Cum Inside? When's It "Safe?"

MeliPixie MeliPixie
Okay. I know a lot of you are thinking, "It's NEVER safe!" I agree with this, of course. I know I can technically get pregnant at any time in my cycle. HOWEVER. Given the fact that I already know this, I'd like someone to answer this with something other than, "It's never safe" or "Use condoms anyway."

Here's our dilemma. BOTH of us hate condoms. We hate the way they smell, feel, sound, look... Just, we hate them. Often if we use one (a male OR female variety), neither of us is stimulated enough to orgasm. We have trouble remembering them anyway. As far as I know, devices that cover the cervix are made of latex, which I'm allergic to. But I am not able to take hormonal birth control because of a family history of stroke, among other things that hormones can lead to. The doctor won't prescribe them. We are leery of a vasectomy because the reversal rate is not as high as we would like, and we would like children someday, just not yet. The same with tube tying.

That leaves us with a choice between unfulfilling "safe" sex, or the pull-out method. But there's a problem with that as well. When he's about to cum, the head of his cock, like most men's, swells. But his gets huge, and sometimes when he pulls out, it tears my vaginal opening. The moment we should like best, hurts me, and then neither of us can really enjoy it.

We have this past year taken to having the sex we really want, unprotected and him finishing inside me, only on the one day right after my period. But I'm not entirely certain this is the best day for that, considering ovulation takes place in the next week. So what I'm wondering is, what day or two during the menstrual cycle, though not 100% safe, is the day I'm least likely to become pregnant if he ejaculates inside me?

Also, if anyone has any other forms of birth control they know of that could help us, I'd love to hear them. Any help is appreciated!
10/30/2011
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Kkay Kkay
Have you looked into the potential of an IUD?
10/30/2011
Eva Schwaltz Eva Schwaltz
Technically most people only ovulate for 2 weeks of their cycle, then they have their period. Before I used condoms, and before I was on birth control, I always felt find having sex the week after my period. I never got pregnant, but this method definitely won't work for everyone.
10/30/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
Have you looked into the potential of an IUD?
I always thought those worked by hormone...?
10/30/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Eva Schwaltz
Technically most people only ovulate for 2 weeks of their cycle, then they have their period. Before I used condoms, and before I was on birth control, I always felt find having sex the week after my period. I never got pregnant, but this method ... More
The average woman ovulates two weeks before her period starts. Bleeding lasts for five days, that leaves just over a week before the next ovum is released. The egg is viable for about three days, but inside the female body, sperm can live about five days, so that one day after bleeding stops is kind of pushing it already, which is why I'm looking for a new time for it to be "safer."
10/30/2011
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Ovulation kits might be a good way to help you track your ovulation cycles for a few months so you know what your usual days are.
10/30/2011
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
We have been using Conceptrol Vaginal Contraceptive Gel for about 20 years or so, never had any problems with it. Easy to use but it is not recommended to use if you plan any oral. For that just use after.

It does contain Nonoxynol-9, I hear some ladies do not get along with it.

There is another one we used but I cannot remember the name. It was a bullet shaped deal that you stick in about 10 minutes before sex. It kind of foamed up and like the Conceptrol, it kills sperm on contact. Worked good to but was kind of messy, you will definitely need a towel or something. Once again, not good for oral activities.

Both can be bought at Walgreen's or Walmart.
10/30/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by AngelvMaynard
Ovulation kits might be a good way to help you track your ovulation cycles for a few months so you know what your usual days are.
I already track my ovulation, but thanks! I'm... strangely average. XD
10/30/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
I always thought those worked by hormone...?
I think Paraguard is non-hormonal, but there are some risks associated with it. If I remember correctly it's a copper IUD, but Mirena is hormonal. (Haha, that sounds weird.)
10/30/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
We have been using Conceptrol Vaginal Contraceptive Gel for about 20 years or so, never had any problems with it. Easy to use but it is not recommended to use if you plan any oral. For that just use after.

It does contain Nonoxynol-9, I hear ... More
Well, he doesn't perform oral on me (nose has been broken so many times he can't breathe through it, poor boy) so that's good to know, but not a problem for us. I believe you are talking about spermicide suppositories? Do you (or does anyone else) happen to know the effectiveness of using spermicide without backup birth control of any kind? As a percentage or fraction or something?
10/30/2011
indiglo indiglo
There are non-hormonal IUD options. That was the first thing I thought of as well. That might be worth looking into maybe.
10/30/2011
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I think Paraguard is non-hormonal, but there are some risks associated with it. If I remember correctly it's a copper IUD, but Mirena is hormonal. (Haha, that sounds weird.)
Yep, it's Paraguard that's the copper IUD.
10/30/2011
Ansley Ansley
link

Here is a list of methods and their effectiveness. I hope it helps!
10/30/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I think Paraguard is non-hormonal, but there are some risks associated with it. If I remember correctly it's a copper IUD, but Mirena is hormonal. (Haha, that sounds weird.)
I'd never heard of ParaGard, so I looked it up. Sounds like something I could make use of, so I'll ask my doctor. I appreciate the suggestion. I'm iffy about procedures near my girly bits, but some things are just more important, like this specific kind of closeness with my boyfriend.
10/30/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
link

Here is a list of methods and their effectiveness. I hope it helps!
Hah, I just surfed my way to that site a few minutes ago! Thank you though! ^_^
10/30/2011
Rarity Rarity
You should definitely look into getting a Paragard if this is something you are interested in! It's 99% effective. I have one that I've named Lola and my partner and I have never used a condom with it.

