Balancing our faith (Conservative Christian) and our sex life

Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
My husband and I have been talking about this lately. We're very much "right-wing" Conservative Christians and when I was growing up, sex was something nobody ever talked about. For the last 32 years we've had periods of feast but much more periods of famine - largely because I wasn't willing to try toys after we had one bad experience almost 30 years ago.

Well - as many of y'all know - since joining this site - our sex life has exploded. Instead of maybe having one 20 minute session per week - we often have two 45 minute sessions per day. Instead of one orgasm - its closer to ten or twelve.

Anyway - one of the things we have talked about is balancing our sex life with the rest of our life (we can't always be in the newlywed stage - can we?) and also - what limits we put on our sex life.

For instance - for us - we don't want to bring in porn - and we don't want to bring in another person. Pretty much anything else - goes.

I guess I'm looking to find out if there are other conservative Christians out there who have struggled with this at all. How did you resolve any issues you might have had.

By the way - I'm not trying to imply that those who aren't conservative should not post.

Its just that the way I was brought up - conservative sorta equaled "prude".
10/09/2011
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Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
We are regular church going Catholics - I know a lot of hard-core christian denominations don't even consider Catholics 'christian' - but let's assume they are just misinformed - at least we consider ourselves christian.

If you go to a church social event you will usually see alcohol being consumed and dancing going on. My wife grew p in the south where dry counties and dance prohibitions have their roots in conservative christian denominations like the Baptists.

When it comes to sex - modern Catholic churches tend to ignore everything but premarital sex and homosexuality. Even these are rarely discussed. As a loving monogamous couple, we see no conflict between our sex life and religion.
10/09/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Like Gunsmoke, I was also raised hard core, heavy duty Catholic (and I know for sure that it is part of Christianity.)

My Man and I found throughout the years that our upbringing (he was raised Catholic as well, but more "show up, mumble the words, pay your envelope, send your kids to CCD, but don't participate" Catholic) clashed with many of our beliefs about Love, Acceptance, Tolerance and basically things that is none of the Church's business. I don't think G*d cares how we pleasure our lovers. Why would he? He created the Heavens and the Earth (although I believe he did so via what we now call Science and Evolution) and everything in both these places. Why would such a powerful being CARE how two people are touching each others' sexual organs, and why would it concern him in the least? As long as no one was being forced against their will (although the Bible refuses to discuss rape, which irks me to no end. Why is something loving and right for so many, like homosexuality so "wrong" (according to those who claim they live according to Leviticus and Deuteronomy) and yet destroying a woman's life, harming her and hating her by forcing her into a sexual act against her will not even discussed in the Good Book? (Except for when Lot gives his virgin daughters to be raped by the crowd and his actions by allowing his dauther's lives to be harmed is praised. I mean, seriously?)

Was it left out? Or did the men who created the interpretation of The Word that act so hatefully concerning women and their self esteem? Or does rape only matter if it's going to degrade a daughter's "worth" for marriage? I don't get it, and neither does My Man.

As a result, we are spiritual people, who believe the Good Lord gave us the brains to think for ourselves, and also to reason out what is moral and what is not.

I can think of nothing, that is consensual that is somehow "immoral." Getting to this point requires a LOT of questioning of your beliefs, but the outcome is a more healthy attitude, more tolerance of others sexuality and a better sex life. After all, what did Christ teach us other than to be Tolerant? He said NOTHING regarding specific sexual acts, did he?

This, and other issues caused my husband and I to rethink our upbringing and realize that we have the ultimate decision on how to live our lives, not some guy in a cheap suit, or robes woven with gold, standing at a pulpit, thumping a book, mouth watering at what is in those envelopes and how much power it will bring him.

