Buying a toy for your adolescent?

Alt Alt
Also, what about teenage girls, should they need sex toys, while teenage guys do not?
08/26/2009
Darling Dove Darling Dove
I think guys would be open to that if they were raised that way. Though it may be personal preference as well- no guy I'm partners with will touch a sleeve or fleshlight even if I bribe them.

I also understand the 'its too much' feeling but you're thinking based on how YOU were raised- if my mom had bought me a vibrator, considering we are sooooo anti sex in my family, yeah it would have been creepy. But if someone is comfortable that way with their family, I think it would be fine. Basing everything off of one's own personal experience in something that is changing in society every single day from taboo to either okay or more taboo depending on how you look at it, is kinda silly. I think being embarrassed about it just because your family wasnt open about such things is weird too. Nobody will break the cycle for you until you do.
08/26/2009
Alt Alt
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Dove
I think guys would be open to that if they were raised that way. Though it may be personal preference as well- no guy I'm partners with will touch a sleeve or fleshlight even if I bribe them.

I also understand the 'its too much' ... More
I have never once talked about masturbation at all to my parents, and I would say I am pretty open with any other people (other than my parents)
08/26/2009
Dark Muse Dark Muse
I honestly had never thought about my future children masturbating and whether or not I would discuss sex toys with them. My partner and I have discussed talking with them about sex, providing contraception if they want it, making sure they know about safe sex practices, etc. I had never really thought about toys though. I guess I probably would throw that in there with the bunch.

Has anyone seen the Weeds episode where Shane starts masturbating into his socks and flushing them down the toilet? The speech Andy gives him about how to masturbate was hilarious. I wouldn't want my child to be masturbating into a banana peel though. My first "toy" was a hair brush handle and a makeup brush to play with my clit. Thinking back, it wasn't the most sanitary, and I would feel a lot safer with my future kids using actual toys.

Thanks for the thread! I had never thought about this before.
08/28/2009
Two2Tango Two2Tango
OMG! This is one interesting and hilarious post. We do have 2 kids(1 boy and 1 girl) but I'm hoping the sex talk is a few years away still as they are quite young. But I do remember my wife coming into the room laughing when my son was 2 because she walked into his room and he had stripped and was playing with his penis. We didnt get onto him for it, but did tell him it was inapropriate to be naked with the door open as he has a slightly older sister. I still get a kick out of it tho. My response to my wife was typical I suppose. "That's my boy!"
08/28/2009
MonaFry MonaFry
Quote:
Originally posted by Alt
Hm, any sex ed class I took never even came close to talking about masturbation.

-->"teenage guys don´t really need sex toys"
Why? I certainly would not place my penis in paper, or rubberbands... that would hurt.
When ... More
I know very little about my parents opinions, thoughts, etc. on sex. I really learned about it all at school and from friends. They would bring it up every now and then only to encourage safety. I could have asked them if I wanted, but I didn't really want to. It just creeped me out to think about my parents and sex and it honestly still kinda does. I would rather ask someone closer to my age or look it up myself than get some cheesy answer they were likely to give me/too much information/weird visuals. They had the best intentions, though. They understood. They did a good job. That's why I picked I wouldn't bring it up unless they did. A friend took me to get my first toy for my 18th birthday, so my parents weren't even faced with this issue with me.
10/13/2009
Kallandar Kallandar
I have the opposite (sort of) problem. My mum bought me my first toy, and she is pretty non-judgemental, BUT she is also not willing to talk a lot. I am highly sex-positive, and safer-sex-positive, and I have been encouraging her to go out and find a partner. I have also been hinting that she should get a toy or two, but she's very shy and kind of prudish. I'm about to throw my hat in and just get her one as a "joke" for her next birthday. She has The Whole Lesbian Sex Book hidden in her room, and that has to be a good sign, right?
11/15/2009
hornymommy hornymommy
I got caught masturbating from my mother when I was 12 or so; she told me that it was bad and I could only do it with my future husband after marriage. She then told my father (understandable) and my grandparents (unnecessary) what she had caught me doing. I was terrified to do it and stopped until I was 17. I am now 19 and have my fair share of toys and quite enjoy them..and yes, I still live at home. My mom knows that I have toys (she was snooping and found them), but is okay with it because she thinks it will decrease my need for sex. Just because she's okay with it now doesn't mean that she would ever buy me a toy. And I would never do it for my children. However, I would not tell them masturbation is wrong because I think it is healthy.
11/19/2009
Alt Alt
Quote:
Originally posted by hornymommy
I got caught masturbating from my mother when I was 12 or so; she told me that it was bad and I could only do it with my future husband after marriage. She then told my father (understandable) and my grandparents (unnecessary) what she had caught me ... More
That is amazing she is okay with it now, when she was so horrified when she found out that you started masturbating 7 years ago.
I am curious (if you feel like sharing) how did she catch you when you were 12, and why was she snooping in your room recently?
11/23/2009
Daddy'sPuppy Daddy'sPuppy
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
I hope people don't jump all over me for saying this, but what I personally will do for my child will depend on whether the child is male or female. If she's a female, it'd probably be easier for me to talk to her, as I'm female, but ... More
Nothing wrong with that i think, as long as you dont change it to" if hes a male i buy him a hooker and if shes female i buy her a chastity belt and a one way to a convent"
12/08/2009
Daddy'sPuppy Daddy'sPuppy
Quote:
Originally posted by Sleeping Dreamer
I won't jump over you for that but I will say, once you have kids or your kids get older, your feelings about the "sex talk" may change. Whenever it comes to anything sexual (my 4 year old often masturbates) I'm usually the one ... More
4 year old is not masterbation, its just exploration...you could say its the same thing but no...hes just exploring not getting any sexual trill like we do.
12/08/2009
Johndoe Johndoe
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I was reading a post about how some sex toys were banned from certain states according to morals/religious beliefs, etc.

