What if your partner was a prude?

Floral Floral
First I'm new here and just want to say that this is such a great community and I am really glad that I found it! I'd like to thank everyone who participates... it's really great!

Due to health problems my husband cannot really vaginally stimulate me (it would take a lot of explaining, but the most he can manage is one finger inserted with practically no movement) and he is extremely afraid of sex toys. It doesn't matter what I say, he thinks they are unhealthy (not physically) and that if a woman has one she will be using it all the time by herself and completely abandon meeting her husbands/partners needs.

I am just curious to know how you might handle this if any of you found yourself in a similar situation.

How have I handled it? After seven years (I'm 28) I feel like a crusty dried up old maid whose vagina and sexuality are complete strangers to her...that is to say, I guess I haven't handled it well.

So, what are your thoughts?
07/10/2011
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Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
I would feel sad. I can understand and respect your husband's feelings on why he would be afraid of sex toys and afraid that you might be using them alone and abandon your husband's needs. However, by not exploring other options for you, isn't he basically abandoning your needs?

It sounds like there needs to be a lot of communication happening between the two of you. My husband and I incorporated toys into our bedroom play many years ago, but we have no desire to use them alone. I have tried on a number of occasions to "get off" alone, but I require my husband to "drive" or at the very least, instruct and watch in order to "get off" by myself.

Maybe you could come to some sort of agreement to not use them alone. Regardless, I really hope the two of you can reach some common ground on this subject. It is a touchy one. If you love each other I am sure you will see eye to eye. Good luck.

Also, there are all sorts of prosthetic dildos on EF(some that are for the palm of the hand, the thigh, etc) that require him to be there...just a thought.

Welcome to Eden. We hope to hear more from you!
07/10/2011
Sunshine14343 Sunshine14343
my boyfriend was afraid of incorporating toys into our sex life for similar reasons as your husbands. we came to the agreement to only use them while we are together, and to be honest i only feel comfortable using them around him. redboxbaby made some good points, especially the idea of using toys that require use by a partner. i hope everything works out in your favor =)
07/25/2011
BlackxxxRose BlackxxxRose
I used to work at an adult store and would get a lot of women with stories similar to yours. If it was me, I'd make a sexy date for dinner, drinks and a trip to an adult store. Have him look at the small bullets and suggest that he could try using them on you. I cam for a living and to keep certain things special in the bedroom I keep a few toys that only my partner can use on me when I'm not camming. I'm not allowed to use them on myself either, they're strictly for him to use on me during playtime. If he's opposed to visiting an adult store you could try buying a very small, simple bullet and giving it to him as a present. I'd wrap it up and write a note with it saying that you'd like for HIM to use it on you while you please him. The smaller you start the less likely he is to be intimidated. For most guys keeping toys out of the bedroom is a way to control their partner's sexuality and to reaffirm that they're "man enough" to please her without additives. If your attempts at this fail, I'd suggest counseling. Sometimes they just need a strong push from someone outside the situation to get it. Good luck.
07/25/2011
clp clp
Wow. That's a tough one.

I immediately jumped to say 'nobody dictates what I do to my body except me' but I realize that isn't sympathetic to your situation. The details are a bit too general to pinpoint anything, but I'll give it a go.

The way you phrase it, it sounds like the woman has an obligation to the man to 'meet his needs'--isn't the same required in kind? And if they aren't being met, why not at least *try* one? If he or you two as a couple decided it is still not okay, just toss the thing, but at least you'd know and perhaps he wouldn't be so intimidated. He does sound like he expects them to be better than they really are, and that is an easy enough misconception to cure.

How about men's toys? Perhaps showing him one to try together or alone would help wrap his head around the idea. There's nothing like first hand knowledge!

I'm with BlackxxxRose on this. Perhaps request something that can be used together and only together. Starting slowly, testing the waters and building up to something bigger.

