Gf had C-section vagina is numb

Level110 Level110
Hi, need some advice. I am 42 gf is 46, we have a good relationship, but she doesn't like sex. She does not like sex partly because of her upbringing, mother is an ignorant hick; also had a second child by c-section which lift her vaginally numb. She can feel pressure, however, it does not bring pleasure. She can be stimulated by her clitoris and what I try to focus on. We use a rabbit, with a little vibrator which stimulates her. We have sex maybe once a month. I understand and empathize with her upbringing and not feeling anything with sex, but would like to maximize when we do. My question is: how do I get her to enjoy it more?
12/02/2013
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Ansley Ansley
Childhood: ruining bedroom fun since...

This is such a common problem. I grew up in a household that kinda sorta acknowledged sex but there was no sex going on in said household and it was just romance/love/sex free so the concept that it was something fun or something to be desired was kind of lost on me.

It wasn't until I gave myself permission to enjoy it and decide what I liked and could vocalize that I finally felt it was something I was doing instead of something that was being done to me. It took a lot of encouraging from my better half to open up about different things I wanted to try. I still have a little trouble with the dirty talk sometimes, but I still work on it when I remember.

Ok so what does all of that boil down to? Do your best to create a safe place where she can first allow herself to even go there and then be able to tell you. If she can't vocalize it, let her write it down or text you or however she feels comfortable. Then just keep talking about it and when you feel like you've talked it to death, then talk about it some more. Maybe that first question should be..."hey babe, wanna watch some porn?" and then show something that's not at all hardcore and more soft-core to showcase the love side of things just to get her feet wet if she's never seen anything like that before.

You may find that before it's all said and done she's asking you to tie her up and spank her school girl bottom with a wooden ruler. You never know, it just might happen!

I'm not sure what can be done about the actual vaginal numbness (that's scary!) but it sounds like the doctor made a mistake? Has she talked to any specialists about a way to restore the nerves (it's amazing what they do these days)?

I think if you took the focus off of actual vaginal penetration and put it towards role playing or anything that gets the mind going (largest erogenous zone in your body!) you may find her wanting to be intimate more often. Sex doesn't always need to be PIV and there are really creative and fun ways to get each other off, the limit is your imagination. (Well and her boundaries.)

tl,dr:

You gotta let things soak. Start bringing up things you'd like to try that are just a little more risque or kinky than what you've ever done, if she says no, she says no. By not pushing the issue, she'll think about it and decide whether or not it's something that appeals even just a little bit. Eventually, she'll bring it up again for discussion. Keep talking about it and be encouraging and supportive if she does bring it back up. Reinforcing that you still respect her and feel closer to her than ever before will go a very long way in shedding her inhibitions.
12/02/2013
Total posts: 2
Unique posters: 2