Question: Why is it considered taboo to find a disabled person attractive?

Forbidden Light Forbidden Light
I recently wrote a post about the sex appeal of the deaf. I got a little flack from it, as if I wrote about children or the mentally impaired. Does require a fetish to find the disabled attractive?

Here's the post I've written:

link
05/02/2010
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Sir Sir
I do not consider it taboo. What I consider it is rude. It IS the same was finding a "child" or "mentally impaired" person attractive, because you're looking at them sexually for physical attributes. Maybe to you, you think that finding children or those that have mental disabilities to be "fetishized" different from finding a deaf person attractive, but it is the same. People won't agree with me - but that's how I feel. Same as finding thin or plus sized individuals attractive.

Now, with that said, there's nothing wrong with finding someone that you're attracted to and they just HAPPEN to be deaf. That's completely different. But being attracted to someone based solely on that fact? No, that's inappropriate and disrespectful.
05/02/2010
Forbidden Light Forbidden Light
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I do not consider it taboo. What I consider it is rude. It IS the same was finding a "child" or "mentally impaired" person attractive, because you're looking at them sexually for physical attributes. Maybe to you, you think ... More
Really? It sounds as if you find all feature-specific fetishes (thin, plus-sized, race, disabilities) as disrespectful. A bit frigid don't you think?

Why not include the disabled into the mass objectification that is already taking place globally? What's wrong with finding leg braces sexy? Or preferring the wandering touch of the blind? They are intelligent, mature and fully capable to consent...unlike children and those mentally impaired.
05/02/2010
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
your post is interesting. I think it posits some questions about what it would be like if we had to alter communication and how that could enhance or detract from sexuality. as a curious person myself, I find nothing wrong with it but I feel like others may have read more into it or perhaps you meant something other than what you actually wrote.

But I didn't get the idea you like people specifically because they are deaf. I got the idea that you wondered how a sexual situation might differ and potentially you are building it up too much but lots of people with different abilities bring all sorts of novelty into our lives and you cannot deny that.
05/02/2010
Forbidden Light Forbidden Light
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
your post is interesting. I think it posits some questions about what it would be like if we had to alter communication and how that could enhance or detract from sexuality. as a curious person myself, I find nothing wrong with it but I feel like ... More
That's exactly what I meant, Adriana! I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote "People with different abilities"... In addition to the things they can not do, there are unique abilities that surface in compensation.
05/02/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Forbidden Light
Really? It sounds as if you find all feature-specific fetishes (thin, plus-sized, race, disabilities) as disrespectful. A bit frigid don't you think?

Why not include the disabled into the mass objectification that is already taking place ... More
I do not find it frigid at all, actually. What it is is sexualizing a physical attribute, which I find to be inappropriate and rude, as I said. That is simply my opinion, as you had asked for.

Mentally disabled people can give consent. A best friend of mine is technically mentally disabled, and trust me, he's fully able to give consent, and he has a sex drive that's just as active as other individuals'. And it is rude how you said that people who are not children or mentally disabled are "intelligent, mature, and fully capable." Alright, so adolescents and people that are mentally disabled are not intelligent, mature, and fully capable? That is not really a correct statement, and you should think more on that.

Now, as I said, I do not find a problem with finding a person, as the person is, sexy or attractive. Nothing wrong with that at all! By all means, be an accepting individual who is attracted to someone even with their disabilities or flaws! But to sexualize them simply based off of those things? No, I do not find that to be right. Also, looking at the flaws or disabilities in a positive light is just fine, I do not find anything wrong with that. But again, if it's sexualized for that purpose, it's not right.

Is that making sense to you? I am not sure how else to explain what I am feeling on this subject.
05/03/2010
Forbidden Light Forbidden Light
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I do not find it frigid at all, actually. What it is is sexualizing a physical attribute, which I find to be inappropriate and rude, as I said. That is simply my opinion, as you had asked for.

Mentally disabled people can give consent. A ... More
You're actually making sense to me. (And for the record, I'm glad to have you're opinion.)

Also, upon a second glance at my "fully capable" line, I see that you are correct. It wasn't my intention to exclude children and the mentally disabled, however, I don't believe children and those lacking reasonable comprehension are able to consent to sexual activity of any kind.

