My man takes toooo loooong to cum!

Blinker Blinker
That makes me sound horrible, doesn't it? Complaining that my lover takes too long in bed...oh God.

We have an amazing sex life, but we are in a long-distance relationship. We live about 300 miles away, and with school and work, we're lucky to see each other maybe one week out of every 2 months. That being said, he masturbates like mad. Every day. Sometimes more than once every day. He can get himself off in no time with his hand, but with me...damn.

A quickie to him is an hour or two. We try positions where friction is strongest and he pumps so hard but still isn't able to cum for ages. It really bothers me, and it chafes.

All I can reckon is that he is so used to his hand that he needs to get used to my pussy (or ass) instead. He refuses to try any masturbation sleeves or even pocket pussies. I guess he is old-fashioned. He also holds the belief that holding cum in for too long is bad for the body. This is why he jerks it so damn much.

It doesn't bother me that he masturbates, it's how often he does it. Is this normal? Is there anything I can do to kind of help him along? Also, he absolutely cannot cum with a hand or oral job. Never has with any woman.

Sex not almost seems like a chore because I know it will take forever and I feel guilty because I cna't get him off. Please help me!
06/19/2010
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Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
That makes me sound horrible, doesn't it? Complaining that my lover takes too long in bed...oh God.

We have an amazing sex life, but we are in a long-distance relationship. We live about 300 miles away, and with school and work, we're ... More
Does he feel bad that he cannot get an orgasm during vaginal sex, or are you the only one bothered with this?

I mean personally, I can get off in no time when I masturbate, but it takes longer during penetration sex. I'm saying just to say that not all men are made the same, so it may or may not be related to masturbating a lot.

Next time, ask him to keep for masturbating for a week and see if there is any change. Maybe it could give it a chance. But even if it does not, I do not really think you should worry too much. Just enjoy yourselves, and if it chafes, use some lube to help (try silicone lube, lasts forever)



Edit: I just read your other post about having some pain during sex. If your boyfriend is afraid to hurt you, it might not help in being able to just let go and get his orgasm. Talk to him about all of this.
06/19/2010
ScotchIrish ScotchIrish
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
That makes me sound horrible, doesn't it? Complaining that my lover takes too long in bed...oh God.

We have an amazing sex life, but we are in a long-distance relationship. We live about 300 miles away, and with school and work, we're ... More
#1 He is lucky to have you. # 2 He is still lucky to have you.
#3 As I get older I take longer. My 0 for a soon to be ex wife did not and could not understand this. She did nothing for me. She laid there and waited. No oral, no hand jobs (20 Years). If I finished it was bedtime. If I didn't it was my fault so long byebye see you in a month, maybe three. Ever been given up for lent?
I think you should try getting him excited, foreplay, video, dirty talk, anything. Work him up. If not, lay before him and let him start to get off on the sight of you touching yourself, exposing and tantalizing him. if he can jack off (that can take me two hours with video) he can learn to work it out with you. He is lucky to have someone like you. Do you have a friend in Pittsburgh?
06/19/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by ScotchIrish
#1 He is lucky to have you. # 2 He is still lucky to have you.
#3 As I get older I take longer. My 0 for a soon to be ex wife did not and could not understand this. She did nothing for me. She laid there and waited. No oral, no hand jobs ... More
Oh we do everything. Dirty talk, kink, BDSM, etc. I watch porn with him to see what he likes and he complains that all porn seems dull compared to our sex life, which is a huge compliment, lol.
But thank you for your kind words
Nope, don't know anyone in Pittsburgh; why do you ask, dear?
06/19/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
Does he feel bad that he cannot get an orgasm during vaginal sex, or are you the only one bothered with this?

I mean personally, I can get off in no time when I masturbate, but it takes longer during penetration sex. I'm saying just to ... More
I always use loads of lube. I run through the stuff quicker than toilet paper, haha.

Yes, he knows of the pain during sex. Sometimes it frustrates him because sex gets interrupted or stopped because it becomes too much for me to handle. When that happens, we turn to anal play (sometimes back door action doesn't hurt me as much as vaginal) or I give him oral until I get lockjaw or just a massage.

Thanks for the tip about asking him to keep from masturbating for a week. That sounds interesting and I'll bring it up to him
06/19/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Lube would be mandatory it sounds like.

