Sex toys and couples -- striking a balance

aussielover aussielover
A strange question perhaps, but here goes. I bought my girlfriend her first sex toy a few months ago and since then our sex life has improved dramatically. She used to take a very long time to achieve orgasm, if at all, whereas now multiples are given, and we have time to concentrate on other fun stuff. We've since tried several different toys and she's looking to have her first G-spot orgasm. There have been some unintended consequences though. Whereas she used to love me eating her out (it was the only way she could achieve orgasm), she has become so used to toys that when I go down there these days she quickly starts to get bored after a couple of minutes (her eyes start to wander, etc etc). Same thing with my fingers. I certainly don't feel threatened by her toys and have no desire at all to turn back the clock, but I can't deny I miss the pleasure of long, slow, cunninglus sessions, etc, which she no longer has the patience for. Have others had similar experiences? Are you still able to achieve orgasms without your toys? Would it be a good idea to have a toy free session every now and then? And how do I bring this up with my girlfriend without appearing threatened? (that is not the case -- I am just keen to strike a better balance between pleasuring her and maintaining the intimacy in bed).
05/13/2009
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LilyLust LilyLust
my husband was worried that I would end up doing that when I started getting toys. But we had an honest sit down and talked about it. Let her know you love the toys but once in awhile you'd like it to be just you. Good old fashion American sex. I'm hoping she'll understand. Also it helps to talk about sex now and then, your ideas, thoughts, feelings, fantasies. It's keep everybody on the same page, so you both have the best experience possible. Or at least that's my experience.
05/13/2009
Liz2 Liz2
My b/f initially was intimidated by toys and feared that his cock was going to be replaced by a dil or a vibe. No more! He enjoys toys and admits that getting me to orgasm prior to penetration is much easier and he is less concerned about premature ejaculation. He frequently chooses a toy, cleans and lubes it and places the toy on my bedside table, I love it!.
We both find that toys enhance our orgasms and almost always both use butt toys during vaginal sex as well.
05/13/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
I love my toys but I honestly cannot imagine someone being bored by oral sex!
05/13/2009
Sammi Sammi
I can't either .
05/13/2009
Mamastoys Mamastoys
When we started using toys, our sex life soared. We don't use them all the time and it is usually hubby who will pull one out. Lots of time, I am more satified with just him.
Hubby says he likes it when I can reach orgasm before he enters me so he doesn't have to worry about me being left behind.
05/13/2009
Soxy Deb Soxy Deb
Quote:
Originally posted by aussielover
A strange question perhaps, but here goes. I bought my girlfriend her first sex toy a few months ago and since then our sex life has improved dramatically. She used to take a very long time to achieve orgasm, if at all, whereas now multiples are ... More
I'm with the last few commentors. I love my toys, but there's no substitute for oral sex.
I know she is having better and more orgasms with the toys, but maybe you should discuss putting them away for a bit. Just to get back to the basics and then reintroduce them little by little.
Don't know if that's any help to you , but I hope you can get things to where your both happy.
05/13/2009
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
I had a similar experience, but on the other side of the situation you describe. My boyfriend got me started on using toys, and for a month or two, we hardly ever had sex without the aid of some vibrating, buzzing apparatus clutched in my hand. I especially loved having vibrations against my clit as we fucked. It usually takes a fair amount of foreplay for me to get worked up to the point where I can accommodate penetration comfortably (he's on the larger side of moderate, and I'm pretty small), so having a toy was like jump starting the engines.

However, one weekend, I forgot to get fresh batteries and all of our old ones were dead. We ended up having a lot of slow, "traditional" sex... and I loved it. There was no machinery buzzing away... there was no hurry. The whole weekend was a long, slow session of just loving each other with nothing in between. I was reminded of how great toy-less sex can be. Now we've sort of reached a balance. Some days we use toys to mix things up, but most days we just have bare-bones fun.

The best way to go about it, if you really are worried, is to talk to her. Be open, be honest... good luck!
05/13/2009
Naughty Student Naughty Student
I think you should tell her exactly what you told us.

If I was in your situation and my bf was no longer interested in fellatio bcs of his use of pocket pussies I would lay it out bare, tell him how I feel and I would explain what I don't want him to misinterpret(I wouldn't want him to think that I want to remove the toys completely bcs I feel threatened). I would tell him everything you said and ask him his opinion on what I said and work something out together; make a goal so both of us are satisfied. Good luck with that!
05/13/2009
Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I think you should tell her exactly what you told us.

If I was in your situation and my bf was no longer interested in fellatio bcs of his use of pocket pussies I would lay it out bare, tell him how I feel and I would explain what I don't ... More
I use toys more frequently when my libido is higher but consequenlty my sack sessions also increase. It is very rare that I use sex toys while having intercourse (usually a bullet vibe or a butt plug) with my partner bcs he isn't comfortable with them very much. I orgasm without toys during sex but have a harder time but those orgasms are 10 times stronger and better than those I give myself with toys.
05/13/2009
aussielover aussielover
Thanks all for the great advice. I'll have a talk to her and am pretty sure she will be receptive. She tells me she's had more orgasms in the past couple of months than in her entire life up to that point. So I think it's all been a bit overwhelming
05/13/2009
SexyStuff SexyStuff
Yeah, sometimes you forget that a quick orgasm is not always the goal!
12/27/2011
Sapphires13 Sapphires13
Personally, I've always found that it's been important for me to not 'rely' on my toys. I make sure to still have regular unassisted sessions with him, and to try to get off without devices. Usually, I'll go through at least the first half of sexytime before breaking out the toys.
12/28/2011
biancajames biancajames
I'm pretty aggressive about using my vibrator when I need to get over the edge, since it's the only thing that consistently works. But I'd never say no to oral, and I usually ask my partner to participate by stimulating my g spot as I use my vibe...my clit is just rather fussy!
12/28/2011
Total posts: 14
Unique posters: 12