Men and sex toys

joja joja
I've noticed on a number of reviews (not only on this site) for masturbation sleeves and other male sex toys that they are often introduced to reluctant men by their female partners. Take this review of the Tenga Egg from Babeland:

"I bought this for my husband, didn't tell him...just slipped it on while we were making out. He was kind of freaked at first and didn't want to use it, but I was persistent and he ended up coming insanely hard. Now he wants to use it all the time, and I'm gonna try buying him the other textures."

Why is it that a large number of men seem to have an aversion to using anything "unnatural"? Do you think it has to do with our culture's conflicting image of sex toy use by women vs. by men?

It seems like the (stereo)typical image of a women who uses toys is she's highly sexual, hot, and probably easy/slutty. For men, it's more like a basement-dwelling virgin who is so desperate that he has to resort to fake pussy. Of course, anal toys are a whole nother ballgame, what with the old "is it gay?" problem (the answer, obviously, is no).
06/10/2010
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shepegs shepegs
Quote:
Originally posted by joja
I've noticed on a number of reviews (not only on this site) for masturbation sleeves and other male sex toys that they are often introduced to reluctant men by their female partners. Take this review of the Tenga Egg from Babeland:

"I ... More
I don't get it. I can just tell you that for me, there's nothing like the real thing and toys can get boring.
06/10/2010
Sammi Sammi
It may have something to do with it. My husband is fine with me having/using toys, and is also fine with ones that are for both of us (like cock rings), but that's where he draws the line. I wouldn't sneak one on him though
06/10/2010
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Maybe it's the same as with the stereotypical macho man not entertaining the idea of calling in the professional when _____ needs fixing. He just grabs his own toolbox and gets to work, destroying _____ and the surrounding terrain in the process. I know quite a few guys, though, who are totally ok with the idea of aids/"girlfriend substitutes", so stereotypes are just stereotypes.
06/10/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I think it's a matter of habit too. I know I had my usual routine for what worked and what didn't when I first started and was very reluctant to try something new. I wasn't reluctant because it didn't look fun, it was just out of my comfort zone or in my realm of experience.
06/10/2010
Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Actually it was the other way around for us--- Michele was the one who was reluctant to use a toy. Her view for years was always "why bother when I have a lover?" In hindsight, I guess I had the same attitude about masturbation sleeves and such for awhile. Funny how things change.
06/11/2010
Gary Gary
Outside of this community, not everyone is so open minded or comfortable. In general I do think there is a negative light on guys using toys. So for some it might be the Macho thing, but for others it could be the fear of NOT being normal. I think that sex toys are finally a pretty normal and widely accepted thing for women, but it wasn't always that way.
06/11/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
For my fiance it was more getting used to the idea that being able to masturbate, with or without a toy, was ok. I bought him a toy and he was a little reluctant to try it just because he had been ok with just his hands up until now that he didn't see the point in owning a toy. But he tried it out and he loves it because it lets him feel something other than his hand and adds a new aspect to it.
06/11/2010
Newlyinclined Newlyinclined
I really wonder the same thing sometimes. Granted, I feel like my boyfriend is rather vanilla and he seems to get squicked very easily by things that he deems are 'strange'--male sex toys are probably in that boat. I've been really tempted to get him a masturbator though--like the Tenga Egg. I'm just a little scared of how he'd receive it.

We probably have to sit down and talk about this and more things. ;D Communication.
06/11/2010
Envy Envy
I guess I'm lucky for having an open-minded bf who's motto is "I'll try anything once" so long as it's not self-harming, illegal, or the like of course. He's been welcoming to toys both for himself and myself, and actually likes them a lot more than just his hand, which he finds boring now.

I think it's a societal thing, since men are basically equipped to jerk off whenever and women can't do it as well, so there comes a line of thinking to where if a guy needs something, something must be wrong, which isn't true. Heck before we met my bf used to feel guilty about even using his hand and would starve himself after a session feeling he had done wrong until I talked him out of that stupid way of thinking.
06/12/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
I guess I'm lucky for having an open-minded bf who's motto is "I'll try anything once" so long as it's not self-harming, illegal, or the like of course. He's been welcoming to toys both for himself and myself, and ... More
My fiance's ex used to tell him that if he was masturbating then he didn't find her attractive anymore. It takes a long time to try and break them from the train of thought that it's a bad thing to do, but it's definitely worth it in the long run
06/13/2010
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
I guess I'm lucky for having an open-minded bf who's motto is "I'll try anything once" so long as it's not self-harming, illegal, or the like of course. He's been welcoming to toys both for himself and myself, and ... More
Good on you for talking him out of that rut I'm a big fan of the "I'll try anything once" stance (barring dangerous/illegal/etc. ) I apply it to sex toys, food, and furniture rearrangements.
06/14/2010
BoomersGirl BoomersGirl
I think a man's "manliness" is insulted if a woman broaches the idea of using toys. They want to think they are super heroes who can do it all on their own without the use of anything "artificial". Mine seems to like the cock rings now (since he has control of it), but I'm still having trouble getting him to use vibrators, etc - esp. if I want to hold one while we are having sex. it's like it's threatening to him that I am insinuating his body alone isn't "enough".

