23 year old man to a....

Anniboop Anniboop
DO you think that it is okay for a 23 year old male to be dating a 16 year old female?

Case Senario:
They met on a dating site. If you have ever been on a dating site you know you have to at least say you are 18 to register. Well this girl waited 3 months to tell the guy....so he had already gained these feelings for her. But does that make it okay? Or should he let her go?
03/18/2011
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Eden C. Eden C.
I don't approve in most cases. If the guy didn't know, that's a little bit different. However, I generally (but not always) find that adults who seek teenagers to date do so because their own peers do not respect them, and there is often a reason for that.

I think it depends on the individual guy, his intentions, and her parents.
03/18/2011
Ansley Ansley
He should run as far and as fast as he can. And it has nothing to do with the age difference, it's the fact she lied about it in the first place. She clearly isn't ready to deal with even the most basic concepts of relationships and dating.
03/18/2011
UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
I do not agree and it doesn't matter what their sex is, meaning it wouldn't be much better if it was a 23 year old female talking to a 16 year old boy.
03/18/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
I agree that it's not ok.

It's not ok no matter the gender of the two people and the law cares none for the story or circumstances surrounding their relationship. It's still pedophilia (minimally statutory rape).

I also agree that he shouldn't waste his time on someone who lied outright to begin with. Why stick around and get to know someone who went through all the warnings and legal requirements to get on a site for ADULTS interested in ADULT relationships knowing that what she'd be doing is entrapment of some poor fool into a felony???
03/18/2011
toxie m toxie m
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
He should run as far and as fast as he can. And it has nothing to do with the age difference, it's the fact she lied about it in the first place. She clearly isn't ready to deal with even the most basic concepts of relationships and dating.
Yes, this exactly. Deception about important things from the get-go doesn't bode well for this situation panning out nicely.

I'd still be a bit shifty even without the deception, though. I think the age thing matters much less when both partners are adults. 16 is still really young, and for the most part teens and 20-somethings just aren't on the same page. There are exceptions, of course, but I am always very skeptical. Once both partners are over at least 20 I'm instantly more accepting of such a scenario.
03/19/2011
DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Here's the thing...

For me, it's not about his age OR her age, it's about the fact that the foundation their relationship is being built on is a lie.

For me, that's a bigger problem than being six years older or younger.
03/19/2011
*HisMrs* *HisMrs*
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
He should run as far and as fast as he can. And it has nothing to do with the age difference, it's the fact she lied about it in the first place. She clearly isn't ready to deal with even the most basic concepts of relationships and dating.
I agree! Couldn't have said it better myself!
03/19/2011
Lithaewyn Lithaewyn
I agree with what the majority of the posters above have already said.

It's partially her age, but not knowing her personally she could be very mature. From my experiences though, I've never known any sixteen year olds who have a maturity level that matches up to a 23 year old. It's not the age gap, however. It's the age groups.

The real kicker though is she lied. Staying with her is just asking for trouble.
03/19/2011
Anniboop Anniboop
Quote:
Originally posted by UrNaughtyaAngel
I do not agree and it doesn't matter what their sex is, meaning it wouldn't be much better if it was a 23 year old female talking to a 16 year old boy.
Darling, the gender wasn't the issue....
The issue was the age difference and the fact that the female is sixteen. It wouldbe just as bad in my eyes if it was a teenage boy and an older woman....
03/23/2011
Anniboop Anniboop
Quote:
Originally posted by Anniboop
DO you think that it is okay for a 23 year old male to be dating a 16 year old female?

Case Senario:
They met on a dating site. If you have ever been on a dating site you know you have to at least say you are 18 to register. Well this girl ... More
I agree with the thought of this relationship being based off a lie. I do not think it will work out. This girl is 16, I know when I was that age I wouldn't have been able to handle the type of relationship I have now that I am an adult. It's just not a good senario.

As to "if the parents are okay with it," the parents have yet to discover that this guy is 23. His thoughts on the matter are "well I have dated someone 6-7 years older than me, what's the difference?"
My opinon: BIG DIFFERENCE!
03/23/2011
BadassFatass BadassFatass
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
He should run as far and as fast as he can. And it has nothing to do with the age difference, it's the fact she lied about it in the first place. She clearly isn't ready to deal with even the most basic concepts of relationships and dating.
Exactly.
03/23/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
If I were the guy and found out she wasn't legal, I'd end it and high tail out of that situation and chalk it up to immaturity on her part.

It sucks, but it happens...
03/23/2011
kitsuneyouko5 kitsuneyouko5
she lied, cut her loose and run like hell, if shes lying about her age at the beginning shes just showing that shes an immature teen with her head screwed on backwards.
03/23/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
I agree that it's not ok.

It's not ok no matter the gender of the two people and the law cares none for the story or circumstances surrounding their relationship. It's still pedophilia (minimally statutory rape).

I also ... More
Technically, it's ephebophilia (attraction to teens between the ages of 15 and 19). Pedophilia is the attraction to prepubescent children, once the child hits puberty the predator is no longer interested and usually moves onto a new victim.
03/25/2011
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
UH wtf? NO. The 16 year old should not have been on the dating site in the first place.
03/25/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
"People lie." - House
03/25/2011
Illusional Illusional
I've been the teenager doing that.
Met a guy online when I was 15 and he was twice my age at least, lol.
03/25/2011
extrafun extrafun
Its not the difference in age that is the problem. 1)she lied about her age 2)the legal aspect could ruin the guys life, 3)I dont know any 16 year olds mentally mature enough to deal with it. They just have not learned enought life lessons yet that only age seems to be able to teach.
03/25/2011
SirTouchAlot SirTouchAlot
I don't think the age difference is a big deal. If he were 33, I would have issues, but 23 isn't such a huge leap from 16.

