Pegging...

WaZzOo WaZzOo
My wife and I have starting experimenting with the idea of some pegging. We have been using various butt plugs, and we have purchased a good harness. It is a vibrating velvet corsette type. She seems kinda reluctant, but willing at the same time. I was just wondering how to keep her interested in the idea, and what your recommendations would be for a good dildo? Please nothing over 1.6 in diameter. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
02/18/2009
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Jimbo Jones Jimbo Jones
If your harness allows for pass through, then the Tantus Feeldoe or the Fun Factory Share are fun considerations so you both get some stimulation. I think sticking with materials you can sterilize is a good idea if you don't want to wrap it in a condom. Softer materials are probably a better bet to get started with, so this combination of attributes leads to silicone. The Tantus P-spot is a good one, but it is pushing your size boundaries. If you don't mind splurging for a more realistic feeling silicone, then the Tantus O2 Niagara is very good. I have heard very good things about the Tantus Echo but have no personal experience there. Good luck on finding the perfect dildo! Half the fun is in the journey.
02/18/2009
Cinnamon Chambers Cinnamon Chambers
I like the nexus jr.
02/18/2009
Victoria Victoria
I wanted to give you a little advice on how to get your wife more into pegging... I think she may feel self-conscious, awkward, afraid of hurting you or just intimidated. Try to be more expressive about the good moments when you're playing and she will likely feel assured that you are fully enjoying what she's doing. She may just need a little more confidence before she can relax enough to get really turned on by it.

I think when someone focuses on getting it just right or being careful, they can have a hard time being uninhibited. Remember when you were first starting out with sex? Your first time was probably a little nerve wracking...so you can definitely empathize with her! Look at it that way and maybe talk about it with her from that point of view. Just make sure when you're playing, that it's fun and pressure-free.
02/18/2009
Peg Peg
Quote:
Originally posted by WaZzOo
My wife and I have starting experimenting with the idea of some pegging. We have been using various butt plugs, and we have purchased a good harness. It is a vibrating velvet corsette type. She seems kinda reluctant, but willing at the same time. ... More
There are a lot of reasons why people practice pegging; for us it is about providing stimulation and pleasure and using toys to make it happen. There are some negative stereotypes that go along with pegging as well and maybe that could be the source of her being reluctant. As others have mentioned here in the post communications is very important in letting her know what feels good and doesn't and why you are into it. As far as a dildo goes; is there an issue for either one of you regarding realistic versus non-realistic? The Sedux Please is a great harness friendly pegging starter dildo. As you play more the styles, shapes and sizes is really up to you.
02/18/2009
Ciao. Ciao.
Quote:
Originally posted by Jimbo Jones
If your harness allows for pass through, then the Tantus Feeldoe or the Fun Factory Share are fun considerations so you both get some stimulation. I think sticking with materials you can sterilize is a good idea if you don't want to wrap it in a ... More
I'd definitely second the Share or Feeldoe. She'll get more stimulation out of the deal and they are both high quality dildos built for exactly this function.

If not one of those definitely go for something silicone. Metal/glass are able to be sterilized easily but they may not balance as well in a harness and won't be as soft. Just keep experimenting with a high quality dildo and I'm sure the idea will become more fun and familiar for both of you.

My partner and I don't switch up all the time on penetration, but it sure can be fun when we do!
02/18/2009
ScottA ScottA
I really like my Nexus Maximus, the silicone is nice and soft (and the smaller Nexi use the same silicone), and from everything I hear the Share is also soft and offers good stimulation for the woman. I've heard that the Feeldoe is the stiffest of this bunch, and if you don't have the right geometry it might get a bit uncomfortable. There's a new strapless strap-on out called the Tango that I've heard good things about, but I don't know anything about how stiff the silicone is.

The bad news is that I don't know if your harness will take the double-ended dildos - check to see if you can take out the padding so you have a hole straight through to your wife's side. Either way, the vibrating function will help stimulate her.

If you can't put a double-ender in but she still wants a toy, you can get a sleeve that will hold a dildo for her - Aslan makes one called the Double Up Dildo Cuff ( link ), but Eden doesn't seem to carry it.

The other big thing is, as has been said before, communication. Pegging is an activity that can be paired with mind games that blur the lines between our social constructs of male/female and gay/straight if you want to - but it most certainly doesn't have to. Even though pegging isn't inextricably linked with genderplay, inTalk about your expectations, fantasies, plans, feelings about pegging, etc (ideally while holding her). If you aren't doing any role-play/fantasies make sure she knows that you are having sex with her, and she's the only one you want to do this with (I'm assuming that this is the case since you said "wife" - change things as appropriate if it is not), that you want to do this with her because (fill in blank) and that you love her, because there almost definitely is some social conditioning that she's struggling with on some level, because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America.

For your first dildo, you might want to look for something non-realistic. While I've heard this pointer mentioned in the context of "how to get your man to bend over for you" it also is applicable to making your SO comfortable in some cases - another one of the reasons that communication is essential.
02/18/2009
Peg Peg
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
I really like my Nexus Maximus, the silicone is nice and soft (and the smaller Nexi use the same silicone), and from everything I hear the Share is also soft and offers good stimulation for the woman. I've heard that the Feeldoe is the stiffest ... More
"because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America"

Scott are you saying that pegging is more accepted on other Continents?
02/18/2009
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Peg
"because that's often the way it is, at least in most of North America"

Scott are you saying that pegging is more accepted on other Continents?
No, I was just trying to show the limitations of my knowledge. I'm not sure about the rest of the world, and I suppose that my "North America" statement might even be a bit too general. It would be nice if other continents were more accepting, but I doubt it - the psychology of sex is rather complex especially when social norms are factored in, and often those social norms are very focused on meaningless things that are "easy" - and I think I'll stop here because I'm reaching the limits of my knowledge, as I'm not a psychology, sociology, or sexuality major.

