Females: At what age did you have your first orgasm? Or have you not had an orgasm yet? If so was it solo or with a partner? And was it during oral sex, or penetration?

Cwhitten006 Cwhitten006
I'm very curious about asking other females about their first orgasm experience because I am soon to be 25, have 2 kids, am married and have never had an orgasm. I'm just wondering if I'm the only 25 year old female that has not yet experienced one. Or if my husband and me are doing something wrong. If you have any tips or advice on how to achieve one, please feel free to share. I'd like to share a little about my sex life, to see if a few of you ladies out there to help me. I don't care to ride, because I'm insecure about my body like most female, but I have done it many times. My husband eats me out, I don't care to masturbate, I believe thats what I have him for. He pleases me not me please myself. However I have attempted it before and I felt awkward. If your wondering about the toys I get, he uses them on me. So any advice?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
age 15-18 solo
121  (59%)
age 15-18 w/ partner penetration
21  (10%)
age 15-18 w/ partner oral sex
5  (2%)
age 19-25 solo
21  (10%)
age 19-25 w/ partner penetration
12  (6%)
age 19-25 w/ partner oral sex
4  (2%)
age 26-30 solo
3  (1%)
age 26-30 w/ partner penetration
1  (0%)
age 26- 30 w/ partner oral sex
age 31-45 solo
2  (1%)
age 31-45 w/ partner penetration
age 31-45 w/ partner oral sex
1  (0%)
age 46 up solo
age 46 up w/ partner penetration
age 46 up w/ partner oral sex
Have not had one yet....
15  (7%)
Total votes: 206
Poll is closed
06/26/2009
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Liz Liz
I was a sophomore in college. I'd been sexually active since age 16, but I'd never had an orgasm with a partener, and I gave up on masturbation long before that because it never really seemed to do anything for me. I have to say, though, I was mistaken. At 19, I finally sat down with a book and a vibrator and figured out what worked for me, and I couldn't believe what I'd been missing... I probably masturbated four or five times a day for the next week or two.

I think one of the big issues, particularly for women, is that orgasms have a strong psychological element; they're not just physical reactions to stimulation. In my experience, in order to have an orgasm, I need to be relaxed. I need to be comfortable with what I'm doin & with whom I'm doing it. I need to be sexually excited, and for me this means relatively extended foreplay-- or an involved fantasy, if I'm going solo. I can't be too cold, too hot, too hungry, too stressed... the list goes on! Orgasm can be a finicky little thing.

Personally, I was never able to orgasm with a partner until I learned how to make it happen on my own, but I'm sure others have had different experiences. I'm curious, though-- may I ask why do you feel negatively toward masturbation? You say you believe that's why you have a partner, but masturbation is just one element of a whole sexual life; it certainly doesn't have to replace or negatively impact sex with a partner. Again, this is just my own experience, but I've found that masturbation has only served to enhance sex with my boyfriend. As far as feeling awkward... I did too, at first, but I think working through those feelings, engaging in a little self-exploration, and becoming more comfortable with yourself might be key to helping you achieve orgasm.

There's way too much to say on this topic for a forum post, but might I suggest some further reading? Laura Berman's "The Passion Prescription" (which I believe is available on this site) might be a good place to start. Solot & Miller's "I Love Female Orgasm" is another one of my favorites, and I'm sure you'll find many others out there.
06/26/2009
jedent jedent
Write in vote: around 11, solo. I discovered the whole shower jet stream young. Possibly younger than that but 11 is the earliest I remember.
06/26/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I've been masturbating since I was in elementary school (started around age 4 or 5 thinking I was keeping myself from having to pee and that it just felt good as a side effect), but I didn't really have an orgasm until I was about 14 or 15, just getting in to high school. And I didn't start having powerful orgasms until I went to college and had free reign to discover my body and my sexuality.
06/26/2009
Cwhitten006 Cwhitten006
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz
I was a sophomore in college. I'd been sexually active since age 16, but I'd never had an orgasm with a partener, and I gave up on masturbation long before that because it never really seemed to do anything for me. I have to say, though, I ... More
I've been doing some reading on several books, but none about masturbation. All the books I have read have been about sex positions, oral sex etc... When it comes to thinking negatively about masturbation I guess its due to me believing that when men masturbate they fantasize about women they can't have not their current partner, or their current partner skinnier, bigger boobs, bigger butts etc... and I believe thats wrong. And I don't feel you should have to please yourself, thats why you have a partner. You please your partner and they please you. And to be completely honest when I have tried to mastubate beside thinking about everything under the sun.. bills, kids, appts., house chores.. etc I feel awkward, therfore I don't see what the point is.
06/26/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I don't HAVE to do anything. I CHOOSE to please myself because it's my body, I like exploring it, and I like pleasing myself. I like having partners who please me and go out of their way to do so, but I also like it when my partners please themselves, because they know their bodies better (so they can help me out when I want to please them,) and I enjoy seeing them happy. And besides, a partner isn't a plastic fuckdoll or a person I have just so they can complete me. I don't need to be completed, I am more than enough, I am a whole person. A partner is just a compliment to my current self, another individual who is also a complete and separate person.

