Sort of embarrassed by what a beginner I am...

ponfarristoofrequent ponfarristoofrequent
OK, folks, confession time. I am almost 40 and have never had an orgasm. I have not had sex since 1998. I don't have any idea what to do with myself and my parts. I am afraid I am incapable of orgasm due to the fact that I am on 58873427035247034582 medications that can interfere with such things. I have only had sex with one guy. I have never given a bj. I am very very bad at seeing herself as attractive to others.

I honestly don’t even know where to start.
Apr 7, 1:29 am
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dv8 dv8
An online forum can only provide so much help. You sound like you need to talk to a professional sex therapist.

Masturbation with a strong vibrator like the Hitachi Magic Wand or the Eroscillator may help you achieve your first orgasm but you'd need to be relaxed, horny, and not have hangups about having an orgasm. You probably should discuss your medications with your doctor.
Apr 7, 2:36 am
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by ponfarristoofrequent
OK, folks, confession time. I am almost 40 and have never had an orgasm. I have not had sex since 1998. I don't have any idea what to do with myself and my parts. I am afraid I am incapable of orgasm due to the fact that I am on ... More
While I do agree with what dv8 said above, I will also try to give you some suggestions. The first place to start is always with masturbation. That will remove the worry about another person and you will find out what is what as far as your responses go. First off though, do you feel any sort of interest in sexual activity? I know you mentioned the many medications, but before them and while on them, do you have interest in any sort of sexual activity or sexual thoughts? If you don't and you never have, perhaps that is just how you are? However, if you do have some feelings and interest in sex, then definitely start with touching yourself and experimenting there.

Have you tried touching yourself in any way? And did sex with your one time partner feel good? Do you find yourself lubricating at all (in other words, getting wet)? It's really important to get a medical exam to rule out all physical possibilities first, including not just the medications, but any hormonal imbalance or other reason for these issues! But it won't hurt to experiment in the meantime. Try watching, reading, or thinking about whatever gets your aroused. Once you feel that, you can start to try touching yourself on your breasts and see what types of touch, such as squeezes or caresses feel good to you and if your nipples are sensitive, etc. Similarly, using some lubricant, try different caresses and explore your labia and clit. Some women like light touches that never directly touch their clit, for example, while others like lots of pressure and direct stimulation on their clit. Try rubbing up and down, or in circles, light touches and firms ones. Don't be focused on having an orgasm for now, just see if anything is enjoyable for now. The same goes for using your fingers around the opening to and inside your vagina. You can try doing that with one hand while the other plays with your clit and/ or your breasts. And whatever feels good, just keep doing it! After exploring on your own, I would then try introducing a toy or two to see if any of that stimulation is arousing to you. Some women never orgasm until they use a vibrator simply because their body needs that extra power to get them off and there is nothing wrong or unusual about that, it's just what's necessary for them. I find that inserting a dildo and not thrusting it, but leaving inside me while I play with my clit is one way I easily climax. Try lots of different things, you never know what might feel good!

So, without getting too far ahead of myself without having answers to the questions I asked you, I will stop with that for now and await your answers. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, you and your body are unique in your functioning and sex is not just physical, it's very much in the mind. If you are concerned for yourself and not because others have given you a reason to feel like you should question yourself, then I would continue seeking answers. You mentioned you have difficulty seeing yourself as attractive and that is certainly an issue you need to address, but first things first, right? You need to rule out a medical reason for either a lack of sexual interest and arousal and/or your anorgasmia. You don't even know if you can have an orgasm, so , maybe it's just that you haven't discovered the best way to get yourself there. And believe it or not, there are more women in the same boat as you! I have talked to some on this very sight and just so you know, all of them have found out they can orgasm (though I certainly can't say you will one way or the other). It does take patience and perseverance though. Check out this link which may help you a little.

TL;DR: Contact your doctor to rule out medication or other causes that could be causing or worsening this, such as out of whack hormones. You can also get a referral to see a sex therapist who can get to the bottom of everything for you (including your issue about not thinking others could see you as attractive) and this is what I myself would do. However, you can start to explore your body with touch and even toys to see if anything brings you pleasure .

PS, Are you a trekkie? I knew pon farr sounded familiar when I went to look it up, lol!
Apr 7, 6:01 am
edeneve edeneve
simply put, explore your body frequently. exercise your Kegels regularly as well. that can increase you libido. it did for me. the more you touch yourself all over time, you may find yourself grow to like it if not love your body. remember, all body types are acceptable. relax, fantasize, maybe even watch some porn for women. don't have any expectations & focus on the sensation you feel in your body. keep exploring & don't stop. also, research everything on the internet that you want to know about or experience. there are plenty of great articles & videos.
Apr 7, 3:23 pm
wanderer5964 wanderer5964
Quote:
Originally posted by ponfarristoofrequent
OK, folks, confession time. I am almost 40 and have never had an orgasm. I have not had sex since 1998. I don't have any idea what to do with myself and my parts. I am afraid I am incapable of orgasm due to the fact that I am on ... More
i would listen to the above statements. talking to a professional can really help you and maybe calm you nerves about everything
Apr 8, 1:39 pm
Visexual Visexual
Quote:
Originally posted by ponfarristoofrequent
OK, folks, confession time. I am almost 40 and have never had an orgasm. I have not had sex since 1998. I don't have any idea what to do with myself and my parts. I am afraid I am incapable of orgasm due to the fact that I am on ... More
You are, obviously, still interested in sex or you wouldn't be here. If you aren't comfortable with therapist, have you considered a professional of another variety?

There are sex surrogats for men and there should be for women too.

If not, and you don't want to risk legalities, Vegas has prefessional men available, legally.

You know, when we need help with other medical problems, we don't hesitate to hire a pro. And being able to experience an orgasm is a health issue.
May 24, 6:49 am
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 6