Ladies, need your help with a sensitive issue!

Awe, honey that is an awful story. Especially since you were humiliated in front of your daughter.

The first thing I would do is talk with my daughter. I'm sure she has a lot of questions. I know you don't have to explain yourself to your teenager, but your husband said something that could make your teen think of you or him differently. You need to explain the situation.

Then the issue with your husband. I don't blame you for not wanting to be intimate with him. If my husband were to talk to me like this, I probably would have grabbed the panties and shoved them in his face and told him to smell it. Because cum and vaginal juices smell completely different. Though that would only add fuel to the fire. It sounds like he is convinced that you are doing something. I think some couples counseling is in order. He obviously doesn't trust you and you need to know why. If he isn't willing to listen there really isn't anything you can do. If that is the case you have to decide whether or not you want to put up with it or divorce him.

wow i'm so sorry =[ I've not had that issue - i have discharge at times, but my husband is never rude about it if I didn't put it in laundry basket by accident. i'd tell him to grow up

Clearly, the issues here are bigger than your discharge. That is normal, and your husband has trust issues. And is hardly tactful or appropriate, being that your daughter heard. If you can say that you are fine with never having sex with him again, why would you want to keep him around? He humiliates you like that, that is abuse. That is emotional abuse. Is this the first time this has happened? From the sounds of this, he is not someone you want to have in your life.

Ryuson - Yes, he's done the laundry before - that's why I'm really confused. And I'm his FOURTH wife!!!!!! The last one he said hardly even bathed. I'm obsessive with hygeine. I don't understand any of this. Surely no one is that incredibly stupid?

No, this isn't the first time it's happened. There have been lots of things, but this one is the worst along with a couple others that have topped the list. I hate it because I'm so stuck with having 6 kids and nowhere to go. I am seeking counseling through our church. It's never going to take away all the things he has done and I will never have very strong feelings for him ever again. But if it helps him keep his mouth shut and stops saying things in front of the kids, that's my main concern.

dang, girl! that is unacceptable. for anyone, let alone your husband, who is supposed to be supportive and caring, to try to shame you that way, let alone accuse you of cheating, and... i mean... what!? who is this guy? let me at him.

sounds like he needs to get a hold of himself. behavior like that in front of a child to top it off! he needs to apologize to you AND to her.


you deserve respect and love just like everyone else. where did this erratic behavior come from?


i certainly would not want to have sex with someone after that either! i suggest some serious counseling, or a reconsideration of what this relationship is doing for you.


if you need to vent at any time, my inbox is open.


again, i'm sorry. your natural juices are not disgusting, they're wonderful! if your husband has such a problem with vaginas, what is he doing with a woman?

and if he is so untrusting of you, why?


i really hope the best for you. i hope you two are able to discuss things in a mature manner (which it sounds like he was unable to do before) and work this out. certainly do not stand for this type of behavior, though. you deserve respect.

Hi, BGirl. It's good to hear from you again.

Sorry about the circumstances. I remember a year or so ago, this same man grabbed a vibrator away from you, threw it against the floor and broke it, and said it was "disgusting."

Hon, I've thought about you since you've been gone from Eden. This guy is a jealous.... man.

Of course vaginal discharge is normal. Mine actually looks like "cum" too, but my husband (who never lived with a woman in before being with me) has never had a problem with it. He knows it's normal and just part of how a woman's body works.

Didn't your husband CARE what effect such a humiliating accusation would have on the children? WHY would he do that in front of them, or at all. WHO says stuff like this at all, not to mention in front of children? This IS abuse, pure and simple.

Please, honey, get some counseling. Even if he won't go, going alone will even help.

You're not a pig, you know that. He's gotten inside your head and is poisoning you. After the last time you posted and then we didn't hear from you, I know I was worried about you. He's volatile.

I can't tell you what to do, only you can do that. But, when a person hurts you so badly that you can't even imagine making love to them again, the love is cold and dead. HE did this to you.

Please honey. Please take care of yourself and get you and your children somewhere safe.

You may want to look elsewhere for counseling. Sadly, most church run "counselors" are not Board Certified, nor well trained. Their main concern is often "keeping you married" not making sure you are safe or happy.

There are places you can get counseling. Most nurses get good health care plans, I'm sure you can get a decent counselor. Someone mentioned counseling for the kids and I think that's a really good idea.

How is he treating them? Especially the kids who aren't "his?"

Remember: doing nothing IS a choice. You can choose to do nothing, and have to deal with the repercussions, none of them good, or you can take the initiative and get good, well trained, non-agenda based help now.