That's how I view masturbation.
06/26/2009
Tuesday Tuesday
12, solo.
06/26/2009
Cwhitten006 Cwhitten006
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
I don't HAVE to do anything. I CHOOSE to please myself because it's my body, I like exploring it, and I like pleasing myself. I like having partners who please me and go out of their way to do so, but I also like it when my partners please ... More
didn't mean to hit a soft spot if I did, but I'm very glad you put it that way. I've never viewed masturbation as a choice, but as something that is done to get off cause you can't get any from your partner.

I've asked my husband many times why he masturbates and all he would do is shrug his sholders. I've always expected him to tell me because I wouldn't give him any. I enjoy watching my husband play with his self too, but when he asked why I couldn't give him an answer beside it turned me on. I knew there was more to that answer I just didn't know what the rest of it was.

Thank you soooo much for what you just said, that really mad me think and open my eyes. I was raised in a house where sex wasn't a no no. It was not discussed on any level. When I was younger I learned though sex ed in school and friends and people I talked to in school. And now I'm learning through people like you, which may I add are awsome and more help than I even expected.

Now, is it true the more you have sex the higher your sex drive is? About once every 3 months or so I want it like a crackhead with no crack and the rest of the time I could care less about it. I have a very low sex drive. I love the way I feel during those times that I'm begging my husband for his touch, and I want to feel that way more often. More advice??
06/26/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
I didn't start masturbating until late in high school at the suggestion of a boyfriend. I was almost afraid to touch myself, not because I thought it was bad, but just because it was so new I didn't know what I was doing (so why pursue something so strange to me). But I loved it. And it wasn't until years later that I realized I didn't think about other people or even my current partner while I was doing it -- all I thought about was the feelings I experienced. I thought about how I felt when I touched myself, and thought about what I was doing, and about just how special that time was that I had with myself. I didn't start fantasizing until many years after I started masturbating. And for the most part, I still don't, unless I need a little oomph to get over the edge.

If you are having trouble focusing on the current activity, you might try some meditation beforehand to clear your mind and focus on your body and then begin with a more erotic mindset.
06/26/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
Quote:
Originally posted by Cwhitten006
didn't mean to hit a soft spot if I did, but I'm very glad you put it that way. I've never viewed masturbation as a choice, but as something that is done to get off cause you can't get any from your partner.

I've asked ... More
I'd say your sex drive might be helped if you knew what levels of pleasure you could obtain at will. I think some people have higher sex drives than others, some want sex a lot more often, etc. but I think if you could have fun masturbating, then you would want to masturbate more, whereas now it's not so much of an option, your mind might not dwell on it as much. Hope that makes sense.
06/26/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
I voted age 15 - 18 solo but that actually may be the first time I recognized the orgasm, now that I think about it.
06/26/2009
Epiphora Epiphora
11-13 solo.
06/26/2009
Jimbo Jones Jimbo Jones
I put in a vote for age 15 - 18 solo for my female partner. She started masturbating about that time and was able to bring herself to orgasm. She still does some times even now. I don't worry about it too much because our sex life is very satisfying for both of us. She usually has two orgasms during each sex session now and she is now 34 and we have four kids.
06/26/2009
LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
I would encourage you masturbate and do so often. I know it's not what you are inclined to do, but it is the very best way to discover how your body works, what excites you, what sort of stimulation makes you feel good. You shouldn't necessarily masturbate with the goal of having an orgasm, at first, but just to give yourself pleasure and learn more about how to bring yourself pleasure.

Certainly, the role of your partner is to bring you pleasure. But it is your responsibility to help him understand how your body works and you cannot do that unless you have first found out for yourself.

