is it okay for an 18 year old girl to date a 32 year old guy?

sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by TumorCrunch
my best friend.....ugh...i don't think i'd mind quite as much as i do if he wasn't a dick to me...but still what do you think?
As long as hes not a dick to her, I would choke it back. You will know it time if its going to work or not and so will she(he). My guy is 10 years older which isnt much now but 20 years ago people raised eyebrows.
03/23/2011
Amy Snookum Amy Snookum
What do you think about another case? 18 year old man to date a 32 year old woman?
03/23/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
It's legal. If it's consensual, I don't have a problem with it. I dated a 35+ year old professor when I was 19, while in an open relationship. I was old enough to make my own decisions. He decided that he wasn't comfortable with the age difference. {shrug}

My father's wife is more than 20 years younger than he is.

People find love in all kinds of places.
03/23/2011
LittleBird LittleBird
She is of age. She can do what she likes.
03/23/2011
kitsuneyouko5 kitsuneyouko5
a lot of older younger dating gets peed on by people who haven't been in that type of relationship before. im married to a man who is 21 years my senior, we got together when i was 19. It all depends on the people involved, the two doing the dating. as bitchy as it sounds it really doesn't involve the people outside the relationship all that much, some of my friends tweaked out at first, some even threw themselves at me in a humorous but irritating attempt to get me to date them instead of my hubby, but let me tell ya its the best relationship Ive ever had. hes mature and more than capable of standing up and taking care of his responsibilities, i NEVER come home from my part time (aka my get out of the house away from the kids for a few hours ) job to find anything amis, Ive NEVER been woken up in the middle of the night because his phones goin off with some other chick givin him a booty call and Ive never smelt another womans perfume on him. I know not all younger men are like this but most of the ones Ive dated seem to want to take advantage of it when a woman doesn't ride their coat tails all the time about where they are.
All im saying is give this guy a chance. Ya never know, this might be the perfect guy for your friend, and if not oh well guess what? you were there first! She'll need to know you've got her back no matter what.
03/23/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I voted the ubiqitous 'other'.

I'm 11 years older than my wife. We met at 23 & 34 and married a year later. But when she was 18 I would not have considered her mature enough to make that kind of decision.
03/23/2011
Erotica Explorer Erotica Explorer
Quote:
Originally posted by Amy Snookum
What do you think about another case? 18 year old man to date a 32 year old woman?
I think that this is where our Western values get in the way of equity and equality.

Word 'round the modern campfire is that "cougars" are sexy, sensual, sexual, free-wheeling and spontaneous. And "empowered." A man in this same position, same ages, with the same desires and wants and needs? "Perverted" and "dirty," and "should feel ashamed" of himself.

Good point, Amy. This actually may make a very good follow-on poll. It'd be interesting to compare the results and conversations.
03/24/2011
Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
My parents have been married for 59 years (they are old enough to be my grandparents). They married when my mom was 18 and my dad was 28, just two weeks after they'd met. While I don't recommend such a short courtship, there are definitely successful relationships with a considerable age disparity between partners. People vary in temperament and maturity, so it depends on how good a match the two people are.
03/25/2011
Shellz31 Shellz31
I really think it depends on what each of them is looking for out of the relationship and their maturity.
She is yet to experience a lot of things he has already been through which could cause too much of an age difference issue in time.
03/25/2011
PersonalAngel PersonalAngel
Legally its fine, I find that most girls under 25 to still have a high school mentality.So he'll probably give up or go crazy. Not saying all, After all im still way under 25.
03/25/2011
PersonalAngel PersonalAngel
Legally its fine, I find that most girls under 25 to still have a high school mentality.So he'll probably give up or go crazy. Not saying all, After all im still way under 25.
03/25/2011
Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by MrRainybowbow
Honestly i find it creepy. One shes just at the legal age practicly a baby in my eyes and two she was in diepers when he was in his teen years.
At 18 yes she is young but we do not know the person in question. Perhaps she has a head on her shoulders.

as as far as the "being in diapers when he was in his teen years", it is a 14 year gap. The man and I have the same gap (I am 31 and he is 45) and we are VERY happy together. What does it matter
03/25/2011
Envy Envy
I think it depends on the people involved and the maturity levels.
03/29/2011
PinkPedal PinkPedal
I think its fine. As long as there doing it for the right reasons, love can be any where.
03/29/2011
Kdlips Kdlips
im ok wit it
03/29/2011
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by TumorCrunch
my best friend.....ugh...i don't think i'd mind quite as much as i do if he wasn't a dick to me...but still what do you think?
It's not my business or place to say anything
03/30/2011
soyandapplecrisp soyandapplecrisp
It depends on the two people, really. From my personal experience from dating a much older man when I was seventeen, sometimes older guys go for the young ones because they themselves are immature and losers and younger women/girls will often (not always) overlook these characteristics and be more forgiving. On another level, both people might just be very compatible and click right with age being a matter that's learned of later, etc.

