Wanting to cheat and hating myself for it.

I think the most important thing here would be to talk with your husband and let him know where you're at, and what you feel exactly. In this kind of situation honesty and open communication is the only way to go about it. Speaking as a male who has been on both sides of a very similar fence at one point or another, the worst thing that you could do (assuming these feelings wont pass, and you want to "save" your relationship) is to keep quiet and let him keep trying. As much as men can be a little dense at times, we're pretty adept at knowing when a woman is upset, or if she really just isn't in to something- even if we tend to have a hard time figuring out the "why" behind it all. Eventually, if you keep quiet long enough he'll get discouraged and move on without you.

A little trick I learned while I was in University for broaching uncomfortable subjects is aptly referred to as the "shit sandwich" meaning that for every one "bad" thing or point to improve, you point out two good things that that person does. Doing this lets you be honest about the situation and is less likely to anger the person (in this case, your husband) because it helps to put everything in perspective. Ultimately he might get mad anyway. He might freak out and leave you, he might do.. well a lot of things. But when you are in a long term or serious relationship your "problems" aren't just yours to bare, they affect both of you and your family. As your husband, he needs to take this in stride and help you find a solution that works for both of you and if he's not willing to try and do that than maybe he's just not ready for the scope of relationship that you are.

I hope that helps.
J.

This is very close to what I was going to say. It sounds like the affair is happening already.

So it's been 5 months. Any improvement?

cheating isn't going to solve the problems with your husband.

the only way my girlfriend and i found to stop the allure of another person was for that person to leave for awhile he realized she liked him and it was destroying our relationship so he left, and after two months when he came back she was fine and never even considered cheating on me. we still see this friend and she doesn't think about going after him.

I really hope you're okay. I know sometimes things happen and we can't help it. Just try to be honest and open. Best wishes.

I agree with JR. It's an emotional affair going on.

It almost sounds like you've emotionally jumped ship, or maybe you're eyeing the life raft, and now you've subconsciously cut yourself off from your hubby.

Try romancing your husband instead, if you want. Try re-committing to him. Maybe it's not new toys or new positions you need, but some rekindling of emotions...

i agree!!!