Sleeping Affection

Rockin' Rockin'
For those who don't know me, I'm a female who lives with my male partner. We sleep together every night. Sometimes during the night my partner becomes somewhat active without regaining consciousness. Sometimes his actions are not surprising: he will lay his arm across me or cuddle up next to me. Other times, he will grab my ass, try to finger me, or touch me in ways that normally would require some communication beforehand. Sometimes I don't realize he is asleep until I tell him "no" (loudly) and he doesn't stop. The most surprising thing that has happened was once when I heard a noise at night and was asking him if he heard it, and he just grabbed my face and kissed me for several seconds. I have woken him up at night and he has no recollection of what he was doing. Other times, I've asked him the next day why he tried to touch me, etc., and he won't remember at all. I'm convinced he is truly asleep and unaware of his actions. We are not normally "pushy" or "rough" in our affections, and are very open with each other in communication.

Here are my questions for this dear community: Does anyone have any similar experiences to share? Have you made changes to your lifestyle to try to decrease the number of sleeping incidents? I'd like to figure out how I can better handle these situations without startling my partner in his sleep, or just decrease the frequency or stop these incidents in general.

I'd like to say that nothing painful or scary has happened, and that this situation isn't alarming to me. We have also talked about what has happened at night, so he is aware of what has transpired, and is also in favor of me posting this discussion here.
05/26/2009
  • Add More Pleasure to Your Collection! Buy 1 Vibe, Get 1 FREE
  • Better Price Sale - Save 50%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 70%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 60%
  • Better Price - Save 40%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
bodymodboy bodymodboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
For those who don't know me, I'm a female who lives with my male partner. We sleep together every night. Sometimes during the night my partner becomes somewhat active without regaining consciousness. Sometimes his actions are not ... More
I twitch in my sleep, from my leg injury. My leg muscles in the left leg set off violently because they are unable to fully settle down. This sometimes kicks my partners, and I am oblivious of it. I am also a frequent cuddler, even alone with pillows, it helps me sleep. So a lot of times I end up pulling someone close and sticking my hands down infront of their pants and wrapping both legs around them all while asleep. It's more amusing to the people that it happens to, though initially scary if it's flat out dark and you forget you're sharing a bed.
05/26/2009
Pumpkin Lady Pumpkin Lady
This is a very interesting situation, I wish I had some insight on it but I've never experienced anything like this before. The actions seem more deliberate than automatic. I'll just have to follow along with the thread to see what others have to say! I hope you both figure out something that works for you.
05/26/2009
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
My ex husband had an issue that the doctors blamed on the transmitters in his brain that normally shut down so you don't act out your dreams not shutting down every time he fell asleep.

Which caused him to do weird ass stuff.

Like chase a "snake" around the inside of a tent whilst telling me he was going to catch it - when there was no snake and he was sound asleep.

Or standing up, legs spread wide, arms out, holding on to the sails in a violent storm at sea - except he was standing on our mattress.

It was funny as hell most of the time. It was also harder than normal to wake him up in these instances, though that is what I usually did. No way I was going to let him throw me overboard.
05/26/2009
Avery Dragon Avery Dragon
Though nothing quite so elaborate..I do have some sleep problems. The "sleep talk" is real. I've had full blown conversations with people before while still asleep. going so far as to open eyes and sit up in bed, sometimes move around as well. Then to wake up and be told about it later. Like bodymodboy, I cuddle in my sleep, needing the closeness of another. Though...i cannot say I've put my hands down in front of their pants, I'm more of a belly lover
05/26/2009
DreamyLove DreamyLove
Only things like this I've experienced are my boyfriend being asleep and yelling something during sleep and then rolling over, or him saying "I love you" and hugging me, then going back to sleep. Every time I bring these things up to him, he says he never remembers doing them, or that he flat out didn't do them when I clearly remember he did. :p
05/26/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
Quote:
Originally posted by bodymodboy
I twitch in my sleep, from my leg injury. My leg muscles in the left leg set off violently because they are unable to fully settle down. This sometimes kicks my partners, and I am oblivious of it. I am also a frequent cuddler, even alone with ... More
I twitch sometimes, too, usually trying to move in my dreams (I fall down stairs a lot, and my legs try to save me...). Glad to know someone else has similar habits.
05/26/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
My ex husband had an issue that the doctors blamed on the transmitters in his brain that normally shut down so you don't act out your dreams not shutting down every time he fell asleep.