Still, I think these relationships generally fail when on person is still that young. That's not a bad thing either, live and learn ya know.
03/30/2011
Fuck it. Fuck it.
It's fine, but most people need to be very careful and wary of relationships like this. A lot of times the guy has issues he hopes younger women will overlook.

I've got some experience with that. -_-
03/30/2011
redsugar redsugar
i try to be open-minded, but this is one area where i struggle. in my personal experience, guys that old who date girls that young have issues. (cannot speak for the girls, as i had known the guys, not the girls. gay men too, who were into "twinks.") society says it's ok, but society says a lot of things are ok that i disagree with personally. on a case to case basis it may be ok, but in general, it kind of disturbs me. for the record, my bf is 9 years older than me...and i don't think i could do much more of an age disparity than that. though, i think as one matures, age disparities matter less. 40 and 60, ok. 40 and 20, cause for concern.
03/31/2011
Ansley Ansley
I'm going to be honest, guys my age piss me the fuck off. It was worse when I was in my early 20's. I lived with someone for two years who was six months younger than me. He grew up wealthy compared to how I grew up. He went to the best schools and had a shot at a nice career, if only he could keep his mouth shut. He blew it. All. Got into drugs. Got out of drugs. Then met me.

I had a nice two bedroom apartment, a good job, a nice car. I lost it all because that guy wouldn't get up and go to work every day. He refused to try to better himself at all. I had to teach him everything about how a household runs. It was freaking exhausting.

I don't want to train someone in the basic ways of life. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't understand that mistakes made now affect the entire future of both people involved.

And no matter where I turned my head, they were all the same. Guys my age, that is. Jobless. Druggies. Immature. Mama's boys. Still telling fart jokes in mixed company. That kind of crap. It quite literally infuriated me.

It's really really nice when a problem comes up in my household and I can turn to my man and say 'baby, I think we're screwed, yadda yadda yadda' and he comes back and says 'no, we just have to do this this and this'. Simple.

Relationship experts state that one person is always going to be more 'this' or less 'that' and that's what it takes to work. If you have two people on the same level or there is a vast difference in levels (a genius with a bona-fide idiot) it won't work for long. There's no challenge or the disparity is too great to overcome.

When it comes to a large age difference between a man and a woman I think you have to dig a little deeper and understand what it is both of those people value. For instance, the main reason my husband and I get along so well is because I am absolutely fascinated by music from the 60's, 70's and 80's. I enjoy listening to the stories of his youth and understand those are things that shaped him into who he is today. We share the same political, religious and family values.

I was never really given a childhood. Latch key kid by the age of 7, cooking and doing all house chores by age 10, and all of my siblings are a decade or more older than me. My earliest memory is being told I had an old soul at the age of 6 because I just didn't think like the other kids my age did. I wasn't interested in anything they were. I watched nature shows, not cartoons. I was practically groomed by my upbringing to fall for an older man.

Yes, there are some really lecherous men and really dumb girls that just go for the ass or the money, respectively. I really don't think any one can argue that being used for your body or your wallet is applicable only to relationships where there is a vast difference in age.
03/31/2011
callsignhusker callsignhusker
Yes, even if it's a bad relationship in some ways, it wouldn't be a free country otherwise, but hopefully it's a good relationship!
03/31/2011
SexyySarah SexyySarah
I think it's fine, but I'm parcial to it because I am married to someone 19 years my senior. And I love that he is much older because he had the time to "growup".
03/31/2011
Sweet-Justice Sweet-Justice
As long as you are both happy and not hurting anyone go for it! Love is love age shouldn't define it.
03/31/2011
Erotica Explorer Erotica Explorer
Quote:
Originally posted by redsugar
i try to be open-minded, but this is one area where i struggle. in my personal experience, guys that old who date girls that young have issues. (cannot speak for the girls, as i had known the guys, not the girls. gay men too, who were into ... More
No. Society does *not* say this is okay. You may think this, but you're wrong. One need only look above at multiple posts dismissing the older of the dyad as a "pervert," "creep," "loser," and so forth.

