Penis insecurities

exploringthechimera exploringthechimera
This question is for the men and those who have men as partners. My current boyfriend has insecurities about his size. We use snug fit condoms as a result he feels like his penis size is embarrassing. When ever he brings up the subject I reassure him, that he pleases me more than any partner I have had in the past. In complete honesty he has given me some of the best orgasms of my life. For all the men out there that have insecurities how have you conquered them. To those with male partners how to you support your partner and help them to see how beautiful their bodies are?
07/20/2011
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Elnoa Elnoa
If my partner is feeling insecure, I explain the negative consequences I have suffered from being with men that have "large" penises (such as cervical bruising) and then explain that the average vaginal canal is only about 4-7 inches long, which is perfectly made for smaller penises.
07/21/2011
toxie m toxie m
I compliment him constantly and pay his penis tons of attention when it's laying out. Or even if it's not. I'm always reaching into his boxers and grabbing him which is somewhat annoying but I know he loves it even though he may tell me to stop, haha. Flattery is key! Say great things about it and mean it, and then act in a way that supports it. One of the first times we were fooling around (actually, I think it may have been the night we became official) I was going down on my boyfriend and every once and a while I'd just stop and rave a bit about how nice a dick he had. And then after he came, I kept going "just for fun" and ended up getting him to come a second time, showering him with compliments the whole time. But the point of the story is, he believes me when I say I love his penis and that it's a great size because I show him I mean it. He tells me that he feels way more confident about his body since we've been dating
07/21/2011
Ryuson Ryuson
Quote:
Originally posted by Elnoa
If my partner is feeling insecure, I explain the negative consequences I have suffered from being with men that have "large" penises (such as cervical bruising) and then explain that the average vaginal canal is only about 4-7 inches long, ... More
Elnoa is completely right! Too big hurts a lot, and that perfect spot sure isn't 9 inches in there!
07/21/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
My husband has a smaller penis which I genuinely do prefer, but it took a long time to get him to believe me. I kept telling him that I wouldn't change anything about it and he'd tell me that's what the last one would say, then she'd add that she'd like to make it an inch or two longer. I said no, you don't hit my cervix, it's not painful for you to enter me, we can easily do it in a multitude of positions, I love your penis just the way it is. I try to do like txymxy does and shower it with attention, but I also make sure that I mean it and that it wouldn't be out of character for my personality.
07/21/2011
Antipova Antipova
I could compliment til I'm out of breath, and I do give compliment-packed oral til the cows come home... and it still hasn't really helped his confidence measurably.

I kind of assume it's the same as my own insecurities about the size of my hips/thighs ... all guys have only ever had raving praise, but I think they're stupidly large, and when I guys compliment me I can only ever think "Well sure you like them, you're biased because you like my brain and personality... but objectively they're huge and unattractive."

I've learned not to let people know that's how I really feel about my hips, because then they'll just double down on their praise efforts, and wind up making me feel worse and worse.

So, basically, in order to treat my partner as I'd like to be treated, I let actions speak louder than words. I pretty much continually (like txymxy) am fondling or sucking his cock when I'm there, even if we're not about to have sex. When I can't help it and I just have to compliment him (because, honestly, it's a really really beautiful cock) I give him specific compliments like "I absolutely love how pronounced your head is." I also give objective honest praise when he's cutting himself down, like "If your cock is as small as you say it is, how come you're the only person who's ever gotten me to squirt?" Or even "hey, it hurts my feelings when you say mean things about something I love. Let me kiss that for you."

It might never work fully to make him as confident with himself as he objectively ought to be (just like I'm always going to abhor my hips), but at least over time he has been making less and less frequent disparaging comments about his size.
07/21/2011
froggiemoma froggiemoma
I just recently addressed this with my man. He sharedthat he thought he was small and bothered by it I just assured him that he wasnt all that small and completely satisfied me in all ways.
07/21/2011
Ansley Ansley
It's soo important the condom fits properly, breaks and tears happen when it's too tight and they slip off it they're too large. If condoms are attributing to his insecurity, it might be time to look into STD testing and other methods of birth control.

The average penis is less than 6 inches long. If he's anywhere near that he should be pretty happy. The cocks in porn are one in a thousand in the real world.

Also, how vocal are you? I find that my guy is more in the moment the louder I sing his praises, so to speak. (And I do love to sing!)
07/21/2011
Dusk Dusk
I pretty much stopped having to comfort M the first time he hit my cervix. After that, he believed me when I said it wasn't all about length.
07/21/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by exploringthechimera
This question is for the men and those who have men as partners. My current boyfriend has insecurities about his size. We use snug fit condoms as a result he feels like his penis size is embarrassing. When ever he brings up the subject I reassure ... More
This is a hard issue to tackle...just as hard as any body dysmorphia issue. The average male penis isn't the stuff of legends! It's a slender 6 inches the thing is if your lover is attentive and thoroughly aroused he has the potential to be the best lover around despite his penis size.

I have had lovers who were hung like Mr. Ed and I never went back because they wielded their penis like a weapon...I have had lovers who very average and they actually had me panting for more. The best sex tool a man has is his mind...but that won't help a guy who is insecure just like telling a healthy figured woman that she is a knockout if she feels insecure about her weight!