Which caused him to do weird ass stuff.

Like ... More
I've heard of that type of problem before. My boy doesn't seem to act out dreams, although I guess he could be dreaming of seducing me, lol. When I have woken him up, it is much harder, as you said. Neither of us wakes up easily, and we're both disoriented when we wake up suddenly, but it seems even worse if it's during some sort of sleep act.
05/26/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
@Avery Dragon and DreamyLove - Your descriptions are quite similar to other things that have happened. He'll talk in his sleep or I'll think he's conscious and talk to him and only later realize that he was asleep the whole time, but still talking. Weird stuff.
05/26/2009
Anica Anica
I've not had an experience anywhere close to what you are describing. Maybe he should have a chat with a doctor? Is his sleep restful?

I did have a friend who went through stuff like you are talking about, but it started getting bad.

I wish I had more insight. Best of luck!
05/27/2009
Mamastoys Mamastoys
I have been hit more than once by hubby while he is in a deep sleep. (never real hard, but a smack upside the head, a slap on the arm, that kind of stuff). He has hit the kids before when they come in and let us know they were home. They learned to go to the bottom of the bed and grab his foot! Most of the time he is so asleep he doesn't have a clue he's done anything. He has crazy dreams about work stuff or about snakes..He will talk all kinds of crazy stuff to me or the kids and then swear he didn't say it the next day..we just laugh..I really need to record some of those conversations..
One time I was leaving to go to work and he was sleeping and as I bent over to kiss him bye, the dog shook her collar and he smacked at me, thinking I was the dog!
Also, if he takes a sleeping pills, he is totally out of it and doesn't remember anything he does. If his works calls, I have to talk to them or make sure what he is saying to them is right..
06/13/2009
Naughty Student Naughty Student
My boyfriend reacts in much the same way as Avery Dragon. He sits up in bed with his eyes wide open and just talks to me about whatever and it makes sense but the next day he remembers none of it.

The funniest thing is that while he talks in his sleep I tell him "you dont make sense you are talking in your sleep", he just gets angry at me and starts saying really mean things and falls asleep (while I am giggling up a storm). The next day he remembers nothing. This happens mostly when he is extremely tired from work. He often dreams that I am one of the guys he works with and he often asks me to grab some sort of material or to stick things together(he works in construction).
06/14/2009
imp imp
One of my ex partners used to sleep talk, walk and even try initiating sex. I often remember being woken with him standing on the bed "fixing" something at work or having a conversation with a workmate whilst sleeping and if I butted in I'd get told to be quiet. It was quite amusing. A couple of times I didn't realise until halfway through having sex that he was still asleep. And in the morning, no recollection of doing or saying anything. He was a major workaholic, normally working 12 - 14 hours a day.
06/15/2009
Purple Foxglove Purple Foxglove
I'd suggest going to a doctor and asking them to do a sleep study. One of the most commom ones is a Polysomnigram, it measures and checks out all kinds of things, brain activity, eye movement, oxygen levels, muscle movement. It might give you guys some insight as to /why/ it keeps happening, and you could go from there.
06/15/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
Well, I'm somewhat comforted that many of you have experienced similar events. I will encourage him to get a sleep study done; I think those can be useful for many reasons.

