Learning your body first? Or buying a toy...

Dragon Dragon
I've been thinking about the content of some of the other threads. It seems to me that some people think that there are a lot of women that can't or never learn to pleasure themselves before they purchase a toy.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think that learning about your own body first and it's pleasures is far more important. Once you have that foundational knowledge you can communicate it to a partner and ENHANCE it with a toy.

To me, the biggest toy is my mind. I'm just not in a sexual mood no matter what when I'm stressed.

Thoughts?
01/11/2010
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Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
I've been thinking about the content of some of the other threads. It seems to me that some people think that there are a lot of women that can't or never learn to pleasure themselves before they purchase a toy.

Maybe I'm old ... More
I agree. I was having fun with just my fingers long before I started using toys. I got my first bullet because my hands would get tired during sex, and many of the toys that followed because of mobility issues. When my hands cramp up, they just aren't very nimble. However, if a woman has learned a lot about her body and still can't bring herself to orgasm, then by all means, bring toys to the rescue!

And stress? Just about as big a libido-killer as anything else I've ever found. I can go for weeks without orgasm if I get too stressed out.
01/11/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
that way of thinking (toy before knowledge) seems like buying a whole set of tools before knowing if you'll need imperial or metric tools.

Know your nuts before twisting them...or something
01/11/2010
Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
that way of thinking (toy before knowledge) seems like buying a whole set of tools before knowing if you'll need imperial or metric tools.

Know your nuts before twisting them...or something
*** censored ****

That so made me want to say something that might be considered inappropriate, but I was laughing!
01/11/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Mr. S, brilliant way of expressing the idea!

I think many of us did start out with manual experimentation, as we usually begin the exploration process while children-teens, and we have a pretty good idea of where to start when we get/be-able-to-afford toys.
01/11/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Mr. S, brilliant way of expressing the idea!

I think many of us did start out with manual experimentation, as we usually begin the exploration process while children-teens, and we have a pretty good idea of where to start when we ... More
yeah, the idea of buying toys before using the free things just doesn't make sense to me.

If someone has, i'm not down on them...i just don't get it.
01/11/2010
Lithaewyn Lithaewyn
I did masturbate manually for a long time before ever buying toys, but toys have done things to me that my fingers never could. So, even when you think you know it all about your body, in some cases you absolutely don't. I'm still learning, too.
01/11/2010
Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by Lithaewyn
I did masturbate manually for a long time before ever buying toys, but toys have done things to me that my fingers never could. So, even when you think you know it all about your body, in some cases you absolutely don't. I'm still learning, too.
Yeah, there's no way my fingers can replicate what toys do for me. That being said, I do know what *type* of stimulation I like best from knowing my body.
01/11/2010
sophie2229 sophie2229
I am one of those who couldn't figure out how to use the hands! I also couldn't figure out a bullet...

Eventually I got fed up and decided to buy a handful of vibrators and dildos so that way I could see what was right for me. When I figured that out, I learned to love my bullet. Until it died. So toys were invaluable to me! I don't use my hands because they just cramp up too quickly. But I wish I could!
01/11/2010
DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO
Some people learn better via trial and error.
01/11/2010
Holly Hox Holly Hox
I didn't get my first toy until a couple of years ago, but I was doing things manually long before that.
01/11/2010
Sammi Sammi
I knew what I liked before we got into toys. The first toy I ever bought was when my husband went to boot camp. Before that we didn't really know anything about them.
01/11/2010
Raven Raven
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
Yeah, there's no way my fingers can replicate what toys do for me. That being said, I do know what *type* of stimulation I like best from knowing my body.
Same here. I couldn't have said it better.
01/11/2010
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
I so completely disagree because your argument is flawed. Why do toys not count when getting to know your body? Do they not also show us what we like and how? Are they somehow cheating? Plus, so many females started out as blanket or pillow humpers (or shower masturbators) but, by this definition, that isn't the "right" way to do it? I couldn't think of anything that came more natural to me but this thread is really (and I assume unintentionally) judgmental. And, yes, there are many women who get nothing from fingers alone and for whom toys are a godsend.

