Your partner and your sex drive

Genderfree Genderfree
I have a hard time because I have a way higher sex drive than my partner. That might also be because she's on Spironolactone (honestly, I wish she would just stop that stuff and take a different testosterone blocker). The thing is, I'm on anti-depressants and I KNOW it's affecting my sex drive, and I still am horny more often than her. In your relationships, does this happen as well? What do you do? Do I just need to do something to "turn her on"?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I have a higher sex drive than my partner
34  (47%)
I have a lower sex drive than my partner
9  (12%)
Me and my partner have equal (or comparable) sex drives
24  (33%)
Me and my partner don't have sex ( :( )
1  (1%)
I don't have a partner (AKA: my dildo has the higher sex drive)
4  (6%)
Total votes: 72
Poll is closed
03/22/2013
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Adnerbmw Adnerbmw
I was on the same medication for a while, luckily it didnt mess with my sex drive. I have a really high sex drive always have and my husband whom ive been with since high school has always had a way lower one. It is very frustrating. Ive gotten to the point that i hardly ever initiate sex anymore because i got so sick of being turned down. i wish i could say there was some magic thing to help but really just masturbating all the time is what gets me through. Its not even close to the same i get that but at least for me it curbs my appetite a little til i can get some. Sorry i cant be of more help on the subject. Im glad im not the only one, though i feel i am the only chick with this problem.
03/22/2013
LaSchwartz LaSchwartz
We are about the same.
03/23/2013
bratcat bratcat
for the most part, i believe my sex drive is usually higher than my partners. I tend to want to have sex more often or am more eager to indulge.
03/23/2013
SilverMinxxx SilverMinxxx
I have the higher drive. :/
03/23/2013
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by Genderfree
I have a hard time because I have a way higher sex drive than my partner. That might also be because she's on Spironolactone (honestly, I wish she would just stop that stuff and take a different testosterone blocker). The thing is, I'm on ... More
Ours usually match up almost perfectly. Unfortunately, he injured his back and today mine was much higher than his! Lol.

It would be really hard to have a partner who's sex drive was lower or higher than yours. I don't think I've ever heard of that medication, but it is probably a big part of what determines her sex drive.

I don't think YOU should find something to turn her on, necessarily, but in my experiences, it seems when I'm the one who is on a slower sex drive, I find something that helps me get things moving. This has meant taking an evening to stop doing so much work and think about sex for a little bit, and then I'm usually in the mood just fine. Or sometimes foreplay is all it takes to get me there. So perhaps she could do something either with the meds or something that helps her to feel more in the mood -- help get HER sex drive higher. You could try of course, but I think sometimes the person with the low sex drive just needs to do some de-stressing or whatever they need, that way they're "there" when you get going and not off someplace not even turned on.

Perhaps both! That would always be good. Maybe her avoid the meds for a few days and do some thinking about sex, de-stressing. Something to get her mind off everything else in life, and on sex. Then you two do something adventerous or something. Sometimes we do things like go on mini road trips and I'll spend that time with a toy in the passengar side, and later we'll find a nice place to be dirty! Or we'll go for the swing. Just something exciting and to get your mind on sex.

Well, I sure hope you guys manage to leve out the sex drives. I don't know if my ideas will be helful, but hopefully something will bring you to to closer levels. Best of luck!

PS. Have you told her? Maybe tell her she seems less into sex, bring up the meds or tell her you'd love to have a romantic (if that's what she likes) sexy night?
03/23/2013
PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
Quote:
Originally posted by Genderfree
I have a hard time because I have a way higher sex drive than my partner. That might also be because she's on Spironolactone (honestly, I wish she would just stop that stuff and take a different testosterone blocker). The thing is, I'm on ... More
Get rid of ALL your medications and just start over! This is getting so complicated; you and her are being effected by all the med's you are taking! Depressed or not, please just start over and see what happens! It may take some time, but there is so much influence to the med's that you are on that you really can't determine what is controlling your sex drive!
03/23/2013
bratcat bratcat
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionateLover2
Get rid of ALL your medications and just start over! This is getting so complicated; you and her are being effected by all the med's you are taking! Depressed or not, please just start over and see what happens! It may take some time, but there ... More
This is a lot to ask for of someone with a mood diorder or any one taking a medication for anything!
I'm sure you know going off a medication cold turkey is especially dangerous if you are taking it for ones mental health/hormone treatment. Of you believe that the medication your partner is taking is effecting their sexual health, talk to them about it, see if they feel the same and would be willing to talk with their doctor about maybe tapering off and trying out a new med that may not have the same side effects. DO NOT JUST SUDDENLY STOP OR ASK THEM TO STOP TAKING THEIR MEDICATION AS IT COULD BE VERY DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR/THEIR OVERALL HEALTH.
I also agree with Kendra that you dont necessarily need to find way to turn her on, but maybe suggesting to them or helping them find new ways to get themselves off/turned on can aid in getting them more on par with your sex drive.
03/23/2013
FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionateLover2
Get rid of ALL your medications and just start over! This is getting so complicated; you and her are being effected by all the med's you are taking! Depressed or not, please just start over and see what happens! It may take some time, but there ... More
I think you misread something, PL2. Genderfree and partner are each on only one drug, from what the original post says.

Back to the topic: I have a lower sex drive than my partner. I'm five years older than she is, and I'm having a stressful semester in college, and I'm a night owl while she gets up at 6am for work every day; all of these things contribute to lowering my drive, as well as lowering the number of possible opportunities for sex. We live together, and have gotten very comfortable in our routines. Also, she just has a very high sex drive, and would probably be ecstatic if I wanted to have sex 2-3 times a day, every day. Neither of us is on any drugs, but our natural drives and our current life situations are exacerbating the problem, and there've been several times lately that we've gone a month or more without sex. (This would have been unthinkable to me, previously!)