It got me thinking about how parents in general do not encourage masturbation and tell their children its bad. I got my ... More
Educate my (future) children? Are you crazy? I'm not even going to tell my daughter she has a vagina until she turns 18! (link)

No really, I think it depends on circumstances that I can't predict right now. What age is he/she, what gender, is the mother around to help. Ect ect.

If my child is male at around the 11-12 age, I'd be willing to sit down and discuss sexuality. Fill in the questions that left me confused, and point him towards some websites that will go into detail so that I don't have to. If he asked for a sex toy, I'd consider it. The context would be the ultimate decision maker, I can't predict what I'd say now.

As for a female child at around the same age, that job would definitely go to the mother if she was available at the time. Nothing personal ladies; but that's a highly emotional talk, and I'm simply not equipped to discuss anything more emotionally stimulating than a clip on youtube involving kittens.

If she wasn't available, I'd probably go the "subtle" way of leaving a book full of information on female and general sexuality in her room at the start of puberty. I'd make it known that I was available to talk if questions needed filling in. I'd then see if there wasn't a female family member more equipped to discuss any issues that needed to be discussed, and ask her advice on the situation as a whole. Then, I'd make a decision on a sex toy or not, depending on the situation.

Blah, I hate to be so indecisive. I just can't answer the question with so many variables
12/11/2009
Fyreflye Fyreflye
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I was reading a post about how some sex toys were banned from certain states according to morals/religious beliefs, etc.

It got me thinking about how parents in general do not encourage masturbation and tell their children its bad. I got my ... More
I think that teens should especially be informed. I think if my child was like ten and I offered them a toy it would probably freak them out, and if anyone found out.....Anyways I think there is a certain age that it is appropriate to let them have one IF THEY SUGGEST. I wouldn't say, "Hun, I think its time you got a dildo." But, yes, there is a time when you should discuss it, maybe as a sex alternative?
12/14/2009
Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Daddy'sPuppy
4 year old is not masterbation, its just exploration...you could say its the same thing but no...hes just exploring not getting any sexual trill like we do.
I'm a preschool teacher. With some kids - it is something more than exploration! Believe me... At the very least "pleasuring, self soothing behavior." They know damn well that it feels good, especially when it becomes repetitive and difficult for them to stop.
12/14/2009
Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Johndoe
Educate my (future) children? Are you crazy? I'm not even going to tell my daughter she has a vagina until she turns 18! (link)

