I lose it

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I lose it

DragonEyes DragonEyes
Hi everyone. Newbie here. Hoping someone can help me with my issue I'm having. First I will provide a little background information: I'm 25 years old and I recently got out of a relationship that was on and off for almost 8 years. I was on birth control pills since I was 17 and stopped them when I was nearing the age of 24. We performed sexual acts on eachother however I rarely ever got aroused and if I did I would lose it. I've tried masturbating before but it has no effect on me. I'm starting to think I'm asexual and am doomed to live a life of not being pleased. I will please others because I am a giving/dominant person however this does not turn me on, I just like making people happy. I feel if I could just get aroused and keep it I would be having a kick ass love life right now LOL!

I'm on this kick lately about trying out a bunch of new things and I've recently started a sexual relationship with a friend I've known since high school. We've done some sexting and at first that would make me aroused but since our relationship is not so new anymore it's kinda worn off. When we do see eachother for the very first few mins and he rubs his hard member on me, that would get me aroused but then I'd lose the feeling. It just goes away and I can't for the life of me figure out why. It seems I'm having the issue of what a guy who goes flaccid has but in female form. I don't know if the birth control pills have totally screwed me or what. I'm considering talking to a sex therapist, what do you all think? And yes, I am attracted to this guy so there are no issues there!
08/22/2010
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Pleasure Piratess Pleasure Piratess
First of all, it has to be said... if you have any history of rape or sexual abuse there could be underlying emotional issues causing this problem and I would definitely seek the counsel of a therapist.

Okay, that out of the way... this could also be a physical condition. It is possible that you are not generating enough blood-flow to your genitals to maintain arousal (which would be the equivalent of flaccid penis), in which case you may want to talk to your gynecologist about meds that may help (or what may be causing...). You may even have some luck with female arousal creams, although I can't say how effective they are since I have never used them.

Finally... as far as plain suggestions go.... I would just try to play on what turns you on (porn, erotica, fantasy, whatever) and try a variety of techniques to continue that feeling as long as possible. It may take some time and experimentation to discover what your body reacts best to. Some women like to lay on their back and use their fingers directly on the clit, some prefer less direct, by rubbing the mons or labia. Some like circles, back/forth, up/down... differing speeds. Some women prefer to lay on their stomachs and grind against pillows or mattresses. Don't get too frustrated if it takes several minutes to get into it and decide if you like that technique or not.
And of course, we can't forget the power of a vibrator (the erocillator is wonderful), or of just plain stream of warm water via the tub faucet.

I wouldn't even be too concerned about reaching orgasm at this point, just in trying to stay relaxed and go with the "feeling". Other than that, I am really out of ideas. I'm sure someone else can come along with more, and perhaps even better suggestions. Good luck!!
08/23/2010
joja joja
As long as you're not stretching your budget, I'd recommend going to a therapist if there is even a question of going. They are really helpful even if you don't consider your problem serious - and if you don't like it, you can just stop going.

A doctor will also help, especially if you suspect your birth control pills. They can also talk to you about other hormonal issues that may be inhibiting your sex drive.

If you think it's all in your head, I second the vibrator idea. It's also important that you don't get into high-pressure sexual situations in which you feel like you need to perform. Relax, take it slow, and if the feeling goes away then stop. Don't force yourself to do it just because you wish you wanted to.
08/25/2010
MnWolf MnWolf
Quote:
Originally posted by DragonEyes
Hi everyone. Newbie here. Hoping someone can help me with my issue I'm having. First I will provide a little background information: I'm 25 years old and I recently got out of a relationship that was on and off for almost 8 years. I was on ...
DragonEyes,
Hey, Just a thought here. I agree with the other two that have posted, but... I would like to know if you are able to masturbate, not that you have to answer ok, just a question. Now, the thing that strikes me is that you are a giver. Most of the time, ones that are like this do not think of themselves and if and when the feelings of " O-My-GOD thats nice" hits, you gilt up, and turn them feelings off and concentrate on the other person even more.... Right...?
I have been with many women that were like this, old and young! Now I don't know for sure if this is what you are doing but it sounds close to it. Most of the time it comes from something that is embeded into a women from a young age or even perhaps some repressed sexual aduse or mis-doings. To the point that is what has caused you to be the giver/slave.
Last, it would be good for you to find your own body. In my past experiences, the female wasn't sexual with herself. Some to the point that even touching themselves other then; that time of the month, or to wipe was something that they just did not do. Take the time to find what your body is telling you, what feels good, what gets your motor running on high so to say. The best thing a women can do is herself, and allowing yourself to feel the pleausre for yourself... by yourself first could be just what the doctor ordered...!
08/25/2010
Not here Not here
Everyone else had very good suggestions and I agree with all of them.