@Mamastoys - my uncle would have dreams he was fighting people and one time he punched his wife in the head while they were sleeping...kinda scary. Another time he was running away from people and jumped a fence in the dream, but jumped over her and off the bed in real life. O_O
06/15/2009
Rose Unlocked Rose Unlocked
I do cuddle in my sleep and move around in bed a lot I snore a little and sometimes talk but vary rarely. I do have the problem of not being able to sleep well with out some one else in the bed with me.
06/15/2009
Mamastoys Mamastoys
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
Well, I'm somewhat comforted that many of you have experienced similar events. I will encourage him to get a sleep study done; I think those can be useful for many reasons.

@Mamastoys - my uncle would have dreams he was fighting people ... More
I try to stay WAY over on my side of the bed and out of reach. I sleep so lightly I usually wake up before he gets to "fighting" too much..LOL Guess it could be dangerous but it is too funny to think seriously about it for us. He's had every sleep study there is and even sleeps with a sleep machine but continues to "act out". I would suggest your guy to have a sleep study done though. I've told him I think he uses it as an excuse sometimes but I know he doesn't!
06/15/2009
Sir Sir
Well, I do things to my partner while we're both half asleep and it's been very good. But usually, when I'm asleep, the only weird thing that I've done has been speaking. I rarely dream, and when I do, they're always bad, so I sometimes say odd things. I fell asleep on my partner and she was trying to wake me up, and I started asking her, "Why are you trying to touch my penis?" I had no idea that I had done that the next day and I honestly had no idea why.
06/28/2009
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Well, I do things to my partner while we're both half asleep and it's been very good. But usually, when I'm asleep, the only weird thing that I've done has been speaking. I rarely dream, and when I do, they're always bad, so I ... More
I also do cuddle and wrap my arms around her while we sleep. Sometimes I touch her, but I'm aware when I do.
06/28/2009
Luscious Lily Luscious Lily
Quote:
Originally posted by Rose Unlocked
I do cuddle in my sleep and move around in bed a lot I snore a little and sometimes talk but vary rarely. I do have the problem of not being able to sleep well with out some one else in the bed with me.
I also sleep much better when I'm not sleeping alone. I've been told that I don't snore, but I'll "fuss" in my sleep if it's too noisy or bright. A roommate swore it was the funniest thing, I'd roll over and huff and make little pouting noises, and quietly grumble to myself. The closest I get to violent sleeping is if I'm absolutely dead tired I'll occasionally twitch, and if my dreaming self decides he's not sleeping close enough to me, I have a tendency to reach over and yank his arm until he's where I want him. (what can I say, I get cold at night...)
06/28/2009
Lara Lara
I have an ex-boyfriend that used to do that exact same thing and I know exactly (exactly exactly!!!!) what you're talking about. There actually is a name for it - sleep sex or sexsomnia. You can google it for more information and there's also a wikipedia entry on it.
06/28/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
Quote:
Originally posted by Lara
I have an ex-boyfriend that used to do that exact same thing and I know exactly (exactly exactly!!!!) what you're talking about. There actually is a name for it - sleep sex or sexsomnia. You can google it for more information and there's also ... More
!!! Thank you! I'm so glad to hear that you know what I mean, although I'm sorry you had to deal with it! I'll look up those terms soon. Thanks for the tips.
06/28/2009
Alura Une Alura Une
My significant other goes through periods where he does weird stuff in his sleep. I have noticed an increase in activity when he's been very stressed out from work and/or school, or when I stay up all night. When we first moved in together, he was often "at work" while sleeping, would often talk about annoying customers and various technical things. It was really annoying! And I was really worried about him not getting a good rest. Also, early on in our sleeping together, he often had scary dreams and has actually hit or kicked me (thankfully, never hard!!). Lately, things have been fairly peaceful. But when I stay up late or all night and am in another room, that is when he usually has dreams about insects. I always know what's going on when I hear him suddenly get up and turn on the light. It's funny, but it's weird seeing him half-asleep, convinced there are bugs to be found. There aren't any. He very rarely has had sexual dreams in his life, so he never does anything sexual in his sleep.

