Buying a toy for your adolescent?

Naughty Student Naughty Student
I was reading a post about how some sex toys were banned from certain states according to morals/religious beliefs, etc.

It got me thinking about how parents in general do not encourage masturbation and tell their children its bad. I got my first toy from my mom around the age of 15/16 and she never stopped me from having personal pleasure by telling me it was bad. Sexuality was really important in my house (disturbingly so...don't get any weird ideas though like incest or anything like that) and I think I am lucky to be aware about my body and not feel guilty of the pleasures I can provide myself.

If you have kids or are planning on having kids, would you be willing to discuss (or give them a book about it) masturbation and would you be willing to purchase a sex toy if your adolescent asked for one (they could pay for it with money they make with summer jobs/other if you don't want to pay for it yourself of course)?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I would just give them a book and a few reference websites, but sex toys are a big no.
13
I would give them a book and look at it with them to answer any questions, but sex toys are a big no.
21
I would just sit down and talk about it with them and answer any questions, but sex toys are a big no.
43
I would give them a book and discuss it with them and would MAYBE consider purchasing a toy if ever my adolescent brought it up.
140
I would discuss it with them and inform them of sex toys and gladly help with the purchase of a toy if my adolescent would like one.
285
I would not start a discussion unless one day my adolesnet started asking me questions.
30
I would tell them masturbation is wrong...although I have a mega stash of sex toys.
2
Other
15
Total votes: 549 (472 voters)
Poll is closed
06/10/2009
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Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Do folks without kids/not planning to have them not count?
06/10/2009
Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
Do folks without kids/not planning to have them not count?
Oops, yeah sorry about that! Everyone counts, I didn't intend to discriminate at all. I just want to get anyones opinion in terms of how they this! Thanks for the wake up call Adriana.
06/10/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
I hope people don't jump all over me for saying this, but what I personally will do for my child will depend on whether the child is male or female. If she's a female, it'd probably be easier for me to talk to her, as I'm female, but for a son, I'd ask my male partner to talk to him about things (both sex in general and toys).
06/10/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
Oops, yeah sorry about that! Everyone counts, I didn't intend to discriminate at all. I just want to get anyones opinion in terms of how they this! Thanks for the wake up call Adriana.
All righty. I might never have kids but it doesn't mean I don't consider how I'd rear them. (and wonder what some parents are thinking, haha).

I would discuss sex with my children, of course. I'd hope for an opening (like if it was discussed in school or something was overheard) but would make one if need be. But while I think masturbation is a healthy for of sexuality, I think it and sex toys would be a bit difficult to discuss. It's like thinking of anyone you know too well (in a strictly nonsexual manner) sexually. I don't nor would I ever want to talk to my mother about sex and, having been a teenager, I remember how easy it was to be embarrassed by my mother even if she was only hugging me. I wouldn't want to mortify my children so I would definitely think on the idea if it came up but wouldn't push the subject. I do think if I agreed to provide a toy, it would probably be something less phallic - like maybe a Layaspot.
06/10/2009
Sleeping Dreamer Sleeping Dreamer
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
I hope people don't jump all over me for saying this, but what I personally will do for my child will depend on whether the child is male or female. If she's a female, it'd probably be easier for me to talk to her, as I'm female, but ... More
I won't jump over you for that but I will say, once you have kids or your kids get older, your feelings about the "sex talk" may change. Whenever it comes to anything sexual (my 4 year old often masturbates) I'm usually the one sitting down and talking with him about it. My husband (he has the social skills of a 15 year old) laughs and giggles, he can't keep a straight face over it, so I'm usually the one just taking the time to talk about these things. When my son is 13 or so, chances are it will still be that way. It's okay, I've come to terms with this, I always thought it would awkward but surprisingly, it's not really.


As far as the topic as a whole, I actually asked this question on link in the form of "Would you buy your teen a sex toy to prevent them from having sex?" - the motivator was that the sex toy would prolong or prevent them from having sex before they were ready. The majority of parents all said, No, and I really had thought there would be more Yes answers. However, everyone emphasized that they want to keep their kids, kids for as long as they can. That sex toys act as a gateway to other things and their hands should suffice.