No really, I think it depends on circumstances that I can't predict right now. What age is he/she, what ... More
I'm assuming you don't have kids yet... Do you know that kids these days may actually get their period around age 9 or 10? Yeah - no sex toys that early. Not even, but I think some education before then is definitely in order!
12/14/2009
xsapphirexangelx xsapphirexangelx
i dont know if im going to have a kid but, it would really depend on my kids personality how i talked to them and i would only consider giving a girl a sex toy, probably. Maybe somhing like litte honey (small, quiet, fun vibs)when she was 16 or 17. i think guys are just fine using their hands, but thats not as effective for girls (somtimes prompting them to use inappropriate things) so i would rather them be safe and satisfied =]


i only knew one girl whos mom gave her a vibrator early on(trying to discourage sex) and this particular girl still had sex (a lot, and w/ a variety of partners). She also managed to get prego and contract herpes, from the same guy(who she had an on and off realationship for yrs, with multiple incidents of cheeting). i am not saying at all that this is a result of her being given a sex toy but probly of not being talked to properly, or raised well. so i belive it is absolutely imperative to talk to your kids if they are open to it, if their not intrested don't.

i also knew a guy who told me his dad promised him a flehlight or somthing when he was a little older. I always just thught this was weird, but hey to your desgression. It makes me think his dad was like "hey i know your not getting pussy so heres a substitute!" ,but maybe i just get that because of the guy involved. haha
01/07/2010
Alt Alt
Quote:
Originally posted by xsapphirexangelx
i dont know if im going to have a kid but, it would really depend on my kids personality how i talked to them and i would only consider giving a girl a sex toy, probably. Maybe somhing like litte honey (small, quiet, fun vibs)when she was 16 or 17. i ... More
-->"i think guys are just fine using their hands, but thats not as effective for girls"
I don't see how how masturbation for females is more difficult especially when clits have 2x more nerve endings than the male penis and also females have a 2nd pleasure zone that is lacking for males: The vagina.

-->"but probly of not being talked to properly"
Hell, my parents never even talked about masturbation, and I only tried sex once(@ 17) to see what it was like.
It was lame as hell, and if I ever do plan to do it again, then I sure has hell would never not use protection.
I doubt that choices in life are based on how little parents educate their children.

-->"I always just thught this was weird"
How would that be any more weird than giving your daughter a vibrator?

-->"It makes me think his dad was like "hey i know your not getting pussy so heres a substitute!""
Umm... males using sex toys doesn't mean that we are not "getting pussy".
Do you also think that females using vibrators means that they are not "getting penis" ?
I would still masturbate and use toys even if I was having sex daily(although I personally just choose to not have sex because I have yet to find it appealing at all)
01/08/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
I wouldn't have a problem buying my adolescent a sex toy, because if they're playing with that then theoretically they're less likely to be playing with somebody who can get them pregnant/they can get pregnant.

But also because my child should know that they need to be comfortable in their own bodies and there is nothing wrong with pleasuring oneself as long as (just like everything else) it doesn't interfere with running your daily life
01/11/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I was reading a post about how some sex toys were banned from certain states according to morals/religious beliefs, etc.

It got me thinking about how parents in general do not encourage masturbation and tell their children its bad. I got my ... More
I am so on the fence about this question. I want my kids to be sexually aware and able to pleasure themselves, but at the same time I dunno if I am ok with buying them sex toys. It's not because I think that being open about sex and toys promotes promiscuity or anything silly like that, I am unsure right now if I am comfortable with it...

Still if my girls (Who are rapidly approaching their teen years) ask me I will talk with them openly and frankly. I have a sneaking suspicion that their Dad would be more comfortable with buying them the toy, or at least paying for it without really being in on the choosing. Still I really don't know, my girls have yet to actually come to me and ask any questions despite my recently having had a baby. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

I do hope that if they do ask about toys or want some for themselves that they will join this community and actually educate themselves about proper practices. Might do them a world of good to review products and get really comfortable with their sexuality. Might lead to some really cool discussions later on...can you picture the dinner table conversation? LOL
01/31/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
I hope people don't jump all over me for saying this, but what I personally will do for my child will depend on whether the child is male or female. If she's a female, it'd probably be easier for me to talk to her, as I'm female, but ... More
I can see the logic in that answer Rockin' your partner knows about male sexuality from the inside out, he could explain theings you simply can't. Still i hope I can be as available for my son as I am with my daughters but I would have both his father and step-father there to back me up or teach him correctly!
01/31/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sleeping Dreamer
I won't jump over you for that but I will say, once you have kids or your kids get older, your feelings about the "sex talk" may change. Whenever it comes to anything sexual (my 4 year old often masturbates) I'm usually the one ... More
OMG do I know what you mean! My oldest at 18 months discovered her "wiggly", the spot in her "magina" (aka peepee, she has always loved using big words and heard the word vagina on tv) that when she touched it made her wiggle. She was so proud of discovering something new and exciting that she announced her find at the dinner table. It took me a minute to fathom what she meant...but I can be excused as her sister was only a few days old at the time LOL. She wanted to show me and proceeded to show me over her panties (she was in pullups at the time which I think helped the exploration along). I nodded wisely and advised her that "wiggling" was something done in private!