Here's a bit of information from Planned Parenthood and here is more information from Paragard's website. If this is something you may want, do your research on it and take it with you when you visit your gynecologist.
10/30/2011
Kkay Kkay
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
I always thought those worked by hormone...?
Some do, some don't.
10/30/2011
Rarity Rarity
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
I'd never heard of ParaGard, so I looked it up. Sounds like something I could make use of, so I'll ask my doctor. I appreciate the suggestion. I'm iffy about procedures near my girly bits, but some things are just more important, like ... More
You totally posted all this before I even saw.

IUD insertions aren't terribly invasive but I can understand why you would be so apprehensive. If you want to know what it's like, they sound your uterus and prop open your cervix so they can stick it in.

I highly suggest you do your research on it before going to your doctor.
Here's another link I think you may find helpful (last one, I promise!) They really know their stuff, and it's helped me to make my decision to get one.
10/30/2011
Cherrylane Cherrylane
Definitely talk to your doctor about the non-hormonal IUD options. There were some issues with iud's back in the day but they tend to be extremely safe now. I heard somewhere that was a fairly reliable source (though I can't recall which specifically) that IUDs are much more common over in Europe than the pill.
10/30/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Rarity
You totally posted all this before I even saw.

IUD insertions aren't terribly invasive but I can understand why you would be so apprehensive. If you want to know what it's like, they sound your uterus and prop open your cervix so they ... More
The... prop open... O_O What?! That sounds painful! Even after reading that... Maybe something involving a procedure isn't for me. I'm afraid of doctors, and have a very low pain tolerance, especially involving my cervix...
10/30/2011
Rarity Rarity
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
The... prop open... O_O What?! That sounds painful! Even after reading that... Maybe something involving a procedure isn't for me. I'm afraid of doctors, and have a very low pain tolerance, especially involving my cervix...
Everyone has different stories about their insertion experience, some ranging from extremely awful to perfectly fine. Your doctor may advise you take misoprostol to dilate your cervix.

I can't recall the exact name of the device but it's just to stabilize your cervix. It's supposed to feel like pinching but I didn't feel this one at all. The actual insertion felt like a wave of bad period cramps but it wasn't terribly awful.

I want to throw you some more links (and it's really hard not to) but I will end by saying this- if this is something you're really interested and your doctor oks it for you, take the plunge! You never know what your experience will be like or how your body will react. If worse comes to worst, you can take comfort in the fact that the IUD will last you 10 (or 12) years of worry free birth control!
10/30/2011
Ryuson Ryuson
I agree about the IUD thing; you really need to be using some type of birth control!
10/30/2011
Lucidity Lucidity
I will put one more vote in the IUD bucket, for sure talk to your Gyno about it, and good luck.
10/31/2011
SaMiKaY SaMiKaY
We never use condoms, he doesn't pull out either. I think one of us is infertile or someone "up there" is watching out for us! =)
10/31/2011
Peggi Peggi
He could always get a vasectomy if birth control is not an option with you guys. It's reversible, hardly any "recovery time" at all, and it's not as expensive as some people think (especially compared to birth control and such).

Just a thought.
10/31/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by SaMiKaY
We never use condoms, he doesn't pull out either. I think one of us is infertile or someone "up there" is watching out for us! =)
My best friend has been saying the same thing for years! Well, right up until he broke up with her a few weeks ago. But I'm not sure I'm willing to go that route ^^;;
10/31/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
He could always get a vasectomy if birth control is not an option with you guys. It's reversible, hardly any "recovery time" at all, and it's not as expensive as some people think (especially compared to birth control and such).

Just a thought.
We're not really thinking about going with a vasectomy or tube tying. As I said, the reversal rate isn't what we'd like it to be, and we want children, just not yet. Plus he's just as leery of doctors as I am, and doesn't want a scalpel near his junk, you know? Can't say I blame him
10/31/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
We're not really thinking about going with a vasectomy or tube tying. As I said, the reversal rate isn't what we'd like it to be, and we want children, just not yet. Plus he's just as leery of doctors as I am, and doesn't want a ... More
Birth control's a bitch ain't it? Everything has an upside and a downside. Husband is being aggressively pushed to have a vasectomy. Neither of us want kids and I'm tired of being on the pill. I've been off it for a month and I feel sooooo much better. I'm not as stressed and my sex drive went through the roof.
10/31/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
I'll add another vote for a non hormonal IUD if none of the other options are a good choice for you. Good luck no matter what you choose!
10/31/2011
Cherrylane Cherrylane
Also, there's a chance you just haven't found the right bc pill. I know you've said you don't like hormones, but for everyone who's had a bad experience with one pill and then decides pills in general arent for you, you're making a big mistake. Even pills with the same dosage can cause your body to react differently. Some people do best on really super low doses, some medium doses, and some like one of my friends need like the highest estrogen dose available. The shot is horrible and really messes with your system, and in fact, that's exactly what it's supposed to do. Pills are more about finess, you have to find the right one.
10/31/2011
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