Advice to help my friend?

Talena Talena
Talena
Related to: 
I have a friend who wants to experiment with toys but her husband says "no way in hell". He understands they will be inserted into her and not him but he still says no way..not solo, not coupled, no they are not allowed. She tried speaking with him and so have I. Any advice for this couple?
01/05/2013
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Ryuson Ryuson
I feel like she needs to sit down with him and ask him WHY he doesn't want it. It's her body! Maybe if she gets a tiny little bullet she can show him that they're not scary at all, and can add to the pleasure of sex?
01/05/2013
XYCopperheadSly XYCopperheadSly
He is probably very insecure and doesn't seem to realize that sex is about pleasure- not about owning someone's body and being the only source of pleasure for it (unless that's what is agreed upon, which isn't the case here). I agree with Ryuson. She should ask him why he's not down with her using toys (even in a solo situation). And is he so adamantly opposed to change in other areas of his life?
01/05/2013
Talena Talena
He's been asked several times and by her and myself...he says the same thing every time.. "Just cuz, drop it" is what he says. He has been asked if he would feel less of a man, inadequate and if he has had a bad experience. He doesn't give a clue as to why he doesn't approve...Just cuz.
01/05/2013
XYCopperheadSly XYCopperheadSly
Quote:
Originally posted by Talena
He's been asked several times and by her and myself...he says the same thing every time.. "Just cuz, drop it" is what he says. He has been asked if he would feel less of a man, inadequate and if he has had a bad experience. He ... More
Wtf? I know it's wrong to judge someone I don't know based on an anecdote from someone I also don't know.....but he is coming off as a total tool.

I literally cannot think of a single particle of advice to offer that wouldn't result in.....war, for lack of a better word.

Stubborn is a bitch to fix, if it can even be fixed...
01/05/2013
indiglo indiglo
You know, if someone tells me "Just cuz, drop it" I would most certainly NOT drop it. I'm not a child, and I deserve some communication and respect!

Anyway, I think she has a few options.

She can just forget the whole toy thing and humor him.

She can keep trying to talk to him about it.

She can get some toys without his knowledge/consent and use them alone.

She can suggest they try some couples counseling if he doesn't want to talk about it to her.

She can leave.

I'm not sure any of those seem like very good options... but she'll have to make a choice that she's most comfortable with.
01/05/2013
Edeneve Edeneve
they need to talk it out. in the end, it is her body.
01/05/2013
*Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
I really have no advice my "ex husband" wasn't to keen on them but I brought them in and that was that. Several of my exes thought they would be replaced by an inadament object. I say to hell with it buy the toys and get busy!!


In all honesty even not knowing their home life or knowing these people he sounds like a control freak. If I want sexual pleasure I will get it from my partner or from a toy. My needs have to be met just the same as his, mine are usually higher then his. I don't see a big deal about toys, if he has a huge issue with it then he needs to tell HER why he is against them not you or anyone else.
01/05/2013
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by *Camoprincess*
I really have no advice my "ex husband" wasn't to keen on them but I brought them in and that was that. Several of my exes thought they would be replaced by an inadament object. I say to hell with it buy the toys and get busy!! ... More
"My needs have to be met just the same as his"


Righto! That seems to be a running trend (at least in my mind) for those who don't want their partners to use toys. They seem to devalue their partner's needs for sexual pleasure in the relationship. When it's a man, it seems like a very macho, misogynistic stance to me. At the very least it's incredibly selfish.

As my man says "Every woman needs a good toy collection." lol
01/06/2013
XYCopperheadSly XYCopperheadSly
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
"My needs have to be met just the same as his"


Righto! That seems to be a running trend (at least in my mind) for those who don't want their partners to use toys. They seem to devalue their partner's needs for sexual ... More
Your man is very wise.
01/06/2013
captainsgirl captainsgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by Talena
I have a friend who wants to experiment with toys but her husband says "no way in hell". He understands they will be inserted into her and not him but he still says no way..not solo, not coupled, no they are not allowed. She tried speaking ... More
he needs someone to let him know that it doesnt make him a bad person.
01/06/2013
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 7