To clarify, I think society turns the disabled into automatic victims or "less fortunate" citizens. Thus, any sexual attraction to them is ruled as predatory, thus taboo.
05/03/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
It's not taboo, it's just fucked up.

link

For details, read that.
05/03/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Also, to be clear, no one has a problem with an attraction to an individual that HAPPENS to be differently abled. The problem is when the attraction is BECAUSE of their disability.
05/03/2010
Forbidden Light Forbidden Light
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Also, to be clear, no one has a problem with an attraction to an individual that HAPPENS to be differently abled. The problem is when the attraction is BECAUSE of their disability.
It sounds as if a disabled person should be found attractive IN SPITE of their disability.

Is there a middle ground? Where the attraction doesn't rest solely on the disability, but does include it?
05/03/2010
Elodie Elodie
A disabled person should be found attractive as a PERSON. Not as a representative of a group which you have decided has certain characteristics. That's objectifying. The fact that people objectify others all the time does not make it okay.
05/03/2010
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I do not find it frigid at all, actually. What it is is sexualizing a physical attribute, which I find to be inappropriate and rude, as I said. That is simply my opinion, as you had asked for.

Mentally disabled people can give consent. A ... More
I'm trying to follow this. Do you mean to say you do not find specific body parts such as breasts or hips or eyes to be sexy?
05/03/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
I'm trying to follow this. Do you mean to say you do not find specific body parts such as breasts or hips or eyes to be sexy?
"Also, looking at the flaws or disabilities in a positive light is just fine, I do not find anything wrong with that. But again, if it's sexualized for that purpose, it's not right."

I think that's the gist of what he was saying. Regarding the other stuff, I think maybe Sir just meant it's not okay to objectify people, to reduce them to the sum of their parts, which I agree with. It's one thing to appreciate individual things as part of a WHOLE but the link that this person provided was clearly reducing deaf people to the sum of their parts. Disabled people are NOT their disabilities, just like women are not their tits, etc. (Sir correct me if I'm wrong, which I might be.)
05/03/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
"Also, looking at the flaws or disabilities in a positive light is just fine, I do not find anything wrong with that. But again, if it's sexualized for that purpose, it's not right."

I think that's the gist of what he was ... More
No, you're exactly correct, Sex, Lies & Law.

Adriana Ravenlust: Of course I think that a person's breasts can be beautiful, or their eyes can be lovely. But I do not look at any of those parts in a sexual way unless I have some mental attraction to the person to begin with. I would not look at a person, fantasize about them, simply because they have large hips or because they have attractive breasts. They're a human being like everyone else, regardless of their body parts, or even their physical/mental disabilities. Saying, "I wonder what a deaf person must feel like when they finish," is just very offensive. It's looking at a person as nothing more than a sexual object, which is rude, as I said. I do not know how else to explain it to be more comprehensible.
05/03/2010
Gary Gary
My Opinion: I think the 'taboo' view comes from people in general, not considering anyone with a disability as an equal. Therefore it has a predator / prey scenario where someone is being taken advantage of.
05/03/2010
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
No, you're exactly correct, Sex, Lies & Law.

Adriana Ravenlust: Of course I think that a person's breasts can be beautiful, or their eyes can be lovely. But I do not look at any of those parts in a sexual way unless I have some ... More
I do believe you operate in a unique way, Sir. Perhaps you are just at some higher level than I am. Not that I run around staring at peoples' crotches or anything but I cannot help but notice sexy body parts regardless of the person they're on. It seems human nature to do so (maybe even animal nature?). It doesn't mean I act crassly because of it or that I forget a pair of hips or breasts are apart of unique human being but it just comes naturally to me to appreciate certain body parts.
05/03/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Forbidden Light
I recently wrote a post about the sex appeal of the deaf. I got a little flack from it, as if I wrote about children or the mentally impaired. Does require a fetish to find the disabled attractive?

Here's the post I've ... More
We tend to infantilize persons with disabilities because of our discomfort with sex and sexual majority. Just because you are disabled doesn't mean you are asexual or unable to stop unwanted advances. It's a very big problem in assisted living communities because these people ARE adults and sexually aware but the world wants them to remain children. People are squeamish about persons with disabilities having children and forced sterilization is illegal as well. So it's a large kettle of fish.

I can understand why people would take umbrage with your post because you are reducing people to a disability. There are plenty of people who pay attention and really focus on the person they are communicating with hearing or not. That's what you are finding attractive...the complete focus on you at that moment. It's ok to be attracted to that but realize it's not just deaf people who do this, it's a lesson for all of us really. eye contact and watching someone's face is intensely sexy to humans.