Since she lied though, I would get out of the relationship a.s.a.p. Who knows what she'll lie about later down the line?
03/25/2011
Brandi Rouxxx Brandi Rouxxx
I can't really say much b/c I dated guys over 18 when I was younger. I was 16 when I got pregnant for my ex-husband who was 26 at the time. We are ten years apart. But that is fucked up that she lied about her age to him. I never lied about my age to anyone I dated.
03/25/2011
KnK KnK
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
He should run as far and as fast as he can. And it has nothing to do with the age difference, it's the fact she lied about it in the first place. She clearly isn't ready to deal with even the most basic concepts of relationships and dating.
Yeah, this reminds me of two friends I used to work with.

The girl lied about her age on the job to everyone. When the guy asked her out, he thought she was 17 (legal age of consent in my state), but lo and behold, when he decided to break up with her because he thought she was crazy, she told him that she was only 16 and her daddy was a cop.

They had previously had sex and he was flipping the fuck out. I don't blame him. She started stalking him afterwards.

I've also known plenty of younger women who go out looking for older guys and do that bullshit. In fact, I have been friends with several of them. Why do they do it? To extort them out of money and to receive gifts. I think they're crazy bitches. It finally caught up with one of them when she got knocked up.
03/25/2011
KnK KnK
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
UH wtf? NO. The 16 year old should not have been on the dating site in the first place.
Amen
03/25/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
"People lie." - House
Also "everybody lies" and "it's not Lupus."

But mostly "everybody lies."
03/25/2011
ID42 ID42
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
He should run as far and as fast as he can. And it has nothing to do with the age difference, it's the fact she lied about it in the first place. She clearly isn't ready to deal with even the most basic concepts of relationships and dating.
I agree 100%.
03/25/2011
REDRUM REDRUM
She lied, so basically I'd say no.
Plus she's underage. That's a no no.
03/25/2011
Misfit Momma Misfit Momma
When I was 16, I wouldn't have had a problem with it since I had slept with a man who was around 23.

As smart as I thought I was when I was 16 I now realize that it is very wrong. Just the fact that she is underage should be enough to make any man run. It's way too easy for women to destroy a man's life and much easier for someone who is underage, even when he doesn't deserve it.
03/25/2011
firekitten firekitten
The age difference wouldn't be a problem if we were talking about a 20 and 27 year old or something like that. But those years between 16 and 20 are so huge, so formative. You change, mature, and grow so much just within one year. The maturity between them is probably like night and day. She just hasn't lived life yet, she hasn't experienced ANYTHING, and obviously she doesn't have a very firm grasp on what a relationship requires or what could happen to the guy because of this.
03/25/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by firekitten
The age difference wouldn't be a problem if we were talking about a 20 and 27 year old or something like that. But those years between 16 and 20 are so huge, so formative. You change, mature, and grow so much just within one year. The maturity ... More
This! It's not the space between the years that matters. I mean, we don't think it's too weird when they're 28 and 35, right? Both adults that have been matured and grown up for a while. But 16 and 23 spans a LOT of maturing and changing time, no matter how "fully matured" we all thought we were as teenagers.

And it still bothers me that she got on a dating website for adults, bypassing all those "you must be 18 to register/enter" disclaimers and warnings (so obviously she cares little for the law and honesty) and any sexual relationship she gets someone to have with her is a felony.

I have a friend from high school that got tricked into a relationship exactly that way. He met her online and he was about 21 or 22 at the time. She lied about her age (she was 16), found ways to pull it off for weeks while they dated, then after she had sex with him she revealed to her parents what happened and now he's in jail serving a minimum of 5 years, has to register wherever he goes as a sex offender, and will NEVER be rid of that label for the rest of his LIFE.

So I don't care about what she or other teenagers think about their maturity level or how desperate they feel for a relationship with an adult, it's pretty horrible of them to lie about their age to basically entrap someone into feelings for them (or more) when it's a legal risk! If it's that important to you, wait till you're 18. If it's special, it can wait.

/end rant
03/25/2011
MaryExy MaryExy
I am ok with some parts of this, not ok with other parts.

Ok:

1. At 16, I think that SOME girls are mature enough to date a guy that much older. Not all girls, not most girls, some. And at 23, some guys have not matured much past their own high school years. So if she and the dude clicked, I can accept that.

2. It's illegal for them to have sex in most parts. Some parts may make it technically ok online or whatever, but still. The law IS a factor there. If they said "ok fine we'll wait until it's legal", though, I'd be cool with that.



My two problems with this:

1. The fact that she lied on the form for making a profile for the dating site worries me. It's unfair for the guy in that situation, considering the site is designed to keep away minors. This also makes me think that she may not have been mature enough.

2. The guy just accepting the age difference would put me on edge about his maturity, too. Again, if it was an ok as in "ok, but we're not doing ANYTHING remotely sexual until you're 18" I'd accept that. I don't know all the facts, but if his response was "it's only 6-7 years difference" I wouldn't trust it to work.
03/25/2011
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