Awful...just awful

Nirelan Nirelan
My man gets BORED during sex....he rolls his eyes....almost falls asleep.....Most of the time I'm on top, I get off, then I get him off....It's the norm now. He just lays there with his hands behind his head waiting till it's his turn like its such a burden..... I don't know what to do. He doesn't like foreplay, VERY rarely gives me head, doesn't really ever ask for head.....expects me to initiate all the time and bitches if I don't. I feel like nothing I do is good enough and have told him this MANY times......WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?
05/13/2012
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Nirelan Nirelan
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
My man gets BORED during sex....he rolls his eyes....almost falls asleep.....Most of the time I'm on top, I get off, then I get him off....It's the norm now. He just lays there with his hands behind his head waiting till it's his turn ... More
Just realized I might have put this in the wrong forum. We have used toys before too to spice things up, he just ends up jealous of my dildos.....
05/13/2012
Zombirella Zombirella
Not trying to me mean or judge your relationship because I don't know you or any of the facts besides what you have said here. But this is very rude/disrespectful if you ask me. Rolling your eyes while being intimate?! That would just hurt my feelings and totally kill it for me. What is his problem?! Have you ever asked him why he does that? Ask why he seems bored or distant? Express that it hurts your feelings? Have you ever suggested or told him that you would like for him to initiate it too? Ask him what exactly he likes and doesn't like.
This might just be me but I don't want him laying back like that ALL the time, sometimes it's okay and expected but others I want his hands on me, SOMEWHERE. I want him involved.
There have been times where I'm just SO dead tired but I don't want to turn him down so I will go ahead with it but NEVER would I act like "Omg hurry up, I'm so no into this". That is just mean.

For many relationships being intimate and connected is very important. And it seems to me like this is important to you. If he isn't willing to get involved and be affectionate then I would re-evaluate my relationship. Ask myself is this okay if it's going to be like this always? Is this flaw one I can ignore and get over or do I need to move on and find someone that will be intimately affectionate and in tune with my wants and needs?

I saw you posted about a foreplay helper, that is a good start. Flavored things, massage oils. Lots of times sex toys really can help enhance a sexual relationship and I think you have come to the right place I hope you are able to find things here to help and that he opens up and is more affectionate to you when it comes to sex.
05/13/2012
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
My initial thought was : GET A NEW GUY. This is ridiculous. Fuck him if he doesn't appreciate it and find someone who does. You shouldn't have to explain it more than once.
05/13/2012
Sex Positivity Sex Positivity
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
My initial thought was : GET A NEW GUY. This is ridiculous. Fuck him if he doesn't appreciate it and find someone who does. You shouldn't have to explain it more than once.
Seriously. What a terrible lover.
05/13/2012
Nirelan Nirelan
Thanks guys! All of you took the words right outta my mouth! We've been together for almost ten years and its almost always been like this...ALMOST. I know I can be a little selfish in bed.....BUT when I'm doing all the work and I'm told to not "do the usual and take twenty minutes" to get my rocks off then something is wrong. I literally had to ask him last night to stop bitching DURING sex, only person I've ever known to bitch DURING and to stop rolling his eyes cuz it ruins it for me...he denied doing it but I seen it......twice.

He doesn't really get into it until its "his turn" to get off. While I'm goig for me (I get to get off first) he just lays there.....when it's his turn its boob grabbing slightly and help, a little help. I don't know. I don't wanna make him leave after ten years because of sex, but damn.

We have had open relationships, closed, were married, then divorced, lived apart for a couple weeks, and together while seperated. We have been through a lot together and I'd hate for the sex to be the reason we are doomed. It really isn't the most important thing in our relationship, it is to him (if he doesn't get it often he BITCHES) but not me, Hell I can get off with a toy just as easy! I just don't know what to do, I have told him exactly how I feel.....but it always gets turned around to how I'm selfish in bed. Or I'm imagining things.I'm OVER it.....
05/13/2012
ScottA ScottA
Take a good look at the rest of the relationship. This doesn't sound like a relationship where everything's there except for the sex. When's the last time you went out on a date? When's the last time you had an intimate-but-not-about -sex conversation? Share with each other what you love about the other. Try stuff like that.
05/14/2012
Geogeo Geogeo
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
Thanks guys! All of you took the words right outta my mouth! We've been together for almost ten years and its almost always been like this...ALMOST. I know I can be a little selfish in bed.....BUT when I'm doing all the work and I'm told ... More
It sounds like there's more than bad sex going on here though. The constant bitching and rude attitude probably happens out of the bedroom too, am I right? Sounds like you're both not happy anymore and just sticking to it because it's been so long together...
05/14/2012
interestingstuff interestingstuff
It sounds like you guys have a lot of history together, and that's important to you, it is to most people. But, don't let it be the reason why you are with your man. How is your relationship now? I only know of your relationship to him through what you tell us, and I've seen couples who stay with each other or married because of their long history together when they're really better off apart.
05/14/2012
theavocadopit theavocadopit
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
My man gets BORED during sex....he rolls his eyes....almost falls asleep.....Most of the time I'm on top, I get off, then I get him off....It's the norm now. He just lays there with his hands behind his head waiting till it's his turn ... More
That's so sad!
05/14/2012
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
My initial thought was : GET A NEW GUY. This is ridiculous. Fuck him if he doesn't appreciate it and find someone who does. You shouldn't have to explain it more than once.
Seriously. If you've tried talking to him and he's not willing to make any effort, I'd say it's time to move on. If he's not interested in your pleasure, you shouldn't have to worry about his. Fuck him (or rather, stop doing that).

