Honestly, I can't keep up. Is there any way to gently let her know that I just physically can't have sex the day after doing it twice with her? She's very sensitive and seems to think that something is wrong with her.
My girlfriend's sex drive is higher than mine
12/31/2012
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There is nothing wrong with either of you, but an honest discussion would help I think. People come in many shapes/sizes/types, as you suggest, and as such thinking along the lines of "how can we go about this in a way that works best for both our levels of sexual desire" might help. First, she could masturbate before hand to lower her energy buildup so that by the time you both are ready to rock she is a bit depleted. Secondly, one of the fun things about sex is that we can still please our partners without having to receive any sexual stimulation ourselves. "I don't have the energy left for another erection because you worked me so well but I'd love to eat you out again baby"...One can please without having to receive. Lastly, a lot of sex is in the buildup and not penis-in-vagina.
If you worry about her not feeling okay about herself, find different ways to express your sexuality that she responds too to lessen the focus on just sexual intercourse. How do you use your eyes, how do you touch her when you're fully clothed, how do you talk to her throughout the day to let her know how desirable you find her to be... Desire is a state of mind as much as it is in physical experience for both the sender and the receiver of those messages. Again, many conversations would help over time around this, in my opinion, because if she really does take this to heart easily, and you are doing your best to be sensitive but honest, it's more up to her to work through that self-conscious area of her identity. YOu can help be a guide by asking questions about what messages she has received over her life that have shaped her sexual identity, and hopefully that would help her feel more vulnerable and supported in loosening her need to be vigilant.
If you worry about her not feeling okay about herself, find different ways to express your sexuality that she responds too to lessen the focus on just sexual intercourse. How do you use your eyes, how do you touch her when you're fully clothed, how do you talk to her throughout the day to let her know how desirable you find her to be... Desire is a state of mind as much as it is in physical experience for both the sender and the receiver of those messages. Again, many conversations would help over time around this, in my opinion, because if she really does take this to heart easily, and you are doing your best to be sensitive but honest, it's more up to her to work through that self-conscious area of her identity. YOu can help be a guide by asking questions about what messages she has received over her life that have shaped her sexual identity, and hopefully that would help her feel more vulnerable and supported in loosening her need to be vigilant.
12/31/2012
I agree with Squire...very good advice!! Also, have just 'toy time'. Have her play with her toys for you and assist when you desire to--my hubby and I do that a bit and it can be very entertaining!!
12/31/2012
Squire's pretty spot on, as well as JS250. I'm definitely going to back up the idea that independant play and toy time is in important. It's not healthy to be fully dependant on one another for sexual gratification and that expectation often provides unnecessary venue of friction in a lot of relationships if all the involutary relationship counseling I've given my friends is any indication.
12/31/2012
Is the issue about sex drive or about physical inability? Being physically unable to have sex the day after might be a result of stress, being out of shape, or other treatable issues.
12/31/2012
Lucky you...well, just be honest. You can still have fun without you getting off...or hire an assistant to help out.
12/31/2012
My partner has a different sex drive than me, too. Talk about it, be honest. Use toys.
12/31/2012
I echo everyone else: Lots of options to make sure her needs are met without overtaxing you! Good luck.
12/31/2012
Quote:
Hide? I'm not sure how I'd handle this. Or distract her by doing something she's been wanting to do for a while.
Originally posted by
UpTheMiddle
Honestly, I can't keep up. Is there any way to gently let her know that I just physically can't have sex the day after doing it twice with her? She's very sensitive and seems to think that something is wrong with her.
12/31/2012
Wow, great input everyone. Well said JS!
12/31/2012
That is why I have toys, most of the guys I have been with can't keep up with my sex drive so I have tons of toys that keep me busy til he is wanting it again. If she has toys tell her you are wiling to help get her off by using them on her. Let her know you want her but your body can't handle sex all the time like her's can.
12/31/2012
My relationship is the same way. My sex drive is 2x's what my boyfriends is. And it can be a very touchy issue with me and him! As long as you bring it in a non-aggressive way and try to explain it to her nicely there should't be a problem. That is something that we are still working on
01/12/2013
Quote:
Yes, yes this. Perfect answer is perfect. Right there.
Originally posted by
squire
There is nothing wrong with either of you, but an honest discussion would help I think. People come in many shapes/sizes/types, as you suggest, and as such thinking along the lines of "how can we go about this in a way that works best for both
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There is nothing wrong with either of you, but an honest discussion would help I think. People come in many shapes/sizes/types, as you suggest, and as such thinking along the lines of "how can we go about this in a way that works best for both our levels of sexual desire" might help. First, she could masturbate before hand to lower her energy buildup so that by the time you both are ready to rock she is a bit depleted. Secondly, one of the fun things about sex is that we can still please our partners without having to receive any sexual stimulation ourselves. "I don't have the energy left for another erection because you worked me so well but I'd love to eat you out again baby"...One can please without having to receive. Lastly, a lot of sex is in the buildup and not penis-in-vagina.
If you worry about her not feeling okay about herself, find different ways to express your sexuality that she responds too to lessen the focus on just sexual intercourse. How do you use your eyes, how do you touch her when you're fully clothed, how do you talk to her throughout the day to let her know how desirable you find her to be... Desire is a state of mind as much as it is in physical experience for both the sender and the receiver of those messages. Again, many conversations would help over time around this, in my opinion, because if she really does take this to heart easily, and you are doing your best to be sensitive but honest, it's more up to her to work through that self-conscious area of her identity. YOu can help be a guide by asking questions about what messages she has received over her life that have shaped her sexual identity, and hopefully that would help her feel more vulnerable and supported in loosening her need to be vigilant. less
If you worry about her not feeling okay about herself, find different ways to express your sexuality that she responds too to lessen the focus on just sexual intercourse. How do you use your eyes, how do you touch her when you're fully clothed, how do you talk to her throughout the day to let her know how desirable you find her to be... Desire is a state of mind as much as it is in physical experience for both the sender and the receiver of those messages. Again, many conversations would help over time around this, in my opinion, because if she really does take this to heart easily, and you are doing your best to be sensitive but honest, it's more up to her to work through that self-conscious area of her identity. YOu can help be a guide by asking questions about what messages she has received over her life that have shaped her sexual identity, and hopefully that would help her feel more vulnerable and supported in loosening her need to be vigilant. less
01/24/2013
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 13