I am...

DeeDaw DeeDaw
A single mom and don't get much time to get out there to meet new people to possibly spark up a relationship. My daughter's dad doesn't give a shit about her, and I just recently found out I am pregnant again. I just turned 21 on October 17th. Sometimes it just seems like I'm going to be alone forever and my kids aren't gonna have anyone to possibly fill their father roll. Any advice?
10/24/2011
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AndroAngel AndroAngel
Date around, you have time. As someone who's mother was in the same situation as you are, it's better to have no father than an abusive one. Online dating, I'm lead to believe, is good for meeting people. As are classes and clubs.
10/24/2011
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
Date around, you have time. As someone who's mother was in the same situation as you are, it's better to have no father than an abusive one. Online dating, I'm lead to believe, is good for meeting people. As are classes and clubs.
I agree with that @AndroAngel, no father is better than a shitty father. Concentrate on your life and your kids. You are so young and you will meet someone. That saying when you least expect it good things come along, is true. If you are pregnant you need to take care of yourself and get ready for the new baby. A man will come along at the right place and the right time. Make you your focus! Good luck and congrats on the new baby! Thats always an exciting time.
10/25/2011
DeliciousDrip DeliciousDrip
You're only 21, I think that's pretty young. There's nothing new about deadbeat, half-ass "sperm donors" anymore. You don't need to worry about him "loving" YOUR daughter, you need to show her love and give her everything you can. Don't let her grow up feeling like she NEEDS a man in her life because she never had a father figure. You'll meet the RIGHT person in time, sometimes you gotta be patient. And when you do meet someone don't rush into anything. Think about how that person is going to be with your KIDS before you think about how they'll be with you.

My "mother" made the mistake of putting herself before my 2 younger siblings and I, now we all dislike her. She always thought that being in a relationship would keep her happy, til this day she hasn't found the "RIGHT" guy. She got married to a man that treated me horribly, asked me to watch porn with him, and he even tried sleeping with other family members. Now she's looking to get a divorce and currently has a NEW gosh darn boyfriend. She never learns!!! *SIGH* So, I'm sharing this with you, so that you don't make this mistake. PLEASE don't! Nobody wants their kids to grow up hating them.


Oh, and I don't wanna be rude but where's the guy that just got you pregnant? =/
10/25/2011
Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by DeeDaw
A single mom and don't get much time to get out there to meet new people to possibly spark up a relationship. My daughter's dad doesn't give a shit about her, and I just recently found out I am pregnant again. I just turned 21 on October ... More
Sending you happy thoughts and good luck wishes! You need a hug!

I hope you, start feeling better. I am 22 and a mommy to two children. I am not single so I know it is not the same, but it can be done. Good luck to you and here is too a better life for you and your kids.

You will meet someone some day. They are out there.
10/25/2011
Jobo Jobo
Quote:
Originally posted by DeeDaw
A single mom and don't get much time to get out there to meet new people to possibly spark up a relationship. My daughter's dad doesn't give a shit about her, and I just recently found out I am pregnant again. I just turned 21 on October ... More
First thing you do is focus on your kids. A man isnt needed. Keep faith in your abilities as a mother before you depend on any man especially one who isnt their father. A man never goes into a relationship with a lady with kids expecting to play a father role but a man knows in order to be with a lady with kids he has to appreciate her kids. A relationship will eventually grow in some sorts, but the last thing you ever should do is expect a man that isnt their father to play a father role. You're 21 still young. at the age of 21 chances are you still wont find that one. Love has no age limit. I wish you the best. and congrats on the baby in you.
10/25/2011
JessCee JessCee
Quote:
Originally posted by DeeDaw
A single mom and don't get much time to get out there to meet new people to possibly spark up a relationship. My daughter's dad doesn't give a shit about her, and I just recently found out I am pregnant again. I just turned 21 on October ... More
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I really have no advice as we are in the same boat. I am 21, I have 4 year old twins. Their dad has no interest in being a father figure or being in their life at all, actually. and I really don't have opportunities to meet anyone new. So, I'm hoping it will at least be comforting to you to know you are not alone. And I highly doubt we will end up alone forever! I'm just taking this time to put all of my heart and soul into my kids in hopes that one day that right guy will come.

Stay positive, hun!
10/25/2011
js250 js250
Put your kids first, love them and everything else will happen when it is right. In the meantime, do you have male role models - friends, uncles, etc. that can help round out a male figure in their life? That usually is a much better & more permanent option than trying to find a lasting relationship when you might not be ready for one.
10/25/2011
kkross65 kkross65
Quote:
Originally posted by JessCee
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I really have no advice as we are in the same boat. I am 21, I have 4 year old twins. Their dad has no interest in being a father figure or being in their life at all, actually. and I really ... More
I wish the best of luck to both of you young moms! I promise you won't be alone forever - the perfect man will be set in your path when the time is right. For now, take this time to focus on your little ones because it goes by sooo quickly. Though it's hard, building a stable life for them without a dad is possible and so important. And then when that dream guy arrives, you will be that much more ready and able to make him a part of all of your lives. Keep up the good work, moms!
11/06/2011
eeep eeep
I understand the position you are in, I am a young single mother with a deadbeat ex as well. The best you can hope for with regards to the father, is that if he doesn't want to be involved that you at least get child support (life is really rocky raising a kid without any support from the ex).
As far as feeling like you will be alone forever, I understand the feeling. I get that way sometimes too. I also see that I am doing what's best for my son by focusing on him and making a life for us, where I do not need a man for anything but companionship (and of course sex ).
I don't have many opportunities for meeting people, even though I am going to college, because I can't live the college life to make lasting friendships or relationships. The thing I've found is that you work on building solid friendships with people who care and hopefully can understand that your life is hectic. In getting solid friendships, you have the support you need and you will meet other wonderful people through them (and hopefully Mr. Right someday).
Having a son myself, I see issues come up because he doesn't have a solid father figure in his life. I have tried to keep his relationships with male family members and guy friends of mine good, so that at least he has positive male role models in place of it (though that never solves all the problems it helps).
I do agree with others, that having the wrong man that may end up being a bad influence on your child (and possibly on you at some point) is worse than being alone. I watched my mom be a single mother and cycle through men, only leaving one when things were bad with one and another came along. There are a lot of issues between her and my brother and I because of her bad choices in men. She is on husband #3 now, and he is a complete ass to all of her family - but in her mind at least she isn't alone. It has caused her to become alienated from a lot of our family, and esp. from my son and her other grandkids as a result.
My advice is when you meet someone, try becoming friends with him first and get to know him and how he feels about kids. Be honest with the guy, take things slow, and watch for any negative signs.
Hopefully some of this helped, and good luck
11/09/2011
Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by eeep
I understand the position you are in, I am a young single mother with a deadbeat ex as well. The best you can hope for with regards to the father, is that if he doesn't want to be involved that you at least get child support (life is really rocky ... More
Great post and advice. Also, learn to be independent. You don't need anyone else but yourself to be happy and fulfilled. Focus on the things you have, instead of the things you don't have (having kids vs. not having a "father figure"). When you learn to rely only on yourself for your happiness, you will be much more clear-headed when pursuing relationships.
12/29/2011
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 11