Those with low-drive partner--do they also have ADD?

Inkblot Inkblot
I'm finding that a lot of men who have low sex drive (partners/husbands of my friends/acquaintances, things I've read, etc.) seem to also have adult ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) to some degree. I know that my dh has ADD and it definitely affects his drive. Regardless of whether or not he's on medication for it, too!

Because of how ADD affects the person's thinking patterns, many of them can come across as selfish, self-centered, uninterested in others, not very compassionate, etc. simply because of the way their mind works. They may or may not REALLY be selfish, but their inability to focus and other effects of the ADD come across that way because they are much less likely to be thinking about sex regularly, how to please their partner, plan ahead for intimacy, etc. when other thoughts take over. KWIM? Anyhow, just curious! And this definitely doesn't apply just to men with ADD, want to make that clear!
02/16/2010
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Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
Quote:
Originally posted by Inkblot
I'm finding that a lot of men who have low sex drive (partners/husbands of my friends/acquaintances, things I've read, etc.) seem to also have adult ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) to some degree. I know that my dh has ADD and it definitely ... More
This is really interesting, but not something I've ever seen or heard of, personally. My boyfriend has adult ADD, and he has a very high sex drive. He does sometimes come across as self-centered, but even when his symptoms make it hard to even have a meaningful discussion he's still incredibly attentive during sex, always ready if I am, and incredibly focused on my pleasure. I say incredibly focused because I almost never see him so focused in any other situation. Even video games don't get him that focused.

The only time his sex drive dropped was when he was on medication for his ADD. It was just one of many side effects from the medications he tried. Then his health insurance dropped him, and that was the end of treatment. *shrug*
02/16/2010
Envy Envy
My boyfriend has ADD and a very high sex drive--I have the low drive and do not have ADD. When he tooks meds it killed his drive, but he's not on them anymore.

And it's the complete opposite for him, he's the least selfish person I know, loves to cuddle, to be helpful, etc. He's just a big pansy, but I love it, lol. He's also a good multitasker, which I am not, I have a one track mind.
02/16/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
I have ADD and have a relatively low sex drive. The meds made it worse for me.

The worst part about it for me is that it isn't that I'm not in the mood, I'm just not in the mood if that makes sense. So I'm not against it, I'm just not all gung ho for it either. Which means that I almost never initiate it. But I do find a bit that if I psych myself into it I'm fine most of the time because it doesn't seem to be a problem (for me anyway) to stay in the mood, it's just getting there that's the pain in the butt.
02/16/2010
brodeur308 brodeur308
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
I have ADD and have a relatively low sex drive. The meds made it worse for me.

