Mental issues that interfere with sex.

Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I've been with a few people who have no problem casually sleeping with someone, but when it comes to someone they've started to care about they just can't do it. It's not a matter of "right" and "wrong", either. It's not for the sake of the developing relationship. Their head just gets full of strange feelings and they can't continue even though they really want to.

On the other hand, personally, I have strange things like this happen to me, too. It could be the best sex ever with someone I truly love, but sometimes I completely disconnect and become morbidly depressed and weepy or angry, so sometimes I avoid sex because of the fear of this happening.

I know there are quite of you who can relate because there has been a slightly similar thread, but does anyone have any insight into this? Anyone ever figure out how to work it out?

This guy I've very recently started seeing and I slept together the other night (on our marathon of a first date, yeah) after there was obviously a deep connection and passionate chemistry there. (We had talked on the phone for a while). It was absolutely amazing and comfortable, but now both of us are back in fear mode and trying to work through it together.

I just want to know what other people have thought and/or done about it or had experience with anything similar.
04/17/2012
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Arch600 Arch600
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I've been with a few people who have no problem casually sleeping with someone, but when it comes to someone they've started to care about they just can't do it. It's not a matter of "right" and "wrong", either. ... More
This is a very complex matter. Working through it together is absolutely the right approach and, that is where you will find your answer.

When we become emotionally involved with someone, our emotions become intertwined with the sex, whereas casual sex not so much. All our fears, doubts, insecurities, and questions we experience as the relationship begins become part of sex as well. In a sense, we're moving from having sex with our body to having sex with our soul (not necessarily a religious thing, a human essence thing). Just as we hesitate on the first 'I love you,' we hesitate with the deep emotional bonds that have suddenly become the consequence of sex. Hesitation can be good - it affords us time to think things through (if we choose to take the opportunity) and discuss each step with our partner.

Pretty scary, huh? Well, the reason we all hang ourselves out there is because when it works - when you feel your partner's soul within you and yours within them and there is no place you'd rather be - it is the ultimate human experience, life's greatest reward.
04/17/2012
northstar northstar
Quote:
Originally posted by Arch600
This is a very complex matter. Working through it together is absolutely the right approach and, that is where you will find your answer.

When we become emotionally involved with someone, our emotions become intertwined with the sex, whereas ... More
A lovely and to-the-point answer. Thank you
04/21/2012
northstar northstar
I feel that often the fear arises in one or both people who are having casual sex, due to the very nature of it. When you start feeling more for eachother, perhaps there's a natural doubt that the other isn't on the same page and may end the relationship because all they want is sex. Your situation sounds promising to me because it appears that you both feel similar things, and are working through it together. Only by sharing and disclosing our real feelings, can we ever make any progress and not let miscommunication get the better of us (or ruin a good thing). This has definitely happened to me before, including with my current relationship - we began more casual and I became very doubtful that I might end up with regrets if I expressed everything I wanted to too soon. However, we both were very honest with eachother and have been ever since, which feels amazing. I'm interested to know how you get along..please update us! xxx
04/21/2012
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by northstar
I feel that often the fear arises in one or both people who are having casual sex, due to the very nature of it. When you start feeling more for eachother, perhaps there's a natural doubt that the other isn't on the same page and may end the ... More
Now he just refuses to touch me and that's incredibly frustrating when we sleep in the same bed.

Pssh. His loss.
04/28/2012
Arch600 Arch600
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Now he just refuses to touch me and that's incredibly frustrating when we sleep in the same bed.

Pssh. His loss.
Awwwww.

Hopefully you're still communicating about it and can work through it.
04/28/2012
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 3