And if he's going on about how you're selfish in bed, I'd say it's the opposite: you're the one initiating, and you're the one doing the work. He's the one doing nothing but bitch, from the sound of it, and just laying there not helping out.

He is the selfish one, bottom line. And if he hasn't heard that yet, he needs to.
05/14/2012
VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
Is it really JUST the sex that might doom the relationship? It really doesn't seem to me that this could be happening in a vacuum. And, after all, you guys have had your troubles before, since you've had so many ups and downs in the relationships. There's more to it than just sex.

Honestly, it sounds like communication isn't there, and that's a foundation of a healthy relationship. Not to mention something with the desire.

Sex shouldn't be a job you're required to do. If someone bitched about not getting sex enough, they'd be out of my life so fast. Because sex is about sharing and both loving it. Just because you're together does NOT mean you have to serve him. (I have major major disdain for people with a sense of entitlement, as it sounds he does.) Yes, sex should be a give and take in a relationship, but it should never be something someone should feel any pressure to do if they aren't comfortable or enjoying it.

I'm pretty much with everyone else. Anyone who demands sex of me would be out the door. Anyone who did anything as hurtful as rolling his eyes when we were having sex would be out the door.

I've been in the relationship I've been in for nine years, almost as long as you've been with him, and things are wonderful and happy. It's not really that long! If things are this crappy already, I'd be seriously thinking about getting out of that situation.
05/14/2012
indiglo indiglo
Oh I am so sorry to hear this! I certainly wouldn't be able to continue having sex with someone who was behaving that way. As my man and I read your comments, the first thing he said was "climb right off that mother fucker!" You are certainly under no obligation to subject yourself to that kind of treatment!

I sure hope you can find a way to be happy. You can't change other people though, maybe some couples counseling or something like that would help? I wish you the best.
05/14/2012
MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by Zombirella
Not trying to me mean or judge your relationship because I don't know you or any of the facts besides what you have said here. But this is very rude/disrespectful if you ask me. Rolling your eyes while being intimate?! That would just hurt my ... More
I am going to have to agree with this post.

I would be devastated first off. It shows that he is simply not interested in the relationship enough to even TRY anymore. At this point, I would talk to him about it and tell him that you feel as though the relationship isn't what it should be. If he says that he is ok with the way it is or doesn't feel as though he should work on it with you, then it clearly shows he doesn't care enough about the relationship. Of course, this is just my opinion, but I do agree that this is very disrespectful.
05/15/2012
MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
Thanks guys! All of you took the words right outta my mouth! We've been together for almost ten years and its almost always been like this...ALMOST. I know I can be a little selfish in bed.....BUT when I'm doing all the work and I'm told ... More
Hon, history is one thing-but what he is doing is downright awful. You pretty much summed it up in the title of this post. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

I seen that you said something about your history together with how you've been "on and off again" and I feel that I should tell you-after 7 years of marriage with my ex husband, and a lot of history between us, I had to leave him too. It was SO hard. I felt as though I didn't have anywhere to go, no one would love me or want me because I had kids with this guy and that I was "Damaged goods" and I was overall just scared to be with anyone else or try to get back into the dating game. But, I have to say that once I finally took that step to leave him, I was much happier with myself. All the baggage that we had together, still held a certain place in my heart and our time together wasn't "wasted", we just weren't right for each other. I am now married to a wonderful man and all areas of our relationship are great. So, take that chance, if you feel that you have to. Don't be scared if its something that you feel you really want.

As far as him saying how selfish YOU are in bed, it sounds like HE is the one being selfish. I would honestly try looking at the big picture and ask yourself if you're truly happy with how things are, and have been. Good luck in your decision making and I hope all the best for you! And again, this is just my opinion. You have to make the decision for yourself and your happiness, no matter what anyone says here.
05/15/2012
digit88 digit88
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
My man gets BORED during sex....he rolls his eyes....almost falls asleep.....Most of the time I'm on top, I get off, then I get him off....It's the norm now. He just lays there with his hands behind his head waiting till it's his turn ... More
If he is that bored, try doing something off the wall to surprise him (ie get him off first, sexy lingerie) the point is something different and if that doesn't work then there might be something going on in the background that's wrong. There might be something else in the relationship that is wrong and he is just expressing it during the "intimate times" to get your attention, and if there is no change then you have to look at the possibility that he might be cheating on you and I hope I am wrong on that, because no body deserves that.
05/27/2012
wes wes
Quote:
Originally posted by MamaDivine
Hon, history is one thing-but what he is doing is downright awful. You pretty much summed it up in the title of this post. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

I seen that you said something about your history together with how ... More
i think she is right.....i hope thing work out, to were ur happy
07/11/2012
MissLoren MissLoren
He sounds like a jerk!
07/17/2012
Nirelan Nirelan
Quote:
Originally posted by MissLoren
He sounds like a jerk!
totally agree......
07/17/2012
Lavendar Lavendar
WOW I would end it!
07/17/2012
closed account closed account
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
My initial thought was : GET A NEW GUY. This is ridiculous. Fuck him if he doesn't appreciate it and find someone who does. You shouldn't have to explain it more than once.
i agree with lauren. wow, that would hurt my ego for a minute, then it would just piss me off and make me wanna rip his dick off.

You deserve better, sex is important, and don't feel bad for making it a priority.
07/25/2012
Total posts: 21
Unique posters: 17