Is there such a thing as too much masturbation in a relationship? - from Em and Lo

Em & Lo Em & Lo
A woman wrote into our site, EMandLO.com, recently to ask, “If he masturbates more often than he has (or wants) sex with me, his wife, should I be worried?” So we decided to post the question to three of our Wise Guys to see what they had to say. And they all basically said that it depends on the context. Like, are you having a satisfying sex life otherwise? Is his libido way higher? Do you ever want sex with him but he's chosen masturbation instead? (You can read their full answers here.)

So we thought we'd ask you guys -- and gals! -- what you thought. Is there ever such a thing as too much masturbation in a relationship, or does it always depend on the context, the relationship, and the respective libidos?
08/11/2010
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MnWolf MnWolf
I really have to agree with the answers given, it all depends on what else is going on within the contex of the relationship. I feel that masturbation with each other or doing it to one another, can be a great alternative to full blown sex at times. The natural drug release of dopamine, the reward hormone; prolactin, the hormone of satiation; oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, and levels of androgen receptors, all play their parts. It is possible for a person to get addicted to this feeling as well.

To me, I see a few things though that would stand to error on the side of caution. Now if the guy is outright masturbating and not having sex, I would want to know how often... all the time, some of the time, what? We don't really have any grounds to go on, "More Often" leaves a lot to the imagination. If masturbation has taken over his life, then I would say the guy needs to come to terms with it. Whether it is lack of feeling from intercourse, the hassle, time constaints... Heck stress from life could have him as well, and it is just easier to beat off, then to have sex...! Who knows!

On a seriouse note tho, the wife should do what ever she can to get him to talk about it, perhaps he is addicted to the high he gets from the orgasm. If the guy is 35 or older, it wouldn't be a bad idea if his next check up looked at T levels, lack of T could be the case as well. Over all I think she needs to get him to open up and talk.

Here is a link that shows the break downs, it might give some an insight to what really happens at the point of orgasm.
08/11/2010
Midway through Midway through
Masturbation is amazing. I say no.
08/11/2010
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Since we don't live together and are technically long distance for three to four months every year, I naturally masturbate more than engage in partner sex with my boyfriend. I assume that it's the same for him. In some other couples, it could definitely be a sign of something else going on, but that depends on context and requires straightforward communication to figure out. Just because a guy masturbates more than engaging in partner sex doesn't necessarily mean that you need to worry.
08/11/2010
gone77 gone77
All I can really say here is: Context, context, context. Which, really, is how most questions regarding relationships and sexual habits can be answered satisfactorily.
08/11/2010
Annemarie Annemarie
I think, that if he's masturbating in place of sex, then, yes, that is an issue. If he's just got a higher libido and their sex life is satisfactory otherwise, then there's not an issue.
08/11/2010
Sammi Sammi
Quote:
Originally posted by Annemarie
I think, that if he's masturbating in place of sex, then, yes, that is an issue. If he's just got a higher libido and their sex life is satisfactory otherwise, then there's not an issue.
I'd agree. I think this is true for either partner in the relationship, too.
08/11/2010
iceman681 iceman681
i hope not
09/14/2010
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
I think this masturbation should only ever become an issue when it is interfering with having a healthy sexual relationship. If it is in place of sex, then it can become an issue, if pornography is an issue with a jealous partner than that needs to be discussed, and in what I am sure is a less common situation when it poses problems during normal sex. I was in a situation with a partner whos constant masturbation was interfering with his ability to climax during normal intercourse, when he started masturbating less frequently the problem stopped.
10/23/2010
CS2012 CS2012
I don't think one can masturbate too much. There are times I would personally rather masturbate than have sex since I get more intense orgasms that way. Then there are times I just want sex.
11/06/2010
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by CS2012
I don't think one can masturbate too much. There are times I would personally rather masturbate than have sex since I get more intense orgasms that way. Then there are times I just want sex.
Definitely.
11/08/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
A woman wrote into our site, EMandLO.com, recently to ask, “If he masturbates more often than he has (or wants) sex with me, his wife, should I be worried?” So we decided to post the question to three of our Wise Guys to see what they had to say. ... More
Yes there is a point where masturbation can be too much, when you have a warm willing partner and you chose to self pleasure instead then the masturbation has become disruptive to your relationship.
11/08/2010
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Yes there is a point where masturbation can be too much, when you have a warm willing partner and you chose to self pleasure instead then the masturbation has become disruptive to your relationship.
I have been in a relationship where if I or my partner was horny, sex was expected of me. I really do not like feeling obligated to fuck my partner if I would prefer to pleasure myself. I do not like feeling obligated to fuck anybody ever. Sex, can be fun and incredibly intimate, but when it becomes an expectation it loses all of its attraction and can become a major turn off.
11/08/2010
Shellz31 Shellz31
If the person regulary chooses solo fun over offered sex, then yes thats a problem. That would certainly bother me and I'd be looking for someone new.
11/12/2010
Sera Sera
My husband doesn't like it when I use my sex toys at all, even when he's sick-He has IBS....Is that a bad thing? Because I wish I could use them more often! I feel sad that he's so jealous of them.
11/12/2010
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by Annemarie
I think, that if he's masturbating in place of sex, then, yes, that is an issue. If he's just got a higher libido and their sex life is satisfactory otherwise, then there's not an issue.
I completely agree. There is nothing wrong with it unless it is becoming a replacement for having sex with the partner, unless that is a desired effect.
11/15/2010
LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
I agree that it completely depends on the context. If the relationship is suffering because of it, sure, it's too much.
11/22/2010
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 15