Friends with Benefits.

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Friends with Benefits.

Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Lickable Lollie
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Do any of you think it's possible to have friends with benefits? Or do you think that emotions get in the way?
10/19/2011
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Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
In my opinion, for "Friends with benefits" to work for a women, the selected friend must be more of an acquaintance. She then has to limit all activities to sex and have NO pillow talk, and even less, have sleep overs or participate in group activities and what not that could create bonding or a strengthening of. Then, yeah, it could work, but most often than not, it is not properly done.
10/19/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
In my opinion, for "Friends with benefits" to work for a women, the selected friend must be more of an acquaintance. She then has to limit all activities to sex and have NO pillow talk, and even less, have sleep overs or participate in ...
I totally agree with you. I have a dilemma with that. I met a guy at the bar. He is a friend of a friend so I knew that he wasn't a creep or anything but I hardly know him myself. I really just wanted a sex partner but when I went over to his place we sat on the couch and he talked to me for a while. I told him what I was looking for and he agreed with me, saying he's not boyfriend material. After we had sex he wanted to cuddle. I told him I can't cuddle when I'm trying to sleep and he asked me to let him know when I was about to fall asleep so he could stop cuddling. I told him he didn't have to cuddle and that it would be best if he didn't. He thought it was awesome...but he kept cuddling! I would have gone home but I drove his car to his place because he had a little too much to drink and he said he would bring me home in the morning. This kind of thing went on 2 more times. The last time was last night and it got even weirder. I drove him home from the bar and he put on a movie. Halfway through the movie, we started play fighting. It was cute, very flirty...like date flirty. I flat out told him I'd rather be in the bedroom and he laughed. So I got up and laid in his bed completely naked. He came in shortly after and said he didn't want to have sex because he was so tired, then promised it in the morning. Then there was the cuddling again! I just don't know where it's going and if I should back off. It sucks because he is cool and I wouldn't mind dating him but he told me that he didn't want that and I don't mind. I just want to know what's going on.
10/19/2011
socceras socceras
I have one and yes emotions get in the way.
10/20/2011
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
I totally agree with you. I have a dilemma with that. I met a guy at the bar. He is a friend of a friend so I knew that he wasn't a creep or anything but I hardly know him myself. I really just wanted a sex partner but when I went over to his ...
Yes, I agree that what you have feel more like dates and flirting more than just a sexual relationship. I can be wrong, but I think he just "played" along to see where this might go, as a lot of men believe that women ALWAYS get involved emotionally and they can't really MEAN they just want sex.
10/20/2011
Nashville Nashville
Sex is pretty much the most intimate things you can do with a person. I mean not only are you sharing yourselves but in you're putting your health at risk and when heterosexual partners have sex there's the potential for creating life. I think it's only natural that emotions become part of the equation too.

Sex can be very damaging to a relationship that was based on friendship. Usually one person wants to get closer and unfortunately, feelings aren't always reciprocated. Lots of broken hearts. I think if you want a sexual relationship it's better left as a relationship STARTED with sex or dating, rather than friendship. Leave friends, friends.
10/20/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
Yes, I agree that what you have feel more like dates and flirting more than just a sexual relationship. I can be wrong, but I think he just "played" along to see where this might go, as a lot of men believe that women ALWAYS get involved ...
I am doing my best to convince him that I only want a sexual relationship. I think he's a great guy from what I've learned in the past few weeks, but I know that right now we are both too damaged for a relationship that is anything more that sexual. It's a tough situation for me because I want him to know that it's all about the sex right now, but if we were to become more in the future, it wouldn't really bother me. I am able to control my emotions (after tons of therapy lol) well enough to keep from becoming that clingy needy girl that wants to date him when he doesn't want it back.
10/20/2011
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
I am doing my best to convince him that I only want a sexual relationship. I think he's a great guy from what I've learned in the past few weeks, but I know that right now we are both too damaged for a relationship that is anything more that ...
Well then, stop worrying too much, and if you are mentally open to possibilities, then enjoy yourselves, go slow, play safe and if something ever grows from this and that you are both ready, why not?

The only thing you'd have to talk about is your limits. What is it that you consider more than sexual, make a list and make sure you are both on the same level.
10/20/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
Well then, stop worrying too much, and if you are mentally open to possibilities, then enjoy yourselves, go slow, play safe and if something ever grows from this and that you are both ready, why not?