Wondering if the experience would be different with a deaf person is pefectly natural and the only part of your article I found worth reading. It is FINE to be curious but if you are that curious find someone who is willing to answer your questions. Most persons with disability welcome questions even about sex but remember that this is still a person and be polite. Most people don't consider blindness or deafness to be a "real disability" even in the blind and deaf community. So I would caution you to talk to a person who happens to be deaf just the same way you'd talk to someone who can hear you...or you might get a rich slap which would probably be deserved.

My advice would be if you find a person whom you are interested in and they are interested in you then develope the relationship to the point where it would be sexy to talk about such issues, don't use a person to fuel your sexual fantasies. I have to admit in your article that is exactly what it sounds like you are planning...but again wondering aloud (or in print) is perfectly ok and perhaps someone who is deaf will read the post and actually answer your questions!
05/04/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I do not consider it taboo. What I consider it is rude. It IS the same was finding a "child" or "mentally impaired" person attractive, because you're looking at them sexually for physical attributes. Maybe to you, you think ... More
The thing is we look at women with blonde hair and think sexy, blue eyes are dead sexy, big breasts, large lips, clear skin. Being attracted to an adult person with a disability is not the same as finding a child attractive. A deaf person isn't mentally impaired so the comparison would be insulting to said person.
05/04/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
It's not taboo, it's just fucked up.

link

For details, read that.
Wow I just don't know what to say...well I do but where to start? What a powerful and thought provoking article! I have had my share of run-ins with devotees and no I never found it at all empowering or flattering. I am 5 feet tall I am not a dwarf I have no genetic defect I am just from a family of small people. Small and emotionally strong people who dislike being treated as though we have a disability. I am not a child I am a 40 year old adult so I really hate being told that you culd just pick me up, dress me in frills and play with me for hours! I like whips, blindfolds and being in charge...all the time!

Thing is to keep on thread, wondering what it would be like to be with a person with a specific disability isn't exactly devotee like until you choose a person to be with BECAUSE they have that particular disability. Living next to a deaf community where it is possible that there is a person or two you might be interested in who happens to be deaf is fine...I live next to a college and I know plenty of people who are interested in college students without the devotee quality. It's a fine line really. Like most of sexuality it is convoluted and sure to disgust and appall someone as surely as you'll find someone who agrees with you.
05/04/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
The thing is we look at women with blonde hair and think sexy, blue eyes are dead sexy, big breasts, large lips, clear skin. Being attracted to an adult person with a disability is not the same as finding a child attractive. A deaf person isn't ... More
It seems as if you're saying that having a mental disability is something bad, and that "deaf people should not be compared because it's insulting." It's not about the condition, Airen, it's the fact that people are looking at these attributes of a human being and sexualizing them, when that should not happen. It is the same, and I do not understand why you're saying otherwise. Perhaps you could explain more on that to me, because I am not understanding why you feel that way.

Adriana Ravenlust: I'm not at a "higher level" than you at all, we are equal individuals. I suppose that I just think differently, and you're correct, operate in a unique way. I know that there are other people that feel the same way, though, as I do, and that think the same way.
05/04/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
My Opinion: I think the 'taboo' view comes from people in general, not considering anyone with a disability as an equal. Therefore it has a predator / prey scenario where someone is being taken advantage of.
I've had deaf friends that have confided to me that it feels like they HAVE to be a predator to even get someone interested because they are seen as less than adult, less than attractive. I've heard the same things from persons who have cerebral palsy or other body disfunctions...they are fully mentally adult but unable to practice sexuality because of perceived opinions of predator/ prey. The local "center" or assisted living organization tried to sue in criminal court a woman who found a man with cerebral palsy attractive enough to want a full sexual relationship and marriage because she was seen as wanting his monthly check of all craziness, they backed down when it came to light she was a lawyer and in no need of financial support. She started and maintains the local legal office for disabled persons in just these situations.
05/04/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
It seems as if you're saying that having a mental disability is something bad, and that "deaf people should not be compared because it's insulting." It's not about the condition, Airen, it's the fact that people are looking ... More
I never said anything like that Sir. I said it is insulting to compare people without mental disability as being the same when their disability is one of the senses not of the mind.

Further I said that it is not right to catagorize someone based on any attribute but it is natural to be curious. These are adults not children mentally and deserve the right to their sexuality and being attracted to a person who is deaf isn't bad or wrong. Objectification is wrong but being curious, which is what the poster was admitting is not.
05/04/2010
Forbidden Light Forbidden Light
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
We tend to infantilize persons with disabilities because of our discomfort with sex and sexual majority. Just because you are disabled doesn't mean you are asexual or unable to stop unwanted advances. It's a very big problem in assisted ... More
Brilliant, Airen! I must admit, the focus I received gave me a rush. Furthermore, I grew more and more curious about finding other ways to interact and communicate beyond the use of sound.

