How to say no to a friend?

zeebot zeebot
I have a couple friends who like to hit on me, and I don't know how to get them to stop without being a jerk and ruining the friendship. Arg. Even worse are the friends who don't actually hit on me, but their behavior indicates they want to. I just don't know how to deal with this in a non-confrontational way, but they just don't take hints! Any suggestions?
03/18/2011
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closed account closed account
spell it out, be clear, hints dont work. humor if it can somehow be worked in, always helps
03/20/2011
Shellz31 Shellz31
That would tend to piss me off so I'd end up telling them bluntly if they didn't take the more polite way.
03/21/2011
hornypoet69 hornypoet69
This can be tricky, because what may be innocent flirting to one person, is harassment to another. I've been on the other side of this awkward situation, and fortunately realized I was making him uncomfortable. But some people are oblivious, and you just have to tell them. Just tell them it's making you uncomfortable, and it will likely stop. People flirt to make you feel good, and if it isn't doing that, then they have no reason to continue.
03/21/2011
indiglo indiglo
You have to be very clear. Most people don't even catch the hints you're throwing their way, or they'll tend to think you're playing hard to get. So be firm and clear. (And honestly, if they're repeatedly coming onto you and making you uncomfortable, I'd have to wonder how good of a friend that person is, you know?) Stand up for yourself, you're not interested and you DON'T need to apologize for it. Every person is allowed to say no.
03/21/2011
Stephanie Marie Stephanie Marie
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
You have to be very clear. Most people don't even catch the hints you're throwing their way, or they'll tend to think you're playing hard to get. So be firm and clear. (And honestly, if they're repeatedly coming onto you and ... More
I agree with this. Someone above said use humor if possible, but don't! That just might make them think they still have a shot. You have to be firm and clear. If you use humor or even sit there giggling/laughing while saying no to them, then alot of times they think you are just joking. They WILL think they have a shot still, which you obviously do not want them thinking.
03/21/2011
hornypoet69 hornypoet69
Quote:
Originally posted by Stephanie Marie
I agree with this. Someone above said use humor if possible, but don't! That just might make them think they still have a shot. You have to be firm and clear. If you use humor or even sit there giggling/laughing while saying no to them, then alot ... More
Well it's possible they don't think they have a shot now. Not everyone flirts to indicate genuine interest. You want to make it clear not only that you're not interested in them in that way, but also that you want the the flirting to stop.
03/21/2011
Stephanie Marie Stephanie Marie
Quote:
Originally posted by hornypoet69
Well it's possible they don't think they have a shot now. Not everyone flirts to indicate genuine interest. You want to make it clear not only that you're not interested in them in that way, but also that you want the the flirting to stop.
Yep thats true. I mean some flirting is innocent. I flirt with all my friends and they flirt back. Yet some I have no interest in and they the same. Yet some we do have interest in each other. Some I don't flirt with yet they flirt and you know its not harmless flirting.
You just got to be clear on your intentions with them. Be straight up.
03/21/2011
Eden C. Eden C.
It really depends. I tolerate being hit on by friends who hit on me but know that it could never happen. I'm assuming you're talking about friends who actually want to get somewhere with you.
03/21/2011
closed account closed account
Quote:
Originally posted by Stephanie Marie
I agree with this. Someone above said use humor if possible, but don't! That just might make them think they still have a shot. You have to be firm and clear. If you use humor or even sit there giggling/laughing while saying no to them, then alot ... More
good point on the no humor. I have a habit of using humor as a coping/defense lighten it u thing. Not always appropriate.
03/21/2011
zeebot zeebot
Thanks everyone, this is all really helpful. I don't mind flirting that's just for fun and isn't intended to lead anywhere, but if it's the serious kind from someone I'm not attracted to...that's not fun. Gahhh, I am so bad at saying things bluntly! Well, I will give it my best shot, thank you!
03/21/2011
SoBlue SoBlue
Quote:
Originally posted by zeebot
I have a couple friends who like to hit on me, and I don't know how to get them to stop without being a jerk and ruining the friendship. Arg. Even worse are the friends who don't actually hit on me, but their behavior indicates they want ... More
Let them know the comments are making you uncomfortable, if they're really your friends they will underdstand and stop
04/01/2011
CarmenGore262 CarmenGore262
Quote:
Originally posted by zeebot
I have a couple friends who like to hit on me, and I don't know how to get them to stop without being a jerk and ruining the friendship. Arg. Even worse are the friends who don't actually hit on me, but their behavior indicates they want ... More
I am kid of in your same boat only thing is I have a sex with my friend for 5 years and now I want to cut it off and dont know how to say now.
04/09/2011
hornypoet69 hornypoet69
Quote:
Originally posted by CarmenGore262
I am kid of in your same boat only thing is I have a sex with my friend for 5 years and now I want to cut it off and dont know how to say now.
You always maintain the right to say no to sex. There is no "point of no return" where you have to do it, even if you don't want to. You essentially have to have a "breakup", like with a romantic relationship. It will be an awkward conversation, and might be unpleasant, but its better than suffering and never having the conversation.
04/09/2011
cobiffle cobiffle
The thing i always see about this problem is the person usually flirts with the person asking but do not realize it. If that is true you need to some how realize it and stop.
04/09/2011
Enchantedkitty Enchantedkitty
That's a good question.
04/10/2011
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 11