Despite masturbating for years, I was never able to achieve anything close to orgasm and even pleasure is dubious. Toys have been the single most effective tool in learning what my body needs and have helped increase sensitivity in ways that my own hands never could.
01/11/2010
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
This may be surprising (or maybe not!) but I couldn't figure out how to use my fingers until AFTER experimenting with sex toys. I was a big fan of my blanket at night, but once I started reading erotica, I "realized" that I "wasn't doing it right". The women in those stories were always using their fingers and penetrating and stroking and whatnot. I remember what I thought would be my "breakthrough" day--the day I found my clit with the help of a mirror. I also remember how frustrating it was when poking it failed to deliver any amazing sensations at all. In fact, my hands were useless to me in that respect for the longest time. It wasn't until after I had experienced penetrative sex for the first time and received my first vibrating toys that I learned how to enjoy what my hands had to offer.

So, I agree with Adriana, but I don't completely disagree with DBD. The most important thing IS to learn about your body, and that's what masturbation is for. However, the tools we use for it are arbitrary, as long as they enable us to further explore our bodies and learn what we like and dislike. Does it matter if it's a hand or a blanket, a dildo or a bullet?
01/12/2010
Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
I so completely disagree because your argument is flawed. Why do toys not count when getting to know your body? Do they not also show us what we like and how? Are they somehow cheating? Plus, so many females started out as blanket or pillow humpers ... More
I'm ok if my argument is flawed, and open to discussion. I'm sorry if I upset you in any way.

I started this because primarily in reference to the thread about giving a toy to an adolescent and some of the adolescents that I know that want birth control. I've found that sexual experiences for me NOW and the toys can do far far more than they I ever knew when I was young, but I don't think they could have without that exploration and knowledge.
01/12/2010
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
I'm ok if my argument is flawed, and open to discussion. I'm sorry if I upset you in any way.

I started this because primarily in reference to the thread about giving a toy to an adolescent and some of the adolescents that I know that ... More
But I don't understand why toys can't be apart of that exploration and knowledge. Why don't they count?
01/12/2010
deceased deceased
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
that way of thinking (toy before knowledge) seems like buying a whole set of tools before knowing if you'll need imperial or metric tools.

Know your nuts before twisting them...or something
Oh come on.....so you haven't been to Sears or Home Depot and bought a shitload of drillbits, a few hammers, a million different screw drivers and wrenches just so you will have the perfect "tool" to fix something?

....and really you gotta get well aquainted with your nuts. Its unbelievable how young some guys get testicular cancer. (And this is cool, they make silicone testicular replacements. They are alot like breast implants. All different sizes. )


Experiment. Than you don't miss anything.
01/12/2010
Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
But I don't understand why toys can't be apart of that exploration and knowledge. Why don't they count?
They do count... I personally might not have learned the power of imagination or when and how to use my hands if I learned toys first.
01/12/2010
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
They do count... I personally might not have learned the power of imagination or when and how to use my hands if I learned toys first.
Can I assume that it's easy for you to get off with toys then?

It's not for every woman. I can never guarantee an orgasm and even when I know it's going to happen, they've never amazing. When you struggle, you'll take every tool you can get whether it's attached to your body or battery powered. I'm not every woman but the fact that you may have never given your hands a chance is your own personal flaw, not that of womankind.
01/13/2010
Liz2 Liz2
Overall, I think it is a combination of both hands, fingers and toys, I began with my hands and fingers prior to even knowing about toys. Toys helped me build I what I already knew about my body toward greater pleasurable experiences.
I never squirted prior to using my Pure Wand and now have with others and my b/f.
I do so rely on my hands and fingers for the sense of touch to further explore my bod with various toys.
01/13/2010
TitsMcScandal TitsMcScandal
I was curious from a very young age. I was never able to cum from my fingers when I was little. That didn't stop me from touching. It did lead me to explore with 'pervertables'. I used objects around the house to get off instead of my fingers. Then when I did finally migrate to toys, I feel like it helped me get even more familiar with my body. It was only two months ago that I got off with my fingers alone. At 19!!! So I definitely don't think fingers need to be the first. I do agree with what was said above about the mind being a huge thing to this though.
01/13/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
I've been thinking about the content of some of the other threads. It seems to me that some people think that there are a lot of women that can't or never learn to pleasure themselves before they purchase a toy.