I'm not sure how I personally feel about it but I don't think I'd like to supply my son with a device to "get off" with, I waited until I was 18, he can do the same. Besides, on the off chance he decides to take it to school to show off to his friends ('cuz dumbass teenage boys act like dumbass teenage boys) and a teacher sees, I don't exactly want child services called on me and ultimately, be slapped with any sort of sexual abuse charges for supplying a minor with a sex toy, or whatever the repercussions would be. My husband on the other hand, he'll probably buy him a subscription to Hustler on his 16th birthday.
06/10/2009
Liz2 Liz2
I was "caught" masturbating by my mother, I think I was about 11. The walls were thin and I was making noise and somehow banging against the wall. My mother spoke to me about my body and masturbation. She saw that I was going at it too hard and was drawing blood from friction and intensity on my panties. She just suggested that it would feel better if I went easy.
I can't say yes or no about providing a toy though but at some point I would seriously consider doing so. (Not at 11 though).
As for a boy, I would also speak to him but at 13 plus, I would prefer my partner talk to him if possible but my son would know that I somehow understand his sexuality.
06/10/2009
Spicy Sunday Spicy Sunday
There might be a risk of being judged by your neighbors or community if word gets out that you bought your kid a sex toy. How much that seems like a risk might vary a lot by where you live. But with kids having sex so early, at 12 or 13, and even earlier, I plan to start talking to them around age 12 (with what I judge to be age-appropriate vocabulary and level of detail). If my male or female child expressed interest in sex toys anywhere between 14-18, I'd steer them towards something that would help them learn about their own bodies rather than something to simulate actual sex (something like a SaSi instead of a rabbit vibrator, or a Tenga instead of a blow-up doll or "realistic ass and vagina"), but I wouldn't offer one unless the child expressed an interest in them specifically, complained how it was hard to wait, or something like that. I'd also try to communicate that sex, while not shameful, is usually a pretty private part of peoples' lives and that other parents might have very different opinions about how much their kids should know. I have no illusions that de-stigmatizing masturbation and being reasonably candid about sex with them would guarantee that the child would wait a little longer to have sex, but I'd hope that it would make sex something they could think about semi-rationally, rather than something they act on completely impulsively because it's secret or forbidden. Of course nothing can ever make a teenager completely rational, though!
06/10/2009
Lithaewyn Lithaewyn
I don't know if I'd buy my child a sex toy, but I wouldn't be bothered if s/he had or wanted toys. Of course I'd talk to my children about sex once they hit the teen years and a lot more than my parents ever did (they did maybe twice?).

When I was really young and didn't even know I was masturbating, I wasn't discouraged or encouraged. Simply, "Don't do that there," and that was it. I was never talked to about masturbation, and I think it would have been better if it was discussed.
06/10/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
"I would discuss it with them and inform them of sex toys and gladly help with the purchase of a toy if my adolescent would like one."

^ Right there. I wholly intend to discuss sex with my children (if I ever manage to have any) in an age-appropriate way, not only to keep them healthy, but also to keep them safe. I love my parents, but they never explained ANYTHING about sex because they're so straight-laced (not even, "Don't ever let anybody touch you"), and I think my life would've been much easier if they'd had those kinds of conversations with me. (Their excuse is that I "had an older sister," which isn't saying much.)

The caveat is that I really wouldn't want to know exactly what my child is using. It would seem weird to me, kind of like finding a parent's toybox--very awkward. I love my parents and I'm not stupid enough to think they don't have sex or the begrudge them it, but nobody wants to hear/know about their parents having sex, y'know? I would talk to them about it, and I would tell them all about using safer, better toys, and I would certainly offer to give them the money for one or two decent things. But the rest of it is up to them, and like I said, I wouldn't be there when they opened their package. It's their's, not mine, and if it's my precious baby, I don't want to think about them masturbating. =P
06/10/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
A lot of good points have been made here about privacy, and social/legal concerns regarding toys. I can't see myself presenting my child with a sex toy for his/her Nth birthday, but I like the idea of providing whatever information they'd want to know. I didn't buy any toys until I was over 21, but it would have been nice to have had one or two things during college instead of only near the end of college (or anytime after high school). I'd like my children to know they didn't have to have relationships/partners to be sexually satisfied. This was something that wasn't obvious to me, especially when I was under 18.
06/10/2009
Liz2 Liz2
So many parents wait for the right age and time to have the sex talk. I feel all kids learn about sex from their parents attitude. I did from my mother, my father was shy, we kid him now about this but he knew my mother was involved. She was also unrelenting in that we know and use the correct bodily terms, no cute terms.
Time to begin....right from birth.
06/10/2009
Tuesday Tuesday
I don't know if you would consider 19 still an adolescent but I did offer to buy him a fleshlight if he broke up with his girlfriend. She was so not right for him and I think he was hanging on for the sex. He declined and broke up with her anyway.
06/10/2009
Dragon Dragon
I have THE adolescent NOW. I didn't even know sex toys existed until I had been married for well over 15 years. I didn't know that high quality toys existed until my husband and I had recognized some sexual problems existed.

