age difference? whats that got to do with it?

kitsuneyouko5 kitsuneyouko5
my hubby and me have a fairly sizable age difference, it doesn't bother us and heck we have some friends with similar age differences. though it seems to be pretty rare, I wonder, does anyone else think that as long as both partners are willing a difference of 5, 10, or even 20 years doesn't matter?
08/20/2009
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Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Quote:
Originally posted by kitsuneyouko5
my hubby and me have a fairly sizable age difference, it doesn't bother us and heck we have some friends with similar age differences. though it seems to be pretty rare, I wonder, does anyone else think that as long as both partners are willing a ... More
This has been discussed a bit on the boards before, but speaking from a personal view it means very little. There are some unique challenges when the difference is great, but nothing that can't be dealt with. I *am* biased though-- there's 15 years between my age and my husband's, and we've been married nearly 20 years.
08/20/2009
Valyn Valyn
I think age kinda.. well.. has to do with age. The younger, the weirder. 14 and 19 is weird. 17 and 27 is too much. But 34 and 44 or 54? Why not?
08/20/2009
kitsuneyouko5 kitsuneyouko5
Quote:
Originally posted by Valyn
I think age kinda.. well.. has to do with age. The younger, the weirder. 14 and 19 is weird. 17 and 27 is too much. But 34 and 44 or 54? Why not?
exactly my thought, no offense to the guys out there but in my experience until they hit about 30 or so they're still acting like little kids attached to their mothers apron strings
08/20/2009
Destri Destri
Well, there is 20 years difference between myself and my husband, and the only time we notice it is when someone refers to me as his mother.... that kinda sucks, but at home, it seldom makes any real difference.
10/14/2009
aburnett aburnett
Quote:
Originally posted by kitsuneyouko5
my hubby and me have a fairly sizable age difference, it doesn't bother us and heck we have some friends with similar age differences. though it seems to be pretty rare, I wonder, does anyone else think that as long as both partners are willing a ... More
My husband and I are 14 years apart! I think age is nothing more than a number. We are both understandable that I am the younger of us, but I am very mature for my age. Where I am weak his is strong and vis versa! However there have been mistakes made on my part, we are working through them. So no it doesn't matter on the age matter. As long as you are happy age isn't a factor at all.
10/22/2009
Darling Dove Darling Dove
My partner is 16 and a half and I'm 19. It's weird, its technically legal and well, I dont care, he looks older, he's much taller than me, and he's really nice. I understand that people will probably think I'm a pedophile now, but I think if you do that you're really showing your immaturity. It's like, were he two years older with the same amount of difference nobody would care. It's just because I'm over the 'barrier' and he's not. It makes no sense to me how seniors will date freshmen ( 13-17 ) and nobody bats an eyelash but then one of them passes the magical barrier of legality and it's pedophilia. My case isn't even as extreme as that and I still get shit about it all the time.

I honestly think that, except in extreme cases, people should really mind their own business. I don't support pedophilia, far from it in fact. I think its horrible and disgusting. But for some reason 16 is still considered 'too young' despite it being the age of consent in many states and in other countries the AOC can be as low as 12-13. I think we've grown way too overcautious as a society and there is a huge double standard, since once he passes the 'barrier', once again, nobody will bat an eyelash at our age diff. My grandma and grandpa have 12 years between them, so do my dad and my stepmom. Its a lot more normal than people think... but everyone still has this mentality that before you're 18 you're equivalent to a 3 year old and once you pass it you somehow gain the worlds wisdom and are able to make your own decisions.

The reality is some people mature faster than others. I know I didn't gain any wisdom when I turned 18. There was no tome of the ages passed down to me that told me how to actually handle life, and I felt as though my schooling had done a very poor job at actually preparing me for maturity since I had no effing clue what to do on my own. I was dating older guys when I was his age, also, this was considered more normal and nobody cared, but now that I am a slightly older woman dating a younger man, it is considered horrible and pedophilic.
I suppose at first glance it doesn't matter. Most people think I look 16 anyways, so at least I don't have to worry about getting crap on the street. Even the officer for my driving test today told me I looked "a little juvenile" for 19.

So.. sorry for going on a rant. But there is such a sickening double standard, like once people see that one's 18 and one's not, all their logic flies out the window. And those same people will date someone 12 years younger than them (like my dad, he gives me shit about it as often as he can).

