Disabled and not feeling life?

brockalicous brockalicous
hello my name is Brock but on here i am known as brockalicous i am 29 years old and i have cerebral palsy. I don't know if this is the right place to speak but i feel like face book friends and real life friends don't really hear me so i am taking a chance. I am sorry if i come off as depressing in this discussion but i need a place to vent and speak. i have always been abused and kicked around by women my hole life and before you say oh hes gay and hates women ill tell you no i love women they are the reasons such beautiful arts poetry and movies like wurthling heights are inspired from. I how ever seem to miss that moment in my life thus far. I was hit and called cripple by my EX and abused until i finally said enough i am done. Even tho i am a man its hard to admit i was abused because of the social stigmas behind domestic violence and men. Most recently i let a women manipulate me believing she need money for her sick child and being a man of respect and honor i pawned my tv and ps3 in addition gave her more money in hopes she would love me or i wouldn't have to spend the nights alone. how ever she used me and is now another one that has broken my hart. Disptie all my sadness i don't give up on life because i know one day i will feel life again and i will not be abused or used. i am sorry this was a messed up post more so because its my first post here. I just needed to type to anyone thank you for reading i hope you all have a wonderful night.
10/05/2013
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Lickable Lollie Lickable Lollie
Quote:
Originally posted by brockalicous
hello my name is Brock but on here i am known as brockalicous i am 29 years old and i have cerebral palsy. I don't know if this is the right place to speak but i feel like face book friends and real life friends don't really hear me so i am ... More
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I just wanted to let you know that I read your post, and I am thinking of you. Keep your chin up...even though that is so much easier said that done. I know from experience that life can really get you down sometimes.
10/05/2013
brockalicous brockalicous
Quote:
Originally posted by Lickable Lollie
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I just wanted to let you know that I read your post, and I am thinking of you. Keep your chin up...even though that is so much easier said that done. I know from experience that life can really get you down ... More
thank you for reading i appreciate it
10/05/2013
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
My ex-husband was verbally abusive. So I know how hard that is from a personal standpoint. If you have been abused and told you were worthless, after a while you internalize that. That takes time to overcome. We can all agree that no one should ever be verbally or physically abused. If my friend told me they were being abused, I would tell them to leave and get help. Yet, I stayed. Why would I think more of my friend than myself? I had to learn to love myself and set boundries. When I tried to do that, my ex-husband ignored me. I got counseling and left. About that time, my HS boyfriend found me again and we rekindled our relationship and are now married.

My husband was abused as a child and then was abused by his wife and by the woman he had a long-term relationship before her. It has taken years to get this sweet, wonderful man to learn to love himself. He was both verbally and physically abused. The scars that it left have been something that we have had to deal with. There were times that he did things to sabotage the relationship and push me away. It was because he did not think that he was worthy of having someone really love him. Luckily, I knew the amazing man he was and stuck it out.

What helped both of us was first to learn to appreciate what great people we are. If you do not respect and love yourself, it is hard to find someone who will. We had both gotten away from our faith in God, me more so than him. This helped us to know we were created to be wonderful and amazing in our own way.

Then we had to look at what we were doing that was not healthy. We have read books on relationships and gone to relationship classes. I think the most important thing that I have learned is that to find the right person, you need to be the right person. If you are a person who is strong and confident then you will attract the person you want.

The first thing I noticed about your post was that you immediately classified yourself as disabled and having CP. You may have that, but that does not define you. If you make your disability your identity, then that is what people see. I am sure you are so much more and have such wonderful gifts to share. From the little you wrote, I can tell that you are a kind, loving man who cares about others. Work on your self-esteem and relationship skills and the right woman will be drawn to you. Do not tolerate being mistreated. The first time someone mistreats you let them know that is not acceptable and if they do it again, you are gone. Then if they do it again, leave.
10/05/2013
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
Sorry. This posted twice.
10/05/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Unfortunately, there are always going to be some undesirable people who think choosing a partner with a disability makes them more likely to take abuse. Well I had a boyfriend with CP and I never once thought of him as less than or a cripple, his health problems just weren't an issue to me. There's nothing wrong with your mind or your heart and you sound like someone who really wants to have that deep connection with someone. You know what? Pete's Princess is absolutely right. You need to work on your self esteem and also boot those abusive people out of your life at the first sign! While you are rebuilding your self-esteem, you can join some groups and get out and meet people. Just being out and treated nicely will do a world of good. Eventually, you are going to find people to date and I think now you have an idea of the warning signs to look out for as far as realizing someone else is out to take advantage.

The nice thing about Eden is that most people here really do want to help and I think if you want, you will always find an ear here. Sure some responses might not be helpful, but others, like the ones from Pete's Princess & Lickable Lollie shows there are lots of caring people out there! I would like to suggest maybe as you do meet women, that if you have any questions or insecurities, that you can ask people here about whatever is concerning you. That way you have a support network to help bolster you to make decisions that are right for you. It always helps to know you are not alone and to hear other people who support you!

I'm glad you have gotten out of the abusive relationships, that's the toughest part! Now you can start fresh and you can make better choices for yourself after learning you're as worthwhile and deserving of love as anyone else! If there's anything you'd rather not post, you can contact someone in a private message, too. Feel free to contact me anytime if you want, okay? Good luck and I hope to see you around! Part of loving yourself is learning to enjoy your body and we are all about that here, too! So if you have questions about any of the sex stuff, this is also the right place, lol!
10/06/2013
brockalicous brockalicous
thank you so much for your support and kindness it means so much to be that there are still light left in this world thank you so muxh it has made me feel wonderfull
10/07/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by brockalicous
thank you so much for your support and kindness it means so much to be that there are still light left in this world thank you so muxh it has made me feel wonderfull
I have been continually surprised at the wonderful people I've met through Eden. Some of them are no longer on this site, but there are plenty that still are and for whatever reason, you somehow found the site, thank God! I think you are going to be fine because there's nothing "wrong" with you, it's the other people who had the problem & they got their claws in you. Once you can learn to shake them off and repel them, you leave yourself open to a better quality of people. The trick is knowing you are deserving of better treatment! Now you have some people to chat with who can give you the kind of answers, or understanding you didn't feel like you were getting from your immediate circle of friends. Sometimes it is better to get an unbiased opinion, maybe because we are more apt to believe it for certain things, right? (Odd, but true sometimes)
10/07/2013
Total posts: 8
Unique posters: 4