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My husband and I have been together for 5 years now, but sexually I'm just not happy. We have tried toys, medical help, a shrink, videos etc... nothing has helped. But over the past few weeks I have been talking and joking with another man. I
My husband and I have been together for 5 years now, but sexually I'm just not happy. We have tried toys, medical help, a shrink, videos etc... nothing has helped. But over the past few weeks I have been talking and joking with another man. I have sent him a few pictures of myself in under garments and he has done the same. Currently nothing has happened other then the exchange! But since I have been talking to him my desire for sex with my husband has gone from little to nothing. Not only the desire is gone but the ability to orgasm with him as well. All I think about is this other man. When I think about him and masturbate I have not issues reaching an orgasm. And now I can't stop thinking about cheating. Normally my husband and I have a open relationship if I want a girl partner but he would not have me with another man! Has anyone had an issue like this? If so what did you do and what was the outcome? Thanks
I think the most important thing here would be to talk with your husband and let him know where you're at, and what you feel exactly. In this kind of situation honesty and open communication is the only way to go about it. Speaking as a male who has been on both sides of a very similar fence at one point or another, the worst thing that you could do (assuming these feelings wont pass, and you want to "save" your relationship) is to keep quiet and let him keep trying. As much as men can be a little dense at times, we're pretty adept at knowing when a woman is upset, or if she really just isn't in to something- even if we tend to have a hard time figuring out the "why" behind it all. Eventually, if you keep quiet long enough he'll get discouraged and move on without you.
A little trick I learned while I was in University for broaching uncomfortable subjects is aptly referred to as the "shit sandwich" meaning that for every one "bad" thing or point to improve, you point out two good things that that person does. Doing this lets you be honest about the situation and is less likely to anger the person (in this case, your husband) because it helps to put everything in perspective. Ultimately he might get mad anyway. He might freak out and leave you, he might do.. well a lot of things. But when you are in a long term or serious relationship your "problems" aren't just yours to bare, they affect both of you and your family. As your husband, he needs to take this in stride and help you find a solution that works for both of you and if he's not willing to try and do that than maybe he's just not ready for the scope of relationship that you are.
I hope that helps.