(Trigger Warning) Healing After Sexual Trauma.

I have quite the extensive list of sexual traumas and am currently undergoing extensive therapy. It has numerous effects on my relationship with my boyfriend (today was our 10 month anniversary). It doesn't happen so often anymore, but I used to have frequent flashbacks when we made love.

I feel so alone sometimes, having had to ask him to stop in the middle of a session because instead of seeing him, I'd be seeing someone who had abused me. Has anyone here in the EF community ever experienced this or something like it? less

I used to experience full on panic attacks in the middle of sex....

It was really embarrassing for me to deal with, but I had a partner at the time who was really good about it all. He'd face me away from him and just hold me without being sexual about it, keeping his lower body apart from me.

Sometimes I'd have to leave the room and take a shower just to get away from the thoughts.

I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing that he was so caring through it all, because now that we've broken up and had years between us, he no longer wants anything to do with me--which hurts so much. He helped me overcome quite a bit of my trauma, but now that he's gone, I get to wonder whether it was him just "doing what he had to" or if he genuinely cared.

I'm in flux on another relationship that ended sort of sourly and I've decided this time to just TAKE time. I'm tired of developing connections for people I truly care for just to see the stark fantasy I've created in my head about it all....

Just in general, if your partner is reacting in a manner that makes you feel compromised or challenged regarding your previous experiences, I recommend considering the relationship's worth. Ask yourself if your current experiences with him might challenge future relationships with others or if he's helping you to heal.

It's crucial during therapy to have a mate that fully supports you and is able to hear and respect your needs!

<3 less

I have quite the extensive list of sexual traumas and am currently undergoing extensive therapy. It has numerous effects on my relationship with my boyfriend (today was our 10 month anniversary). It doesn't happen so often anymore, but I used to have frequent flashbacks when we made love.

I feel so alone sometimes, having had to ask him to stop in the middle of a session because instead of seeing him, I'd be seeing someone who had abused me. Has anyone here in the EF community ever experienced this or something like it? less

i personally don't have any experience with this, but i know that people who have experienced sexual abuse frequently have these problems. but being able to have a healthy, positive relationship at all after experiencing sexual abuse is a big deal, and something you can be proud of. you're not alone; this is actually really common, and it sounds to me like you're dealing with it very well. maybe your therapist could help you look into support groups, if that might help? less

I have quite the extensive list of sexual traumas and am currently undergoing extensive therapy. It has numerous effects on my relationship with my boyfriend (today was our 10 month anniversary). It doesn't happen so often anymore, but I used to have frequent flashbacks when we made love.

I feel so alone sometimes, having had to ask him to stop in the middle of a session because instead of seeing him, I'd be seeing someone who had abused me. Has anyone here in the EF community ever experienced this or something like it? less