How old is he? Late teens? Somewhere in the 20's or so? Age can make a big difference too on how long he goes for. I remember when I was 18, an hour was a quickie.

How about getting him going for a bit and letting him idle his engines to give him a head start? Maybe that'll help?
06/19/2010
buzzvibe buzzvibe
Been there, and I know your frustration. I had a partner who took forever, and he rarely got off from anything I did to/with him. He almost always had to jerk off to finish, like in a porn scene. I never figured that one out, so I'm not much help, but I did want to chime in to let you know you're not alone.
06/20/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
That makes me sound horrible, doesn't it? Complaining that my lover takes too long in bed...oh God.

We have an amazing sex life, but we are in a long-distance relationship. We live about 300 miles away, and with school and work, we're ... More
Yes it's normal for a younger man to masturbate quite a few times a day but it sounds like you are on the right track with your feelings...he needs time to get used to the different sensations of sex vs. masturbation. He may be a bit too worked up and need time to relax and get into the groove. This happened with my life partner when we first started having sex. Once he relaxed and realized the different feel of impending orgasm it ended his trouble. You are gonna need to perhaps do some roleplaying to get into his head and then to get him out of it. Patience and lots of good quality lube will end the torment.
Lots of luck!
06/20/2010
Blinker Blinker
Thanks, guys! It's good to know I'm not alone here...I'll keep trying and see what happens. He's taking a 10 month long trip to China in August so for that amount of time, it'll just be sex with his hands! Hopefully he'll get better, lol.
06/20/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by buzzvibe
Been there, and I know your frustration. I had a partner who took forever, and he rarely got off from anything I did to/with him. He almost always had to jerk off to finish, like in a porn scene. I never figured that one out, so I'm not much ... More
I think that may be what it's going to end up becoming. But thanks for your input anyway...glad to know I'm not the only girl who complains sex takes too damn long.
06/20/2010
Naughty Student Naughty Student
If my man has masturbated in the morning it takes him longer if we have sex later in the day.

It is not unhealthy to have sperm in the body for too long. The sperm that is not ejaculated and is in excess is simply broken down and that which makes up the sperm is used up by the body.

I think if he held off on the jerking perhaps it would help him ejaculate quicker. I think that once he starts being able to ejaculate during sex it will happen more often.

I'm really sorry you guys are going through this. I hope it works out!
06/21/2010
Liz2 Liz2
I may be off here but some guys rub very hard when they jerk off and their bodies have adjusted to, and need this. Perhaps the overall smoothness of you pussy just doesn't do it for him.
I would suggest that when you have had enough, move away and invite him to masturbate himself or you do it for him. Also an NJoy butt plug in your butt will provide more vaginal friction for him as he thrusts.
Two hours....I would be so sore....
06/22/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
I may be off here but some guys rub very hard when they jerk off and their bodies have adjusted to, and need this. Perhaps the overall smoothness of you pussy just doesn't do it for him.
I would suggest that when you have had enough, move ... More
LOL yes, I always get so sore. He loves porn and I think that has warped his view of what real sex is. I've tried wearing a plug in while he fucks me vaginally but...I feel bad for him! Sometimes he just wears himself out and can't cum at all! But you're right, I definitely think he needs to get used to my fabulous pussy.

Today I bought a book called "Sex is Fun!" by Kidder Kaper...it looks awesome. It's a sex aid disguised as a comic book. It has tips on how to make a man cum quicker. God I hope it works.
06/22/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
LOL yes, I always get so sore. He loves porn and I think that has warped his view of what real sex is. I've tried wearing a plug in while he fucks me vaginally but...I feel bad for him! Sometimes he just wears himself out and can't cum at ... More
now it sounds like he could be working himself up too much.

If that's the case, tell him that if he makes #1 a quickie, Round 2 will come sooner.

Once again, IF that's the case, I used to be that way too. Especially if it'd been awhile and it was a short amount of time we'd be together. I'd get so worked up and worry about pleasing my partner that I'd blow the first time and sex the rest of the weekend would be painful for her.
06/22/2010
Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
That makes me sound horrible, doesn't it? Complaining that my lover takes too long in bed...oh God.

