Females: At what age did you have your first orgasm? Or have you not had an orgasm yet? If so was it solo or with a partner? And was it during oral sex, or penetration?

Contributor: Cocos Butter Cocos Butter
Quote:
Originally posted by Cwhitten006
I'm very curious about asking other females about their first orgasm experience because I am soon to be 25, have 2 kids, am married and have never had an orgasm. I'm just wondering if I'm the only 25 year old female that has not yet ... more
The youngest age shown was 15 so I chose that...but I was actually more like 12. I have always been comfortable with my body and started feeling around, I guess. I got scared at first because I had no idea what had happened but I liked it and did it again LOL. I didn't know they were orgasms until later.
07/04/2010
Contributor: Lilith Land Lilith Land
Hi, I was around the age of 14 and it occurred during masturbation. Currently, I am working on a Ph.D. in psychology. My dissertation topic is on female sexual dysfunction/dissatisfa ction.

Right, of the bat I will tell you that your lack of masturbation history is one major reason why you are not coming. Women are twice as likely to orgasm during masturbation than sex with a partner, and the primary treatment for women who are preorgasmic is directed masturbation. If you don't know your body, your partner isn't likely to either. I would suggest you google Betty Dodson. She works with women like you.

I also wonder what medications you are on. Certain drugs including birth control pills, and psychiatric meds can really reduce desire and inhibit orgasm. As for the way you were raised, believe me I understand. In my home, sex was never discussed. I had to develop a positive view of sex all on my own. Anyway good luck.
07/12/2010
Contributor: Janis Janis
It took a great deal of sex before I got the right angle, myself on top, to orgasm. I never managed it through masturbation, or if my boyfriend was on top. Now, I can only orgasm if I am on top, or with my vibrators, and I have never had a clitoral orgasm, only g-spot ones. This frustrates my poor boyfriend.
07/13/2010
Contributor: bzzingbee bzzingbee
I was also 10 or 11, solo only till I was 15, but lots of solo until then, lol.
07/13/2010
Contributor: Midway through Midway through
I was around 16, and I was alone. I was using my first vibrator. It was epic. I've been having them since
07/20/2010
Contributor: buzzvibe buzzvibe
Dang. I remember getting in trouble as a young child--like 3 or 4 years old--for masturbating. I would sit by myself in preschool and do it until I climaxed. I didn't know what I was doing or that it was a natural thing, I just knew it felt good. I'm sure the grown-ups all knew what I was up to. I recall one afternoon the teacher telling my parents that they couldn't get me to participate in group activities, and one day my mom caught me when she got there to pick me up and lectured me the whole way home. I'm sure it was embarrassing for my parents, LOL.

So, I didn't vote since "before I can remember" isn't an option.
07/20/2010
Contributor: SexyySarah SexyySarah
Well there wasn't an answer for before 15, so I think I first did it in second grade, a friend showed me and it stuck! So what age is that? Like 7-8?
07/20/2010
Contributor: Red Vinyl Kitty Red Vinyl Kitty
For me, it was around 12, and solo.
07/21/2010
Contributor: NightNight NightNight
Quote:
Originally posted by Raven
Airen, you're very lucky to have had such parents and an older cousin you could talk to!! My father caught my little girlfriend and me stroking each other in the back seat of the car (not our first time) after he had gone inside a store for a ... more
I had a similar experience-- I was 5 years old when I found a Wahl Massager in my house. For the life of me I don't know how I got the idea into my head but I decided to turn it on and press it over my panties. I was so excited about how good it felt that the next day I showed my friend how to do it. And then she told on me! My mom had a talk with me about how what I did was ok, but that it was something I should keep private. I've always had a problem with only hearing the bad side, though, so for years I was intensely ashamed of my masturbation (I craved that feeling so much that all that shame couldn't keep me from touching, though.)

I used whatever was available to me to get off-- body massagers, vibrating pens, pillows, stuffed animals, mattresses, bath tub faucets, removable shower heads, tub jets, but it wasn't until I was much older (within the past couple years) that I could actually get myself off with just my hands. Even more recent is the ability to have vaginal orgasms, but for me those are more difficult to come by . I think I've had orgasms ever since I started masturbating but they matured as I did and got bigger and better.

I attribute that more to inevitable biological development and less with positive psychological development because a few years ago my persistent depression became so severe I completely lost my sex drive and any ability to feel sexual pleasure. I don't remember a lot about this time but my husband (then fiance) says I told him "I don't ever want to have sex again"! And yet he still married me and here I am posting on a sex forum.

So, I would agree with everyone that psychology and state of mind probably plays the biggest part in being able to enjoy sex and have orgasms. I'm practicing introspection, acceptance and forgiveness every hour of every day to keep my depression at bay and while my sex drive isn't quite where I'd like it to be, I have greater confidence and ability in myself and my sex life.

Other advice? I've learned through persistence and hard work (it seems so weird that good sex is something you have to work at) that the dishes in the sink are less important than me and my happiness. By repeating the idea that it's forgivable to leave a chore undone or a task unfinished I've freed my heart and mind to enjoy a lot more fooling around and in the end it makes me a lot happier than it would have to clean the kitchen instead.

That being said! I still find a clean, tidy room incredibly helpful. If, while having sex, I look over my lover's shoulder and see a dirty plate sitting on the table I'm instantly taken out of my fantasy and my arousal is set back a few rounds.