Anyway: I recently became more active here, got involved in the review program, and became interested in trying new toys again. We ordered stuff we'd been wanting to try, and we went out and bought something right away as well. I was motivated to find ways to enjoy our new goodies together, and this made me put a higher priority on getting aroused, and focus on what turns me on. Perhaps something along those lines would help your partner? Maybe finding something new and exciting will motivate her to prioritize her own sexuality again?
03/23/2013
RonLee RonLee
Genderfree, I understand your dilemma very well. My partner is effected by spironolactone the same way. We schedule play time rather than just being spontaneous. That gives my partner the opportunity to do what she needs to do to be more comfortable being receptive to sex, even with a lower drive.
03/23/2013
SecretKinksters SecretKinksters
My partner and I have equally high sex drives, although he is more kinky than I am...the biggest issue we have is the amount of time we have to dedicate to sex...both of our jobs are quite time consuming.
03/23/2013
ShawnG ShawnG
Quote:
Originally posted by Genderfree
I have a hard time because I have a way higher sex drive than my partner. That might also be because she's on Spironolactone (honestly, I wish she would just stop that stuff and take a different testosterone blocker). The thing is, I'm on ... More
Luckily we're pretty equal
03/23/2013
libbyv libbyv
Quote:
Originally posted by Genderfree
I have a hard time because I have a way higher sex drive than my partner. That might also be because she's on Spironolactone (honestly, I wish she would just stop that stuff and take a different testosterone blocker). The thing is, I'm on ... More
sorry
03/23/2013
js250 js250
Sorry--when I need to take my arthritis med once per week--my drive is off for two days. Other than that we are equal in drive. Just try non-sexual cuddling, etc. that often can perk u a relationship once no strings are attached....it is all in the head --seduce the emotions and you have a closeness and sexual relationship that will work for both of you.
03/23/2013
raffi raffi
we have a very intimate relationship, but with everyday life sometimes at the end of the day one of us is just flat out too tired. either way we have sex 3+ times a week on average
03/23/2013
surreptitious surreptitious
Quote:
Originally posted by Genderfree
I have a hard time because I have a way higher sex drive than my partner. That might also be because she's on Spironolactone (honestly, I wish she would just stop that stuff and take a different testosterone blocker). The thing is, I'm on ... More
My partner and I have a comparable sex drive, but if he's tired, he loses that and it's frustrating because he tends to stay up all night pretty often. He's also less risky than I am, so if our roommate's in, he'd rather be cautious whereas I'd rather just lock the door and risk having her try it and figure out that we're hooking up. So I still end up frustrated sometimes anyways.
03/23/2013
Geogeo Geogeo
Quote:
Originally posted by Genderfree
I have a hard time because I have a way higher sex drive than my partner. That might also be because she's on Spironolactone (honestly, I wish she would just stop that stuff and take a different testosterone blocker). The thing is, I'm on ... More
mine is definitely higher. my current guy didnt have sex for two years before me and didnt seem to care at all
03/23/2013
Zandrock Zandrock
Mine is a bit higher
03/23/2013
Septimus Septimus
I typically have a lower sex-drive than my partner. I think a lot of that is due to the fact that I deal with depression (though I don't take meds for it).

I wrote an article for Sexis about mine and my partner's issues, and interestingly enough, things have gotten much better since then.

I've been going to the gym and got a new job that I love, and I think both of those things have helped boost my mood and my sex-drive.
03/23/2013
BlooJay BlooJay
We have equal sex drives.
03/23/2013
The Vixen The Vixen
We have pretty equal sex drives, though at times mine has been higher and I would end up getting really frustrated.
03/24/2013
Gdom Gdom
We're about even.
03/24/2013
twelve13 twelve13
Mine is a bit higher. But they are comparable.
03/29/2013
Lavendar Lavendar
we both have a high sex drive
03/31/2013
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I have a higher drive than my husband and it kind of messes with my mind sometimes. After being told my whole life that all men want is sex, I thought things would be that way in our relationship as well, but it's not. It takes time to work through and figure out, but we're getting there.
03/31/2013
Rory Rory
My husbands sex drive is far higher then mine so basically he gets sex when I'm willing. Sometimes that's not very often.
03/31/2013
luv 2 sex luv 2 sex
On the average my husbands sex drive is much higher than mine. Don't get me wrong, there are time I can't get enough. I take lyrica along with hydrocodone for nerve peoblems in my back that tend to make sensations a lot less intense for me so most of the time I don't see the need to have sex. I feel bad for my husband and sometimes I will skip taking my lyrica for bout a week and Eventhough I know my issues will be worse but in the end it is worth being able to enjoy sex.
04/01/2013
Genderfree Genderfree
Good news: Seems like we're sorting things out a bit with our sex drives. What I keep doing is catching her at the wrong times of the day, she seems more receptive during the daytime while I'm more receptive during the nighttime... She's early to bed, early to rise. We just moved in together, so I think that once we get used to each others sleep patterns and such it will be a lot easier.
04/04/2013
FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by Genderfree
Good news: Seems like we're sorting things out a bit with our sex drives. What I keep doing is catching her at the wrong times of the day, she seems more receptive during the daytime while I'm more receptive during the nighttime... She's ... More
Oh yes, my partner and I have that problem too! She loves morning sex and is tired in the evening, while I feel groggy and completely unsexy in the morning and more energetic in the evening. Maybe scheduling would help as well, as Ron Lee mentioned, or maybe surprising her with something romantically sexy (if she likes that sort of thing) on a day when you both have free time?
04/05/2013
JDear JDear
I have a higher drive than my partner. Most of the time. Her sex drive kind of comes in waves. I am high drive all the time! Haha
04/09/2013
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