If a woman is disgusted by her own body....

Bubba29 Bubba29
Is it possible she would also find it disgusting if someone else lusts for her body?
05/28/2013
  • Weekly Special: Hot Vibes! Buy 1 Vibrator And Get 1 FREE
  • Better Price Sale - Save 50%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 70%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 60%
  • Better Price - Save 40%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Bill220 Bill220
That's a great question. My wife hates the way she looks but I find her very attractive.
05/28/2013
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Interesting question. I don't find it disgusting that my husband says he find me attractive, but I have a hard time believing him.
05/28/2013
Hummingbird Hummingbird
I've never felt disgusted with my body in my younger years but never felt good enough about it to even imagine anyone would lust after it.
05/28/2013
js250 js250
As a woman who was disgusted with my body after I had my child, I can relate. My stomach is absolutely covered with stretch marks, I also have several scars from surgeries there and a pooch of loose skin that will not go away no matter how much weight I lose(makes it worse).

Part of the reason I found my body disgusting was the visual aspect--it looked ugly when comparing it to--previous looks, other women and models. The other part was insecurity that any man would ever find me attractive or sexy. I knew they would--until they saw the tummy. Then they would be totally turned off and gone.

When I figured out that I was found attractive despite the tummy issues, I did not find the man disgusting--but did wonder at his sincerity. It took awhile to believe in his words--but eventually I decided and realized beauty is in the eye of the beholder....and I am my own worst critic.

I have learned to hide my pooch, use lingerie during sex to cover MY OWN insecurities and have taken my level of disgust up to acceptance and on occasion...liked how I looked with corsets, etc. enhancing my natural hourglass shape. I am now concentrating on learning to enhance my good features!
05/28/2013
nickeyt nickeyt
i think most of us hate the way we look and we have a hard time seeing what some one elts sees in us
05/28/2013
Ciao. Ciao.
As a trans identified person I've definitely had some challenges with being happy with my own body, and I can confidently say that yes: if you have body image issues, it can definitely be difficult if someone else finds you or a part of you attractive (especially if its something about you that you don't like). However, I will say that having some external validation and desire can be reassuring as well. It just depends.
05/29/2013
Bubba29 Bubba29
how can partners of people with confidence issues help them to relax and enjoy themself?
05/29/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by Bubba29
how can partners of people with confidence issues help them to relax and enjoy themself?
First a few don't's from my experience. I can say that making jokes about whatever perceived "flaw", to lighten the mood, or for whatever reason, backfires almost all the time. So does blowing it off, or saying "you're crazy". And never bring it up in front of other people, saying something such as, "Can you believe she thinks she's (fill in the blank)?" Instead of hearing whatever positive thing the other people might say, all she will hear is that you exposed her shame to other people!

Okay, those are some don'ts, here are some of the do's which I am sure others will add to because I can't think too well right now. I think the best thing is to admit how incredulous you find it and be sincere. Just realize you may get tired of having to repeat a bunch of times that you find her attractive. It might seem like you never convince her, but every time she hears it, it's another brick in the wall of her self confidence. Tell her exactly how sexy you find her & what you are thinking. Most women need to hear it, not just see the actions. In her head, she can twist anything around to dismiss the positive about it. But, when you spell it out, as well as show it in actions, it really adds weight to your point. I think partners of these types of people often think that their presence in the relationship & their continued sex lives with the insecure person, should be all the proof they need. But, with this deeply rooted pain, it takes more than just that, it takes being as open & honest as frequently as you can about how attracted you are to them. Flat out tell her that that may be what she sees, but here's what you see & then mention everything you can think of!

I don't know if that helped you very much, but I tried. I have body dysmorphic disorder & still have a hard time accepting that what I'm positive I see in the mirror, is not reality! I think it's terrific that you are seeking advice about this - good for you! You sound like a really caring, loving partner & I wish you the best in dealing with this!
05/29/2013
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
First a few don't's from my experience. I can say that making jokes about whatever perceived "flaw", to lighten the mood, or for whatever reason, backfires almost all the time. So does blowing it off, or saying "you're ... More
Can you come talk with my husband!
05/29/2013
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I often wonder what's wrong with C in which he finds me attractive, but I've learned to stop commenting on that. As long as he's fine with me, I won't argue with him.

(When I had a rant like this he blinked, widened his eyes, and asked "Where did that come from?" Point: It's all in the past, and there's no point in defending some old and inane insecurity. I haven't gotten rid of it, but I've kept my mouth shut about it.)
05/29/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I often wonder what's wrong with C in which he finds me attractive, but I've learned to stop commenting on that. As long as he's fine with me, I won't argue with him.

(When I had a rant like this he blinked, widened his eyes, ... More
You are being very smart about it! Eventually, you may see your thinking turning around. If not, at least you aren't cutting yourself off from love! I am delighted that you decided to pursue the relationship instead of walking away!
05/29/2013
chicmichiw chicmichiw
Quote:
Originally posted by Bubba29
Is it possible she would also find it disgusting if someone else lusts for her body?
Depends on whether or not you believe them. Then again, a lot of people can take compliments FROM others but still have to go on that path to self-love.
05/29/2013
Fluke Fluke
Quote:
Originally posted by Bubba29
how can partners of people with confidence issues help them to relax and enjoy themself?
I'll be brutally honest since I have confidence issues as well. You can't really do much except support them and try to get them to seek help.

You can be nice and smother them with compliments, but that doesn't last, especially when your partner won't 100% believe you and their mind is always telling them you don't really mean it. You may be able to temporarily cheer someone up, but they will revert back.

You just can't give someone self-confidence or self-esteem, they have to build that themselves. Trying and completing new things, achieving goals, helping others, talking to people, using therapy and positive thinking to counter negative thoughts and change their way of thinking is the way to go.
05/29/2013
Nezzie13 Nezzie13
Your use of the word "disgusting" is intriguing. It's one thing to find fault with your appearance, but to actually feel distress over it does interfere with intimacy, one way or another.
Once I started going through puberty all I wanted was for my body to go back to "normal" and I was furious at those who found my new appearance attractive. In my defense, I don't look anything like I expected to, and a great many of those that wanted to see more of my new body were grown men or guys my age that previously hadn't noticed my existence. I actually began cross dressing to avoid bringing male attention to myself, so yes, their lust was something to be avoided at all costs.
05/29/2013
*Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
I have been there and my partner loves me and my body the way it is. I have gained weight recently but he didn't even notice. I use to always make comments of my weight and appearance an how I didn't see how someone such as himself who is pretty fit for his line of work could remotely be into someone such as myself. I was told that he has been with thinner women who cried over gaining a pound to bigger women who talked about being nothing but fat an he said he left them both because he didn't want to hear it.

He has broke me from talking about myself in horrible ways for the most part I still have those I hate myself and the way I look talks with a few of my close friends but they try pointing out the good over the bad.
05/31/2013
tami tami
Quote:
Originally posted by Bubba29
Is it possible she would also find it disgusting if someone else lusts for her body?
I hate the way I look but hubby says I am the sexiest woman he has ever met
05/31/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by *Camoprincess*
I have been there and my partner loves me and my body the way it is. I have gained weight recently but he didn't even notice. I use to always make comments of my weight and appearance an how I didn't see how someone such as himself who is ... More
That is amazing that you have turned yourself around, for the most part! Sounds like a good match, at least in that he has really helped you like that!
06/01/2013
ICEE ICEE
i hate the way i look (i'm on the heavier side) but i've been told by a couple of different guys that they love the way i like and they say i'm hot (they've seen nude pics) lol
06/22/2013
Total posts: 19
Unique posters: 15