends where it just didn't work out that way. The whole situation depends on BOTH people making it work. You may be fine with the arrangement and the other person may not be.
11/19/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
After much thought: it's also necessary to keep vigilance on what's going on beneath the surface as well. It took me months afterwards to realize that Mulder and I weren't just having 'friendly exercise' but it was actually a full-blown affair. He may have realized it and backed off (still a shitty way of doing it), but I was in such a bad place with my own ended marriage that I wasn't aware of how much of myself I had invested in my FWB/affair until months later. Neither of us were in a position to handle having a real relationship so I suppose it had to end badly.
11/19/2010
darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
I think it can work. I slept with one of my best guy friends for a while until we decided it was better to stop. We are still pretty close friends, though we don't talk as much. He is pretty busy with his work and I am busy with work and school. The only thing that worries me is my boyfriend finding out that I slept with him before. I don't feel anything towards him other than friendship now, but I don't want my boyfriend to think less of either of us.
11/22/2010
hjtee hjtee
Yes, I have, and we are still friends to this day, even though our sexual relationship ended years ago.
03/26/2011
link82 link82
Yes, but it is very difficult!
03/31/2011
SoBlue SoBlue
Quote:
Originally posted by paralax
can you keep a good friendship after you have a great sexual experiance with a friend. not just a one night stand but a sexual experiment. a understanding and journey if you will with that person? finding out what you like more and what they like ...
It takes alot of effort when emotins are involved, but if you look past that, break the "together" habits, then i see no reason its not possible..
04/01/2011
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 16