QUESTION AUTHORITY! That's my suggestion in this matter. You are smarter and more reasonable than you have probably been taught. Your new life discovering your sexuality has already taught you that so far. Think how much more your own mind and listening to needs and bringing pleasure to your husband, that harm NONE will do for both of you.
10/09/2011
Contributor: dv8 dv8
What's wrong with porn? You can watch it simply as a voyeur without lusting over or coveting the porn actors. Some people can argue that fantasizing being involved in a pornographic scenario is moral as long as you don't actually intend to commit adultery. Porn can stimulate a couple's sexual creativity or help improve technique.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Paladin Fantasys Paladin Fantasys
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
We are regular church going Catholics - I know a lot of hard-core christian denominations don't even consider Catholics 'christian' - but let's assume they are just misinformed - at least we consider ourselves christian.

If you ... more
Potentially explosive subject any way you slice it. Have you seen the movie Red State? It explores the triumvirate of Politics, Religion, & Sex, where a Christian group abducts and kills people for their sexual behavior. I think Arkansas was depicted, but the same mindsets can be found in any of the southern, conservative, Christian states.

I can't imagine you being able to find acceptance in any church, if you were to try to convince them that sex toys, or oral sex (oral sodomy, still technically illegal in Texas I believe), or bondage, or masturbation, or pegging (sodomy by instrumentation) is consistent with Christ's view. It is very easy for me to envision you being ostracized, or worse.

After all, one of the staples of the reviews we do is to describe how discreet an item is and if it isn't, how do you store it to keep visitors (fellow church members?) from seeing them. Why? Because we know there are social consequences for this type of sexual freedom

Scarier thought, given the format on which we are having this discussion, in Red State the Christian group targeted and lured its victims through the places they talked about sex on the internet.

Before I registered at EF, I seriously considered the danger I could be in for living where there is a high concentration of those kinds of people and talking as openly as I intended to on this site. I chose (before seeing Red State) to risk it for my own mental and physical health. Even had the same thoughts, fears and conclusions about responding to this discussion.

To answer your original question, I'm afraid you'll have to keep separation between Church and bedroom, unless you intend to return to your previous, very vanilla, sexual lifestyle.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
What's wrong with porn? You can watch it simply as a voyeur without lusting over or coveting the porn actors. Some people can argue that fantasizing being involved in a pornographic scenario is moral as long as you don't actually intend to ... more
I was not saying that folks should not watch porn. I stated that "for us" we felt uncomfortable with the idea.

I may be sharing more in another thread later - but I never meant to imply that people shouldn't watch porn and if anyone felt judged - I apologize!
10/09/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I probably shouldn't have posted this thread - its just I think of so many woman I know who are where I was a few weeks ago...and I'm trying to figure out how to reach out to them and help them (as one member on here particularly helped me privately) - and I guess I'm just trying to sort through some of what I believe/don't believe.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Paladin Fantasys Paladin Fantasys
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I probably shouldn't have posted this thread - its just I think of so many woman I know who are where I was a few weeks ago...and I'm trying to figure out how to reach out to them and help them (as one member on here particularly helped me ... more
While you are sorting, I'd say don't give in to the sexual repression. Post away, and don't be afraid to cast aside that which prevented you from experiencing the good sex that you and your husband now share.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I probably shouldn't have posted this thread - its just I think of so many woman I know who are where I was a few weeks ago...and I'm trying to figure out how to reach out to them and help them (as one member on here particularly helped me ... more
In a conservative environment, this (approaching other women) is something that you might want to be careful about.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Sexual repression has always been a past time of the human race, no matter what religion ... some are just more controlling than others.

I kinda wish 'Passionate Pastor' and 'Horny and Holy' can weigh in on this discussion, as both are very eloquent on the subject.

Since it's still early enough in your explorations just keep it to yourselves at the moment and don't let it be anyone else's business. What happens between consenting adults - especially those who are married to each other - is not for anyone else to judge.

When you feel comfort enough and are well-versed in your own feelings, then you may be able to help those who open enough to wonder. Even just listening without judgement is one of the best ways you can help others accept their sexuality.
10/09/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Paladin Fantasys
Potentially explosive subject any way you slice it. Have you seen the movie Red State? It explores the triumvirate of Politics, Religion, & Sex, where a Christian group abducts and kills people for their sexual behavior. I think Arkansas was ... more
What the FUCK is wrong with this "Red State" organization? Harming people for activities in their own homes. Big Brother is here, and he isn't from the Left. I can assure you that.