I want my daughters to KNOW that sex involves more than one or two positions. I want my children to know that there is a good side to porn. That there are sexual acts and positions that most of the world will freak out about that can be amazing. That strip clubs can be fun and toys can be good too. That the world of sexuality is something to be explored for their entire lifetime.

But I also want them to explore it slowly and gently- at their pace. The oldest is 14 right now. She needs to learn what her own body does. How it responds to her fingers, imagination and time. She needs to learn that sex feels good, but you don't just sleep around because of it because the boys walk off and that hurts like hell if you might have expected something else afterwards.

Toys? Hell if I know. I'm pretty sure that at this point, I'd rather her feel the joy of being fucked by a cock before being fucked by a dildo. But I will have every discussion there is.

Right now.... It's all about the emotions. And she hears that the reason some behavior at a dance may be because of what a teenager boy feels when he unexpectedly gets hard and we can talk about that.

And the younger is 11. She is so in a different world right now. Sometimes I wonder how three years makes such a difference....
06/10/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
I don't know if you would consider 19 still an adolescent but I did offer to buy him a fleshlight if he broke up with his girlfriend. She was so not right for him and I think he was hanging on for the sex. He declined and broke up with her anyway.
When I was considering it, I was thinking 12 to 17-ish because, at 18 I could buy my own (and did, haha).
06/10/2009
Katti Kat Katti Kat
I have a much younger cousin whom several years ago I found telling boys on the internet that she was 18 (she was 13). I also discovered nude pictures she received. This opened up a discussion about sex and a much needed talk about online predators and other stupid teenage behavior. I did not scold her but instead told her that if she ever had any questions about anything to come to me and I will be honest with her. She has come to me with many questions and I have even bought a bullet for her when she was 16.

I think this open and trusting relationship where she has been able to talk to an adult about sex has kept her from indulging into some of her hormones and I know for a fact that she has practiced safe sex.

I remember experimenting with various objects at about 12 or 13 and now knowing what I know about toy safety, I would definitely teach my kids about sex and self gratification so that they are safe. I would also make toys available for them if they were curious.
06/12/2009
LilyLust LilyLust
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I was reading a post about how some sex toys were banned from certain states according to morals/religious beliefs, etc.

It got me thinking about how parents in general do not encourage masturbation and tell their children its bad. I got my ... More
my husband and I have a plan. As our children reach puberty we will talk with them, educate them (book articles and so on) on safe sex, toy safety, std's, and the whole lot. Give them condoms (male and female) and if they want help them pick out a toy. I rather them be having safe sex and me know they are, then them go behind my back have unprotected sex and contract something. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of, one of our most basic instincts, that also can feel OH so good!
06/21/2009
Goodkittygnbad Goodkittygnbad
I wish my parents had been more open with sex about me. They bought a set of books and basically said "Here." and that was it. Maturbation was a BIG no in our house and to this day, I think that's why I have trouble with it.

I think if my parents had been more open and supportive (not supportive of sex persay, but just of pleasure) that I'd be more free now.

I'm slowly getting over the...guilt side of things when trying to pleasure myself when I'm alone, but it's still hard and sometimes puts up a huge mental wall that prevents any type of enjoyment.

If/when I have a girl I will talk to her in an open manner, explain that sex can end up in parenthood, and explain that until she's ready for that risk that I'd rather her use a vibrator. I will gladly purchase one for her.
06/21/2009
Cwhitten006 Cwhitten006
Quote:
Originally posted by Goodkittygnbad
I wish my parents had been more open with sex about me. They bought a set of books and basically said "Here." and that was it. Maturbation was a BIG no in our house and to this day, I think that's why I have trouble with it.

I ... More
I know how you feel. Except I didn't even get books. The sex topic was a NO NO in my house. There was no talk about sex or masturbation, nor was there books or any other type of informative information. I learned everything I knew from sex ed classes in school and friends from school. I talk to my younger sister about sex cause sex is still a no no in the house. My sister is 14 and has asked me a lot of questions, and I answer honestly and to the best of my ability. We are closer than I ever thought we would be since we are 10 years apart.
06/26/2009
Liz Liz
My mom gave me my first vibrator when I was 15, along with a copy of "Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm." Previously, she'd provided me with all the necessary information and the opportunity to ask questions, but she never forced discussion on me, which I appreciated. I always felt I could go to her if I had concerns or was curious, but I was never worried that she was going to "ambush" me with a spontaneous sex talk. The book and the toy appeared in my room unsolicited and accompanied by a handwritten note that repeated her willingness to talk about things any time I wanted, but also noting that discussion was not mandatory. Interestingly, I think she had a lot of insight into my personality, and understand that that was the best approach for me-- and I ended up confiding in her a lot more than I would have if she'd constantly pushed for sharing sessions. Somehow, my mom managed to simultaneously respect my privacy and encourage me to explore my sexuality, and for that I'm very grateful.

