My wife and I have starting experimenting with the idea of some pegging. We have been using various butt plugs, and we have purchased a good harness. It is a vibrating velvet corsette type. She seems kinda reluctant, but willing at the same time. I was just wondering how to keep her interested in the idea, and what your recommendations would be for a good dildo? Please nothing over 1.6 in diameter. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Pegging...
If your harness allows for pass through, then the Tantus Feeldoe or the Fun Factory Share are fun considerations so you both get some stimulation. I think sticking with materials you can sterilize is a good idea if you don't want to wrap it in a condom. Softer materials are probably a better bet to get started with, so this combination of attributes leads to silicone. The Tantus P-spot is a good one, but it is pushing your size boundaries. If you don't mind splurging for a more realistic feeling silicone, then the Tantus O2 Niagara is very good. I have heard very good things about the Tantus Echo but have no personal experience there. Good luck on finding the perfect dildo! Half the fun is in the journey.
02/18/2009
I wanted to give you a little advice on how to get your wife more into pegging... I think she may feel self-conscious, awkward, afraid of hurting you or just intimidated. Try to be more expressive about the good moments when you're playing and she will likely feel assured that you are fully enjoying what she's doing. She may just need a little more confidence before she can relax enough to get really turned on by it.
I think when someone focuses on getting it just right or being careful, they can have a hard time being uninhibited. Remember when you were first starting out with sex? Your first time was probably a little nerve wracking...so you can definitely empathize with her! Look at it that way and maybe talk about it with her from that point of view. Just make sure when you're playing, that it's fun and pressure-free.
I think when someone focuses on getting it just right or being careful, they can have a hard time being uninhibited. Remember when you were first starting out with sex? Your first time was probably a little nerve wracking...so you can definitely empathize with her! Look at it that way and maybe talk about it with her from that point of view. Just make sure when you're playing, that it's fun and pressure-free.
02/18/2009
Quote:
There are a lot of reasons why people practice pegging; for us it is about providing stimulation and pleasure and using toys to make it happen. There are some negative stereotypes that go along with pegging as well and maybe that could be the source of her being reluctant. As others have mentioned here in the post communications is very important in letting her know what feels good and doesn't and why you are into it. As far as a dildo goes; is there an issue for either one of you regarding realistic versus non-realistic? The Sedux Please is a great harness friendly pegging starter dildo. As you play more the styles, shapes and sizes is really up to you.
Originally posted by
WaZzOo
My wife and I have starting experimenting with the idea of some pegging. We have been using various butt plugs, and we have purchased a good harness. It is a vibrating velvet corsette type. She seems kinda reluctant, but willing at the same time.
...
My wife and I have starting experimenting with the idea of some pegging. We have been using various butt plugs, and we have purchased a good harness. It is a vibrating velvet corsette type. She seems kinda reluctant, but willing at the same time. I was just wondering how to keep her interested in the idea, and what your recommendations would be for a good dildo? Please nothing over 1.6 in diameter. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
02/18/2009
Quote:
I'd definitely second the Share or Feeldoe. She'll get more stimulation out of the deal and they are both high quality dildos built for exactly this function.
Originally posted by
Jimbo Jones
If your harness allows for pass through, then the Tantus Feeldoe or the Fun Factory Share are fun considerations so you both get some stimulation. I think sticking with materials you can sterilize is a good idea if you don't want to wrap it in a
...
If your harness allows for pass through, then the Tantus Feeldoe or the Fun Factory Share are fun considerations so you both get some stimulation. I think sticking with materials you can sterilize is a good idea if you don't want to wrap it in a condom. Softer materials are probably a better bet to get started with, so this combination of attributes leads to silicone. The Tantus P-spot is a good one, but it is pushing your size boundaries. If you don't mind splurging for a more realistic feeling silicone, then the Tantus O2 Niagara is very good. I have heard very good things about the Tantus Echo but have no personal experience there. Good luck on finding the perfect dildo! Half the fun is in the journey.
If not one of those definitely go for something silicone. Metal/glass are able to be sterilized easily but they may not balance as well in a harness and won't be as soft. Just keep experimenting with a high quality dildo and I'm sure the idea will become more fun and familiar for both of you.
My partner and I don't switch up all the time on penetration, but it sure can be fun when we do!
02/18/2009
I really like my Nexus Maximus, the silicone is nice and soft (and the smaller Nexi use the same silicone), and from everything I hear the Share is also soft and offers good stimulation for the woman. I've heard that the Feeldoe is the stiffest of this bunch, and if you don't have the right geometry it might get a bit uncomfortable. There's a new strapless strap-on out called the Tango that I've heard good things about, but I don't know anything about how stiff the silicone is.
The bad news is that I don't know if your harness will take the double-ended dildos - check to see if you can take out the padding so you have a hole straight through to your wife's side. Either way, the vibrating function will help stimulate her.