The good news is that things are changing, even if it is slowly.
02/18/2009
ScottA ScottA
I just laid my hands on a Happy Valley Tango, and it's looking like a very good dildo - a bit of a cross between the Feeldoe and the Share. The silicone's a bit stiffer than the Nexus, but it still seems to bend enough for comfort. I haven't ridden it yet, though.
02/20/2009
Red Red
The Feeldoe and Share idea is good/great - however, those double ended products come with a learning curve. If you want dead simple I recommend the Tantus Silk dildos. They are are super friendly and a great starting point for pegging. They come in S (finger size), M and L. I think I would recommend M (link). Pretty affordable and high quality, and real easy to wield with your hand if she's not in the mood to fully strap it on...

Good Luck!
02/21/2009
Boobs and Lubes Boobs and Lubes
feeldoe is really firm, not great for pegging. the O2 products feel real good
12/05/2011
kfdarling kfdarling
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
I really like my Nexus Maximus, the silicone is nice and soft (and the smaller Nexi use the same silicone), and from everything I hear the Share is also soft and offers good stimulation for the woman. I've heard that the Feeldoe is the stiffest ... More
Great advice! I'd love for my wife to peg me but I know she would mentally not be able to.
01/01/2012
Alex Time Alex Time
Hey there

We've just started playing around properly with pegging but it was a journey.

I played around with prostate stimulation for a while. I can take a bit (in terms of size) but it's different when someone else is controlling it! I played around with my P-spot toys and got the girlfriend involved once or twice but she honestly didn't get it - even though I tried to explain it to her.

One day I heard about pegging and all the social taboos came out within me (didn't dream of mentioning it to her). Actually, Eden got me re-interested (between Jimbo Jones and Scott A) and I was wondering what all the hype was about. I actually watched a couple of videos (given below) and that really got my motor revving. P-Spot toys did not seem the right types of toys to start with - for obvious reasons - but now I'm getting ahead of myself.

So, recommendations:

1. Get yourself a tutorial with some couples demonstrating and some explanation why p-spot stimulation feels good and show it to your missus. That way she understands that it's not a gay thing at all. Tristan Taormino's Expert guide to anal pleasure for men was awesome! I also hear people raging about the bend over boyfriend series but I found it to "feel" dirty - so didn't show that to the missus. Also, I see Taormino's got a new one out specifically for pegging, haven't seen that though.

2. I found that the sight of another couple trying the whole anal stimulation thing seemed to turn my girlfriend on to the idea - I suppose I have one of the best gf's possible, she caught me watching porn the other day and ... well, the rest is between us. Anyway, after the 20 min discussion addressing the taboos / physics of the situation, I think my gf was keen to see some action! You can stop the video here and discuss it with her before seeing anything. Also, it was interesting seeing guy porn stars talking about why they enjoy pegging...

3. Small steps. Try a smaller dildo first. I started out with the Tantus Acute - and compared to a lot of my p-spot toys it's small but completely different. The acute was too big! I moved to the Tantus Compact - I kinda like the tantus range - and that worked great! We did not try pegging at all until I was back up to the Acute. Just fooled around with a dildo manually till I was ready. Again - small steps! 2 - 5 sessions probably.

4. I moved back to the Acute now and have invested in the curve - bought it in a combo with a basic harness - which we use now for pegging. I tried the curve alone without any trouble - but I am not ready to be pegged with that bad boy yet. We've pegged with the acute only - the compact is a little shorter so I think it would be awkward to peg with, so we haven't tried.

5. Now my gf asks me if I want some bum play... now to get her interested in it for herself... I also find that she is so turned on after having a go at me that when it's my turn to ride her she comes in minutes!

Good luck and let us know how it goes...
06/09/2012
Boobs and Lubes Boobs and Lubes
good post
09/18/2012
MidnightStorm MidnightStorm
I would definitely suggest that your girlfriend get VERY comfortable using a dildo on you with her hands before she tries a strap-on. My boyfriend and I made that mistake and honestly, I had no idea how to pleasure him with my HANDS... Let alone some foreign attachment to my waist. The more familiar she can be with that part of you, the better--because using a strap-on really is pretty different from anything else.
09/19/2012
libbyv libbyv
Quote:
Originally posted by WaZzOo
My wife and I have starting experimenting with the idea of some pegging. We have been using various butt plugs, and we have purchased a good harness. It is a vibrating velvet corsette type. She seems kinda reluctant, but willing at the same time. ... More
do you mind if i ask if you ever found a good toy to experiment with pegging? my husband has been interested in anal play for a while, and has asked if i will peg him. trying to find a good harness and toy, maybe something that vibrates for both of us
11/15/2012
RonLee RonLee
"Good" is really in the eye of the beholder. We have two. One of them, a leather two strap, I'd purchased more than ten years ago from Vixen Creations. They don't sell that one anymore. The more recent purchase, from EF is the Deuce male harness we like it and it's relatively versatile. It can handle my Fun Factory Magnum or my Tantus General.
11/15/2012
Boobs and Lubes Boobs and Lubes
The Ripple may just be the best we ever experienced.
11/23/2012
shnsmth6 shnsmth6
Quote:
Originally posted by WaZzOo
My wife and I have starting experimenting with the idea of some pegging. We have been using various butt plugs, and we have purchased a good harness. It is a vibrating velvet corsette type. She seems kinda reluctant, but willing at the same time. ... More
get a starter kit
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12/27/2012
Total posts: 20
Unique posters: 15