We have an amazing sex life, but we are in a long-distance relationship. We live about 300 miles away, and with school and work, we're ... More
I know you said he refuses, but I think you should buy him a Fleshlight and incorporate it into foreplay. Seriously. Warm him up it by using it on him. It can really be wonderful to have it in the mix - especially if you get tired
06/22/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
I know you said he refuses, but I think you should buy him a Fleshlight and incorporate it into foreplay. Seriously. Warm him up it by using it on him. It can really be wonderful to have it in the mix - especially if you get tired
I'm going to sneak in something like that! Been looking into the Tenga Egg as a possibility and I've been trying to talk up the idea of incorporating male sex toys. He's still resistant, but at the price of the Egg, I'm gonna give it a go anyway
06/23/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
now it sounds like he could be working himself up too much.

If that's the case, tell him that if he makes #1 a quickie, Round 2 will come sooner.

Once again, IF that's the case, I used to be that way too. Especially if ... More
That makes sense. I think he may be overthinking it and trying too hard. Gotta love him for it, honestly. Thanks for your input! That situation does sound familiar
06/23/2010
NuMe NuMe
We have the same issues. A quickie for my husband is an hour, but most of the time sex for us is anywhere from 1 to 4 hours. I've pretty much gotten used to it. We just take breaks in between when we need them. And I have to say I'm very thankful that the opposite isn't true and I'm not complaining that he's done in 5 minutes or less.
06/23/2010
Dame Saphir Dame Saphir
I had a boyfriend who I dated for over a year, and with all the sex we had (we were 18, we had sex all the time), he only got off three times, I think. I'd get tired before he did, and I was the experienced one, he was the virgin. But I agree with NuMe, I would have preferred that to a minute-man. And it bothered me at first, but I just got used to it. I realized it wasn't my fault, that men are just all created differently. The sex was still great, and he wasn't bothered by it. And it just made the sex even more satisfying the few times he was able to get off.
06/23/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
That makes me sound horrible, doesn't it? Complaining that my lover takes too long in bed...oh God.

We have an amazing sex life, but we are in a long-distance relationship. We live about 300 miles away, and with school and work, we're ... More
Blinker, is he taking anti-depressants or antihistamines or opiate pain killers? These and other drugs can, in some people, cause "delayed orgasm" or even occasionally inability to orgasm at all.

This also happens to men as they age. When My Man is taking an extra long time (and I like sex to last a couple of hours, so it would be more than that) he will often, as Nina Hartley says, "Take control of his own penis." Meaning he jerks off, while I help or just play the cheering squad.

Considering as I have gotten older, it has been taking me longer to orgasm as well, I know he has appreciated MY efforts and my not being offended if he wants to take control, as that is now what I have to do to have an orgasm myself. It's funny, because we almost never have a hard time at the same time. Go figure, but it's one of those "what goes around, comes around" things. I think he is more able to understand my difficulty in taking a long time, because it has happened to him, and I've helped him, for years. In a way, I'm almost glad this happens to him, because it's easier for him to understand when I need to take a long time. And I used to have a hair trigger orgasm. *SIGH*

Yeah, the first year or two it happened, I was a little put out (not to mention TIRED.) I actually said to him once, "Stop enjoying it so much and COME, already!" not understanding that he had NO control over it. Now, it's happening to me, so I know how rather insensitive it was of me to say that.

For him now, it happens on and off, as it does to me. No idea why, he isn't on any meds, just getting a little older, but a young man in his 20s may either just be someone who needs extra stimulation (nothing wrong with that) or need to take control of his own penis near the end (no law that says YOU have to "cause" every one of his orgasms all by yourself) or it could be due to medication.
06/29/2010
Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
I'm going to sneak in something like that! Been looking into the Tenga Egg as a possibility and I've been trying to talk up the idea of incorporating male sex toys. He's still resistant, but at the price of the Egg, I'm gonna give it a go anyway
Sounds like a plan
06/29/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Blinker, is he taking anti-depressants or antihistamines or opiate pain killers? These and other drugs can, in some people, cause "delayed orgasm" or even occasionally inability to orgasm at all.

This also happens to men as they age. ... More
Awww
I've had that moment where I just got so frustrated I actually yelled at him to "fucking CUM already!" It really hurt him and now I know he can't help it. He just turned 27, he's ADD but takes no drugs for it. Every once in a while he will take Loratidine for allergies, but overall, he really doesn't take any OTC or Rx drugs. But...he is a big pothead. He wanks off constantly and smokes pot so I'm beginning to see why he can't cum so easily, lol.
06/29/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
That makes me sound horrible, doesn't it? Complaining that my lover takes too long in bed...oh God.