This scares the shit outta me. But, it isn't going to stop me. They have my vibrator when can pry it from my cold dead.... never mind.
10/09/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I probably shouldn't have posted this thread - its just I think of so many woman I know who are where I was a few weeks ago...and I'm trying to figure out how to reach out to them and help them (as one member on here particularly helped me ... more
No no no no, Texas Mama. Part of your growth is to say what is on your mind! Being FREE is difficult, but it's what our country is about.

I admire you for being open about your previous "prudery" as you called it. I admire your strength and bravery in talking about this issue and others.

I really feel that Eden NEEDS women like you to be open, be ready to learn and NOT to be afraid.

We're here for you.

You did the right thing in posting this. Never is everyone always going to agree with you, but often you will help people to think. You have every right to post what you feel.

You made the right decision.

Hugs and Love,

P'Gell
10/09/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
What the FUCK is wrong with this "Red State" organization? Harming people for activities in their own homes. Big Brother is here, and he isn't from the Left. I can assure you that.

This scares the shit outta me. But, it ... more
Red State is apparently a fictional film.
10/09/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Kkay
Red State is apparently a fictional film.
Oh, good. I was reading quickly and assumed it was a real organization. However, we don't know it isn't. What I mean is; there are people who think that way.

Scary. And sad.
10/09/2011
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
What's wrong with porn? You can watch it simply as a voyeur without lusting over or coveting the porn actors. Some people can argue that fantasizing being involved in a pornographic scenario is moral as long as you don't actually intend to ... more
yea I agree u can watch porn and be close to God...just dont watch the ones against your faith like lesbians and gay. you can watch porn just be more conserevative and u can watch without lusting after people. nothing wrong with admiring hot bodies and how its nice for anyone to be fit and be blessed with good looks but just dont lust and be happy with yourself and your life. love is the cake and sex is just the icing on the cake if you focus on living the right way the best you can then surely you will be relaxed and happy and bedroom activities will be awsome. just get closer to God let the holy spirit help you out alot and you will be fine.
10/09/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
yea I agree u can watch porn and be close to God...just dont watch the ones against your faith like lesbians and gay. you can watch porn just be more conserevative and u can watch without lusting after people. nothing wrong with admiring hot bodies ... more
I probably will regret asking, but why would porn with lesbians and gay men "be against" anyone's faith? (I mean, if someone doesn't like porn, I respect that, but I don't see what "faith" has to do with a lot of it.) There is NO mention of prohibitions against GLBT behavior in the New Testament, and if one is going by the Old Testament, then things like eating pork or shellfish or having a toilet within 40 paces of where you eat and sleep is just as much of an "abomination" ; ; as GLBT behavior. Not to mention (*gasp*) wearing clothing material with two different fabrics in it. An abomination, it's called. At this very minute, I have on a top and blue jeans made from cotton and spandex. Would someone find my outfit an "abomination?" Just asking.

NOBODY follows Deuteronomy and Leviticus to the letter in our society. If so, you could have slaves and rape women and have as many wives as you can support (as long as you are a man) and all kinds of things.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I was not saying that folks should not watch porn. I stated that "for us" we felt uncomfortable with the idea.

I may be sharing more in another thread later - but I never meant to imply that people shouldn't watch porn and if ... more
TexasMama, I watch porn, and I did not feel offended or judged by your post. I think you made it clear that not watching porn is a choice that you and your husband make for yourselves. Your commitment to not judging others is beautiful and very much in line with the what I believe are the core values of Abrahamic religious tradition. I consider myself Christian spiritual, and I appreciate that we have different ways of understanding and expressing our faith.