If you can't put a double-ender in but she still wants a toy, you can get a sleeve that will hold a dildo for her - Aslan makes one called the Double Up Dildo Cuff ( link ), but Eden doesn't seem to carry it.
The other big thing is, as has been said before, communication. Pegging is an activity that can be paired with mind games that blur the lines between our social constructs of male/female and gay/straight if you want to - but it most certainly doesn't have to. Even though pegging isn't inextricably linked with genderplay, inTalk about your expectations, fantasies, plans, feelings about pegging, etc (ideally while holding her). If you aren't doing any role-play/fantasies make sure she knows that you are having sex with her, and she's the only one you want to do this with (I'm assuming that this is the case since you said "wife" - change things as appropriate if it is not), that you want to do this with her because (fill in blank) and that you love her, because there almost definitely is some social conditioning that she's struggling with on some level, because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America.
For your first dildo, you might want to look for something non-realistic. While I've heard this pointer mentioned in the context of "how to get your man to bend over for you" it also is applicable to making your SO comfortable in some cases - another one of the reasons that communication is essential.
The bad news is that I don't know if your harness will take the double-ended dildos - check to see if you can take out the padding so you have a hole straight through to your wife's side. Either way, the vibrating function will help stimulate her.
If you can't put a double-ender in but she still wants a toy, you can get a sleeve that will hold a dildo for her - Aslan makes one called the Double Up Dildo Cuff ( link ), but Eden doesn't seem to carry it.
The other big thing is, as has been said before, communication. Pegging is an activity that can be paired with mind games that blur the lines between our social constructs of male/female and gay/straight if you want to - but it most certainly doesn't have to. Even though pegging isn't inextricably linked with genderplay, inTalk about your expectations, fantasies, plans, feelings about pegging, etc (ideally while holding her). If you aren't doing any role-play/fantasies make sure she knows that you are having sex with her, and she's the only one you want to do this with (I'm assuming that this is the case since you said "wife" - change things as appropriate if it is not), that you want to do this with her because (fill in blank) and that you love her, because there almost definitely is some social conditioning that she's struggling with on some level, because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America.
For your first dildo, you might want to look for something non-realistic. While I've heard this pointer mentioned in the context of "how to get your man to bend over for you" it also is applicable to making your SO comfortable in some cases - another one of the reasons that communication is essential.
02/18/2009
Quote:
"because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America"
Originally posted by
ScottA
I really like my Nexus Maximus, the silicone is nice and soft (and the smaller Nexi use the same silicone), and from everything I hear the Share is also soft and offers good stimulation for the woman. I've heard that the Feeldoe is the stiffest of
...
I really like my Nexus Maximus, the silicone is nice and soft (and the smaller Nexi use the same silicone), and from everything I hear the Share is also soft and offers good stimulation for the woman. I've heard that the Feeldoe is the stiffest of this bunch, and if you don't have the right geometry it might get a bit uncomfortable. There's a new strapless strap-on out called the Tango that I've heard good things about, but I don't know anything about how stiff the silicone is.
The bad news is that I don't know if your harness will take the double-ended dildos - check to see if you can take out the padding so you have a hole straight through to your wife's side. Either way, the vibrating function will help stimulate her.
If you can't put a double-ender in but she still wants a toy, you can get a sleeve that will hold a dildo for her - Aslan makes one called the Double Up Dildo Cuff ( link ), but Eden doesn't seem to carry it.
The other big thing is, as has been said before, communication. Pegging is an activity that can be paired with mind games that blur the lines between our social constructs of male/female and gay/straight if you want to - but it most certainly doesn't have to. Even though pegging isn't inextricably linked with genderplay, inTalk about your expectations, fantasies, plans, feelings about pegging, etc (ideally while holding her). If you aren't doing any role-play/fantasies make sure she knows that you are having sex with her, and she's the only one you want to do this with (I'm assuming that this is the case since you said "wife" - change things as appropriate if it is not), that you want to do this with her because (fill in blank) and that you love her, because there almost definitely is some social conditioning that she's struggling with on some level, because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America.
For your first dildo, you might want to look for something non-realistic. While I've heard this pointer mentioned in the context of "how to get your man to bend over for you" it also is applicable to making your SO comfortable in some cases - another one of the reasons that communication is essential.
The bad news is that I don't know if your harness will take the double-ended dildos - check to see if you can take out the padding so you have a hole straight through to your wife's side. Either way, the vibrating function will help stimulate her.
If you can't put a double-ender in but she still wants a toy, you can get a sleeve that will hold a dildo for her - Aslan makes one called the Double Up Dildo Cuff ( link ), but Eden doesn't seem to carry it.
The other big thing is, as has been said before, communication. Pegging is an activity that can be paired with mind games that blur the lines between our social constructs of male/female and gay/straight if you want to - but it most certainly doesn't have to. Even though pegging isn't inextricably linked with genderplay, inTalk about your expectations, fantasies, plans, feelings about pegging, etc (ideally while holding her). If you aren't doing any role-play/fantasies make sure she knows that you are having sex with her, and she's the only one you want to do this with (I'm assuming that this is the case since you said "wife" - change things as appropriate if it is not), that you want to do this with her because (fill in blank) and that you love her, because there almost definitely is some social conditioning that she's struggling with on some level, because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America.