I think stress and discomfort is what usually causes much of these things.
07/29/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
For those who don't know me, I'm a female who lives with my male partner. We sleep together every night. Sometimes during the night my partner becomes somewhat active without regaining consciousness. Sometimes his actions are not ... More
Well ummm...I would not be with someone like that even if they said they were not conscious. I just couldn't do it. It's like a drunk who doesn't remember the abuse while drinking...to me this is the same thing. If a guy tried to finger me without my consent, while I was trying to sleep-that would be the end of the relationship. (It is different if I were to have discussed that I would like to be woken up in such a way though.)

My partner will throw a leg over me or start to cuddle. I have woken up with a hand on my butt, but that is actually not something he did in his sleep, but rather fell asleep doing while I was awake too.
07/29/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
For those who don't know me, I'm a female who lives with my male partner. We sleep together every night. Sometimes during the night my partner becomes somewhat active without regaining consciousness. Sometimes his actions are not ... More
There is a parasomnia called "Sleep Sex Behavior" in which people engage in sexual behavior while asleep and don't remember a thing. It is related to sleep walking and talking, sleep eating etc. Some people actually get out of bed and eat while asleep, and people have been know to get into their cars and drive around while completely asleep. This can be due to their personal neurology OR due to medications, anything from sleeping pills (Halcyon is infamous for producing parasomnias) to antihistamines, to pain medications.

Here's a good article you would want to read, before getting mad at your BF. If he is doing this, he can't help it and there IS treatment. Klonopin is one of the most effective drugs for curbing parasomnias, but he might want to see a doctor (A Neurologist as most Internist probably will have NO idea what is going on and will want to send him to a Psychiatrist, which simply most likely isn't necessary.) The Neuro will do a complete exam and probably a sleep study to find out why he is doing this and the best way to treat it. It CAN be treated! No reason to either get mad at him OR simply put up with it.

link article about Sleep Sex Behavior in Wiki

Oh, I didn't' realize this was a year old. I hope he got help.
07/29/2010
SexyySarah SexyySarah
I've had blown out sex with my hubby while asleep and I thought he was awake, until he riped my bra off and broke it! I then stopped and told him about it later!
07/29/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
He mostly just cuddles and twitches, although I spent the night at a friend's place and woke him up cuz I woke up to his hand on my ass in the middle of the night, lol
07/29/2010
Rockin' Rockin'
Okay folks, just a few updates from me, the original poster.

1. Yes, this thread is quite old. Several posts up (about a year ago), Lara pointed me to the terms "sleep sex," and I've read all about it and talked about it with my partner.

2. I submitted an article to EdenCafe about this sleep sex condition. The article is here and my partner contributed his thoughts and experiences to it, if y'all are interested.

3. Y'all are welcome to keep sharing your stories, but I feel like my issue has been resolved. We sleep in separate beds now (for a number of reasons) and are much happier this way.

4. I'd appreciate if we could stay away from comparisons to drinking/abuse/etc. because people who have this condition deal with enough shock and stress about it on their own.

Thanks to everyone for their help, advice, support, etc. I hope this thread can help others who either have this condition or know people who do.
07/29/2010
ColorSplash ColorSplash
I dont really see anything wrong with it.
03/11/2011
TumorCrunch TumorCrunch
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
For those who don't know me, I'm a female who lives with my male partner. We sleep together every night. Sometimes during the night my partner becomes somewhat active without regaining consciousness. Sometimes his actions are not ... More
my ex did that ALL THE TIME. it was cute at first, but after losing nights-and-nights of sleep on end because he'd wake me up with it...ugh. i started pushing him away. i loved the affection...but it got annoying. a girl's gotta have her sleep, yah know?
03/15/2011
  • 1
  • 2
Total posts: 32
Unique posters: 24