She Comes First.... or Does She?

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She Comes First.... or Does She?

ToyGurl ToyGurl
She Comes First
Related to: 
I'm basing this discussion off of a book that I've heard a lot about from the girls at work. It's called She Comes First by Ian Kerner, Ph. D.

A lot of cultures from the dawn of time have put great importance on pleasing the female before the male during love-making sessions. It is often more difficult for a female to climax, which can lead to a frustrated evening if enough time is not spent on her.

What are your views on pleasing the woman before yourself? Do you take extra time to please your female partner? What are the extra things you do to help her climax? And, does your woman usually climax during intercourse?
05/18/2011
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kelaaa33wish kelaaa33wish
My hubby spends a lot of time making sure I orgasm a few times. No I don't normally climax during intercourse. I wish I did!
05/18/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
My husband always makes sure that I finish first, although he's never been opposed to finishing me in some other manner after he's finished and can't use his penis again for a while.
05/18/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
I almost always need to come first. I have a difficult time with orgasm, since peri-menopause graced me with her ill-fated presence, much too early a few years ago. I used to be able to orgasm so easily, I would make My Man stop and do different things as I would otherwise come so early in out sex episode that I would lose interest before he was able to come.

As I have gotten a bit older, not only have I gained the ability to have multiple orgasms, but I remain aroused after a number of orgasms. I no longer lose interest after my first orgasm. But, as it is sometimes difficult for me to have my first orgasm, we usually try to get me to come first and then he gets his. I also tend to relax quite a bit after my first orgasm and can actually enjoy the rest of the sex session without worrying "Am I going to come?" and thus more orgasms seem to come more easily.

In the evening, My Man sometimes gets sleepy, even if he hasn't had an orgasm yet. I don't like him falling asleep while I am trying to get there, so we usually try to get my first one done first.

As for what he'll do? Just about anything to help me come. Sometimes he's so exhausted after I finally get what I need that he'll manfully engage in some PIV or anal just to please me, and put off his own orgasm until morning. He doesn't seem to mind, as he's asleep in about 30 seconds after telling me "Sweetheart, I'm done. We'll finish in the morning." and then I have a nice quickie session to look forward to the next morning as I fall asleep.

Honestly, I do prefer it when we both get to come during each session. I've been known to beg him to let me play with him, suck him, do anything he wants, because I feel SO good after coming, I want him to feel the same way at the same time. When we're lucky (about 3/4 of the time) we both get what we need in the same evening session. I usually don't come during weekday morning sessions, he has to get to work and there just isn't time for the 30 to 45 minutes I need to orgasm. But, I'm always happy for a quickie in the morning, knowing there will be more that night.
05/18/2011
MnWolf MnWolf
With every female I have been with I have always made sure they cum a few times before I even think about insertion or getting myself off or pushing her to do something to me. But, that is just how I am I love the fact that I am able to do This... Or That... Or whatever and know that they are enjoying themselves and loving every minute of it. Even with a 10 min quickie, she will cum at least twice.., and I will only once. But, I know latter on when we have time, that it will lead to a hour long session as she is still horny as hell from what we had done.

Too often I think that men just expect a women to just be used for one thing and not many take the time to make sure she is happy as well. Now, not all men are like this but I have heard so much about the younger generation males just not caring or being out-right cruel about giving affections in means of orgasms to their partners. Sad, thing is that given a long enough time, that female will become used to the idea that her feelings and needs don't need to be met and that, that is how it is.

I love giving orgasms, they are free, and makes the person getting it feel O SO GOOD...!
05/18/2011
Vaccinium Vaccinium
It depends. My wife frankly just wants me off of her after she has her orgasm and doesn't especially enjoy sex after her orgasm. As such, unless we can time things so both orgasms happen at the same time, I usually take care of her afterwards. I'd prefer her have orgasms before, during, *and* after, but it just doesn't happen.
05/18/2011
Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
We always try to either cum at the same time, or she cums first. When I do blow my load early I'll always finish her off, either orally or with one of her vibes.
05/18/2011
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
99.999% of the time she comes first, on the rare occasion I will finisher her anyway I can. A lot of the time she can finish with me going soft, I just don't stop till it will not go in anymore.
05/18/2011
daniel and frances daniel and frances
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
I'm basing this discussion off of a book that I've heard a lot about from the girls at work. It's called She Comes First by Ian Kerner, Ph. D.

A lot of cultures from the dawn of time have put great importance on pleasing the ...
All of my partners have wanted to please me first. As a woman I think it's important for both partners to be concerned with the other's pleasure, but I don't need to ALWAYS come first.
05/18/2011
married with children married with children
I always please her first, and sometimes after
05/19/2011
Becker0109 Becker0109
Years ago, when were first married I had PE. No,not the kind you take in high school! But, since I had an education from my female friends as I grew up I found that I enjoyed it much better to give her the first "come" first served situation. Not only does this get her going to "O" land but it helps me in a "big" way too!!! I am a Ph D, she says, in that area!!
05/21/2011
ToyBoy ToyBoy
i almost always please her first. I figure that if she doesn't enjoy it, I won't get it too often.
05/25/2011
ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyBoy
i almost always please her first. I figure that if she doesn't enjoy it, I won't get it too often.
Good way of thinking! It's probably true too lol
05/25/2011
Ghost Ghost
Always please her first, Turns me on and she gets off several times.
05/26/2011
GoodMorningSunshine GoodMorningSunshine
I can't climax through intercourse so I'm glad I have someone who's always willing and happy to take the time to make sure I cum
06/02/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I really don't like to be gotten off before intercourse. I get too sensitive afterwards and like to be able to share in the pleasure of my partner.

