My Mom is making me buy a gift from EF for her male Facebook friend. (HELP!)

That is a very strange scenario!

Normally I do not advocate lying, but... perhaps you could tell your mom you just spent all your points on something?

Or maybe tell her you only have $30 in points (or whatever amount you are comfortable with spending)?

If she already knows how many points you really do have, then maybe tell her that the nice item(s) you planned to order are out of stock?

Or the only item that was still in stock was some little cheapie thing (the amount you are comfortable spending) or something along those lines?

That whole scenario sounds...fishy. Sorry to be rude, and if I'm being suspicious, it's not because I mean any ill will, it's just kind of weird and doesn't make a bit of sent.

But if your mother is really this bizarrely controlling and demanding, then how about just letting her "disown" you over this ridiculous scenario? She doesn't sound all that stable. You're an adult--take matters into your own hands and stand your ground. Don't let your mom bully you. If it's more complicated than that, then give the details, if you don't mind. I can't imagine any responsible advice that says "do as your mom says!" because that kind of controlling behavior is abusive. You shouldn't have to suffer it, and if she can make these kinds of outrageous demands of you, she'll continue to do more until you take a stand and tell her to to grow up, and do it herself.

If he doesn't want anything whats the point? Your mother is being selfish and controlling over something that doesn't matter. Tell her to buy her OWN damn gifts for her friend. You're not her bank account.

She has no income. Basically this is my apartment too. I pay for rent, bills, everything. She's nuts yes. She needs to be on mood stabilizers or bipolar meds but refuses to seek help. Can't lie about the points sadly she took my computer (laptop) wale I was on here and knows I have at least $50. She wants me to buy him BDSM stuff.
link

that and flogging stuff, bondage tape, nipple suckers, spreader bar. (Talked to him without her permission and was able to talk him down to just the clamps for now. She completely freaked out on me having talked to him at all.)

Total rolling in well over the amount of points I have.
She and him have both been combing over the site, yes some of the expensive shit he wants is out of stock thank god!
I'm so fucking humiliated... why does she have to act this way? I just think she'd be much less 'unbalanced' on medication. currently she's on Zoloft which makes her manic and not in a good way the angry crazy kind.
Yes the whole thing is nuts. Sadly that's my life. Couldn't get ahold of my BFF who's staying in another state with family for the holidays so I decided to post on here.

Turns out the guy was just being modest. He wants EVERYTHING. According to my Mother he has not had sex in many yrs. I suggested a male toy like instead and she told him he said no it's gross. He thinks if he has this stuff the women will come. *eyeroll* Or something like that. Mom says she feels very sorry for him and he's not gotten an x-Xmas gift in years blah blah blah (pity party, heavy and unnecessary guilt trip etc) So I have to get him something because she can't and he's her only real friend. IE friend that still talks to her.
Yes she really is this 'bizarrely controlling and demanding' unfortunately. I expect the result of her tantrum about disowning me will just be an excuse for verbal, emotional, metal abuse and neglect.
I am physically disabled. Sometimes I need her help for basic things like food, picking up my meds, etc.
She does periodically withhold such 'help' as a form of punishment or simply because she's lazy, doesn't want to help, angry non-stop, etc.
I'm used to this crap. But 'THIS" kinda bullshit is going WAY TO FAR.
I stand my ground all the time and am a bitch back at her. But unfortunately I have to let certain things go or back down or she'll fly off the fucking handle. She gives me huge abusive guilt trips when I mention that I'm the families provider now and I'm the only sorce of income. I think that means I deserve respect. She then goes off about how sick I've been since I was a kid and how she took care of me all by herself etc. Until tonight when I brought this up to make her stop (in vain) She asked me to pay her back for all the years she took care of me.

The way she's been acting is completely outrageous. And worse she's telling everyone it's all my fault. That I'm making HER crazy.
If anything I got my crazy from her and her bullshit. And it's no where near as bad as hers. I'm on medication for severe depression, PTSD, and really bad panic attacks. As well as for my physical problems.
I need to get her in a room with a psychiatrist and somehow hope that she doesn't just lie her ass off like last time. said the bipolar meds make her tired and lied about them making her a better mother and person. said they didn't help and she's only depressed not bipolar. so they gave back her Zoloft. which if you don't know Zoloft can cause very bad problems in people with bipolar disorder such as near permanent mania.