I still have trouble with a lack of foreplay that goes beyond oral sex. I think the longer and more creative a foreplay session gets the better I feel having sex and the more capable I am of having great orgasms. I'm still learning to communicate openly about sex, especially the sex that I want, but I've found it helpful to swap fantasies. Lately my fantasies have been focused around foreplay so hopefully I'm planting some seeds
07/21/2010
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
I didn't really know what an orgasm what when I first started having sex, I didn't research any of that. But I knew when it happened what it was through everything I had heard and been told. It was awesome. It surprised me to learn later that people much older hadn't even experienced one.
08/02/2010
Contributor: Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
Also a lot younger than 15, solo. I don't really remember it though.
08/02/2010
Contributor: Maiden Maiden
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
I don't HAVE to do anything. I CHOOSE to please myself because it's my body, I like exploring it, and I like pleasing myself. I like having partners who please me and go out of their way to do so, but I also like it when my partners please ... more
I agree with this 100%. Also, until I started masturbating regularly and using toys and such, I could not orgasm with a partner. You have to know your body, know it well, before you can even begin to tell your partner what you like, how to do it, how to make you come. They certainly aren't going to be able to know what you like. There is no exact formula for orgasm. What works for one, may not work for another. Every body is different, physically, anatomically, emotionally. You may be able to, by trial and error with your partner, learn together what makes you come, but it's bound to take a while. There is too much involved in sex with your partner to really focus on figuring yourself out. Feelings get hurt, or for fear of hurting ones feelings, you may hold back or give up if it takes too long, or worse yet, fake an orgasm to make him feel better. Then he thinks he knows how to make you come, so he keeps doing that and you keep faking cause you don't wanna let on that you faked the last time... it's a vicious cycle, one I was in for a long time. I finally had to admit to my partner that I had never had a real orgasm with him, and I am sure you can imagine what that did to our sex life after that.
08/03/2010
Contributor: Maiden Maiden
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
I would encourage you masturbate and do so often. I know it's not what you are inclined to do, but it is the very best way to discover how your body works, what excites you, what sort of stimulation makes you feel good. You shouldn't ... more
Agreed!
08/03/2010
Contributor: SydVicious SydVicious
I have a very hard time climaxing with just regular sex. I have to have clitoral stimulation most of the time, and by looking at the toys that you have reviewed I don't see a clitoral stimulator. I would recommend the Inspire, its a small but powerful clitoral stimulator that you can use alone or with your husband... you can even use it during normal sex.

Seriously, the Inspire has speeds from very low to very high and I think you might have some luck with it. I think maybe once you figure out what you need to orgasm you might become more comfortable sexually. Good luck!!
08/04/2010
Contributor: 00 00
I was 12 or 13..solo.
08/05/2010
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Cwhitten006
I'm very curious about asking other females about their first orgasm experience because I am soon to be 25, have 2 kids, am married and have never had an orgasm. I'm just wondering if I'm the only 25 year old female that has not yet ... more
Honestly to get all the way to married with two kids and never had an orgasm - I'd have to say something is wrong. Personally that's my mission - to make sure my girl has at least two every time! Many would suggest figuring it out solo - then teaching/guiding your husband about how to do it.

Does he know you've never had an orgasm? If so, does he care? If not, shouldn't you discuss it with him? I'm totally unqualified to give professional advise - maybe you should consider some professional help.
08/05/2010
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
I voted 15-18 solo, but it was actually around 9-10, solo.


Personally, I can't climax from oral sex nor from penetration, I need clitoral stimulation or clitoral stimulation along with penetration to really orgasm. I've found that a lot of people who haven't had a lot of sexual health education have misconceptions of the way bodies work and what "should" make you orgasm. Not everyone climaxes from the same things, what works for some doesn't work for another. And that's okay with me, I love helping people achieve their first orgasm.

There's a section in Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues about a woman who, at the age of 72, finally found her clitoris. She cried.
08/18/2010
Contributor: Tisbury Tisbury
I was REALLY young (I forgot when I had my first one but I know it was before 15) but it was solo.
09/29/2010
Contributor: BexvanKoot BexvanKoot
Another write in vote - I can distinctly remember having solo orgams around the age of 10 or 11 as well, though possibly earlier. I can remember masturbating at much younger ages.
09/30/2010
Contributor: Alegria Alegria
I started masturbating around preschool time. I remember Mom caught me once and gave me a stern talk about how I shouldn't do that. Luckily it didn't really impact me
10/07/2010
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
I was 9 and clearly solo - Im a scorpio ... my sexual side kicked in early!
10/07/2010
Contributor: null null
11-12-ish solo
10/11/2010
Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
around 10ish
10/24/2010
Contributor: lamira lamira
My first orgasm ever was with my partner when I was 18. He was, and still is, the only person who could ever make me orgasm from rubbing my clit, finger fucking me, and eating me out. I am telling you the truth, he has magic fingers.
11/07/2010
Contributor: pinkzombie pinkzombie
Quote:
Originally posted by Cwhitten006
I'm very curious about asking other females about their first orgasm experience because I am soon to be 25, have 2 kids, am married and have never had an orgasm. I'm just wondering if I'm the only 25 year old female that has not yet ... more
First oral O was the best though!
11/08/2010
Contributor: Wild Orchid Wild Orchid
13 going on 14. By myself. Clitoral stimulation + anal penetration.
01/18/2011
Contributor: sweet seduction sweet seduction
16 and solo
01/27/2011
Contributor: Confusedxfreak Confusedxfreak
Solo at 10 or 11 I believe.
01/30/2011
Contributor: LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by Cwhitten006
I'm very curious about asking other females about their first orgasm experience because I am soon to be 25, have 2 kids, am married and have never had an orgasm. I'm just wondering if I'm the only 25 year old female that has not yet ... more
I believe I was 13/14. Solo.
01/31/2011
Contributor: M121212 M121212
Betty Dodson wrote a great webpage about orgasming for the first time: link
03/02/2011