For your first dildo, you might want to look for something non-realistic. While I've heard this pointer mentioned in the context of "how to get your man to bend over for you" it also is applicable to making your SO comfortable in some cases - another one of the reasons that communication is essential.
Scott are you saying that pegging is more accepted on other Continents?
02/18/2009
Quote:
No, I was just trying to show the limitations of my knowledge. I'm not sure about the rest of the world, and I suppose that my "North America" statement might even be a bit too general. It would be nice if other continents were more accepting, but I doubt it - the psychology of sex is rather complex especially when social norms are factored in, and often those social norms are very focused on meaningless things that are "easy" - and I think I'll stop here because I'm reaching the limits of my knowledge, as I'm not a psychology, sociology, or sexuality major.
Originally posted by
Peg
"because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America"
Scott are you saying that pegging is more accepted on other Continents?
Scott are you saying that pegging is more accepted on other Continents?
The good news is that things are changing, even if it is slowly.
02/18/2009
The Feeldoe and Share idea is good/great - however, those double ended products come with a learning curve. If you want dead simple I recommend the Tantus Silk dildos. They are are super friendly and a great starting point for pegging. They come in S (finger size), M and L. I think I would recommend M (link). Pretty affordable and high quality, and real easy to wield with your hand if she's not in the mood to fully strap it on...
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
02/21/2009
Quote:
Great advice! I'd love for my wife to peg me but I know she would mentally not be able to.
Originally posted by
ScottA
I really like my Nexus Maximus, the silicone is nice and soft (and the smaller Nexi use the same silicone), and from everything I hear the Share is also soft and offers good stimulation for the woman. I've heard that the Feeldoe is the stiffest of
...
I really like my Nexus Maximus, the silicone is nice and soft (and the smaller Nexi use the same silicone), and from everything I hear the Share is also soft and offers good stimulation for the woman. I've heard that the Feeldoe is the stiffest of this bunch, and if you don't have the right geometry it might get a bit uncomfortable. There's a new strapless strap-on out called the Tango that I've heard good things about, but I don't know anything about how stiff the silicone is.
The bad news is that I don't know if your harness will take the double-ended dildos - check to see if you can take out the padding so you have a hole straight through to your wife's side. Either way, the vibrating function will help stimulate her.
If you can't put a double-ender in but she still wants a toy, you can get a sleeve that will hold a dildo for her - Aslan makes one called the Double Up Dildo Cuff ( link ), but Eden doesn't seem to carry it.
The other big thing is, as has been said before, communication. Pegging is an activity that can be paired with mind games that blur the lines between our social constructs of male/female and gay/straight if you want to - but it most certainly doesn't have to. Even though pegging isn't inextricably linked with genderplay, inTalk about your expectations, fantasies, plans, feelings about pegging, etc (ideally while holding her). If you aren't doing any role-play/fantasies make sure she knows that you are having sex with her, and she's the only one you want to do this with (I'm assuming that this is the case since you said "wife" - change things as appropriate if it is not), that you want to do this with her because (fill in blank) and that you love her, because there almost definitely is some social conditioning that she's struggling with on some level, because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America.
For your first dildo, you might want to look for something non-realistic. While I've heard this pointer mentioned in the context of "how to get your man to bend over for you" it also is applicable to making your SO comfortable in some cases - another one of the reasons that communication is essential.
The bad news is that I don't know if your harness will take the double-ended dildos - check to see if you can take out the padding so you have a hole straight through to your wife's side. Either way, the vibrating function will help stimulate her.
If you can't put a double-ender in but she still wants a toy, you can get a sleeve that will hold a dildo for her - Aslan makes one called the Double Up Dildo Cuff ( link ), but Eden doesn't seem to carry it.
The other big thing is, as has been said before, communication. Pegging is an activity that can be paired with mind games that blur the lines between our social constructs of male/female and gay/straight if you want to - but it most certainly doesn't have to. Even though pegging isn't inextricably linked with genderplay, inTalk about your expectations, fantasies, plans, feelings about pegging, etc (ideally while holding her). If you aren't doing any role-play/fantasies make sure she knows that you are having sex with her, and she's the only one you want to do this with (I'm assuming that this is the case since you said "wife" - change things as appropriate if it is not), that you want to do this with her because (fill in blank) and that you love her, because there almost definitely is some social conditioning that she's struggling with on some level, because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America.
For your first dildo, you might want to look for something non-realistic. While I've heard this pointer mentioned in the context of "how to get your man to bend over for you" it also is applicable to making your SO comfortable in some cases - another one of the reasons that communication is essential.
Jan 1, 12:45 am
Total posts:
13
Unique posters: 10
Unique posters: 10