At a Loss of What to Do... :(

Envy Envy
For those that remember my previous posts about birth control, well I've been off the stuff for about 4-5 months now, and I have no drive still. It's to the point I don't even feel for my loving boyfriend and could care less if he leaves me for another woman, I just don't want anything to do with him anymore. The relationship is fine, granted I'm a bit stressed, (about my home life and work), but ever since being on the pills my libido faded away and doesn't want to come back. I don't even want to use my toys anymore.

I tried going to my OBGYN to ask for a hormone level check but she refuses, saying I'm too young, they only do it for middle-aged women. I'll be losing my medical soon, too, since I was covered by my dad's until graduating college. I've tried various herbal things to get some spark of a libido but nothing. (Maca, horny goat weed, tongkat ali, eluthero root...) I'm not on any medications at all right now.

I need some advice on what to do, not just for me, but for my boyfriend because I feel so bad he has to deal with this. He wants to fix it, but you can't just 'fix' a person when it's biologically related. He wanted to have a future with me someday, and with me being like this I don't want to be living a lie and get married but have 0 intimacy or anything. That's just not fair to him, he's only 18 and I'm 22--I don't want him to lose all the opportunities in his future.

Has anyone had something similar and how did you pull through it? Sorry for the drama, just been real depressed over it and I'm not sure what to do, my family isn't sex positive or anything, it's more like a taboo, and same with his family because it's so religious.
12/27/2009
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Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
For those that remember my previous posts about birth control, well I've been off the stuff for about 4-5 months now, and I have no drive still. It's to the point I don't even feel for my loving boyfriend and could care less if he leaves ... More
Yeah. Let's talk. I can't believe that particular OBGYN isn't more understanding. I think you need a new one!

I have a lot of thoughts, but not here... (and not at this moment when I'm typing in a car and short on time.)
12/27/2009
DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
For those that remember my previous posts about birth control, well I've been off the stuff for about 4-5 months now, and I have no drive still. It's to the point I don't even feel for my loving boyfriend and could care less if he leaves ... More
Find a new OB/GYN or an endocrinologist to talk to about hormone level checks. There could be any number of things going on and affecting your sex drive. Including the stress and the pressure to preform for your boyfriend's sake.

For some women it does take longer to sort hormones back out after going off of birth control. The length of time can be affected by any number of things, including how long you were on the birth control before stopping it. Find a new doctor before your medical insurance runs out and talk to them about your concerns.
12/27/2009
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
Sorry if you've already brought this up before, but are you taking antidepressants? They are well documented libido-killers.
12/27/2009
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
I'm with sarahbear. Find someone new, fast, before the insurance runs out.

And have them check your thyroid, too.
12/27/2009
Sammi Sammi
I agree. Definitely find a new doctor to talk to that will listen to your concerns.
12/27/2009
Envy Envy
Thyroid is okay, had a physical a year ago, all was well except cholesterol slightly high.

I'm not on any antideps, but my psychologist was always trying to push me into taking them, but I refuse.

As for performing for my bf, he doesn't pressure me, just he's a very cuddly and intimate young man, and me being so distant hurts him a lot to where it hurts me as well. He's a lovebug and needs his love, but it's hard when you don't feel it and feel his sadness is all your fault, you know?

As for the OBGYN, we don't have another in our building, and it's on my dad's insurance, so he'd have to switch me. Problem is I don't know how to drive and no car, and my family isn't supportive, hence the question of if there's another place I can go to. I've tried stressing it to my dad but I tell him it's because I feel depressed and moody since using the pills, not that I have no libido. (He'd be happy if he learned I have no sex drive.)

Oh, and I was on Low Ogestrel for 2 years and that's it. Tried a higher dose one one time, had crying spells for no reason, switched back after that one month, but I don't remember the high dose one....
12/27/2009
ArmyWife Kira ArmyWife Kira
You need to pressure your GYN to help you. It is your body and you know what is going on with it better than that doctor! I had the same issues as you while on BC. I was on the Nuvaring for years and basically hated affection and sex. I didn't even want to be touched. It was very stressful because my husband thought I wasnt attracted to him anymore and I didn't know what was wrong with me! I had NO interest in even having an orgasm alone. I couldn't even get aroused. It was truly awful, so I feel your pain!