I believe in a loving, kind and understanding God that wants us to enjoy our bodies as long as we do not harm anyone else (or ourselves) in the process. My personal two cents is that what you and your husband do in the privacy of your bedroom is between the two of you. I know that it will take a lot more exploration and soul searching before you can come to a place of peace with your religion and sexuality co-existing. Don't rush that process; take your time and give yourself permission to ask questions, have doubts, and feel conflicted. This is the only way we can reconcile many of the double standards of institutionalized religion, and the coherence of real spirituality.

That is just my two cents, if they are not useful to you, feel free to disregard them. We all have to find the path that's right for us. I wish you the best of luck in your journey. I encourage you to take your happiness with your sex life and relationship with your partner as a sign that you are doing something right. I don't think you have to resist that feeling of happiness. Sometimes in Christianity we are taught that in order to serve God, we must feel we are sacrificing or suffering. We are suspicious of our own happiness. I think this is misguided and fundamentally untrue. I think happiness should be the proof of our faith.

I hope you continue to talk to others, and maybe even seek books about sex by progressive, sex-positive Christian authors. It can only be helpful to hear from others with similar experiences to you. Again, best of luck and God bless.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I probably will regret asking, but why would porn with lesbians and gay men "be against" anyone's faith? (I mean, if someone doesn't like porn, I respect that, but I don't see what "faith" has to do with a lot of it.) ... more
Not to mention that Old Testament so-called prohibitions of homosexuality are vague at absolute best!
10/09/2011
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I probably will regret asking, but why would porn with lesbians and gay men "be against" anyone's faith? (I mean, if someone doesn't like porn, I respect that, but I don't see what "faith" has to do with a lot of it.) ... more
For example, my parents are highly against the gay community as a whole. This includes the entire GLBQT community. Well, more the GLBQ than anything else.

That taken into account, you'd have to look at it as: you would be viewing porn surrounding something you are highly against.

Think of it this way. An animal activist highly against beastiality may love porn, but throw a sheep in there and they will be disgusted and disturbed.

If your particular religious beliefs (which is not based necessarily on what is written but what you feel yourself) state that anything but being 'straight' is wrong, you won't want to view gay porn.

At least, that's my take on it
10/09/2011
Contributor: domsub1993 domsub1993
I agree with TexasMama. I am a conservative Christian and often have difficulty reconciling my conservative upbringing with my sexual exploration. I'd love to talk to you about it sometime.

I certainly DO NOT want to debate anyone about homosexuality. I simply wish to clarify that the New Testament does, indeed, talk about homosexuality. Two passages of Scripture: Romans 1:24-28 and I Corinthians 6:9-11.

I am only adding this as a reference, not to fuel any type of debate.
10/09/2011
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I probably will regret asking, but why would porn with lesbians and gay men "be against" anyone's faith? (I mean, if someone doesn't like porn, I respect that, but I don't see what "faith" has to do with a lot of it.) ... more
Well God wants us to be sexually moral...he wants us to have morals in life not just sexually...not only knowing right from wrong but DOING the right things.

He wants us to do whats right and he looks in our hearts so all I will say is God knows who belongs to him and who doesnt. He knows who his people are. He sees all knows all. He knows whose on the right path and the wrong one.

We should do the right thing of course its a choice to care or not to care do the right thing or dont do the right thing. Life is about faith,hope and love. You hold onto those unseen things as there is no security in life and grow as a person be truly happy and at peace..

No one is perfect but you can always improve on anything you do in life for example: oh look I cleaned my room but next time you may go oh im going to clean my room but I'm going to go beyond that and even organize things.
10/09/2011
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Paladin Fantasys
Potentially explosive subject any way you slice it. Have you seen the movie Red State? It explores the triumvirate of Politics, Religion, & Sex, where a Christian group abducts and kills people for their sexual behavior. I think Arkansas was ... more
those Christians shouldnt have been going around killing people. People will do what they want anyway...should they go and kill tons of ppl because they dont like wat someone does? NO. I mean if you see someone drop some garbage on the ground its not a nice thing to do but you dont go and kill someone over it.
10/09/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by domsub1993
I agree with TexasMama. I am a conservative Christian and often have difficulty reconciling my conservative upbringing with my sexual exploration. I'd love to talk to you about it sometime.

