Women's opinions: dildos for men?

And kudos for you for coming here to talk about it

Yeah, I guess this can be quite confusing for some people... I mean, it makes no difference if you use a pencil or a realistic dildo to penetrate yourself... it's still only an object that its being used for self pleasure (if you look at the physical act only). How can that act, by itself, define a persons sexual preferences? Sexuality is far more complex than that (suffice to say we all know that, even if at some level!). Speaking for myself, I know what I like and dont like, what attracts me sexually speaking and what does not... And for this kind of activity, as I mentioned, a nice realistic cock is far more appealing for me mentally speaking, as it just provides, lets say, more psychological excitement (and physically speaking, the head of a nice realistic dildo going in and out slowly just at the anal entrance feels really good for me too). With that said, even though I like to penetrate myself with more realistic dildos, I have no interest in any kind of sexual contact with a man... those are entirely different things for me. That is, I like being fucked, for a change, by myself with a nice realistic dildo or perhaps even by a woman (never experienced the last one, so no opinion on this); but those are my limits. The idea of a sexual experience of this sort (or any other) with a man is just not appealing to me. Furthermore, a man's penis, by itself, is also not appealing to me (but if it was entering a nice vagina or a girl's butt than I might watch for a minute or two). I guess that some people cannot separate these things properly, and the idea of a man sexually pleasuring himself with any obect that even remotely resembles a phallus is quite confusing, since it, perhaps almost irrationally, implicates in an inbound desire to have a sexual experience with a man.

But anyway, that is why I asked for people's opinions... so please, keep them coming!

It's a turn on for me. For the entire relationship with my man, I have been trying to get him to try anal toys. He initially said no to me even touching or licking him any where near his ass. I have been with almost three years and have worked him up to a very small anal vibe that is no bigger than my finger. I keep buying toys for "myself", and hoping he we let me use them on him eventually! lol
To answer your question though, no I don't think it's weird, gross, or gay. I wish more men would be as open minded about it as you are.

I don't think it's gross or repulsive in any way. To me, it just says that this particular man knows what he likes. He experimented, found a highly sensitive erogenous zone, figured out what felt nice, and is using that to its fullest advantage. Why else is there a p-spot? ;P If anything, that willingness to experiment and try new things is a huge turn on. Who knows what you can discover with someone who will actually TRY? As for the realistic vs. abstract dildo thing... well, a guy's penis is kind of designed to be pleasurable, isn't it? A pronounced head really IS nice for rubbing sensitive spots, popping in and out, and vein-y bits do add some nice texture - stick with whatever works, I say.

In my opinion, someone just going "Ew! Your bum + realistic penis = you're gay/bi/whatever!" is pretty homophobic. Especially outside of our sex community bubble, it seems there's still a lot of lingering derogatory opinions and feelings toward anything that can be so much as construed as homosexual. People can be afraid of anything that goes against the accepted flow, you know? The teachings of whoever raised us, taught us, and people we socialize with can have a huge influence on sexual topics. Even subconsciously.

Maybe this isn't quite the same thing... But what if we flipped it: is a girl immediately a lesbian/bisexual because she wants to strap on to have sex with her boyfriend? What if she just likes the feel of her own vulva, even outside the whole sexual stimulation aspect? Just finding the wetness, warmth, texture, or whatever really appealing, but she has no interest in sexual relations with another woman. I don't think so - some things are just nice to experience. /shrug

Hey, Kaijah... You really hit the spot right on; I loved the way you expressed your thoughts! As you can probably tell by my words, I have very similar thoughts. I mean, people get used to a specific rythym, whether it is dictated by society, parents, government or whatever, and they function entirely acording to this VERY specific mental conditioning that tells them what to do, what not to do, what to think, how to think, what to eat, what not to eat, what to dress, what not to dress, how to behave, how to live and, in essence, simply who you are! In sum, I quote: "...we must emancipate ourselves from mental slavery, because, even though they can free our bodies, none but ourselves can free our minds".

As for figuring out what feels nice and using that to its fullest advantage, I guess that, once again, we have very similar thoughts... a pronounced head on a nice realistic cock just feels incredible for rubbing on the nipples and specially popping in and out!

Well, I wouldn't necessarily be turned off or accuse you of being gay. However, I'm just not a fan of realistic looking toys so, if you were my partner, I'd urge you toward ones that offend my sense of aesthetic less. d=

I'm going to be really honest here:

When I was 19 I dated a guy who wanted me to play with him anally and I was grossed out. I finally got up the nerve to use a finger on him during oral and was so disgusted I couldn't stand to use that hand for a week.

Then I grew up and had my sexual horizons expanded. Now if I meet a potential partner and said partner expresses an interest in anal play I'm just fine with it. In fact, I would go so far as to say if I were in an unplanned sexual encounter and a guy pulled out a dildo for me to use on him, I'd squeal with delight!

I think you may find that women who aren't comfortable with their bodies and their own sexual preferences may be the ones who aren't accepting of your desire for anal play.

And no, I don't think that makes a man gay, bi or anything else.

No, that absolutely doesn't make you gay. My boyfriend had this same problem; I think a lot of straight-identified men do when they start to consider exploring being anally penetrated.

As I see it, the word "gay" is an identity that a person has to CLAIM it order for it to be valid. No one can throw it at you and make it stick without you agreeing to it. For example, I know men that occasionally have had sex with men but still identify as straight because they are not emotionally attracted to men. I also know men that have had a romantic relationship or two with men, but their primary attraction is to women so they identify as straight. And finally, I know TONS of men that love anal play but are not attracted to men at all and therefore, identify as straight. Your intuition here seems to be correct in my view: sexuality is FAR more complex than the popular dichotomous, action-based system of classification.

Needless to say, anal play doesn't make a man gay in my book. If anything, I think it makes him incredibly sexy because he's confident enough to explore his sexuality without letting the expectations of others inhibit him. I know that with my boyfriend (who is straight) when he started letting go and exploring it, our sex life got a lot better. I felt more comfortable revealing my fantasies and desires to him, and I also felt more comfortable exploring them with him. Not only was it easier to admit sexual proclivities to one another, but it became easier to admit them to ourselves and accept and appreciate those kinks.

I don't think there are many people that have NEVER felt some kind of conflict about their sexuality/kinks. It's hard to come to terms with some of the things that we find pleasure in because so many societies stigmatize and restrict sexuality. But there is nothing *bad* about knowing what makes you feel good sexually and acting on it, as long as the sexual act is consensual, between two partners of sound mind and doesn't seriously harm anyone participating. That's my belief, in any case.

I enjoy anal play a lot, as well (and I am 100% straight)
I just wish more girls would have the mind set of enjoying a male whom does.

Seems like the girls I've admitted it to, just thought I was secretly gay, or were weirded out.