Now, here's where our situations differ. I went off the ring and in about a month I was back to normal. Nuvaring is a low dose birth control. I am not sure what the difference is between Nuvaring and Low Ogestrel. It could take awhile for you to get back to normal. We use a diaphragm and condoms now. When I went in to get my diaphragm the doctor asked why I was going off the Nuvaring and when I told her my sex drive was non existent she wasn't surprised at all. She actually said, "Yea, I think that is how birth control works, you don't WANT to have sex."


Go read this article:
link

I actually read some other articles that say it can take awhile to gain your sex drive back. I truly feel your pain! Let me know how things go!
12/27/2009
Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by ArmyWife Kira
You need to pressure your GYN to help you. It is your body and you know what is going on with it better than that doctor! I had the same issues as you while on BC. I was on the Nuvaring for years and basically hated affection and sex. I didn't ... More
Ya I know, has to do with SHBG in the liver. Some don't have their drives back for years. I studied all of that. I was one the pill not for sex, but because I suffered from dysmenorrhea really bad. Come to find out it's pent up from never orgasming. (I never could with hands or anything, not until I got a toy at 21--found out I have less painful periods now, even off the pill.)

Thing is it's a 20 dollar co-pay to see the OB, and I don't know if I go in and demand it that she may still refuse and then I still get charged the 20 dollars. I don't have the spine to go and be demanding lest I become afraid of being thrown out or something.... (I am quite timid and afraid of angering people.)
12/27/2009
ArmyWife Kira ArmyWife Kira
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Ya I know, has to do with SHBG in the liver. Some don't have their drives back for years. I studied all of that. I was one the pill not for sex, but because I suffered from dysmenorrhea really bad. Come to find out it's pent up from never ... More
I feel ya, I'm pretty timid myself. I do know exactly how you feel! I wish I could help you out more. Please let me know how things go!
12/28/2009
ArmyWife Kira ArmyWife Kira
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Ya I know, has to do with SHBG in the liver. Some don't have their drives back for years. I studied all of that. I was one the pill not for sex, but because I suffered from dysmenorrhea really bad. Come to find out it's pent up from never ... More
I feel ya, I'm pretty timid myself. I do know exactly how you feel! I wish I could help you out more. Please let me know how things go!
12/28/2009
Jen&Clint Jen&Clint
After I came off BC it took me almost 3 years to get my sex drive back. It really sucked. Luckly at the time I had a bf that was understanding about what was going on and didn't make me feel bad for not wanting sex.

I would find a new doc before the insurance runs out to see if someone new can help. The whole we only do this for older women is bull you are young you shouldn't have that problem, they just don't want to do it for you. My sis has a problem with the doctors not wanting to fix her cause of her young age (25) and the fact that she only has one kid, they want her to have more but medically she can not. New doc and fast. Hope you find something out soon!!! Good Luck
12/28/2009
Jen&Clint Jen&Clint
Forgot. Sometimes it is good to anger the doctors they have this thing I'm the doctor and you are not attitude going on. They are looking at the medical side of things and can be very closed minded about what really is going on. The husband and I had to put many doctors in their places because they just wouldn't listen to what was right. Don't be afraid to tell them how this whole thing makes you feel and that for your age it is just not right. The BC probably has you messed up but they can give you things that will help boost that again and get it back on track
12/28/2009
LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Thyroid is okay, had a physical a year ago, all was well except cholesterol slightly high.

I'm not on any antideps, but my psychologist was always trying to push me into taking them, but I refuse.

As for performing for my bf, he ... More
I understand the lack of desire to be on antidepressants, but this really does sound like more than just lack of sex drive due to the residual effects of birth control. While I think your OBGYN should test you for hormonal imbalance if you request it, he or she is also right that the odds of hormonal issues at your age are very low.

The odds are much more likely that you have a depressive issue that is being exacerbated by the lack of sex drive and your unhappiness about it. I think you should consider an exploration of the idea that your symptoms are caused by a serotonin problem, not a hormone problem.
12/28/2009
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
I understand the lack of desire to be on antidepressants, but this really does sound like more than just lack of sex drive due to the residual effects of birth control. While I think your OBGYN should test you for hormonal imbalance if you request ... More
I agree. Depression leads to low sex drive leads to depression, etc. It's a cycle. And although SSRI antidepressants are known to cause a decreased libido, some do not. Specifically Wellbutrin (generic is buproprion).