I certainly DO NOT want to debate anyone about ... more
Yeah, and none of those words were spoken by Jesus. Those passages also talk about people turning from their natural way to do that, not everyone's natural way is straight. If you're going to say one interpretation of the Bible is accurate, then all of them must be, and in The Message, these acts are defined as "sex without love." It mentions nothing about the gender of the people having sex.

And frankly, it's two passages in a huge book that were written and interpreted by men. Sorry, I don't trust men that much. Those two passages have also fueled hatred and terror from the Christian "community" towards LGBT people. I have no tolerance for intolerance.

I'm a very spiritual person. I believe in God as a higher power, but my relationship is with GOD not with the Bible. I don't, can't, and won't believe that he created all of us to be so different just to condemn us for not following a set of rules.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
No no no no, Texas Mama. Part of your growth is to say what is on your mind! Being FREE is difficult, but it's what our country is about.

I admire you for being open about your previous "prudery" as you called it. I admire your ... more
Agreed! Never be afraid to speak your mind or your heart, but you should also never feel like you must when you are uncomfortable doing so. It is perfectly acceptable to keep things just between the two of you also.

I would seriously recommend reading Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow. Another great book is Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman. These books focus on sex and what God thinks of it, based on scripture. They are easy reads and they might be a great start for the both of you in this journey.

These books address the very issues you are concerned about and discuss them in a matter of fact way.

I do believe God intended our sex lives to be full and for us to feel content, satisfied, and enamored with eachother. I believe however we chose to satisfy eachother within the confines of our marriage is smiled upon by God.

Remember, sex is important as we age, for more than just intimate relations with our partners. Sex has many health benefits. It is good for your heart, your immune system, it reduces pain and improves the intimacy bond due to the Oxytocin (love hormone) release, it may reduce the risk of prostate cancer, and it helps improve your sleep, among other things.
10/09/2011
Contributor: socceras socceras
Anything you do between you and your partner I think is okay. I am a conservative christian and I do watch porn but I think if you don't want to watch it maybe make a video of just yourselves? It's not my kinda thing but some people like it. Maybe you would want to try it. Remember it's just you and your man and nobody else would see it. Also, I think going without this kinda stuff is just fine. Try different kinds of toys and what not to spice things up.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by domsub1993
I agree with TexasMama. I am a conservative Christian and often have difficulty reconciling my conservative upbringing with my sexual exploration. I'd love to talk to you about it sometime.

I certainly DO NOT want to debate anyone about ... more
I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm very familiar with both the Old and New Testament, as well as those passages. I stand by my original statements; these passages are ambiguous at best.
10/09/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
For example, my parents are highly against the gay community as a whole. This includes the entire GLBQT community. Well, more the GLBQ than anything else.

That taken into account, you'd have to look at it as: you would be viewing porn ... more
I never equate GLBT with bestiality. Why? Gay and Lesbian acts are consensual! Sex with animals cannot be consensual, as the animal cannot give a human consent. Why does it always come down to, "Well, if we allow that, they'll start marrying their cows and dogs." ???? There is no link between being Gay and engaging in Bestiality. One is a loving (or at least enjoyable) act between two humans and one is an non-consensual attack on a defenseless animal.

I don't usually watch Gay Porn, because it simply doesn't turn me on. But, I don't think the Bible has anything to do with it.

From what I know about religion you aren't allowed to have "particular religious beliefs (which is not based necessarily on what is written but what you feel yourself)" Isn't it all what someone else has written or said? If one can write one's own religion and others would respect it, I doubt all the horrors done to other in the name of religion would ever have happened. "Feel" has nothing to do with Organized Religion.
10/09/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by domsub1993
I agree with TexasMama. I am a conservative Christian and often have difficulty reconciling my conservative upbringing with my sexual exploration. I'd love to talk to you about it sometime.

