The Commandments of Sex Toys

Matheri89 Matheri89
So I'm new here, and since the community has been very welcoming so far, I wanted to stimulate (see what I did there?) some discussion.

I know there are some rules you follow after experience with toys. Some are based on experience, others common sense, others just your own preference and personality. I'll start with a few, and you can feel free to add your own.

THOU SHALT NOT SKIP WARMING UP!- This is especially important with larger toys. You're dealing with sensitive areas that only relax when you allow them to, and warming up will help to avoid pain and suffering. A little lube, a finger, a smaller toy... these things are priceless.


THOU SHALT KEEP A DRY HAND!- Okay, so this one is from personal experience. As technology advances, you end up with vibrators with different types of dials and controls, and materials that are more slippery than a dog in a bathtub. If you allow both hands to become lubricated, trouble will follow. Try turning up or down a rotating base of a vibrator with a slippery hand. Frustrating! Follow the rule- one hand for lubrication, one hand for control.


Feel free to add your own!
10/25/2010
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Research Research
Quote:
Originally posted by Matheri89
So I'm new here, and since the community has been very welcoming so far, I wanted to stimulate (see what I did there?) some discussion.

I know there are some rules you follow after experience with toys. Some are based on experience, ... More
Thou shalt make sure the damn door is locked.

Sheesh.
10/26/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Thou shalt NOT stick items up your ass that could be shoved completely up your ass. Length is not an excuse and will not guarrantee that your hungry ass won't munch an entire 11 inch cucumber.

Thou shalt confine anal play to items specifically designed for anal play, vegetables are not designed for anal play. Neither are lighbulbs, children's toys, living animals or glass bottles designed to be shoved up your ass.

Thou shalt not mistake your vacuum cleaner for a sex toy.

Thou shalt patch test all silicone toys before slathering them with silicone lube.

Thou shalt NOT share jelly, rubber or latex toys without covering them with a condom.

Thou shalt Not stick a naked toy up your ass, then stick it in your pussy before licking it clean. For goodness sweet sake keep anal toys for anal activities. If this is too difficult use silicone, glass, metal, or ceramic and boil, bleach or otherwise thoroughly clean toys that are too perfect for ass and pussy!

Thou shalt NOT buzz your partner's clit to complete numbness just cause she makes funny faces when she's tied up.

Thou shalt stop anal penetration at the first ouch...not three minutes later!

Thou shalt not pass on erroneous and possibly dangerous urban myths about women's bodies. >.<

Thou shalt understand that desiring anal penetration doesn't mean you are gay...desiring anal penetration from a warm cock with a man attached means you are possibly gay. If you also enjoy a warm living pussy then you are bi-sexual.

Thou shalt always use lubricant suitable to your needs when being penetrated by a toy, your vaginal (or anal) tissues will thank you.
10/26/2010
cherryredhead88 cherryredhead88
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Thou shalt NOT stick items up your ass that could be shoved completely up your ass. Length is not an excuse and will not guarrantee that your hungry ass won't munch an entire 11 inch cucumber.

Thou shalt confine anal play to items ... More
HAHAHA! This thread, although having some serious and good points to it, is making me ROFL This is my favorite Airen:


Thou shalt NOT buzz your partner's clit to complete numbness just cause she makes funny faces when she's tied up.

Can't think of anything witty yet... some brainstorming will fix that though!

I also like the previous post by Research, thou shalt make sure the damn door is locked.

HAHA
10/26/2010
Riccio Riccio
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Thou shalt NOT stick items up your ass that could be shoved completely up your ass. Length is not an excuse and will not guarrantee that your hungry ass won't munch an entire 11 inch cucumber.

Thou shalt confine anal play to items ... More
Thou shalt not pass on erroneous and possibly dangerous urban myths about women's bodies.

Thou shalt not mistake your vacuum cleaner for a sex toy.


Priceless advice, despite being hysterically funny!

...................... ...................... ....

I’ll add mine.

A toy is not a weapon - Play, but do not attack.
10/26/2010
Sera Sera
Thou shalt not bite unless bitten! (Just kidding-It has to be consentual!)
11/09/2010
Not here Not here
Thou shalt not store a giant jelly dildo that reeks of Kool-aid with the rest of your toys.
11/09/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Thou shalt not leave toys and lube out where it will embarrass your partner(s) and children when visitors come over!

Thou shalt not share pictures of your toys in use in your review just because it's a cute pic of your pussy! Thou shalt save that pic to use as your avatar.
11/09/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Thou shalt not leave toys and lube out where it will embarrass your partner(s) and children when visitors come over!

Thou shalt not share pictures of your toys in use in your review just because it's a cute pic of your pussy! Thou shalt ... More
Woa...this happened???
11/09/2010
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Thou shall not use some silicone lubes near an open flame.

and to go with that

Thou shall not flame test TPR without good ventilation and a fire extinguisher.