The worst part about it for me is that it isn't that I'm not in the mood, I'm just not in the mood if that makes sense. So I'm not against it, ... More
I find i have the same problem as you... its really hard to get in the mood. i never initiate which makes whoever im dating feel that im not interested in them sexually. it tends to cause a huge strain on the relationship. It was even worse for me when i was on birth control. It for some reason just killed any urge i had at all. I just recently stopped taking it and found that some of the urges are coming back but i still almost feel sexually retarted.
02/26/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by brodeur308
I find i have the same problem as you... its really hard to get in the mood. i never initiate which makes whoever im dating feel that im not interested in them sexually. it tends to cause a huge strain on the relationship. It was even worse for me ... More
I'm definitely right there with you. My last boyfriend thought this was a huge problem and I hit the point that I started thinking there was something wrong with me. And I'll admit I would sometimes have sex just to shut him up because I got tired of hearing about how "it wasn't fair" for him that we didn't have sex. But my fiance right now is very supportive and has figured out that most of the time it isn't that I'm not in the mood, I just need some gentle persuasion. So he'll try and I'll say no and he'll back off for a little while, with no snide comments or anything like that, and he'll come back again and try, and so on and so forth. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But the important thing for me is that I finally found a balance and feel slightly less "sexually retarded" as you so eloquently put it, lol.
02/26/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Mine has ADHD and he's hyper-focused with a high drive, although he's admitting it's slowed down since he hit 30 (ie: he hasn't fathered anything in this decade of his life). Good thing out being hyper-focus is that he's been giving me quite a sexual education and wants to figure me out. I think the hyper-focusing is part of the ADD thing in some cases, as an unconscious coping mechanism.
02/26/2010
RosesThorns RosesThorns
My boy is rather ADD and until recently had a very low sex drive...then he switched meds... we're thinking that the meds had something to do with it.
02/27/2010
Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by brodeur308
I find i have the same problem as you... its really hard to get in the mood. i never initiate which makes whoever im dating feel that im not interested in them sexually. it tends to cause a huge strain on the relationship. It was even worse for me ... More
That's how I feel. Been off birth control 6 months now, am feeling somewhat like myself, but still have times where sex/toys are just blah, do not want, lol.
02/27/2010
Sera Sera
Yeah, my husband has ADD. Sometimes he talks about politics when I'm trying to turn him on. But after I get there, he's no longer interested in politics. Just me. YES! I WIN!
07/30/2010
joja joja
My boyfriend has ADHD, but it's the Adderall that kills his sex drive, not the condition.
08/01/2010
Maiden Maiden
Quote:
Originally posted by Inkblot
I'm finding that a lot of men who have low sex drive (partners/husbands of my friends/acquaintances, things I've read, etc.) seem to also have adult ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) to some degree. I know that my dh has ADD and it definitely ... More
This is really interesting! The most common arguments we have are about his never showing interest in sex, never initiating, and just not seeming to want to have sex. He does have ADD, and has taken meds for it at one point, thought they did not seem to help in this department, only helped him focus more at work. I had never thought about these problems being associated with his ADD. I also find he is very selfish, or seems that way, always focused on his self. I find myself saying to him a lot... " EVERYTHING is NOT ALWAYS about YOU!" He doesn't have a lot of friends, though this is mainly because he doesn't make the effort and doesn't keep in touch with the ones he does have. I always thought this was because he was lazy, which he is, but now I am reconsidering. This has given me a lot to think about and discuss with him. Every time I talk to him about these issues, he never seems to understand, though he can see where I am coming from. He just doesn't feel like he is selfish, and he assures me he does want to have sex, and knows he should tell me more. I usually end the conversation because he doesn't seem to be getting it and I feel like we are talking in circles with no progress. This has caused a lot of our problems and I have been very hurt and confused and frustrated with him. Now I am thinking that maybe his ADD is affecting all these things that I didn't realize, nor did he. I must do some more research on his condition and see if there are ways to work around it. AT the very least, this may be one reason for him to get back on his meds, though I wonder if they will help. They didn't seem to before. IDK, my point to all of this is, is this something he can work on or change about himself or is it something I will have to learn to deal with or work around in some way? At the very least, this has opened my eyes and given me a greater understanding. Maybe he isn't a lazy selfish asshole after all? Or maybe he is, but can't help it? lol IDK, but it is something to find out more about! Thanks for this topic!
08/03/2010
Blinker Blinker
My man has ADD and he is horny allll the tiiiime. If I sneeze, he gets hard. I think ADD is only a problem during sex because I think he loses focus sometimes and that's why he can't cum unless we've been banging for 2 hours. Gah. He used to be on Ritalin but quit after it zombified him a long time ago.
08/05/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Inkblot
I'm finding that a lot of men who have low sex drive (partners/husbands of my friends/acquaintances, things I've read, etc.) seem to also have adult ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) to some degree. I know that my dh has ADD and it definitely ... More
Many people with ADD or ADHD have amazing concentration if they are doing something they are really interested in.

My Man has serious ADHD (as do some of our kids) but he has a HIGH sex drive and gets into hours of sex regularly. He has admitted to me that unless he is working on a project at work, or in the workshop and busily engaged in problem solving, he's thinking about sex ALL the time.


Works for us!
08/05/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
My man has ADD and he is horny allll the tiiiime. If I sneeze, he gets hard. I think ADD is only a problem during sex because I think he loses focus sometimes and that's why he can't cum unless we've been banging for 2 hours. Gah. He used ... More
Blinker, My Man has told me, when he's having a hard time coming, that it is usually because he is "thinking of things." I sometimes have trouble staying on focus, if it's taking me a long time to come, but I think his is real "My mind is going somewhere else." Luckily, as he has gotten older, this is less common.

When we rent a video, (regular movie) we have to pause it up to 16 times, (my highest count) because he goes to the bathroom, goes out and has a cigarette, I find him in the kitchen IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE just sitting there, thinking, he's across the way talking to the neighbor, he's pausing the movie and going on a tangent about something, etc. Very frustrating, an ADHD man. With porn, he FFs through any talking, and with regular TV, he is constantly leaving the room and doing the things I said before. He even does this when we have company over. Getting that man to sit down is hard work.
08/05/2010
EndlessFrost EndlessFrost
I have ADD and I can see how I could have that problem. Its not uncommon for me to get off and then bam! be on to something else. I'm single, so thankfully I'm not inconveniencing anyone with that xD
10/02/2010
CleverKitty CleverKitty
My partner with adhd has a rather high sex drive, but it's really kinda random and when he's in the mood. It can be hard to "seduce" him if he's engrossed in anything else.
10/03/2010
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 14