I have found that it is easy for me to orgasm through intercourse if I have some clitoral stimulation before and during. I usually have my hand down there. Small bullets and clitoral vibrators are great for this as well. I can get off during sex about 80% - 90% of the time.

If not, I just finish myself off and I'm good to go!
06/05/2011
ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I really don't like to be gotten off before intercourse. I get too sensitive afterwards and like to be able to share in the pleasure of my partner.

I have found that it is easy for me to orgasm through intercourse if I have some clitoral ...
I just hate it when we have sex for such a long time and I fail to cum. And then my fiance is ready to go to bed, and I'm up frustrated. I always want to get SOMETHING out of the sex itself. That's why I've started to really like how he's been stimulating me before hand, which helps me cum during sex.
06/05/2011
That Man from Mars That Man from Mars
Neither of us really care. Sex isn't about getting off for us. If one of us doesn't, it's not generally an issue, though of course I'm happy if we both do.
It isn't something we focus on, though.
06/05/2011
[Red] [Red]
I've never expected my lover to get me off before he gets off because orgasm isn't an expectation of ours. It's not a mandate, it's not a requirement, it's nice if it happens but if it doesn't, that's fine, because for us, sex is about the intimacy between -us-, not who gets to orgasm first/how many times someone gets to come.

It honestly reminds me of kindergarten where kids would compare cookie sizes or juice cups to see who got more, when really, you've all got cookies and juice, now just enjoy that. Sex is about enjoying my lover, and my enjoyment of him isn't contingent upon whether or not we orgasm.

I can't imagine having sex with the mentality of, "I need to orgasm and you need to make it happen." That's just too much pressure and, in my mind, misplaced goals. I wouldn't enjoy myself or my lover with that sort of pressure riding on my back the whole time, and I can't imagine he would, either.
06/05/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I've thought about getting the book - but it's so obvious to most of us that it isn't necessary to read about it. I suppose there are still some Neanderthals out there that have to read about it in a book.
06/06/2011
LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
I'm basing this discussion off of a book that I've heard a lot about from the girls at work. It's called She Comes First by Ian Kerner, Ph. D.

A lot of cultures from the dawn of time have put great importance on pleasing the ...
I always cum first.
06/09/2011
kendra30752 kendra30752
I always O first because of forplay. My partner thankfully is a good man and ALWAYS finds it important that I have fun too. Unlike most, he doesn't see sex as a thing only for the male. A lot of times I don't mind cutting the forplay shorter just so it's not a bother to him & he always insists on keeping on until I just can't do it any longer and end up REALLY wanting to have sex. It's never about making me come first, but it so happens that I do since he never skimps on forplay & since I come more than several times and it usually happens quickly. We're pretty equal in that department. We both care about the other's pleasure just as much.
06/09/2011
Pnutbuttatoast Pnutbuttatoast
I always try to make her orgasm first, and several times after. It gets me really excited to see and hear the pleasure she is having and knowing that its because of me. There are times when I get too excited though and I end up coming first. When that happens my girl will do what she can to get me ready for a second round and we will go until I just can't keep going and she can't move.
06/09/2011
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by [Red]
I've never expected my lover to get me off before he gets off because orgasm isn't an expectation of ours. It's not a mandate, it's not a requirement, it's nice if it happens but if it doesn't, that's fine, because for us, ...
well said.
06/16/2011
LilyLust LilyLust
my husband tries, but I find it hard if not pretty much imposible for others to get me off. so he gets me warmed up and I use a toy during. we usually get there about the same time which is kinda nice.
06/19/2011
ss143 ss143
For bf and I its not important who cums first second or at all. There are alot of times where he just wants me to come and he doesn't and there are time where my main goal is to please him. With that said bf loves to feel me cum and loves making me come so he does everything and anything to make me cum multiple times he has perfected making me have multiple, multiple orgasms I think he gets an ego boost knowing he can do that
06/19/2011
reysgirl83 reysgirl83
Im always the first to finish
06/26/2011
Musings Musings
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
I'm basing this discussion off of a book that I've heard a lot about from the girls at work. It's called She Comes First by Ian Kerner, Ph. D.

A lot of cultures from the dawn of time have put great importance on pleasing the ...
Sex for me is all about pleasing the woman that I'm with. If she is pleased than I am.
07/13/2011
Alyjazz Alyjazz
The boyfriend almost always makes sure I finish first. He usually has me come before we even start and then again during intercourse. If I can't come sometimes he can't either.
07/13/2011
Elnoa Elnoa
I would prefer my husband orgasm first because when he's holding in an orgasm, he has a hard time concentrating. So after that's out of the way, we spend most of the rest of the time on me with no expectation for him to have to orgasm.
07/13/2011
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Total posts: 46
Unique posters: 43