I'm 24 and probably still a long way out from having kids of my own, but I like to think I'd approach the issue of sexual self-exploration with my children in a similar way. I'd provide the information and the permission (implicit and explicit), and if my adolescent wanted to explore further through books or toys, I'd certainly permit that.
06/26/2009
Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
I don't plan on having kids of my own (whole slew of medical problems: as a friend so kindly put it, "who shit in your gene pool?"), but I've already told my 12 year old little sister that if she ever wants to talk about that stuff and is too embarrassed to talk to our parents, she can come to me. She already has come to me about some things, but it's mostly been about friends and starting her period thus far. If masturbation and/or toys ever come up, if she wants I'll buy her something quiet and discrete and safe.

I'll do the same for my nieces and nephews. I don't plan to be in their faces about sexuality, but we're not going to hide public displays of affection. And if they ever ask, or if their parents are ok with it, I'll gladly take them under my wing, as it were, too.

I just wish I'd gotten some form of talk from my parents. The closest they've ever come is, after I became comfortable with my sexuality and my growing stash of toys, bantering about sexual topics, rarely explicitly. When my mother was pregnant with my sister, they gave me a computer game called the 9 Month Miracle, an animated game/story about how babies grow. There was a short, 30 second bit at the beginning where you see the parents hugging, then going into their room and closing the door, as the only indication that sex was involved. And if the child is under 13, that part is omitted. Thank goodness I'm good at online research, or I'd know almost nothing about sex, safer sex, and sexual gratification, let alone orgasm. And masturbation and toys? Heaven forbid.
06/29/2009
Envy Envy
I'm not really keen on having children, however if it comes about, I would educate them. Hopefully my husband won't be too embarassed to add his part, too, otherwise I'll give him a piece of my mind, too!

As for toys, I think it depends. At the younger ages, probably not as kids have a way of blurting things out in school, again could lead to some legal issues and such. Mid to late teens? Maybe. It depends on the toy and if I have a boy or girl. (I'd really want a boy more.)

As for me, growing up all that stuff was a big NO. I wasn't even allowed to date until graduating college, of course I actually started dating at 19. I never even saw a real dick in front of my face until I was 21 for christ sakes! It's no wonder I'm still trying to understand and be comfortable with my body and sexuality, which I have spent years trying to avoid for fear of the wrath of my family, it's just a big no no. As for the educating, my dad's response was "I expected the school to teach you." (My mom left when i was 10, but i last saw her when i was 8.) But I skipped the classes, the very idea made me want to vomit and the teacher was understanding, I was just very against the idea and just not ready yet.
08/08/2009
gone77 gone77
I don't have any kids of my own, but I had a large part in raising my 19-year-old twins since the day they were born. And I still live with them. I've not only talked to them at length about sex, but I would definitely discuss sex toys with them and even offer to help them pay for one. Hell, I would even help their girlfriends out. I'm the cool aunt. lol They actually know I review sex toys so they'd probably seek me out for that purpose.
08/11/2009
gone77 gone77
Quote:
Originally posted by gone77
I don't have any kids of my own, but I had a large part in raising my 19-year-old twins since the day they were born. And I still live with them. I've not only talked to them at length about sex, but I would definitely discuss sex toys with ... More
Er, that should read "19-year-old twin nephews."
08/12/2009
Alt Alt
I was around 16 or 17 when I bought my first sex toys by using paypal. (19 now)You can also use a prepaid gift card.

I probably would, only if my son or daughter was open enough to talk about masturbation.
08/12/2009
Sanjay Sanjay
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I was reading a post about how some sex toys were banned from certain states according to morals/religious beliefs, etc.

It got me thinking about how parents in general do not encourage masturbation and tell their children its bad. I got my ... More
My husband and I were talking about this just the other day! We both agreed that once we have children, it would be important to discuss masturbation and the importance of managing "urges" in a healthy way instead of bottling up those feelings. We both feel that sex should ideally be reserved for a very close and special relationship, not just a spur of the moment decision. However, it is silly to think that a person can suppress sexual urges until that special person comes along! Masturbation is certainly better than diving into a sexual relationship too fast or worse, rape.