I also think you need to think about what you're going to do after you're not on your dad's insurance anymore. Too many Americans don't have health insurance, and it's a huge burden on the system.
12/28/2009
DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Thyroid is okay, had a physical a year ago, all was well except cholesterol slightly high.

I'm not on any antideps, but my psychologist was always trying to push me into taking them, but I refuse.

As for performing for my bf, he ... More
I didn't mean that he was pressuring you. It sounds like you're pressuring yourself and beating yourself up for it.

You shouldn't have to drive to your doctor and demand testing. You should be able to call and request to talk to her, explain your problems and exactly what you would like to have done. If she says she still won't do it, find another doctor and explain your situation. A lot of doctors are sensitive to money issues and will work with you.

I had awful, awful hormonal (angry or sobbing hysterically) reactions to birth control with estrogen in it and my doctor took me off of it. She had me try pills, the patch and the nuva ring before finally putting me on a progesterone only pill. That actually gave me a really high sex drive and leveled out my moods, but it wasn't as effective in preventing pregnancy. Maybe talk to her about that? I hope you get it sorted out soon.
12/28/2009
Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by LikeSunshineDust
I agree. Depression leads to low sex drive leads to depression, etc. It's a cycle. And although SSRI antidepressants are known to cause a decreased libido, some do not. Specifically Wellbutrin (generic is buproprion).

I also think you ... More
That I'm not sure. I don't even file taxes. My dad doesn't teach me these things, like taxes, driving, etc. I want to do it myself but he gets mad. Or his mom (my grandma) says the econ is bad, stay home and enjoy what I have until things are better even though they won't be for a long time.

I think I'm just going to be used as a caretaker, honestly, since my dad thinks he can live off of his 401K and SS alone.
12/28/2009
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I'd subtly hint about malpractice to the doctor. Tell them you want to have it done, it's a test that they don't even do themselves. All they do is write the script and send you on your way.

There's a lot in your situation Goth, I hope it works out for you!
12/28/2009
crazydaisy crazydaisy
I had been on the pill for about 5 years and went off about 3-4 months ago. My sex drive is definitely higher, but a think school and stress has really gotten in the way of things. However, I think my body hasn't fully responded to an absence of the hormones yet (my boobs are still fluctuating size, which is weird) so maybe you're body hasn't fully adjusted yet.

My few nuggets of advice are:

1. Work out. I have found that it gives me energy instead of sucking it away, and I can target that to sex.
2. If you are really stuck with the one doctor, go to her again with print outs etc to back you up about your concerns. Or look again into other doctors; is there another in that office? Is there a college or university nearby with a health center? Free clinic? Keep looking, especially if this really is a hormonal problem. And can your boyfriend drive you anywhere? I don't have a license either, so I know how much of a pain this shit can be.
3. And this may rile some people up: sometimes when I was still on the pill, my drive was looooww, and I couldn't care less if I ever had sex again. But sometimes I would just do it anyway. Not because my man was pushing or pleading; I would just say to myself "Alright, self, it'll make you feel better." And most of the time, it did. I would get into it about 10 minutes in - basically, I wouldn't be horny until I was already having sex.
4. The old college try: weed and alcohol. If you're against buying illegals (understandable), I suggest just having a glass of wine or a beer. That wets me right up, even if I hadn't at all been thinking about sex.
12/29/2009
Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
For those that remember my previous posts about birth control, well I've been off the stuff for about 4-5 months now, and I have no drive still. It's to the point I don't even feel for my loving boyfriend and could care less if he leaves ... More
Will you give me an email? Hugs.
12/29/2009
Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by crazydaisy
I had been on the pill for about 5 years and went off about 3-4 months ago. My sex drive is definitely higher, but a think school and stress has really gotten in the way of things. However, I think my body hasn't fully responded to an absence of ... More
1. I try to, and have a physical labor job.
2. No one else in the building, and my bf lives in another state--we have a long distance relationship going on 3 years now. Only family can drive me around.
3. Can't do this, again, no bf around.
4. I'm totally against drugs, and I don't like drinking, nor do I smoke. My only bad habit is chewing my finger nails, lol. Even the smell of weed makes me literally gag, and sadly I deal with it at lot at the motel I work with, makes me very sad people put that crap in their bodies.
12/29/2009
Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
Will you give me an email? Hugs.
Commented on your profile.
12/29/2009
Envy Envy
Well, semi good news. My dad helped my schedule an appointment at another facility that my grandma will have to be taking me to. The other one dad wanted to take me to didn't have an OBGYN. (They have an endocrinologist, though, but need a referal for that.