Maybe I'm old ... More
I agree, Dragon, for most women, learning how your body responds sexually should probably predate starting in with sex toys. Kid eat their food with their fingers before they use utensils, don't they? Kind of the same idea. You play with your food, feel the texture, learn what you like and don't like, before you go to tools. But, you can still fall back on your hands when it feels appropriate.

There are some women who have masturbated and had partnered sex for years and can't seem to find their orgasm. I think if they have investigated all the psychological shit that was thrust upon them as kids, and disregard most of the Guilt factor with sex, and still can't find their Orgasms, then, of course, trying some toys, even at a younger age, to be able to orgasm is certainly acceptable.

Every person's body is different, and I do agree with you, but each woman needs to make her own choice. Manual masturbation is a great skill, one should keep in good working order throughout one's life, if possible, and should at least be given a good try (IMO over a period of months, if "not working" right away) before silicone and plastic are entered into the equation.

But, if a woman simply can't make it happen, then, of course, By Any Means Necessary.
06/28/2010
MnWolf MnWolf
I would pose that the problem may reside in the facts of how most of us are raised! Now, I don't want to pass the buck for the problems to our parents but there are numerious people that look at masterbation as a sin and that touching ones body is not right and leave it at that.

Now the problem comes to the point that many carry those thoughts onto adult hood and still do not feel right in touching themselvs. A Ex-Girl friend of mine was this way, she loved sex,regular and anal and oral...!! As for touching herself though... the most she would do is wipe herself off after a shower, she would allow me to use toys on her... but would never take the lead, the reason she said...... She felt dirty...! This was a grown women of 39...!

The point, I knew from her telling me that as a young girl she and her older sisters would play with each other, hump rolled towels, and what ever else they could find just because of the feelings, till the one night that their mother... caught them, that ended it and at the time she was 6 or 7, that scarring that happend carried weight 32 years after.. It's a shame really. I am sure there are others that have been scarred likewise I am sure.
07/11/2010
Kim! Kim!
I think learning your own body first is important. But I remember masturbating from the age of 8 so when the opportunity to obtain a vibrator arose I jumped on it.
I still occasionally don't use any toys when I masturbate, it takes me A LOT longer to get there but often the orgasm is more fulfilling.
07/11/2010
Alicia Alicia
I never liked using my hand. I would feel it more from the hand's point of view and so it never really gave me much pleasure. I could only masturbate successfully without toys if I rubbed something against my clit..usually a blanket or something. This wasn't very satisfying and it gets old pretty quick.

So for me toys have allowed me to explore myself a lot more.
07/11/2010
PassionQT PassionQT
Back when I didn't have any toys, I used to hump a pillow, so that is how I figured out how to make myself cum. My hand never did it for me either except on one occasion.

An old boyfriend of mine once told me that I was dependent on toys and had I never experimented with them in the first place, that I would be able to successfully orgasm with a penis alone. I told him that is a bunch of bull, because I had plenty of sex before owning my first vibrator and a cock alone just never did it for me. I think he was one of those type who got jealous of everything, even a toy.

Toys have enhanced my sex life greatly. I can't imagine not owning a few.
07/11/2010
Tart Tart
No toy has been able to get me off harder than my own fingers. I think that is both a blessing and a curse. I love the vibes I have had in the past, but they barely slipped under the radar. Next on my list: Hitachi. If that doesn't make me cum buckets I don't know what will.
10/26/2010
Cadence Cadence
I think it's important to know a bit how your body works, and experiment with your hands to further understanding... If I didn't know about my clit, I would've assumed that I needed something inside me to orgasm!

Once I figured out what kind of motion, pressure, etc. I liked, it was easier to select my first toy, but it still wasn't a home run. Knowing my body and what I like also helps me communicate my desires to my partner, though we're still working on expressing ourselves. It's a constant process, because it seems like there is no end to the things we can try with our hands, toys, lubricants, etc.
11/01/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
I've only ever had 2 orgasms without using a vibrator and I didn't figure it out til I was 18. Sometimes I feel like I should try using my hands more, like that's better for some reason. But the orgasms aren't very good, it takes way longer and my hands get sore, so basically it's not worth the time and effort.
11/01/2010
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