It's very hard for us, but as the older one in the couple it is my job to support him and I recognize that I will probably end up taking care of him a bit. But I think it is much better for him to have someone to support him through his transition to adulthood who is going through it themselves (but just a step ahead) so we can share our problems and experiences in a valuable way. Most of the adults I know have long since forgotten the toils of being a teenager, new to the world, and they have a slightly idealized version of it. My mother for example, got married early and let my father carry her through life financially. This is not an option for me. My grandmother is simply of the opinion that you must work hard and that is enough. To work hard and persevere. In some cases this is true, but not all cases. Like the job market. It's not an issue of working hard anymore, its an issue of getting there before someone else does.

So.. ah, I did it again. Anyways, my views should be pretty obvious. I think its a load of crap. Theres a limit for me to what exactly is a load of crap, like I think when you're a teen/early twenties age, you should keep your dating within 4 years of your age because that is simply an issue of legality. In my state you can't date whomever you want until you're 21- before then, too far apart and its statutory rape and if the relationship is proven to be ongoing you're a sexual predator.
10/22/2009
Sir Sir
To me, age isn't something that has ever mattered. My partner and I have an age difference of three years physically, but a lot more than that mentally. I believe that what matters is the mental aspect, that the relationship is healthy, and that both partners are wanting the relationship in its form.
10/22/2009
Saraid Saraid
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
To me, age isn't something that has ever mattered. My partner and I have an age difference of three years physically, but a lot more than that mentally. I believe that what matters is the mental aspect, that the relationship is healthy, and ... More
Sir,

Could you explain the mental age difference? I always hear people say it, but never quite grasp what they are getting at.
10/22/2009
Saraid Saraid
Also, my partner and I have about 14 years between us and it's not been a problem so far. I'm 21 and he's 35.
10/22/2009
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Saraid
Sir,

Could you explain the mental age difference? I always hear people say it, but never quite grasp what they are getting at.
Mental age is what you truly are in your mind, even if the physical is different. Though I'm quite young externally, internally I'm middle-aged.

With mental age difference, it's basically the difference in age between the mental ages rather than physical. If someone feels that they are truly a child, like my little girl does, and are around age twelve, whereas the partner feels that they are around their twenties, that would be the age difference, even if the childlike partner is physically twenty and the "older" partner is the same age physically.
10/22/2009
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Heh my boyfriend is 24 and I'm 39. The age difference did bother me a bit but as time goes by I actually like that fact. We are amazingly compatible and we are happy so what's the harm?
10/22/2009
Ciao. Ciao.
My partner and I are only a year apart, that said I know plenty of people in relationships with wide spreads (try mid-50's and mid-20's together) and it can work just perfectly. It just all depends on the particular pair. There isn't a reliable way to predict these things.
10/22/2009
Envy Envy
My bf is 18 and I'm 22--we met when he was 15 and I was 19. Works for us just fine since his parents are over 12 years difference, so they're okay with it.
10/22/2009
sexysavvy sexysavvy
Quote:
Originally posted by kitsuneyouko5
my hubby and me have a fairly sizable age difference, it doesn't bother us and heck we have some friends with similar age differences. though it seems to be pretty rare, I wonder, does anyone else think that as long as both partners are willing a ... More
I think every situation and every person is different. You can have a 20 year old who is very mature or a 40 year old who is very immature. Other than that- I think that yes, it is just a number. My partner and I have an 18 year age difference and sometimes it does bother him, as he is afraid people are going to look at him like an "old" man (he's not old- 42!) when he's out with me.
11/18/2009
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by kitsuneyouko5
my hubby and me have a fairly sizable age difference, it doesn't bother us and heck we have some friends with similar age differences. though it seems to be pretty rare, I wonder, does anyone else think that as long as both partners are willing a ... More
I'm 11 year older than my wife - my in-laws 8 years apart. Interestingly I was dating a girl older than my wife - and every time she brought up marriage I kept telling her I was too old for her. But when I met my wife to be for the first time we seemed to understand each other so well that the age difference never seemed important.

I agree with Valyn - I don't like to see older men with teenagers - even 20-somethings. But after that it's all about love, desire and committment.

I don't think I could 20 years difference but I have no negative feelings about it - it's all up to the adults involved.
11/19/2009
sweet sally sweet sally
15 years here. I'm 33 and he's 48. I don't think either one of us could be happier.
05/05/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by kitsuneyouko5
my hubby and me have a fairly sizable age difference, it doesn't bother us and heck we have some friends with similar age differences. though it seems to be pretty rare, I wonder, does anyone else think that as long as both partners are willing a ... More
I am only months younger than my husband but 15 years older than our life partner. Age isn't a concern unless the person is underage as far as I'm concerned!
05/07/2010
GNGenie GNGenie
Quote:
Originally posted by kitsuneyouko5
my hubby and me have a fairly sizable age difference, it doesn't bother us and heck we have some friends with similar age differences. though it seems to be pretty rare, I wonder, does anyone else think that as long as both partners are willing a ... More
There are nearly 20 years between my husband and I and frankly I think it all depends on the two people involved. Most people who only know us through our words or actions (having never seen us) assume I'm older and even occasionally those who have met us in person. He just acts a lot younger than he is and I act a lot older.