Now the 'semi' part is I'm going for a 2nd opinion, however they, too, can refuse to give me the blood test. I think this one is a male doctor, too, since the female is booked until March, not going to wait that long.

If I get refused for a test, I will be pissed. They could at least give me some options here, rather than the whole 'live with it' thing.

Seriously, why won't docters listen to us women when we *know* something is wrong?
01/05/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Well, semi good news. My dad helped my schedule an appointment at another facility that my grandma will have to be taking me to. The other one dad wanted to take me to didn't have an OBGYN. (They have an endocrinologist, though, but need a ... More
cuz you're not certified to know when something is wrong
01/05/2010
Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
cuz you're not certified to know when something is wrong
Sad but true. I've discovered that doctors suddenly take me much more seriously and actually listen to me more when I mention that I'm a scientist. It sucks, but I've learned to use it ruthlessly. I'm not even an expert in the field of my medical issues, but they treat me completely differently.



Goth: as someone who has med student and doctor friends, it's not always that they're not listening. Until relatively recently, they were taught that either there is nothing wrong with such symptoms, or that there is nothing that can be done about them; on the latter, for a long time they were, unfortunately, correct. There were no known medical treatments for low libido.

Recent research has finally opened up the field, and is presenting treatments, but unless a doctor is fresh out of med school they may not know about them. It's very, very hard to keep up with all the new whiz-bangs us researchers keep churning out. But some doctors are just ignorant, machoistic, myopic jerks (they're people, too). They see no problem with a woman having no sex drive. And that is a serious problem that I consider bordering on malpractice.
01/05/2010
Heather Heather
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
cuz you're not certified to know when something is wrong
True but don't be a fool. Docs are people too and make mistakes. Remember medicine is often trial and error. It can take time to find the cause not just treat symptoms. To anyone dealing with a doctor, always ask questions and if they disregard you, keep asking. You are not just a patient but a paying customer. Weather your problem is physical or all in your head you and your doctor should be working as a team to make you better. Your G.P. should really be playing quarterback on this and not the GYN, in my opinion. I really think medicine works better with one quarterback not being the patient but one doc holding all the cards and having all the info.
01/05/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Oh, honey, that's awful - your whole situation very sad. I, too, was always quiet and kept in the dark and had to take what was given ... I ended up in a marriage I hated with a very insecure man that wanted to be taken care of (and I didn't learn to drive until I was 28).

Public health is always the best place to start - they usually have sliding scale fees, and can reference you to other doctors if something is beyond their nurse practitioners' capabilities. Start researching on the internet on how to do your own taxes, set up bank accounts, etc. If you have any friends that can drive, ask them if they could teach you - tell them you'll pay for gasoline and lunch/dinner.

You deserve to have a better life at ALL levels, not only for your physical well being but also for your sanity. NOBODY is supposed to be at the whims of others unless they allow it, and you don't want to allow it.
01/05/2010
ShercockHolmes ShercockHolmes
Goth, i commented on another thread you started 5 months ago about the birth control. you should check it out. i talked about pheromones. it is not uncommon to find what you once found attractive , to be not attractive or sexually stimulating anymore after getting off the pill. it is because of pheromones. i am convinced. this is my 3rd day off the pill and while i have really bad headaches and dizziness, i had the best orgasm ever via sex toy. I suggest that you relax, maybe do some yoga and try to find yourself again. you might need to rediscover yourself sexually and maybe reevaluate your relationships. sadly, this is one thing they don't warn you about in the little pamphlet that comes with the pills. we can get through this, and hopefully within a year we will be back to normal. my doctor said it can take a year to get normal. i just hope this crippling dizziness goes away sooner.
01/23/2010
Saraid Saraid
Hi Goth, I would recommend going to an endocrinologist, but also a psychologist. Some of your problems could be just a mental thing and have nothing concrete to do with your past use of birth control.
01/23/2010
J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by Saraid
Hi Goth, I would recommend going to an endocrinologist, but also a psychologist. Some of your problems could be just a mental thing and have nothing concrete to do with your past use of birth control.
I fully agree here, and I said this in the other thread, but you should also remember your age in all of this. Some women's hormones don't even out until their early thirties. Hormone issues can be a bitch.
01/24/2010
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