Have you thought of the possibility that you either feel it's wrong to be sexually involved with this person and you're just hiding those feelings, or perhaps you're not as sexually attracted to them as you may think? The woman's brain is definitely the most powerful sexual organ, and if you're feeling any negative feelings about the sexual relationship, it can pretty easily prevent you from feeling any pleasure.

I'd recommend before going to a therapist that you sit by yourself and really think thinks over. If you honestly can't think of any reason why you're not totally comfortable with your sexual arrangement, maybe go to a gyno (try Planned Parenthood if you're strapped for cash) to see if it's possible that your birth control is the problem. They might be able to help you, and prescribe you something that won't have those effects on you, if that is what is causing the problem.

If you try all of this to no avail, then try going to a therapist. Maybe you have some repressed feelings or memories about sex causing you to be unable to be aroused.

Hopefully our suggestions help! Let us know how it goes!
08/25/2010
Coralbell Coralbell
I have experienced similar issues, but lately it's been a lot better. I used to hook up with boys and not get aroused at all and wonder what was wrong with me and why I wasn't feeling anything. I think for me it was a combination of being nervous or uncomfortable and also not knowing what things turned me on. My current partner is the only one that I have ever really gotten aroused with, and I think it's because I feel comfortable with him and I've figured out some things that I like and I'm not afraid to ask him for them. I still find that it is easier for me to get aroused when I am by myself fantasizing about being with him than when I am actually with him though, so it's not totally resolved.
08/26/2010
Envy Envy
Good points all around. Just to add, too, I was also on birth control, and it really messed up my libido as well. They're doing studies on this because they found it makes the liver produce more globulins that filter out certain 'free' hormones, causing a drop in libido. They don't know how to reverse it. Perhaps if possible, i suggest going to get your hormone levels checked if possible at all to rule out any possible physical issues that may need replacement hormone therapy.

Of course it doesn't affect all women as we are all different, but it's being studied.

Also, keep an eye on your diet, avoid the fatty foods, eat healthy, and get plenty of sleep. It DOES help libido if you take care of yourself.

Just my thoughts.
08/26/2010
DragonEyes DragonEyes
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. To answer a few of you: There is a slight possibility that a sexual event happened to me as a child but I cannot remember it clearly. It would probably explain why I like to give instead of receive though if I had to guess. Speaking with a therapist would probably help me but I really want to avoid that route due to lack of funds and other issues beyond my control at this time. I've found that erotic stories turn me on to an extent so I'm going to start reading more of those(if anyone has any suggestions please let me know). I also went out and bought a very nice vibrator. I think I'm going to try exploring myself this weekend while I have some down time so hopefully I find something that really helps me. Thanks again everyone!
08/30/2010
Not here Not here
Quote:
Originally posted by DragonEyes
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. To answer a few of you: There is a slight possibility that a sexual event happened to me as a child but I cannot remember it clearly. It would probably explain why I like to give instead of receive though if I had ...
Perhaps since you're not able to see a therapist, you could write in a journal about any repressed feelings you may have. I'm not sure if it would be helpful for you, but a lot of people find simply releasing pent up emotions is half the battle.

Good luck sweetie, and take it slow and have fun. Don't pressure yourself into anything you're not ready for.
08/30/2010
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 7