I certainly DO NOT want to debate anyone about ... more
None of those were in the Red Letters of the Jewish Carpenter. They were added after His death by "followers" with agendas.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
First of all - thanks to everyone who has posted. I appreciate your comments and all that you have shared. I honestly don't want to get into the homosexuality debate as I know what I believe but it really has nothing to do what how this thread affects my life.

Ok - I guess I'll post more here and maybe y'all can understand my struggle a bit better.

My earliest experiences of masturbation probably are from when I was 10 or so - maybe younger - maybe not. I can't remember for sure. But somehow, I discovered that it felt good - that I could do it for a few minutes - feel something awesome and then a couple of minutes later start over again and feel good again. I realize now that I was having orgasms and that I could probably orgasm at least 5 times each session.

Unfortunately - if my mother caught me - she would whip the tar out of me. It was "bad" - I was "bad". (I was adopted and many things that she thought were me being rebellious were simply me having different genetics than her and liking different things. For instance - I don't decorate my home anything like she does - but my birthmom and I have many of the same decorations. This was in the 60's and to my mom - these differences were me being rebellious because the way she was brought up - you do follow in your parent's footsteps. Now that I know more about her homelife - I understand her better).

No one ever talked to me about sex. So masturbating was pretty much it - until two things happened that affected my beliefs/understanding.

One was that we were at someone's house for supper and afterwards - "us girls" went upstairs to their room to read/play. I picked up a book that they'd been reading - I think it was called "Raped" - while the other girls were reading magazines or whatever. The sex scene in there was burned in my mind from what I read - and from then on - whenever I masturbated - that was what I would think about...the rape scene.

Also - at some point in time - I was watching an episode of "The Young and the Restless" where a character was almost raped and it was like "wow". She was tied down and stuff and well - I can't even remember all of it. I'd seen a rape scene on "Guiding Light" - but it was very very vague and nothing like this at all.

Then I get married...and what is in my mind? Well - orgasms are bad - that means you're bad. Sex = Force and rape.

For those first few years much of our sex was role-playing rape and/or slave girl situations - you get the idea.

Now - I am not saying that role-playing is wrong - please bear with me.

Fast forward now 30 years. Our sex life is taking off again due to sex-toys. I'm learning (or perhaps I should say - understanding) that I am multi-orgasmic. Instead of sex being 20 minutes once a week - it is now becoming 45 minutes twice a day - largely because I am the one wanting it. My husband is thrilled - but having a bit of a hard time keeping up as far as needing it that much for himself.

We do a bit of roleplay (because that's what we did when we were younger) - only come to find out - he's not as much into it as I am.

See - he's from an abusive home where violence came with discipline. He has bad memories of beatings - and of how his dad treated his mom.

What he wants - is sex with an "equal" partner. Sure - a bit of role-play is ok - but he wants it to be thought of as "fun" and not "wow - I have to go home now and she's gonna want me to talk to her about punishing her."

Add to all that this forum - where I read about women who don't have orgasms.

I have sat and cried sometimes when I think about the women on this forum who don't have orgasms when I have them so easy. I get horny just from car rides if they're longer than an hour - and trust me - that is NOT comfortable.

This morning - finally - my husband literally wore me out. It only took about 2 weeks of sex twice a day for me to finally feel like I could go without wanting another orgasm. As I laid in his arms later and we talked, I realized just how much my sexual identity had been made up by the beliefs of orgasms being bad (from my mother beating me for masturbation) to the various scenes I'd read or seen.

I don't want to watch porn because of what those scenes did to my mind and what they did to my expectations of what sex "should" be like. I don't want to fantasize about someone else - I want to fantasize about how good it feels when my husband and I play - about how certain things bring me to orgasm again and again and again.