I had this issue mildly with my guys. Sigel is the kind of lover that women just melt all over their shoes for...no I'm not bragging or saying that he is supersexman just that he is an amazingly attentive and talented lover. He is also average sized when it comes to his penis. He isn't normally self conscious about the fact, but sometimes he wonders.
Enter Arch who is 6 foot tall and has all the body parts to match being built so large! Sigel was a bit intimidated until he realized that "I" didn't change the frequency or intensity of my desire for him.
Yes there's a difference but it's more because Arch is uncut than anything to do with size! The vagina is a muscle and can be trained to grip a penis tightly regardless of it's size.

My advice is play with him frequently and compliment his penis for it's texture, rigidity, sensitivity, taste, smell, and pleasing visuals. Stroke it with your finger tips and watch him crawl out of his skin...you know romance the bone sort of thing! Let him know that you are in love with all his parts but this one is AMAZING. Once he sees his penis through your eyes he'll begin to change his view.
07/21/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
This is a hard issue to tackle...just as hard as any body dysmorphia issue. The average male penis isn't the stuff of legends! It's a slender 6 inches the thing is if your lover is attentive and thoroughly aroused he has the potential to be ... More
You could also point out that homosapiens have the largest penis relative to their size than any other primate...and that would be the average guy not the 12 inch behemoth guys.
07/21/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
My boyfriend once in a rare while will tell me he thinks his penis is too small. But when he is fully aroused it's actually about 6 1/4 inches (approximately), which is on the good-sized side of average, plus it's much thicker than the average penis, which I tell him that too. I let him know that it doesn't matter how much length of him is in me, because with his intense girth he hits my G-spot no matter what angle we use, and it makes the experience that much more intense. This seems to make him happy

I think with a lot of guys, part the reason they feel negatively about the size of their penis is because they live with it all the time, and see it in its flaccid state much more than we their partners do. Like with my boy, as I've said he is the longer side of average and quiiite girthy, but flaccid he is MAYBE an inch long and wide. Very small... but very cute. And most guys who worry about the size of their penis are growers like him, not showers like porn stars. So if he's an insecure grower, remind him that his cock gets harder than a shower's does (medically proven recently) and that feels better than a bendy monster cock any day!
07/21/2011
exploringthechimera exploringthechimera
Thank you for all the responses. All of this seems like good advice I especially like the part to pay attention to his penis although if I do that more than I do now my hands may never leave his pants.
07/21/2011
Ivy Wilde Ivy Wilde
Although my husband was VERY insecure about his body in general, he never seemed particularly insecure about his penis. Of course, he has a very nice penis, but even men with very nice penises can be insecure. For his body insecurity, I just did what everyone else seems to be suggesting, praise his body verbally, caress it with my hands to show my appreciation for it, etc...

And it worked. He is now pretty secure about his body and, as far as I can tell, rather proud of his penis.
07/21/2011
Jaimes Jaimes
Both my husband and I can be very body conscious. He doesn't feel insecurity over his penis, but he worries about his weight, especially because of his height. When talking with him about how to best handle the insecurities, he appreciates genuine praise, but if I overdo it, he feels worse. He generally has a hard time handling compliments of any sort, but he tells me that what makes him feel the best is being sympathetic to the way he feels. "Babe, I think you look great, and I love you, but I understand you aren't feeling great about yourself. Is there anything I can do to help?" Even if he doesn't have an answer to that question, that understanding alone at least makes him feel like he isn't alone, and that it's okay if he isn't on top of the world 24/7. It makes him feel like he doesn't need to pretend he's feeling okay for my sake.
07/21/2011
Phallos Phallos
An older post though I did find it interesting that no men actually responded to the question and since it's doubtful that I will ever meet any of you in person, I figured why not. This may not apply to all guys but personally speaking given I almost always feel in adequate in my penile department, but men's insecurities can be caused from a multitude of circumstances. From seeing other men in the locker room, the porn issue, to hearing girlfriends talk about past lovers sizes, or doing too much reading on the Internet on what size is average and still not measuring up. Do I have the smallest penis in the world....no, but at the same time when I look at myself in the mirror and see so little when flaccid doesn't help when I look or remember one of the everyday stats in our lives. Hell even. Underwear ads might be a little threatening as you may not fill out your underwear as well as the model has. Now granted ads and porn are enhanced photos and camera lenses, but I don't always think in black and white and unfortunately subconsciously compare myself to them and then feel insecure over my 5.5x5" penis. As far as getting over it, well I don't think any guy will truly get over it completely but your encouragement would probably help. I can't personally confirm this assumption as I recently turned 30 and am still a virgin believe it or not. I am extremely shy and am currently being treated with Zoloft and therapy for my social anxiety, but that's probably a little more information than any of you needed.
02/15/2012
Elnoa Elnoa
Quote:
Originally posted by Phallos
An older post though I did find it interesting that no men actually responded to the question and since it's doubtful that I will ever meet any of you in person, I figured why not. This may not apply to all guys but personally speaking given I ... More
My partner's penis is no larger than yours is, and when flaccid, it doesn't even show (it seriously just looks like a little bump). It's quite enough to satisfy me and to be honest, I find large penises to me uncomfortable. I have been with men of many different sizes and I can honestly say I prefer something in he 5''-6'' range on a man.
02/15/2012
bsgs bsgs
i sometimes feel insecure about mine, but the last 3-4 girls ive been with, my wife included tell me that im on the bigger side. i know what the averages say and all that, but to me, looking down at it, it just looks smaller. my wife's happy with it though, and we have amazing sex, so i dont dwell on it
02/15/2012
Total posts: 18
Unique posters: 15