Please. This is far from the first incident. NEVER stay with an abusive man simply because "I have nowhere else to go." There is always somewhere else to go. Your children aren't safe with this guy. I had hoped we hadn't heard from you because you had left him a year or so ago, but obviously that hasn't happened. Please, you asked for advice, and we do all care for you here. PLEASE, make sure you and your children are safe, and the safest place, it seems is away from him.

Aw. Bless your heart. That sounds awful. I cannot imagine how humilliating you may feel. To be honest, if my partner said those things to me, it'd break my heart (I am sensitive) and I don't think I could stick around if he had such problems. What is it with people thinking our vaginas are gross?! For Pete's sake, they're actually pretty darn clean! Sure, stuff comes out. What about the ejaculate that comes out of a penis? It's different yeah, but why is it that a vagina secreting things is considered so terribly nasty when a penis doing that is not? OK, sorry for my rant.

Anyways, I would have a serious talk with him alone and then your daughter alone--just to clear up things and let her know that nothing that comes from a vagina is dirty! She may be confused after hearing that and to be honest, I can relate. I don't blame you for being very turned off right now and call me overly sensitive, but I too would have a real problem ever having intercourse with a man who said those things again.

Let me just stop right here and say this--you are not nasty and you have no reason at all to feel like a pig. He is the pig!

I remember before hitting my teen years--I was probably around 11 when it first happened. I noticed the same white, bleachy like discharge in my panties and was freaked! I had no idea what it was and why it was happening, but I also felt embarrassed so badly. I wondered if somethign was wrong with me and constantly worried about it. It was usually only a small amount, about the same you get when you're ovulating.

I know how it can be embarrassing, but later I learned that it's normal. There is nothing gross about it and dear Jesus, I don't understand how anyone who's even slightly educated could truly believe that any white stains in panties mean come. WHAT!? I would sit down with him and tell him exactly how a woman's body works. I'd explain the entire process to him.

My sister had a partner who treated her similar to how he's treating you. When she'd come home from visiting me (she wasn't "allowed" to leave anywhere else) he'd check her panties when she went to shower, then come in the bathroom and check her body for any strange signs of cheating. He'd force her up against the wall and just poke and prod at her body looking for hickies and shi*. It pissed me off so bad to see a female (especially my own twin) being treated like a dog who wandered off and came back with ticks. It's ridiculous and noone deserves that. She thankfully left him.

Maybe it is just me, but I'd really consider staying with someone who did that. Is he paranoid all the time? Does he do other things to "check" if you've cheated? If so, I can see that putting you in a very horrible situation. It's hard to deal with spouses/partner's like that because it seems no matter how good, faithful and kind you are, you cannot make them believe it. They continue to believe you must be cheating. Getting emotional and worrying if your partner would cheat can be normal to an extent. Acting crazy about it is not. Having those strange thoughts take over during an emotional time for people can be something we all go through, but with reassurance, a good talk and some rest, it's usually cleared up and you feel better. If it's never cleared up and you've never given them reason to suspect cheating, it's not healthy. Maybe some kind of help would work?

Still. You should never be made to feel dirty over something like that. I think he really needs to take some time to learn about how bodies work and see that these things are totally normal and necessary--the discharge and such. If he's willing to sit down and listen to you explain your body to him, that's a good thing, but if he refuses to, I'd think this stems from a personal problem. One that has nothing to do with you in reality, but something deeper that is HIS OWN problem. And if that's the case, he's causing you to suffer for no reason. You shouldn't be obligated to take this mistreatment though and especially if he is not willing to work through the problem and try to resolve what causes him to freak like that.

It truly does sound like an issue he has personally, and not with you. You aren't dirty or wrong. You should have never been hurt like that by anybody and especially not in front of your daughter. Since this situation reminded me so much of my sister's, I have to wonder if he's this... hostile all the time or more than just this one time. If so, I honestly would consider getting out. Maybe I'm just the type of person who just refuses to put up with this kind of mistreatment though. Maybe it is something that can be worked out and if so, by all means, do try. If it's common for him to belittle you/your body like this, there's no way you should stick around! In my opinion, of course. PLus, what about your daughter? What he said, I'm sure affected her and probably makes her wonder if her own privates are dirty. You sound like a great mom though so I know you could clear that one up

I just get the impression that he may be hateful in an abusive way and if so, I would encourage you to leave. I know that's probably not what you want to hear though, but I hope you take time to sit down and think about how he has acted in the past and maybe come to a decision on what you SHOULD do. If it turns out you think you're family is better off without him, then so be it. It can take time to finally up and leave though. I understand that, but I think it's important right now to really think about the past with him, the present and the future.

P.S. One thing I forgot to mention--can't remember if anyone else did--when a child witnesses the abuse (whether physical or emotional) of his/her mother, that is considered a form of child abuse. It can truly warp the way a child sees the world/relationships :\