Sorry men - you just CAN'T vibrate no matter how good you are! Accept it and let us (and toys) help!
07/06/2010
Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by BoomersGirl
I think a man's "manliness" is insulted if a woman broaches the idea of using toys. They want to think they are super heroes who can do it all on their own without the use of anything "artificial". Mine seems to like the cock ... More
Maybe if they got some sort of vibrating implant they could...?
07/06/2010
B8trDude B8trDude
I've got to admit, my hand has been my best friend for a very long time. I was bored and finally decided recently to try a toy (Flip Top). OMG! It's been unbelievable - I'm not sure which I'm going to wear out first - my dick or the toy. LOL
08/06/2010
OhMy! OhMy!
I'm surprised on one end, and not on the other. I think for a lot of men, unlike women, that toys aren't talked about much or discussed over beers. So, I think that makes men less likely to seek them out.

That said, my husband had a stroker/sleeve long before we started dating. He was actually the one to introduce me to my first vibrator, as well as other toys.
08/07/2010
Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
My husband is open to using toys, but, for some reason, he resists using the Tenga Flip Hole. I had suggested the Tenga Flip Hole Black many times to my husband, but he just wasn't interested. Anyway, I recently decided to just go ahead and order it as a surprise for him. We received it a couple of days ago and he gamely used it the day we received it (in conjunction with his new LELO Tor cock ring and our Nexus G-Rider -- sensory overload anyone?). However, he has not used the Flip Hole since and is somewhat ambivalent about it. He says that he enjoys hand jobs better (he absolutely loves for me to give them to him). I was surprised because I thought the Tenga Flip Hole would enhance the entire hand job experience.

Though I am not equipped to use the Flip Hole myself, I think this toy is awesome. I simply love the texture inside and the feel of the material! When I first felt this toy, it was the only time I ever wished I could momentarily have a penis just so I could experience the sensations this toy provides.
08/07/2010
MuffysPinguLove MuffysPinguLove
My boyfriend loves sex toys. He's actually the person that introduced me to them
08/07/2010
Toyfan1 Toyfan1
I have the opposite problem---cant get my better half to want to try toys. I am all for them.
08/08/2010
B8trDude B8trDude
Selective Sybarite - too bad your husband doesn't like the Tenga. I think it's incredible.
08/08/2010
Shellz31 Shellz31
I have been wondering the same thing and was going to post a discussion until I found this. So many guys I have asked, just arent interested in guy toys but they love the fact when girls have toys. I ask them to explain what it is about the toys but they cant seem to. I dont mind that some guys dont like them (even though they havent tried any), I just want to understand that reason.
10/09/2010
clp clp
If someone snuck a toy out on me and expected me to perform supervised, I'd probably be freaked out, too. As it is, there are toys I'd play by myself with, comfortably, and others I'd only use in partner play--I see it being the same story on the other side of the table. I think that has a lot to do with it, as well as the males' level of experience/knowledge of toys. In the outside world, there isn't as much talk about male toys as female, and so he may also just see them as not being necessary.
10/10/2010
Mr. E Mr. E
I think there is still a perception that it is "not cool" for men to play with sex toys. However, many men will drop their guard when it comes to playing with their wives.

For me I have just never had an interest in a "fake pussy". Mainly because everything that they had at our local stores looked like ...uhhh...crap! I am not putting my goods anywhere near those hideous things, just no desire to do that. Plus, I felt I was doing just fine without them.

But now I see there is so much more available here on Eden. I am actually looking forward to trying a Tenga or Fleshlight.
10/10/2010
ScottA ScottA
Also keep in mind that male masturbation is often though of as "private" in general and often something shameful. It might have something to do with the admission to someone else as much as the item.

I'm not exactly sure how this works with women, though, since often women's sexuality is still somewhat culturally suppressed.
10/10/2010
K-smith K-smith
I do honestly believe it's based off from whats considered socially acceptable in today's culture, but more it's seeming to bend the rules, things change with time, and I can see this changing as more and more men become comfortable with the usage of toys. I'm a straight male, I can't even consider being with another man (Men are not attractive to me, where as the female body is simply beyond beautiful) That being said I am into Anal play, just as much tho I'm not gay, But I'm not ever going to say tell my friends that I am into such a thing because by social standard it may consider me gay.
10/13/2010
arewehavingfun? arewehavingfun?
I am recently married and we use toys, about half the time. In a long term relationship with another man (before I married), I think he was somehow "sick"--definitely "off". He would insist on having sex several times a day for at least a couple of hours (unless he got off fast, which hardly ever happened). Then (and I am not kidding) every waking moment he was alone, he would be playing with his dick. I used a vibrator only once (when he was around at least!). He went ballistic. He felt that he was there for me, etc (but between you all and me--he was a boring lover, but I'll give him an A for effort). He would always say, "give me a chance to satisfy you--tell me what to do). Well after years of giving directions (try here, 1 finger, 2 fingers, faster/slower,less pressure more pressure,. suck my nipples, bite them, etc) it became burdonsome on me and his skills did not improve. He had all kinds of DVDs and sleeves (even male gay films, although he said he was not gay, but why would one of his favorite scenes be a guy giving a guy head?). Anyway, the relationship went down hill and I finally (during a heated arguement) told him that he sucked in bed. He went around telling anyone who would listen, what I said. Dumb, huh? Finallly, we broke up but he still has my heart. I think he was jealous of the vibrator.
10/06/2011
zeb zeb
I like the real thing
10/08/2011
garylangworthy420 garylangworthy420
i love toys, there just sometimes too much of a hassle, and using your hand is so easy
04/06/2012
Zandrock Zandrock
I think it is ego. Men are supposed to be an island on their and capable of all things. A sex toy says something is better than them.
07/25/2012
Total posts: 29
Unique posters: 25