The only thing you'd have to talk ...
Well, I figured I would update you guys on what's going on! I went out tonight and saw him at the bar. My roommate had just told me that some guy at the bar told her that I was hot and that he was in love with me (flattering, I must admit.) We thought it was hilarious because he is sort of a creep, so we told our friends at the bar, including my fwb. My roommate swears up and down that she heard him say "well, I guess Rick and I are in the same boat." I didn't hear him say it, so I still don't know but when she told me I started to freak out that he would say that after someone said they were in love with me. So I went back and forth trying to decide if I should talk to him. I decided that it was something that he and I needed to talk about. That's when my roommate stepped in and took him outside to tell him what was going on. I would have preferred to keep this between him and I, instead of reverting back to middle school, but alas, things are all screwed up because he now thinks that I am falling for him and he said that we need to stop sleeping together. I'm pretty well peeved right now. I am going to have to let it go until I see him again, and I feel like I should sit him down and tell him "listen, I think you're cool, and what we are doing here is fun, but there is nothing serious going on. I know you've heard otherwise, but it's just two people having fun." Ugh, if it truly is just two people having fun, would I really be this upset over him not wanting to sleep with me? Maybe we better stop...
10/21/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
Well, I figured I would update you guys on what's going on! I went out tonight and saw him at the bar. My roommate had just told me that some guy at the bar told her that I was hot and that he was in love with me (flattering, I must admit.) We ...
Also, I apologize for the rambling. I hope it makes sense...but if it doesn't, I blame Jose.
10/21/2011
InNeedOfABuzzzz InNeedOfABuzzzz
Had one for two years....when we weren't with someone else we always came back to each other for sexual fulfillment. I actually hang with his girlfriend now and she even knows about the past....it's not weird and no emotions got in the way because we knew it was purely a physical attraction....just gotta keep your head in the right place!
10/21/2011
XYCopperheadSly XYCopperheadSly
Friends with benefits is totally do-able. For me, at least.
10/21/2011
Ash1141 Ash1141
I think you can but both people need to be in agreement with things.
10/21/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Well, I haven't talked to my fwb since the "incident." In fact, I saw him at the bar and before I had a chance to talk to him, he was gone. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with me, but who knows. I decided to let it go. I'm sure I can find someone else to mess around with. Who knows, maybe even an ACTUAL BOYFRIEND!
10/24/2011
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
Well, I haven't talked to my fwb since the "incident." In fact, I saw him at the bar and before I had a chance to talk to him, he was gone. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with me, but who knows. I decided to let it go. ...
Whatever you do, try to be happy, and keep working on yourself. Before my current boyfriend I had been single for over 2 years to work on my issues and self-esteem, and now it's totally worth it. Good luck.
10/26/2011
lashes2000 lashes2000
I think it is possible. But it would need to be a just sex thing. In my opinion, if you are friends, as in movies, dinner, hanging out all the time and having sex then someone is inevietably going to catch feelings.
10/26/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by lashes2000
I think it is possible. But it would need to be a just sex thing. In my opinion, if you are friends, as in movies, dinner, hanging out all the time and having sex then someone is inevietably going to catch feelings.
lol i love that it sounds like a virus, "catch feelings." It sort of is though i suppose
10/26/2011
Cherrylane Cherrylane
I used to be really good at the whole fwb thing. But that was mostly in the way that I wasn't the one who got the feelings and I had no particular hang ups about moving on to find the next f bunny. The guys typically moved on pretty well too and we always managed to go back to being friends. I don't know how we managed, it might just be the sort of people we are and what kind of friendship we had.
10/26/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Another update for everyone! I finally got to talk to my fwb and we talked everything over. We both agree that we are still keeping the feelings down and things are back to normal. But, I don't know for how long since I met someone pretty cool. I might not be posting on the single forum for too much longer if all goes according to plan
10/30/2011
mudpie mudpie
Not only do I think it works, I don't even think it's that hard. You just have to pick the right person. If you really like someone, you can't just be FWB with them because it'll just make your feelings worse. But there are plenty of people who I find attractive but have no interest in dating, and I've had successful FWB relationships with people like that. You just have to know yourself and know your own feelings.
11/07/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by mudpie
Not only do I think it works, I don't even think it's that hard. You just have to pick the right person. If you really like someone, you can't just be FWB with them because it'll just make your feelings worse. But there are plenty of ...
It was working out for a while. I didn't have feelings for him at all when the whole thing started. I would have been able to do it if he didn't make it so personal but he doesn't have a whole lot of friends so when I went over there, he would want to hang out and watch movies and such...so, eventually I got to know him. Then I told him that we couldn't continue because I met someone that I wanted to try to start a relationship with and he was cool with it. I haven't slept with the other guy yet, and I was starting to miss sex, even though its only been like a week lol...but then I realized it wasn't just the sex I was missing...it was sex with my FWB...so...oops. lol
11/07/2011
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
It was working out for a while. I didn't have feelings for him at all when the whole thing started. I would have been able to do it if he didn't make it so personal but he doesn't have a whole lot of friends so when I went over there, he ...
Yeah, I can understand that it's "complicated". Hope you can figure out what you really want out of this.
11/08/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
Yeah, I can understand that it's "complicated". Hope you can figure out what you really want out of this.
Well, we were hanging out again last night and nothing was weird so that's good. It seems that I'm pretty good at pushing aside my feelings and just getting into the fun parts of a "relationship." He knows that they are there, and he was hesitant but we ended up having a good time.
11/09/2011
ScarlettSeraph ScarlettSeraph
I think it can be very difficult. I've done it before many times, both with success and utter failure. One landed me in a nearly 5 year relationship that turned abusive toward the end, and cost me my best friend (whom I should have married). Fortunately I've gotten things straightened out since then.