Any relationship is work, you just have to be willing to put it in whether the difference is 20 years or paper vs. plastic.
05/08/2010
ShelleySpins ShelleySpins
It is entirely dependent on the people involved. I am 25 and my fiancee is 40, but I am generally the more responsible one in the relationship. I pay the bills, make sure our pets are cared for, and remind him to do his share of the house work. I just got out of school a month ago, so I'm still working at my part time job for now, but once I get a real job I'll be the the breadwinner, too. I think that all this tempers the inherent power imbalance of a 15 year age difference. We have similar interests and values; which is a HUGE part of any lasting relationship. It also helps that neither of us wants kids!
06/21/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by sexysavvy
I think every situation and every person is different. You can have a 20 year old who is very mature or a 40 year old who is very immature. Other than that- I think that yes, it is just a number. My partner and I have an 18 year age difference and ... More
sexysavvy, the other day we met someone and he thought my husband was my father! (We have a bit of an age difference, but not enough to be father and daughter.) We both laughed about it, but the guy I mentioned felt awful.

I went and hugged My Man when the guy said that, and My Man said, "You should hug that dude, he gave you a compliment."

It didn't bother My Man at all, and it also made me feel much younger than I am, too.
06/23/2010
Nefarius Nefarius
I've never considered age the real important aspect of it, it's more about maturity and wisdom.

I'm 9 years younger than my husband, but I feel worlds older than him when interacting with him. I'm the grown up, he's the teen. Sir was definitely right in bringing up the 'mental age'.

I take care of the finances, and the running of the household, because if it were up to him, we wouldn't have a home or food on the table. That's just how it is with us, and we're both fine with that, because when I get too serious about things, he can bring me back down with his cheekiness.
06/23/2010
Shelli Shelli
My main concern with having a serious relationship with someone a lot older than me.. 15 - 20 years older.. would be the the fact that he would be in his declining years health-wise far sooner than I and die much sooner than I, which, of course, would suck.

Love doesn't have an age though, so depending on my feelings for him, I might.
06/25/2010
Persephone's Addiction Persephone's Addiction
Shelli brought something up that I'd thought about before, the ramifications of a large age difference later in life. Yes, if you're in a relationship with someone 20 years your senior, they're probably going to die first. But is that the litmus test for the viability of a relationship? How far apart your deaths *might* be?
I'll admit, when I met a certain 47 year old man, that thought ran through my head. I'm 27, that's two decades of difference. After multiple screaming orgasms I decided it was a silly thing to worry about.

It's the now that matters, not who's gonna be senile first. That's how I feel, anyway.
06/30/2010
SexyySarah SexyySarah
Well hubby and I are 19 years apart and I actually love the age difference. He is much more mature and when it comes to the bedroom, he actually takes time for me and my needs, where in my past relationships they didn't care and I had always dated men my age, so I don't think age really matters as long as it works in your relationship!
07/18/2010
Sera Sera
Age really is just a number. Don't worry about what anyone thinks.
07/31/2010
deltalima deltalima
I think it matters in terms of what you can relate to. My boyfriend is a year younger than my mother. But I am an old soul and can relate to what he likes, etc.
08/01/2010
Midway through Midway through
I think it's on terms of maturity level. And the age... Because 10 years may be nothing for a 40 year old dating a 50 year old. However, you say that same age difference... and an 18 year old dating a 28 year old.. They're on different levels in life.
08/01/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Midway through
I think it's on terms of maturity level. And the age... Because 10 years may be nothing for a 40 year old dating a 50 year old. However, you say that same age difference... and an 18 year old dating a 28 year old.. They're on different levels ... More
That's the same ages Cyn and I were when we started dating 2 1/2 years ago...still madly in love.Really, only our parents aren't thrilled about her, hers more so than mine.
08/01/2010
Lady Venus Lady Venus
There's only a 5 yrs between hubby and I, but before him I dated men up to twice my age. Age is nothing but I number, but for some reason I always had a "thing" for older men.
08/01/2010
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