I do hope this goes well for you.
07/25/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I am/was the prude in our relationship until a few weeks ago. I was brought up that sex was between two people "only" and the idea of toys was horrid.

My husband reminded me that about 28 or more years ago we did have a vibrator. It was fairly large to me at the time (8" maybe?) and hard HARD HARD plastic and beige and it seems like it was tipped from my very vague memories.

I resented his desire to use this on me - I resented how it felt (it really did hurt or at least not feel comfortable to me) and it was so much against what I believed.

We trashed it. (Looking back now - I think that our experience with that was probably a major reason why I was against toys).

A few weeks ago - we decided to try some toys....we'd received a Carol Wright catalog and found stuff in there and were both going "hmm..." but not knowing that the other one was interested.

Now....I'm counting the minutes until our 2 new vibrators arrive tomorrow. We've gone from having sex maybe once a week that was "ok" to have "WOW" sex 3 times in 5 days (would have done more but we were both too wiped out and sore!).

I would find something that you would like to try and buy it and set it aside for a special time - like your birthday or Christmas. I would then ask him (after a nice supper or whatever) to consider TRYING it this one time to please you and see what you both thought. I'd even offer to give him the option to hide it somewhere if he liked it but felt nervous that you'd use it alone on yourself....not that I think he should....but I can understand where he might be coming from.

All I can say is - for us - it has helped a lot. I LOVE LOVE LOVE what we have (and so far we only have the Butterfly Kiss) - but I wouldn't want to use it without my husband. It just makes it so much fun for us to use it together.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
09/29/2011
ScotchIrish ScotchIrish
Quote:
Originally posted by Floral
First I'm new here and just want to say that this is such a great community and I am really glad that I found it! I'd like to thank everyone who participates... it's really great!

Due to health problems my husband cannot really ... More
As a man that was given up for lent, extended leaves of abstinence after childbirth, her past negative experiences and lastly, her limited interest. As a man, I feel terrible about a women that is not getting satisfied by a her partner and especially a husband. In 21 years (last time 4yrs ago) I was turned down for sex 1000's of nights. It was sad, and it forced us to grow apart and fall out of love. Not that there were some good times. But, not enough for a marriage, and sex was not he only thing; but it was a big part. And, I/we never cheated. I am faithful. But, now with the pending divorce; I consider myself single. But, I explain it to very women that I have met. Honesty is the most import thing. And, it is my 100% policy. You are young. You must address this issue and make changes. Change hurts. You have needs and you must pursue them. It's 2011. No 1950. Live, touch and enjoy your relationship. Don't let his issues harbor you. But, every relation has it's own rules and you can agree to make some; together. Or, move on.
09/30/2011
jenn g jenn g
I am so sorry, that is a terrible situation that I would not be able to handle. I hope you work through it one way or another.
10/21/2011
tlaskowski tlaskowski
I would get him a toy to play with! when you get horny show it to him and use it with him! jerk him off with it! then after talk to him about how it felt and how u would like to try more! there are tons of toys out ther u can use together! and show him this site and pick a few toys u would like to use together and show him reviews on how the PARTNERS used it! hope this helps
11/11/2011
geliebt geliebt
I wouldn't be able to say how I would deal with the situation you're in. If I started dating someone who didn't line up with me sexually, I would simply break it off.
All I can think is that you may be able to convince him that toys won't RUIN someone forever, but it's up to you how that might have to be done.
Many hugs!
11/12/2011
Liz123 Liz123
Quote:
Originally posted by Floral
First I'm new here and just want to say that this is such a great community and I am really glad that I found it! I'd like to thank everyone who participates... it's really great!

Due to health problems my husband cannot really ... More
I wouldn't be with a prude. Life is about experimenting.
11/16/2011
paige09nicole paige09nicole
I would have to convince him to open up. I personally love sex and I need it in my life. I think you need to get some toys and try it out.
12/09/2011
Total posts: 12
Unique posters: 12