As for taking advantage of people to fuel my sexual fantasies; some people are okay with forming a sexually specific relationship. By writing as honestly as possible, I am ensuring that my thoughts are crystal clear. Of course, I can come off like an ignorant asshole sometimes, but honesty can have that effect...
05/04/2010
Forbidden Light Forbidden Light
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
It seems as if you're saying that having a mental disability is something bad, and that "deaf people should not be compared because it's insulting." It's not about the condition, Airen, it's the fact that people are looking ... More
Well, I see nothing wrong or immoral about partialism. It makes the world go round if you ask me.

We are all a series of parts, some superficial...some deep...some hidden...
05/04/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Forbidden Light
Brilliant, Airen! I must admit, the focus I received gave me a rush. Furthermore, I grew more and more curious about finding other ways to interact and communicate beyond the use of sound.

As for taking advantage of people to fuel my sexual ... More
The point: you missed it.
05/05/2010
Forbidden Light Forbidden Light
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
The point: you missed it.
I call it: Trimming the fat. I drew from her opinion what I could use.

I think there's a lot of gray area in this topic, thus, many aspects are left open to interpretation and personal discernment. In other words, there are a lot of "points" to understand.
05/06/2010
Persephone's Addiction Persephone's Addiction
There is a distinction between a fantasy that revolves around a feature or aspect and an actual relationship that does so. A fantasy where the only definable feature is that the person is male, or deaf, or has large breasts is different that actually engaging in a sexual relationship based on one physical feature - I think Forbidden Light was talking more about fantasy. I liken it to someone wondering what it would be like to be with an "older" woman. It's not treating women like objects because it is not an interaction with a woman, it's an interaction with an idea. It isn't an objectification of any person or part, it's an exploration of an aspect - one that would be part of a much larger whole if it were an actual relationship.
I don't know about everyone else but my sexual fantasies wouldn't include the fictionalized other person's family history, political leanings, food preferences or religion - sexual fantasies tend to be focused on parts, sensations and ideals, not real-life, fully dimensional people.
I think Forbidden Light is talking about both a fantasy, and referencing an actual interaction. It is unreasonable extrapolation to assume he is treating the person like the fantasy Other. That's my take on it, anyway.
06/04/2010
Midway through Midway through
I don't really consider it tabboo, I guess I think about it the same as me picking a certain type of guy that I like to have fantasies about. I'm going to want certain aspects physically of them, and that's what turns me on about them.. So I guess what I'm saying is, if it gets your rocks off, and it's two consenting adults, why not?
06/29/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Wow anyone who thinks it is taboo is ignorant in my opinion. It could be argued that everyone of us has a disorder or handicap of some sort. I do not think it requires a fetish at all.
06/29/2010
Dame Saphir Dame Saphir
I think there's nothing wrong with it, as long as you have reason other than "he's deaf, it's cute." That's offensive. But if you can give reason showing why you have an attraction because of things that exist in the relationship or communication that may not be there if he wasn't deaf, rather than saying you find him attractive BECAUSE he's deaf. There is no problem with it.

I work as a waitress and at the end of a long night, my last table came in which included a family with two deaf men about my age. After the struggles of one boy trying to sign his order to his grandmother, who then spoke it to me, and the other simply pointing to the menu for me, I had the desire to show enough respect to ask the two men questions directly and pulled out my old high school ASL. The entire family stopped and their mouths dropped open when I asked if one man wanted gravy on his mashed potatoes. At first I thought they were offended but then their gasps melted into smiles and I was bombarded with questions about how I learned to sign.

I began a friendship with one of the men that night and communicate with him pretty regularly. I find him attractive based on the changes and adaptations that both of us had to make to be friends. I find him attractive based off of features that would not exist if he were not deaf or impaired in some other way, but not because of the soul fact that he is deaf. He spoke to me right before he left that night, and that was extremely becoming to me. He spoke, knowing that he can't hear himself, but also knowing that he probably sounds different than everyone else does, and yet he spoke to me and opened himself up in the slightest, and THAT was attractive. And I believe he probably found my attempts to communicate with him and his brother, my fumbled attempts at remembering how to sign, attractive as well, not because I'm NOT deaf, but because I was putting myself out there to speak with him and become friends with him, not knowing exactly -how- silly I might have looked trying to sign to them, but I still knew it wouldn't be perfect and it wouldn't be the same as how they sign to each other and to their ASL fluent family members.

That was long...make sense though?
06/29/2010
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