In addition - much of the stuff that is out there (I think - I don't know for sure) has to do with what might be "role play" - which is fine for others. Just - knowing that the background I have and my husband has - it isn't what we want for us. That doesn't mean we don't want to learn about positions, etc. I've learned a lot from this forum and a few members on here.

One member in particular (and she should know who she is) really reached out to me when I first joined. She made me feel comfortable and shared that she too is a Christian. She shared positions with me and was open in recommending specific products due to my weight and size. I am not sure that I would have stuck around for long if she hadn't shared with me.

In the Christian religion - or least the part I am from - the older women "mentor" the younger women (or should). In our society we don't do that like we used to. But I'll never forget having been married about 10 years and being with our pastor's wife and another female. The pastor and his wife were newlyweds and she asked the two of us about oral sex. My mouth dropped. I mean seriously - I was brought up that you never discuss these things. I think my answer was something like "Whatever the two of you like is up to you."

I want to be open to helping other women if they ask me in a private setting about sex. Its something that isn't discussed in our churches and many women wonder about it. I mean - even on this forum where folks are open-minded there are still women who struggle to have orgasms. What do I say or do if another woman comes to me and says, "I'm struggling in my marriage and need to talk to someone"?

I finally accepted this morning that I am multi-orgasmic and that I can be on by the count of three if we're using the bullet. I can have my first orgasm within about 2 minutes and I can orgasm 15 times or so and then turn around and want to do the same thing again a few hours later. I can be this way and not feel guilty about it (well, I'm still struggling with that).

I found a site for Christian Nymphos and I'm hoping I'll find a bit more help there for how I can be available to help other women. I wanted to write a blog - from a Christian perspective - on how a woman can be sexy and happy AND still have her faith.

Once again - thanks for all y'all have shared. I hope I've helped to explain where I was coming from. (Now to decide whether or not to do a blog).
10/09/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
First of all - thanks to everyone who has posted. I appreciate your comments and all that you have shared. I honestly don't want to get into the homosexuality debate as I know what I believe but it really has nothing to do what how this thread ... more
I'm so sorry for what happened during your perfectly normal experimentation with masturbation as a young woman. People who beat children DO NOT DESERVE THEM, IMO. That breaks my heart.

I also can tell you that "Ravishment Fantasies" and even "Ravishment Play" (basically what some call "Rape Fantasy", but Ravishment is totally consensual! All fun and no harm!) is the NUMBER ONE fantasy among women.

We have been raised to be non-sexual. We feel sexual. If, even in our fantasies, we "aren't in control" of the action, how could anyone blame us for being aroused and orgasmic? I can assure you, MOST women have Ravishment Fantasies as a good part of their fantasy répertoire. It's NORMAL! It doesn't mean you want to be raped, it just helps with the GUILT that evil people pushed into our malleable minds when we were little and believed the people we were supposed to trust, but really couldn't. It doesn't mean ALL your fantasies have to be about your husband. Why would they have to? When you're turned on, your mind does what it wants to. As long as your behavior is consensual, what difference does it make what you are thinking to get you to the Orgasm. It's NORMAL!

At one point in my life, I tried to banish ALL Ravishment Fantasies from my mind. I thought they were "disgusting" and sexist and degrading. You know what happened? I stopped having orgasms! I thought, "F*ck this Politically Correct shit. I'm going back to what works for me, "correct" or not!"

Think whatever you have to think to get you there. It would surprise you what most healthy people are thinking when they are coming. Most people I have talked to tell me the same thing, "My fantasies are disgusting I can't even tell you what I think about." It means NOTHING other than that's just what you need to get you there. Your actions are pure, thoughts are simply not that important, in an aroused state of mind.

Put your mind at ease, no one here cares if you watch porn or not. Some people dig it, some don't. Just so there is no judgement (which I didn't feel coming from you at all) it's all good. OK? Do and think what you have to do and what feels good to get there. The Good Lord didn't give us women orgasms for ANY reproductive reason; they are purely a PLEASURE SYSTEM. Do what works and don't worry about it.

10/09/2011