Each woman is different, so it would be impossible for anyone here to give you a step-by-step instruction on how to achieve orgasm. Often the barrier can be a psychological one. Given your upbringing, you may have inhibitions that are keeping you from fully enjoying yourself. As has been said before, an orgasm is a function of both physical and emotional response. Fantasy is a part of that and doesn't have to be about "what you cannot have" but simply about an experience you would enjoy. It is important to stimulate your mind AND your body to reach your goal.
06/26/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
I would encourage you masturbate and do so often. I know it's not what you are inclined to do, but it is the very best way to discover how your body works, what excites you, what sort of stimulation makes you feel good. You shouldn't ... More
Well said.
06/26/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Cwhitten006
didn't mean to hit a soft spot if I did, but I'm very glad you put it that way. I've never viewed masturbation as a choice, but as something that is done to get off cause you can't get any from your partner.

I've asked ... More
I wasn't upset, so I hope it didn't sound that way; I'm just a very blunt person, and that's honestly the way I view masturbation (and many other things): my body, my choice.

I grew up in the same sort of household, so I understand. I recently had a sort of "coming out" to my parents about my sexual side, and while they aren't jumping through hoops about it, they're so loving that they do everything they can mental handle the support me. It may take some time, but with a little freedom and self-exploration, the grip your upbringing holds on you will eventually loosen up. (For me, the kicker was going away to college and being away from my family for weeks at a time.)

As for sex drive: a LOT of things effect your sex drive, including (but no limited to) your age, physical health, mental stability, when you hit puberty, your hormones, medication, and yes, how much you have sex/masturbate definitely has an effect on your sex drive. In general--and this is a VERY general statement, not representative of all men and women in any way--females tend to experience peaks and valleys in their sex drive, often in conjunction with their menstrual/ovulation cycles, whereas men tend to have one flat sex drive. It's kind of like a graph: the man's line tends to go straight across, the woman's line tends to jump up and down.

Personally, I want sex more when I'm NOT having it because I miss it and have all of that pent-up energy. Hormonal birth control has regulated and lessened my sex drive, although my sex drive was so high before I started taking BC that it's not an issue at all.

On top of that, I highly recommend browsing the EF forums for other threads related to sexuality; this place is loaded with information!
06/26/2009
ZenaidaMacroura ZenaidaMacroura
Quote:
Originally posted by jedent
Write in vote: around 11, solo. I discovered the whole shower jet stream young. Possibly younger than that but 11 is the earliest I remember.
That's me, too. About 11 or 12 with a shower stream. I didn't know what it was, but it felt good so I kept doing it. Realized later what I had actually been doing and felt so freaking guilty for years because I thought it was wrong. I kept doing it, but I felt horrible about it. I don't know what happened, but I don't feel that way anymore at all. I love it and don't care what anyone thinks about it.
06/27/2009
jedent jedent
Quote:
Originally posted by ZenaidaMacroura
That's me, too. About 11 or 12 with a shower stream. I didn't know what it was, but it felt good so I kept doing it. Realized later what I had actually been doing and felt so freaking guilty for years because I thought it was wrong. I kept ... More
All I remember was getting in trouble for wasting all the hot water
06/27/2009
Nashville Nashville
Write in vote: I was 14. I started masturbating at 11 or 12 but I remember it took 2 years to learn how to orgasm, go figure.

I still have NEVER had an internal orgasm caused by a penis alone (without clitoral stimulation).
06/27/2009
ZenaidaMacroura ZenaidaMacroura
Quote:
Originally posted by jedent
All I remember was getting in trouble for wasting all the hot water
Haha. I took some looooong showers back in those days.
06/27/2009
Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
Write in vote: I was 14. I started masturbating at 11 or 12 but I remember it took 2 years to learn how to orgasm, go figure.

I still have NEVER had an internal orgasm caused by a penis alone (without clitoral stimulation).
I've never come with a man inside me either, although very recently I've been able to with a dildo. So maybe there's hope for me.
06/27/2009
Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
I don't remember exactly what age, but I'm sure it was under 15. I'm going to guess more like 11 or 12.

On another note, I recently read an article by a sex therapist who says that the people who have the most difficulty with orgasm are often those who do not masturbate. I think it's very difficult for someone else to figure out what you like if you yourself don't know.

I think I speak for most of us here who have partners when I say that we still masturbate. You can know yourself sexually on a much deeper level that way as well as helping your partner.