I'm at the end of my rope here. I wish my BFF was here, If she was...I wouldn't be posting my personal family fucked up bullshit online. :'(

It sounds like she can't disown you--if you are the source of income instead of her. Is there anyone else you can call? Anyone else you can go to? Anyone at all? Regardless of whether she's bipolar or not, she has to be responsible for her actions, sick or well, and if she deprives you of your basic needs because of your disability, and she is your provider, then that is an abuse that you can all the police over. If you can't get food or medication, then she's neglecting you. And if you provide the income, then she is dependent upon you.

If there is ANY way you can get a hold of someone else, if there's a hotline you can call to make sure your medical needs are met, do it. She's abusive, and you need to take care of yourself. This isn't about getting stupid sex toys on a website--this is about systematic abuse that someone needs to know about so you don't have to live with a person who is so unstable. Get legal help. Reach out to anyone and everyone you know. Show them these posts. Do whatever you need to do to get out of that awful situation. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

I agree with both of you. I've been able to contact my BFF and I showed her these posts. She's helping me to figger out the best way to handle this.

No child owes their parent anything. It's the parent's job to raise the child, no matter how difficult it might be, no matter what it might involve. You don't owe her for her care as you were growing up.

This is a very bizarre situation, that's for sure. I would change my passwords, and tell her that if it means that much to her, she can make an account and earn the points to get him something. Not your friend, not your problem. She can 'disown' you all she wants. It sounds like you need to stand up for yourself and put your foot down. Upon doing that, don't take that shit any longer! You don't have to! You're an adult and if you're the one with the income in the house, you have the right to tell her no.

Period. End of story.

I'm with potter here. Have your mom and her freind sign up on eden and they can get their own toys. Use your points on your birthday for yourself. Don't forget to sign up for the Birthday club. I'd do it now so you would be included in it in Jan.

Youre an adult now. If she is as as unreliable and unhealthy as she sounds it is time to make some major changes in your life.

thats weird

This is really strange. Why doesn't she buy something for him herself? you don't know him? It's weird and inappropriate, especially if he doesn't want something. Just don't do it.

I can't even write a real response to this without going off. Your mother needs help.


Your points are your points. I would contact whoever you need to for help to remove yourself from this situation. Helping your parents is one thing, being told to use your "funds" for your private time for someone else is a completely different matter.

Fuck that.

Tell her she can give you the money to place the order if she wants to buy him a gift so badly.

I would absolutely refuse to do that!

sounds like you need to change your living situation and move out. hoping for best for you!

I know I'm late to this post....but WTF?

You need to get your own place. I work with disabled people on a daily basis and there are plenty of people that can help you out. The process can take time but its better than dealing with this. Independence is the only thing that will free you from this. If you need any help please don't hesitate to ask! No one should have to go through this.

Personally, I'd tell my mother she needs help and if she wants to act like that she can get the fuck out. I'd rather have no mother than one that's going to treat me like a worthless piece of shit. She wants the stuff that bad, SHE can get on and earn her own points. I wouldn't get him anything.

Also, you don't owe her shit. At least not for the first 18 years. She's the one who spread her legs. That was a check mark to god saying she will support you for 18 years. She didn't want that, she should have kept em closed. That's what being a parent is about. Being there for your children and looking out for them no matter what comes along. It shouldn't be the other way around and you should not be thrown through gilt trips and utter bullshit just because she doesn't know how to handle life as it's given to her. Metal abuse sucks and is just as bad as physical. Your best option is to try breaking away from her. She seems like she's not willing to be helped, so you trying is more hurting yourself. I'm the same way. I try reaching out and helping no matter what it causes for me. And I always end up getting the shaft and abused. I don't know your state laws, but I know here that there is a lot of assistance out there you can use. Look in to what your state offers. Here, we get SSI as well but we also get medical, food assistance, housing assistance and assistance with bills/utilities. Look in to those and try to get to where you in no way NEED her around for your life needs so she cannot hold anything over your head.

Thank you all for the help and support. It has gotten alot better here. I got my social worker and long-distance BFF involved.
My Mom has since cut all ties with that guy and is doing somewhat better mentally since.
She's now on some different psyc medication that I hope will work better.
And I have a hot-line # and my social worker to call if anything else goes wrong.
I have confronted my mother on the way she's been acting, how wrong it was, and how it affected me & made me feel.
After the initial blow up, she's come to realize the worst of it and is trying to be better.

Yes I'm on SSI and have Medicare. I also get food stamps and rent assistance.
I'm trying to get my Mom Medicare too so she can get all the help she so clearly needs.
I really apperciate all the help and advice everyone here has given me.