My husband got red faced and said she was following the family tradition...both he and I remember masturbating at an early age. He always left the room when she would touch herself, though, so I was the one who politely asked her to do that in private. I can't imagine it'll be that different with my son, though his father has NO trouble with masturbation and discussing it except with our girls as he feels it's not his place to discuss sexual matters with them (he's not their father)! He will answer any question he feel comfortable answering but if he doesn't feel comfortable he accompanies them to talk to either their father or myself.

With two sexually aware men in the household I hope my son will have someone he will feel comfortable discussing sexual matters with.
01/31/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
So many parents wait for the right age and time to have the sex talk. I feel all kids learn about sex from their parents attitude. I did from my mother, my father was shy, we kid him now about this but he knew my mother was involved. She was also ... More
My daughter actually thanked me for talkiing with her openly about sex. I am very low key and try to be available to answer any question I feel is appropriate (my sex life is off limits...what I do in the bedroom is my business not my children's). She just recently had her first period and after about a week I sat her down after watching a show about the female body on the discovery channel and had 'the talk' with her. It was low key and she asked a zillion questions but mostly she was curious about her body. Sex did come up but she has decided that she isn't ready (thank ALL the Gods) for a boyfriend never mind sex! She's only 13 and we have let her know that we want her to be the one to decide when she's ready...but we can't help her protect herself or keep herself healthy if she won't tell us. We do talk about abstinence and how it is the only 100% way to keep healthy sexually, but we take it farther and let her know how sex can mess with body chemistry. We don't want her to avoid sex because she is afraid of it, or worse hide it because she's afraid we'll be disappointed or hate her. We'd prefer to be able to help guide her and support her and her sister with real knowledge not scare tactics and threats.

My Mom was the one who talked to us girls as well, my Dad is too squeamish to discuss sex with us even now! My Mom also insisted we use proper terminology though she did allow peepee as well as vagina. My favorite term was 'lady parts' which used to drive her NUTZ! LOL
01/31/2010
Heather Heather
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
My daughter actually thanked me for talkiing with her openly about sex. I am very low key and try to be available to answer any question I feel is appropriate (my sex life is off limits...what I do in the bedroom is my business not my ... More
Airen,

Thank you for your posts here on this topic. I'm happy to see someone here believes much the same as I do. Especially thank you for sharing your talk with your daughter. It’s nice to know it can be done without fear but with much intelligence and understanding. I’m seeing too many kids exposed too early for their mental age to too much regarding sex and often given misinformation. On the flip side I’ve seen what happens when they are sheltered and taught to fear sex. Understanding their own bodies is a big process and I see no reason to introduce them to toys too soon. They really need to explore their own bodies and understand how it all works first. Our son started to discover at a very young age. As hard as it was for me not to make the big mistake of saying, “Don’t do that or it will fall off”, I got smart and simply said, “In private, please”. That was all that would fumble from my gapping mouth. We’re just starting with questions regarding male and female anatomy and know given my son’s maturity and curiosity levels more in depth questions are coming soon. I only hope to handle it as well as you have.
02/04/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Jonathan Buffard
Hello everybody, this is my first post. This question reminds me of a Sex ed Class that I took in High School. The text was liberal which is good for a sex ed class, but it went way too far. It went as far as saying, "it is okay to masturbate ... More
Ummmm ya, I think even liberal ol' me would have problems with my kids being taught that it was ok to openly masturbate in front of your family let alone WITH then! Geesh that's just a bit too much.
02/04/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by xsapphirexangelx
i dont know if im going to have a kid but, it would really depend on my kids personality how i talked to them and i would only consider giving a girl a sex toy, probably. Maybe somhing like litte honey (small, quiet, fun vibs)when she was 16 or 17. i ... More
I'd have to disagree that boys are fine with their hands while girls need something more or they get innapropriate...I never had sex toys as a teenager and I never got inappropriate, my hands were just fine!