Also, I should clarify: I don't think "special person" necessarily means the person you're going to marry. People can have special relationships that don't work out for whatever reason. We just think that whenever it happends, it should be meaningful and not something to do with just anybody.
08/23/2009
Darling Dove Darling Dove
Honestly- kids can get sex toys underage. I managed to, I know others who managed to, the fact is if you stifle them and hide sex from them it will become a forbidden fruit that gets more and more delicious every day. This was how it was with me, and my family, vastly anti-sex, has seen me as a slut ever since the day they rooted through my trash (they are horrid snoops)and found sex toy packaging. Further, despite explaining to them that I had a sex partner and that we would like to be alone when we are around each other, they still seem shocked whenever that partner comes over, and look at us as JUST sex partners and not friends (we are very very good friends actually).

Due to this treatment I think sex will be an open topic in the household when I raise kids. I abstained from sex until I was halfway past 17- by choice, but I know a lesser willed girl would have given up and said yes at any time I said no, when it was so tempting but I just wasn't ready. I want my child educated about sex. I plan to homeschool my kids, so them blabbing about it shouldn't be as much of an issue, but if it is I would simply allege that one has the right to educate one's children as they please.

As far as providing them with toys, this would be more uncomfortable with me- only they will know what they like and want. When I was a minor and I got my first toys, I was so naive and got things way too big for me, things I didn't understand. I think at some point it may be appropriate to get your kid a small traditional vibrator or simple sleeve, if they express want for such a thing, but it should not be forced on them. My reason for turning to sex toys as a child, was that I had begun turning to unsafe alternatives- my hands are small, and I am short in an odd way. I can't manually stimulate myself well and that was what started my search for toys, but more... adept girls may not see the need for such a thing at all.
I don't think it would make them abstain from sex- but if they ever did make that choice, I would provide them with condoms/other birth control methods so they could do so safely. So.. I think sex should be an open topic, but given that one of my friends is being accused of child molestation because he babysat a little boy who, like all rowdy little boys, likes running around in his undies, and the mother decided her angel would never do such a thing and accused my friend of stripping her kid, well.. given that, I would probably hold somewhat of a tight leash on my child as for teaching them what is or is not okay to say in public and what will or will not get mommy and daddy sent to prison and get them poked and prodded by mean court counselors (they are very mean, I went to them as a kid) and then sent to live with people they don't know.
08/26/2009
Alt Alt
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Dove
Honestly- kids can get sex toys underage. I managed to, I know others who managed to, the fact is if you stifle them and hide sex from them it will become a forbidden fruit that gets more and more delicious every day. This was how it was with me, and ... More
I was always sure to cut up every sextoy packaging into tiny little pieces, and scatter them throughout other trash. If the colors are too obvious then I will lock the pieces in a plastic back, and then throw them into a dumpster, haha.

I take no chances.
08/26/2009
Jonathan Buffard Jonathan Buffard
Hello everybody, this is my first post. This question reminds me of a Sex ed Class that I took in High School. The text was liberal which is good for a sex ed class, but it went way too far. It went as far as saying, "it is okay to masturbate openly with your family." Of course, that´s ridiculous.

So I think there is a line to be drawn somewhere when it comes to sexual openness with your children. I personally would draw that line before buying your children sex toys. I think if my parents bought me a sex toy as a teenager it would be an embarassing and uncomfortable situation. I think if your dad gives you a fleshlight or anal beads, that´s a good memory to try and supress until it spills out on the couch of a phychologist 20 years later!!

Anyways, teenage guys don´t really need sex toys, to quote the new Kevin Smith movie, ¨guys are like sexual mcgivers, give them a paper tube and a couple rubber bands and they'll fuck it!" And I don´t think I would be comfortable giving my 16 year old daughter a vibrator. I don´t think it makes me prude either.
08/26/2009
Alt Alt
Quote:
Originally posted by Jonathan Buffard
Hello everybody, this is my first post. This question reminds me of a Sex ed Class that I took in High School. The text was liberal which is good for a sex ed class, but it went way too far. It went as far as saying, "it is okay to masturbate ... More
Hm, any sex ed class I took never even came close to talking about masturbation.

-->"teenage guys don´t really need sex toys"
Why? I certainly would not place my penis in paper, or rubberbands... that would hurt.
When should guys need sex toys? (as in what age?)

I guess I could stick to using odd objects about the house for anal play, but there is no object like a glass or metal butt plug that would be safe.
Only closest thing might be a MagLite for a metal dildo, but the ridge on the battery compartment is a little rough.
08/26/2009
Total posts: 214
Unique posters: 182