Currently I'm in one where things are a bit more complicated. We started as friends, then added benefits and then layered a D/s relationship on top of that. I try to keep my head on straight and remember that I have goals in my future that I won't give up this time, no matter how great he is. But it can be difficult because we are so close.
11/09/2011
authorzero authorzero
They CAN work but they often don't. I was in one recently that got so complicated I had to just walk away.
11/09/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
It's really strange how things are working for us. I told him I had feelings for him, and we stopped sleeping together, partially because I was starting to see someone else. I was only with that guy for about a week and things went sour, and I told my fwb that I needed some stress relief and I went home with him. It was interesting that he didn't care that I had feelings for him, we still got really intimate.
11/12/2011
Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
I saw him again last night...he is getting nervous that if we keep it up, I'm going to get hurt. I appreciate his concern, but it's not going to happen. Of course the more I protest, the less convincing it will be. lol
11/13/2011
Sally Forth Sally Forth
I believe in polyamory, so I might be the wrong person to be discussing this. In my experience, a FWB/NSA relationship will not work if you're not both more committed to non-monogamy than you are to each other, and/or not open to the idea of polyamory. Yes, ultimately if it goes on long enough, feelings will become involved. It's human nature. You begin to see your sex partner as a complete person. Oftentimes, you find you respect and admire that person. You care about their happiness and well-being. If you are the type of person who can have romantic/loving feelings for more than one person at a time, it can be beautiful, in my experience. If you're ultimately looking for a monogamous relationship, it's probably not gonna work long term with your FWB, unless that person's also looking for monogamy, and sees you as a potential candidate for that type of relationship. I believe the best way to keep a FWB relationship going is for both partners to be completely open and honest about things. I don't necessarily mean divulging the details of each encounter with someone else, but letting your FWB know where you're at as far as your specific relationship any given time, and letting them know where they stand with you at any given time, and for you both to acknowledge that those things are likely to change for either or both of you from time to time. If you meet someone else you really click with, you'll likely have less time to devote to your FWB. If she/he meets someone else, you'll likely see them less while that's going on. If monogamy's on the table, your FWB thing could end altogether. Looking at these types of relationships realistically often sucks (who doesn't want to be someone else's first choice?), but if you don't look at it realistically, someone's gonna get hurt/be disappointed/feel used. And realistically, if you are each other's first choice, wouldn't you already be in some type of non-FWB relationship anyway?
11/13/2011
Owl Identified Owl Identified
I've in an open relationship, and I've successfully had friends with benefits.
11/13/2011
Mellifer Mellifer
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
Do any of you think it's possible to have friends with benefits? Or do you think that emotions get in the way?
That's what I call a marriage/commitment.
11/20/2011
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