A fleshlight doesn't replace a female and it's kind of sweet that his Dad would think of his son enough to offer him such a well liked toy. I rather doubt unless the boy was comfortbale talking to his father that his father had any idea whether his son was "getting pussy". Hell my life partner has just recently found out his entire family thought he was a closet homosexual because he didn't have a girlfriend! Imagine their surprise when I showed up AND got pregnant! Just goes to show you should never make assumptions about your kids and their sex lives.
02/04/2010
xchairitycasex xchairitycasex
I was told about sex at a VERY early age. and i had an older sister who was also informed at an early age. but my mom wasnt very op and usually made jokes about everything in life which of coarse included sex. so growing up sex was basically a big joke when i was 7 and my sister was 11 we stole a play girl mag from a friends older sister who aso happend to be our babysitter we looked thru it and made fun of all the guys, how goofy they looked with there "things" naked except for socks and sailor hats. and as we got older we would sit around watching porn (i was 9 my sister 13) with our closest friends and make fun. we did this with my mom in the other room she would walk thru and we would tell her to look she would say "oh gross i dont wanna see that" and we would laugh and she would leave. i never masturbabted untill i was with my boyfriend and we were having sex.

Its funny i was having this exact same conversation with my mom and sister about 2 years ago. i said yes i would absolutly buy my son or daughter a sex toy IF they wanted them i would not harp on them to get one though.
i would rather my son or daughter used a toy when they started feelin horney (like me i started having orgasms when i was 9) instead of finding a person. let them wait untill they are older before having sex or doing things with a person simply because so many things can happen pregnancys,STDs and above all hurt feelings later on regret and sometimes even needing therapy.
i think my 13 or 14 year old having a sex toy instead of a baby or dieses is very much worth it.
02/24/2010
CockGawker CockGawker
I think there should be a tradition where everybody gets a big "coming of age" birthday gift basket when they are 15 or something -- filled with educational books, trashy novels, and toys.

My sister (who is 12 years older than myself) gave me condoms and a book on my 13th birthday -- but that's no fun -- I was a good 4 years off from needing to use the condoms. (I did, however, make some awesome water balloon bombs from the condoms).
02/25/2010
Shanna Germain Shanna Germain
It's odd, because I read the word adolescent and was thinking, "No way." I guess I still think of adolescents being really young -- so then I read the post and question and I realized that I would totally help my kids purchase toys. I mean, I'd help them try to make a good choice when getting a computer, a car, and anything else, so why not offer my knowledge and assistance with sex toys as well? It makes total sense to me.

I'd probably even be one of those parents who helped -other- kids -- you know, I can see myself planning a sex toy store road trip and taking my kid and all her friends. Which, of course, is tricky territory...
02/25/2010
Phoenix77 Phoenix77
I have no plans on ever having kids, I'm going to make the clear right now. However, I think that if I ever did, I would be OK with the idea of getting them a toy... I don't regret anything I did as a teenager, but I also don't view most teens as being responsible enough to make the same choices as my first and I did. I think a toy would be a great way in introduce them to their sexuality without them having to deal with the fear of pregnancy or STIs. Also, I feel it would allow them to know that they could come to me for any questions they might have, without feeling that I was going to judge them.

Of course, if I had a kid who pushed me out of their life as thoroughly as I did with my parents, I might have a different answer... And again, this is all hypothetical, since I don't plan on having any beasties
03/24/2010
chelseahotel1224 chelseahotel1224
I actually was talking to my boyfriend (and hopefully husband-to-be) just the other day, and he thought I was a nut. I grew up in a house where nothing was talked about. When there was a rumor that a girl in my sixth grade class gave a boy a blow job, my mom sat me down, told me it was wrong, and that that isn't something you do until you're married. I've never had a sex talk with my mom, really, and I've only talked about it with my dad a little. I learned mostly everything from my friends and plannedparenthood.com.

I would definitely buy a toy for my adolescent. I think it's important to know about sex, especially with the way kids are growing up now. It's everywhere. And I think it's important to know about their bodies and how things work.

That being said, there has to be a line drawn. I certainly wouldn't buy my 14 year old daughter handcuffs or anything like that. But I originally got into this discussion because I remarked to my boyfriend that the rubber ducky vibrator is perfect for younger girls. It's innocent and not intimidating at all.
03/24/2010
Total posts: 214
Unique posters: 182