Similarly, I don't think your low sex drive is coincidence. If you're never experiencing orgasm, you're probably not going to crave sex.
06/28/2009
arl70 arl70
I voted 15-18 but I would say it was probably closer to 13.

I think that masturbating is in reality the best way to learn to orgasm, after all your partner can't feel what you are feeling. On the other hand if you are exploring yourself you can begin to discover what sort of touches you like, and then show that to your partner

My partner is very good at "getting me off" but I still like to masturbate, it's just a different feel and just plain fun. And yes, in my experience, the more you do it the more you want it, although my drive is fairly high anyway.
06/28/2009
NuMe NuMe
Quote:
Originally posted by Cwhitten006
I'm very curious about asking other females about their first orgasm experience because I am soon to be 25, have 2 kids, am married and have never had an orgasm. I'm just wondering if I'm the only 25 year old female that has not yet ... More
Here's my advice. You're young and have all the hang ups and inhibitions that can go with it. I know. I've been there.

First and foremost. Get comfortable with your own skin. I mean that in 2 ways. Get comfortable with how you look, and let me tell you that was a tough one for me. I'm naturally a very insecure person about my body. But I learned. This is very important. If you're hung up on how you look it will effect your sex life big time. You already said you don't care to be on top so that's a perfect example. Also get comfortable with what you like as far as sex goes. And yes, that does mean learning to please yourself. It's too much pressure to put on another person to expect them to fufill all your needs. Especially when you don't even really know what you need. And that's ok, I like said, you're young. And I don't mean that only for the bedroom but that is the topic at hand. I know exactly what I'm talking about because I've been there.

One thing you mentioned in another post is about your husband not meeting your needs in foreplay. Now there I think communication is extremely important. The person who loves you should want to please you. Sex is not about being there for yourself. It's about being there for the other person. And the best sex is when you're both there for each other. Because as you mature you learn that pleasing your partner will actually excite you and make your orgasms better. KWIM?
06/29/2009
Oggins Oggins
13 for me though I didn't know what it was. I just wanted to do it again! =)
06/29/2009
Valyn Valyn
I voted 15-18 w/ partner, but I did learn to solo much younger. At some really early age I realized that putting pressure down there felt really good, and I'd do it at night in my bed. I didn't know what I was doing, just that I liked how it felt, and when I was done, I'd usually be really tired.

I really enjoy masturbating now. Having a boyfriend that I have sex with often means I don't masturbate very often, but for me I've realized the more sex I get, the more I want it!

I see masturbating as some real "me" time. When I was younger, you didn't talk about THAT area, and I remember I'd try my best to totally avoid the area in the shower and everything. It wasn't until I first had sex that I realized it IS a part of me- one that needs as much inspection and attention as I've given other parts of my body. I really felt Whole after I started giving my "private parts" more attention.
07/05/2009
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Heh I seem to be a bit of a maverick...I can remember masturbating when I was a very small child around six or so. I have always loved how my body feels and exploring it. My parents didn't believe masturbation was bad but they did tease and joke about it so that my sister and I learned to be quiet and secretive. Still I can't remember a time when I didn't have that rush of wonderful feeling though I didn't lubricate until I was around 10-11 years old. That was a memorable thing lemme tell ya...luckily I had an older female cousin to talk to about it.
07/14/2009
Raven Raven
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Heh I seem to be a bit of a maverick...I can remember masturbating when I was a very small child around six or so. I have always loved how my body feels and exploring it. My parents didn't believe masturbation was bad but they did tease and joke ... More
Airen, you're very lucky to have had such parents and an older cousin you could talk to!! My father caught my little girlfriend and me stroking each other in the back seat of the car (not our first time) after he had gone inside a store for a while. I was about six or so at the time, and although he did not punish me, which I was sure he would, he made it clear that that kind of behavior would not be tolerated, so for a few years I was afraid to do anything. But when I was about 12 I started up again solo and I enjoyed it very much, but I didn't orgasm until I was 16. I would have loved having an older female that could have given me a few much-needed answers.
08/11/2009
Envy Envy
I had my first at 21, though I tried as a teen, never could with hands or anything, plus had no access to toys, etc. That and sex and stuff is basically taboo in this house, you just don't talk about it. When younger I dunno if I ever did anything, but if I did I'm sure I was slapped for it since I was abused and all, just I cannot remember.
08/11/2009
gone77 gone77
I was around 10 or 11 and solo.
08/11/2009
Total posts: 138
Unique posters: 125