It is taxing if one permits.

And I would agree with you insofar as "milestone-based" age differentials. The big ones are leaving home, going to university, graduating from university, getting married, buying a house, having children, then perhaps having grand-children. The difference between these milestones typically increases exponentially with respect to years between them.

I think, however, the utility of this argument diminishes as the level to which both parties live in the "world of ideas" increases. That is to say, I believe that cerebral types will have an easier time of it--as far as connecting and really seeing who the other person is, and enjoying & responding to that--than people who live unexamined lives. I know that I certainly couldn't be with someone who didn't at least stop to think about The Big Questions. And finding this quality in people now is exceptional, no matter their chronological age.
03/31/2011
Erotica Explorer Erotica Explorer
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I'm going to be honest, guys my age piss me the fuck off. It was worse when I was in my early 20's. I lived with someone for two years who was six months younger than me. He grew up wealthy compared to how I grew up. He went to the best ... More
Your complaint seems common, especially in this day and age. Unfortunately, boys (not men) now seem to aspire to playing video games with their friends over the Internet and unlocking "achievements." This, while fine in and of itself, is being aspired to in lieu of making intellectual, physical, or spiritual progress into the world.

I'm sorry to hear that you played mommy to a boy. Some may think this fun in role-play, but as part of daily living, it will grow wearing.

I think you've hit several nails squarely on the head in this post. Specifically, you talk about a few dimensions:
* Openness and honesty in a relationship, even if the subject is distressing;
* Intellectual compatibility of the couple;
* Chronological age not always meshing with interests and maturation;
* This not being the case of an old horny pervert going after the girls. Not always, at least.

Finally, I will posit this: as long as everyone is informed and made fully aware of the other party's intentions, I think people who aren't minors and haven't been found to have diminished capacity can make a reasoned decision. They may make mistakes--and everyone will, given enough time to do so--but they'll know where their partner stands, and what s/he stands for. And this is considerably more than many people seem to have or expect.

That's my six cents worth.
03/31/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Erotica Explorer
No. Society does *not* say this is okay. You may think this, but you're wrong. One need only look above at multiple posts dismissing the older of the dyad as a "pervert," "creep," "loser," and so ... More
My husband and I have stopped associating with people in the past because of their judgment about our relationship. Their loss, we're really cool people.

I completely agree with you about 'unexamined lives'. Very well said.
03/31/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Erotica Explorer
Your complaint seems common, especially in this day and age. Unfortunately, boys (not men) now seem to aspire to playing video games with their friends over the Internet and unlocking "achievements." This, while fine in and of itself, is ... More
It was a lesson learned and when my husband and I reconnected, he was a sight for sore eyes. I couldn't have made a better decision.
03/31/2011
Kat Shanahan Kat Shanahan
Well, I can only speak to my own experiences, but I know that when I was 18, 32 was OLD, you know? Like, going out with an "older man" was one thing, but to me at that point, 32 wasn't just "older", it was "OLD". *L*

I think I all depends on the maturity of the two people involved, but I have to say that I would kind of question what a 32-year-old would see in an 18-year-old, period.
03/31/2011
SamsDelight SamsDelight
I say absolutely no. There is no way a 18 year old is anywhere the same maturity of anyone over the age of 30. Just does not happen. I was stupid and did it and like I said stupid. I wish I had known then what I now know at 30.
03/31/2011
MaryExy MaryExy
I'm in the early years of college and my guy's 11 years older. Not as big of a difference, but I am perfectly happy. When we started talking and stuff we didn't ask each other for ages, so it's not like he was a creeper hunting for younger girls. We had a little bit of an "Oh! you're THAT old?" moment when we revealed ages, but we were already pretty much set.

Different people have different maturity levels. I've met 14 year olds that could've passed for being in their 20s maturity-wise, I've met 40-50 year olds that act like small children with an added sex drive. This kinda thing goes on a case-by-case basis to me.

Yes, it could be very wrong, but it could also be a legit relationship with a lot of promise. There's no real way to tell without knowing both personalities.
03/31/2011
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