Thou shall always clean up lube spills ASAP.
11/09/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Woa...this happened???
I was asked that as a question...should the person use the pic in her review or as her avatar. I advised she do neither!
11/09/2010
Id Heaven Id Heaven
Thou shalt not use an ice toy without letting it get a little melty first!

Thou shalt test the temperature of a heated glass toy against thine wrist before testing it on.. yeowch.
11/13/2010
Brand Brand
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Thou shalt NOT stick items up your ass that could be shoved completely up your ass. Length is not an excuse and will not guarrantee that your hungry ass won't munch an entire 11 inch cucumber.

Thou shalt confine anal play to items ... More
LOL yeah I had a buddy that shoved a dildo up his gf...never saw it again till the doc took it out. Embarrassing all around.
11/17/2010
J's Alley J's Alley
Thou shalt not leave flavored lube in the kids bathrooms.

If said child rubs the "pretty lotion" all over herself thou shat take a photo then bathe her.
11/17/2010
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by J's Alley
Thou shalt not leave flavored lube in the kids bathrooms.

If said child rubs the "pretty lotion" all over herself thou shat take a photo then bathe her.
My daughter did that, but she got it out of my nightstand, which has the drawers turned backwards so they are more difficult to open. .... It seems more difficult for ME to open does not necessarily mean more difficult for a child to open.

Thou shalt remove batteries from toys after use to increase battery life and be sure your toys wont randomly turn themselves on.

Thou shalt read product details and reviews before purchasing a toy to avoid frustration and anger at thyself for wasting money/points/GC.

Thou shalt not wrap rope or anything else around thy neck while masturbating, unless there is no possibility of strangulation.

Thou shalt respect thy partner and thy partners body. (this does not mean you have to be gentle)
11/17/2010
RosesThorns RosesThorns
Thou shall not bite/chew on toys, they are for masturbation not mastication.
11/18/2010
Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Thou shall not forget Michele's favorite sex toy in the wadded-up bedsheets so she sticks it in the washer/dryer the next day... ALAN!
11/18/2010
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Quote:
Originally posted by Alan & Michele
Thou shall not forget Michele's favorite sex toy in the wadded-up bedsheets so she sticks it in the washer/dryer the next day... ALAN!
Now that is a good one. My wife washed a plug that was wrapped up in my shirt once.
New way to clean toys? lol
11/18/2010
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Thou shalt not fall asleep masturbating, an blow out the motor of their favorite toy.
11/18/2010
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Thou shall not use The Pure Wand on thine wife without her trying it first. (sorry hun)
11/18/2010
leatherlover leatherlover
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
Thou shall not use The Pure Wand on thine wife without her trying it first. (sorry hun)
Thou shall not just throw lube in your airplane luggage, it can leak.
11/18/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Alan & Michele
Thou shall not forget Michele's favorite sex toy in the wadded-up bedsheets so she sticks it in the washer/dryer the next day... ALAN!
Very good commandment!
11/18/2010
Rockin' Rockin'
Thou shalt not grab the silicone lube bottle too forcefully, lest it shoot right out of your hand and fly across the room.

(and I guess the best preventative commandment for that one is...)
Thou shalt not get silicone lube all over the outside of the silicone lube bottle.
11/18/2010
Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
Now that is a good one. My wife washed a plug that was wrapped up in my shirt once.
New way to clean toys? lol
Aw hell I knew Michele was going to out me on that one! In my defense, the toy worked fine afterwards and it was really clean too (lol)
11/18/2010
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
Thou shalt not grab the silicone lube bottle too forcefully, lest it shoot right out of your hand and fly across the room.

(and I guess the best preventative commandment for that one is...)
Thou shalt not get silicone lube all over the ... More
Thankfully there was not a candle close by, eh?
11/18/2010
TexasFire TexasFire
Thou shall not include handcuffs in the group of toys being taken on a cruise.

Well, unless you are turned on by security making you rifle through said toys in the cargo-hold to have the handcuffs confiscated and disposed...
11/18/2010
leatherlover leatherlover
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
Thou shalt not grab the silicone lube bottle too forcefully, lest it shoot right out of your hand and fly across the room.

(and I guess the best preventative commandment for that one is...)
Thou shalt not get silicone lube all over the ... More
Yup, our silicone bottle is currently sitting in the bathroom quite slippery.

Thou shalt not leave batteries in a vibrator while traveling through the airport.
11/18/2010
OhMy! OhMy!
This happened to us when looking for a home: "thou shalt not leave the sex toys out when showing the house to potential buyers." It was amusing, for sure, but we're guessing the owners were mortified.
11/26/2010
OhMy! OhMy!
Just thought of another one...

Thou shalt not use a fleshlight/masturbatio n sleeve on your husband/partner without lubing it up first! Ouch!
11/26/2010
KnK KnK
Thous shalt wash thine toys regularly or use a goddamn condom
11/27/2010
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Total posts: 56
Unique posters: 35