We have an amazing sex life, but we are in a long-distance relationship. We live about 300 miles away, and with school and work, we're ... More
Hey, whatever keeps him for releasing in another way and cheating...

It's perfectly normal to masturbate, but its unclear how often he is doing it. He could be addicted. I was addicted for a bit my first year of college before I ever got toys.

I have been with guys who said a girl never made them cum from a hand job or oral. Not one of them wasn't able to finish with me. I'm not saying that to brag, I'm saying...its totally possible and I firmly believe that if you have the confidence (fake it if you have to), their head and body will go along with the idea that they will finish. He sounds very stubborn and this could have to do with it.

I would also tell him that it is hurting you, of course he will want you to be pleased to and hopefully want to change. He can jack off like mad when you are away but set a limit...like 24 hours before he sees you, he has to keep it in his pants.
06/29/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
Awww
I've had that moment where I just got so frustrated I actually yelled at him to "fucking CUM already!" It really hurt him and now I know he can't help it. He just turned 27, he's ADD but takes no drugs for it. Every ... More
The ADD and pot smoking has to do with it also. Smoking cigarettes is even worse, it numbs the nerve endings and depending on how much you do it, can damage them irreversibly.
06/29/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
Hey, whatever keeps him for releasing in another way and cheating...

It's perfectly normal to masturbate, but its unclear how often he is doing it. He could be addicted. I was addicted for a bit my first year of college before I ever got ... More
I told him to try not to masturbate 5 days before seeing me next. He's done the 24 hrs abstaining thing but it never really helps. I don't know if he is addicted, but he might be. He often complains about masturbating so much and I tell him to freaking stop, but he does it anyway. He calls it a chore. I don't understand him! I'm just trying to be as supportive as I can and help him transition from hand sex to sex with a real person.
06/29/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
I KNOW you're frustrated, and tired and maybe a little sore which is why he might want to take control near the end, after you've had your fill, you can just watch, or use your mouth on just the tip (just make sure he doesn't pop you in the mouth, I've had that happen more times than I can remember, he's MUCH rougher on himself than I am) but remember that pressure to come makes it happen even more slowly or not at all.

I know I've been in tight situations, and it might just take him to say, "I have to get to work in a few minutes." and it makes it nearly impossible for me, sometimes I don't come at all, then I'm crabby all day. For me, anyway, not having had an orgasm for a day or two (although I don't like to go that long) and him actually TELLING ME, "Take as long as you want. I'm here for you." Actually makes it happen faster.

For guys, sometimes I have found that either direct stim on the prostate (yep, you have to go in the back door for that) or indirect massage on the prostate, but pushing a knuckle into the "third ball"(As My Man calls it) right under his testes can sometimes help him come faster. It's worth a try, My Man is not fond of actual anal stim on himself, so I go for the knuckle under the balls while I go down on him. It SEEMS to work, he likes it a lot, too.
07/01/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I KNOW you're frustrated, and tired and maybe a little sore which is why he might want to take control near the end, after you've had your fill, you can just watch, or use your mouth on just the tip (just make sure he doesn't pop you in ... More
ha ha

"third ball"
07/01/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I KNOW you're frustrated, and tired and maybe a little sore which is why he might want to take control near the end, after you've had your fill, you can just watch, or use your mouth on just the tip (just make sure he doesn't pop you in ... More
I've done that several times when I go down on my guy. Half the time it makes him giggle but I still do it. When I give him head, sometimes he stops me because it's "too intense". I have no idea what the hell that means but I do take a break and them resume the jaw session. I have never known any other guy who has stopped a BJ because it's "too intense".
07/01/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
I've done that several times when I go down on my guy. Half the time it makes him giggle but I still do it. When I give him head, sometimes he stops me because it's "too intense". I have no idea what the hell that means but I do ... More
"too intense" = ow that hurts, but I don't to freak you out because I don't want you to stop.
07/01/2010
trios trios
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
That makes me sound horrible, doesn't it? Complaining that my lover takes too long in bed...oh God.

We have an amazing sex life, but we are in a long-distance relationship. We live about 300 miles away, and with school and work, we're ... More
If he happens to be on any antidepressants, they may make it more difficult for him to cum. Not sure about other meds out there, but certain something to consider as side effects...
07/01/2010
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